Month: January 2013

Until Then, Pray:)

I get very frustrated when I cannot have something I want. I’ve had a week of wanting that left me crying out to God. I am grateful for His patience and deep love that allows me to cry out honestly and freely. As I said before, I needed the children’s story this week:)

1 Corinthians 13:12-13 brought sweet comfort this morning just when I needed it. God always has just what I need, but I’m usually too busy trying to convince Him to go with my way to notice.

“For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known. But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.”

I am and shall be eternally grateful for God’s love and for the love He has placed in my path. Love changes everything and is the greatest gift on earth. Separation brings a level of suffering unknown by those who refuse to open their hearts in honest communion and love. That suffering reminds me of my humanity, humbles as nothing else, and gives a small taste of what hell is like.

Trusting God should be simple. He is God after all and knows what He is doing. The problem is never trusting God; it is wanting what I want when I want it and wanting Him to understand that. He not only understands, He also suffers with me. He knows what is best for me and knows the joy that comes when I do His will.

Two years ago, God called me to a life of prayer. Rather than celebrating and embracing the call, I continued to ask, “What else?” Prayer didn’t seem like much of a call to me. I wanted some thing to do. I admit that with humility and embarrassment. God patiently let me wander around with my ‘You have more for me to do, but until then, I will pray’ attitude.

This weekend, I repented my dismissal of His call and embraced it as I should have two years ago. God loves me and knew I would eventually come around to His way of thinking. The prayer retreat this past weekend reminded me that praying is not an aside. It is the work to which I have been called. I asked God to forgive my dragging feet and guide me to pray as He desires.

I learned a lot during my “until then, pray” stage, and I’m very thankful God uses all things for His good. I am called according to His purpose and love Him dearly, and I am ready to have the praying life His Son so beautifully modeled for me. I nudged a little closer to His precious side this weekend, and the frustration in not getting my way was an important part of the lessons in love He had for me.

I’ve looked at praying as something to do until something more important comes along, but I’m learning it is a way of living that comes as naturally as breathing when I let love lead the way. It is a call I plan to answer humbly and gratefully.

Asking Without Worry:)

Matthew 7:7-8 says:

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.” NASB

I have the Children’s Story at church this morning, and when that happens, I know that God wants me to pay particular attention to the scripture at hand. I wasn’t expecting it this week, so I didn’t have as much time to ponder and pray about it. Pastor John helped yesterday as he offered a simple message with simple object.

The story for the children is the heart of the message and must be simple and have a concrete object to which they can relate. I love the story because it is an appetizer that gets my heart ready for the main course. The hymn of invitation is the dessert that rounds out the morning of worship. I am full to the brim when I leave the sanctuary and ready to share my fullness.

Asking is all that is required of me when it comes to receiving what God has in mind. If I approach Him as a spoiled child demanding what I want, He either ignores or lets me have it along with the consequences. If I sulk and wait for Him to give me what I want without asking, He waits patiently for me to voice my desires.

Matthew goes on to say that even terrible parents know how to give their children good gifts and want the best for them. If that is so, why do I worry and fret when I pray. I believe it is because I ask amiss. If Lillyann asked for a gun, knife, motorcycle, or pet python, she wouldn’t get them no matter how hard she cried. God knows what is best for me, and I’ve learned to simply ask for mercy and for the desires of His heart to be the desires of mine. That gets rid of those pesky worries in a powerful way.

Asking a parent for a healthy snack gets a much better response than a demand for chocolate. I am guilty of demanding chocolate and giving Him a grocery list of needs. No wonder there’s worry in my heart.

Intercession is the best prayer and puts me even closer to Jesus. He is the model for praying and lives a praying life. He is in constant intercession for me, and His Holy Spirit prays the prayers I cannot utter for me and others. Allowing Jesus to talk to God on my behalf and the Holy Spirit to pray for and through me, I find that my praying is becoming as natural as breathing. That changes the way I ask in a beautiful way and helps me live a praying life.

Gigi Susie :)

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Susan Mariscal was known to Mylah and Lillyann as Gigi Susie and to her grandchildren as Grandma Susie. She suffered from Parkinson’s Disease for a decade, but that never stopped her. She only slowed down because she had to, but she continued to touch many by teaching piano and living a life that clearly personified God’s love.

I met Susan in 2007 when my son began dating her granddaughter. We made an immediate connection as I felt God’s presence in all she said and did. She taught a class on the day she had her stroke and played the piano at her church the Sunday before. Every task was a pain-filled chore for her, but she never complained. She cared for others and gave of herself as her sweet Savior did, and that is the best witness of His love.

Susan’s smile never faded, and I never heard her say a harsh word. I pray that I will be half the witness she was. I’m so very thankful God placed her loving presence in my path. I plan to tell the girls all about her courage and her love for them. She delighted in them and loved nothing better than being with them.

I gave Lillyann a butterfly pin for her sweater today. She touched it and asked, “Can Gigi Susie touch it?”

I replied, “Yes, Lilly, she can touch it because it’s right next to your heart.” I love the way children think:)  I told her she could have the pin to remember the service and Gigi Susie.

I know without a doubt what God said when Susan arrived in heaven, “Well done good and faithful servant!”

Here’s a sweet shot of Lillyann helping Gigi Susie open her Christmas presents. She has a tender heart, as well:)

Lilly & Gigi Susie

Early Morning Light:)

Early Morning Light

As I awoke this morning, I was struck by the fog settling in the valley below. It was as if God was right in that fog, and love was embracing the mountains, the town, and me all at the same time. The mountains change moment by moment, and the worst part of the deluge of late is that the mountains were out of my sight. I knew they were there, but there were clouds blocking my view.

Often, I don’t see God because of the worry in my heart. Like the clouds, it settles in the low spots and keeps me from experiencing His presence. The prayer retreat is all about being in God’s presence. I know He is always present; unfortunately, I’m not. I’m learning that praying is about being present. Love is the same:)

Turn A Phrase?

Turning a phrase is a wonderful thing which causes others to admire and remember you. When it comes to God’s Word, I’m afraid phrases and words are twisted and turned in ways that aren’t so wonderful. As I’ve studied the scriptures more intensely over the past three years, I’ve been surprised by all that has been written about the scriptures. I love to read commentaries and think highly of those who spend a lifetime delving into God’s Word with the help of the Holy Spirit, but I much prefer to simply read a scripture and let the Spirit open my heart so I can listen to God.

The Holy Spirit turns scripture and makes the words of Christ come alive in a way that never ceases to amaze me. I’ve read many books, poems, stories, articles, and songs in my life. I even read the Bible through many times before I began looking at it as a living, breathing entity. I fell in love with it, and can’t imagine life without it.

Loving God’s Word changes our selfish desire to hold on to it or the pompous need to be wise or right.  A sweet intimacy occurs with God, Christ, and the Holy Spirit. Eugene Peterson calls it the Trinitarian Dance. That is just what it feels like when He sweeps me off my feet, lifts me up, and spins me around His Word.

I feel sorry for those who focus upon a translation or pick out and peck at passages until they become what they want them to be. I am as guilty as anyone when it comes to allowing passages to bury me in despair or become a badge of courage to which I cling. I’ve been lost many times as I’ve searched His Word to find my answer rather than His. The Blue Parakeet by Scott McKnight is a wonderful book that helped me see the terrible effects of picking passages and using them to promote an agenda. Twisting God’s Word breaks His heart and destroys His work.

Picking apart the Bible makes as much sense as tearing apart a person. Unfortunately, both occur too frequently. The Bible is a beautiful love letter that serves as a source of great joy, inspiration, guidance, and love. When I let the Spirit help me hear His heart, I am filled to the brim. When I use it to prove I’m right, I end up empty-hearted and miserable.

I envy those who can read Greek and Hebrew and would love nothing more than to sit with Christ and listen to Him read God’s Word. I often wonder what it must have been like that day in the temple when He read from the scroll:

 And the book of the prophet Isaiah was handed to Him. And He opened the book and found the place where it was written,

“The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me,
Because He anointed Me to preach the gospel to the poor.
He has sent Me to proclaim release to the captives,
And recovery of sight to the blind,
To set free those who are oppressed,
To proclaim the favorable year of the Lord.”

 And He closed the book, gave it back to the attendant and sat down; and the eyes of all in the synagogue were fixed on Him. 21 And He began to say to them, “Today this Scripture has been fulfilled in your hearing.” Luke 4:17-21

I wonder if I would have been one who scoffed and said, “That’s just Joseph’s son.” Anytime I worry or doubt God, I am guilty of forgetting that He is God. Then, I’m no different than those in the temple who refused to believe He is Who He says He is. His Word is a wonderful reminder of Who He is and always will be. He fulfilled the Scripture that day in the temple, and He fulfills it in my heart each time I read it with the Holy Spirit. Like a child’s favorite book, I love to hear it over and over again:)

This message on Mark 6:1-13 blessed me, and I believe it will bless you.

It’s Just Jesus

Miracles & Believing Go Together

As I looked at 1 Corinthians 12:1-12 this evening, I was surprised by the fact that some theologians believe that we are past the age of speaking in tongues and miracles. They are respected theologians, and I know they are sincere in their beliefs; but I beg to differ. The Southern Baptists can call me charismatic if they like, but I believe we are simply past the age of believing.

As we get “smarter” and figure out what God is doing and why, we lose the magic of believing. Miracles fade because they do not fit into our theology or doctrines. God is God, and He can do whatever He pleases. He doesn’t fit into our neat little denominations and could care less about our doctrines except that they get in His way.

We are one body, and that is the point of 1 Corinthians 12. We are all different and have different gifts. Rather than trying to fit gifts into neat little pigeon holes, I wish we would open our hearts and minds to that which we may not understand. Miracles happen every single day, but we’re too busy with busyness to notice. People speak of their hurt, but we don’t hear it because we are too wrapped up in our own little world to hear and interpret their words.

Gifts are given by the Holy Spirit, and He is the one who decides how they will be used if I get out of His way and believe with child-like faith in His ability to use someone as unlikely as me to do God’s work. That’s a miracle if I ever saw one!! I grow so weary of debates and denominations and long for unity that doesn’t mean get on board with my plan, program, doctrine, or agenda. God gets lost in attempts to define Him. He is God.

One day I will see God for Who He Is, and then all things will be clear. Until that day, I must treat Him as a loving Father who knows what He is doing and what’s best for me. Then, I might just be surprised to see that I really can relate to that person who is going through something I cannot understand. The language of love is a foreign tongue. Love my enemies? Be honest and open and let others into my deepest self? I cannot love without the Holy Spirit. He will interpret the unfamiliar and help me believe as a child again.

Being around a one-year-old and a three-year-old has given me a new perspective in foreign tongues, miracles, love, and the power of believing. I am regaining my child-like wonder, and I’m loving it:) The kids were coming down the mountain as I was going up this evening. Lillyann yelled over to ask where I was going. I told her I was going home. She said, “To our house?”

I replied, “Yes, sweetie, to our house:)” I believe in miracles and experience at least one a day. I would experience more if I paid better attention, believed more, and worried less:) I can believe in miracles or not; God gives me the choice. I can love or not; God give me the choice. You can choose to believe we are beyond miracles if you like, but I believe miracles are alive and well and will be as long as there is love in this world:)

Simple Lessons in Love :)

My heart melted yesterday when Mylah said “Gigi” and grinned sweetly at me. She asks about mommy and daddy when they aren’t here, and I tell her that mommy’s in school and daddy’s at work. I told her today that Gigi was right here, and she said, “Gigi.” We were both surprised when she said it and grinned with delight in each other. Lillyann immediately began to try to get her to say Lilly. Her sweet attempts caused her tongue to flap around, and we all three giggled with glee:)

Loving them is such a blessing, and I’m learning of late that it is the simple gestures, the loving touches, and a sweet shared moments that define love. Funny how a little word caught me off guard and caused so much delight. I’m loving those little moments and learning they are, and always have been, what this journey is all about. Experiencing them is better than discovering gold or finding rare gems; they are the riches God places in the path that we ignore as we get tangled up in busyness. Children get frustrated with adults because they understand the importance of those moments and wonder why we don’t.

I used to believe that achieving and doing were what my time in this world was all about. I’m learning it is more about being. The achieving and doing are part of the path, and God uses all my experiences to bring me where He wants me to be. A listening obedient heart is the key to discernment, and I am finding that keeping the girls helps me be still and pay attention to those sweet moments of love around me.

Yesterday, I didn’t leave the house and had the girls from early morning till late in the evening. As I saw and heard of the deluge that descended upon the town, I thanked God that we didn’t have to venture out. I had to get both out on Monday in the terrible mess, so I was grateful for the sweet day inside. My journey has taken a wonderful turn, and I love being with the girls. They are the best little mentors I ever had and are teaching me very important lessons with their simple gestures of love.

Love, like life, is more about simple gestures than about the grandest of achievements. When I think of it, I’ve always known that in my heart. Busyness gets in the way of being, and those little gestures get lost in the shuffle. I’m thankful for a career that kept me very busy, allowed me to make a difference, and provided the means for me to stay with my sweet granddaughters and learn God’s simple lessons in love first-hand:) It’s the best learning of my life. Like dessert, God saved the best for last!!

Sweet Settling:)

As I’m getting settled in to my new home, it’s becoming a very sweet space. I love the openness and the light. Everywhere I look, I’m overwhelmed by the views. God is at every window, and I love watching Him show off.

I never imagined myself living in a house this size, and I figured I’d be very old before I lived with my son’s family. What a beautiful surprise this home has been for all of us. There is nothing sweeter than hearing the house come to life as the girls wake up or come home. They took a stroller ride over to Meme and Pepe’s earlier, so I’m alone with Matza. The sweet bulldog is whining and wishing they and Cookie would come back. I knew just how she felt and started to join in:)

There is a sense of peace in this place, and it has a lot to do with love. God designed us for community, and I’m beginning to see why. Honesty is the key when it comes to loving and living together, and I thank God for the honest communion that surrounds me here.

Life and love are meant to be shared, and God has given me the opportunity to share as I never imagined. I’ve spent a lifetime striving, driving, and doing when I should have been being:) His Spirit needs emptiness. I used to think that meant wearing myself out. It may mean getting wrung out, but it’s a wringing that feels wonderful when I relax and stop struggling and striving:)

The settling this week has been sweet as I’ve done just that. I haven’t sweated the little stuff, and that’s made a world of difference. The most important thing about the settling this week has been the company. Everything else is just icing on the cake:)

Perfect Pace

Hectic pace

Frantic race

Crowded space

Christ’s grace

Open space

Relay race

Perfect pace

When Sleep Won’t Come…

Neither Mylah nor Lillyann could sleep this afternoon. After wrestling with them for half an hour,  I told them if they didn’t take a nap they would have to play together while I read. Funny how not taking a nap motivated them to cooperate:) I didn’t read because I enjoyed watching them play instruments, draw, and play together.

Lillyann’s drawings amaze me. She drew an umbrella, a horse, a dog, and a little person. I was surprised in that I could tell what each was:) As they drew together, Lillyann complimented and encouraged little Mylah. Maybe not getting a nap is a good idea=) They will surely sleep well tonight after a long afternoon of playing.

Things are still in boxes, and our mattresses haven’t gotten here yet, but I told Pepe today that I was enjoying the closeness of camping on the floor. I love living with the kids and thank God for the sweet lessons in community. Family is special, and I love every moment I spend with mine. We are getting settled, and I look forward to being able to look back on this time of transition as a turning point in all our lives.

I’m learning this week to savor and enjoy each bite of life God places in my path. My journey has slowed and deepened as we’ve settled into a sweet routine. I cooked my first meal in the new house at lunch today. It was simple fare, but the sweet company made it very special. I look forward to many meals around the table and many days like today when I savor those sweet connections that make life worth living forever:)