Month: February 2013

The Measure of My Treasure

When it comes to love, time is the measure of my treasure. There is nothing sweeter than time with those I love, and nothing more heartbreaking than not having time together. Time is relative and in limited supply, so I turn to gifts to fill the empty space. Those presents are wonderful and easy, but they do not replace a sweet moment of sincere and heartfelt love.

Being present in an honest and loving way is how Christ loves. The Holy Spirit waits patiently for me to take note of His love. God longs for me to embrace His love now and understand that He will always love me. I’ve been in relationships with rooms filled with flowers and chocolates, but my heart was empty. God needs only time and space when it comes to love, and I plan to give Him both during this season of Lent. Isaiah 58 taught me just that last night. What I most need to give up during Lent is space in my heart for God’s love.

Valentine’s Day has always left me feeling alone and unloved. I mostly stayed indoors to avoid all the hype and showy displays. I’ve had more than my share of pity parties on Valentine’s Day and usually cried myself to sleep. I plan to spend this evening in the arms of two adorable little girls who love me very much while mommy and daddy have some time together. I love that I can give the gift of time on a day like today:)

God’s measure of love has to do with treasure and time.  Matthew 6:21 says it simply, “for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Those words cut straight to the heart of love.

My heart is where my treasure is, and the best way to measure my treasure is to see how my time is spent. Last night, I realized that too much of my time is wasted on what if’s and why not’s and not enough goes into what is:) I miss the love God has in my path when I pine away for what I don’t have. The most beautiful expression of love is time together. It lets me know I’m cherished, and that is how love should feel.

The biggest blessing of my new living arrangement is having lots of quality time with those I love, and that’s what love is all about. I’m learning to embrace the love God puts in my path and thank Him for each moment. When there is no time, there is no treasure. When there is no treasure, there is no love. Simple, but difficult words to hear when it comes to love. I’ve come to know what love is and isn’t, and the lessons in love and the lessons in praying are exactly the same-Take time!! When I take time to pray, I am taking time to love God. When I take time with those I love, it’s clear to see where my heart and treasure are.

A Little Levity Goes A Long Way:)

A sweet friend reminded me yesterday that “A little levity does the heart good.” I agree and am learning that a levity lightens the load when I go to God in prayer. God’s lesson this morning was about the power of a little laugh to lift my spirit and remind me that seriousness has its place. He appreciates humor and uses it to teach because He knows I retain much more information when humor is involved. I thank God for His sense of humor because it also brings levity just when I need it. God has an amazing sense of humor. If you don’t believe me, go look in the mirror:)

I often drag my worries to God in prayer rather than running to Him in delight. Wednesday mornings are special in that I get to sleep in. After fourteen hours with the girls on Tuesdays, I’m usually ready for sleep as soon as I get them settled in. Last night was no exception, and I awoke this morning after eleven hours of beautiful sleep. Playing with children is the best sleep aid ever!! I was sad as I looked at the clock thinking I missed the girls bounding in say good morning. I was sure they had been up for a at least an hour. I’d rather hear their squeals of delight than have the extra sleep, but I also appreciated mama’s desire to let me sleep in.

Just as I was having that thought, I heard the sound of incoming squeals and sat up in bed. I told Lillyann that I thought she had forgotten me, and she jumped in bed with me and gave me a big hug. Little Mylah had stopped off to get her baby doll and carriage, but she came in with a grin from ear to ear and a story to tell. Mama came in smiling behind them. Things were as good as they get, and I truly loved and savored each moment.

God used the girls to remind me that my prayers should be just like those little ones coming to my room each morning. We had decided early on that my bedroom would be a refuge and place of peace away from everything. I laugh as I type that now because that was what we all thought would be best as we learned to live together. What we have found is just the opposite, but having it be an off limits place earlier makes it all the more delightful for them and me now. The girls love to come in and look around. Mylah always goes straight to mama’s picture and carries it around with her. I find it in the strangest places and know mama would be tickled to see her fascination with her photo:)

God’s presence is an off limits place until Jesus opens the door and gives me access. What I find when I go into His presence is the awe the little girls have when they come into to Gigi’s room. What I am learning about His sweet presence is that He delights in my coming in as much as I delight in having Lillyann and Mylah come into my room. There is nothing I like better than having them come in and crawl into bed with me. I am learning to be like the girls and come into His presence as they come into mine with joy and complete abandon.

The girls come to me when they are hurting and tired, and they come pleading for something they cannot have. I love them all the same and hold them, rock them, or tell them no with love. My Father in heaven does the same. I cry at times when I don’t get my way, and I have even look at Him with tears and ask, “Don’t you love me?” We all know how that breaks our hearts, and it breaks His too. There are times when I’m angry with Him and argue thoughout an entire night or day. There was even a dark time when I turned from Him in shame and stayed away for decades.

Every morning cannot be filled with squeals, and much of my praying is for those who are hurting deeply. I am thankful for the times of levity that lift my spirit and the sweet squeals of delight that fill my heart with love. Whether I squeal, sob, sigh, or scream, God loves me all the same. That’s the beauty of God, moms, dads, dear friends, and Gigi’s; they love you no matter what, and that causes me to go to God as I go to them with joy in knowing it’s safe to say what’s on my heart. A little levity goes a long way in helping me not take myself too seriously, and it is changing the way I pray. I’m sure God breathes a sigh of relief when He hears my squeals of delight just as I do when those dear little girls converge on me every morning. What a sweet wake up call and beautiful lesson on the path to the praying life:)

It’s not perfection and piety God desires from me

Holiness and humility will bring me to my knee.

Levity is also there and will set my spirit free:)

The Sin of Seriousness

The sin of seriousness is very serious indeed. It is not only accepted, but those who take themselves seriously are often seen as saints. I’ve taken myself far too seriously for far too long, but God gave me a wake-up call this week. I’ve seen the path to God’s presence as a path of piety, and it most certainly is about being devout and taking God seriously. The problem with piety is that it can lead to a pious attitude of moralizing which can quickly become hypocrisy when seriousness is directed inward.

When simplicity in worship is replaced with self-centered seriousness, God is lost in the shuffle. Sweet silence and time in prayer is lost in activities which put personal agendas ahead of God’s. The first worship services took place in the homes of believers who shared communion and prayer together so they would not forget the cost of their salvation. Now, it’s difficult to see God in all the busyness church has become. Pastor John often talks about the difference between an organization and an organism when it comes to church. The body of Christ is an organism, but it so often resembles an organization or a club. Exclusivity is as big a problem as is trying to please everyone.

Reading God’s Word and praying together is at the heart of worship. Music is also important for me, but only when it complements and doesn’t drown out or draw my attention away from praying and hearing God. I love to hear beautiful music, but I also like to hear the sweet silence of God’s people turning their hearts toward Him in unison. As we took communion on Sunday, I found myself wanting silence in the moment which is a time of profound seriousness to me. I suppose my need for silence caused as big a distraction in my heart as the organ music did in my ears:) Inner silence doesn’t need outer silence, and I know the problem was in me.

When I find myself judging or criticizing, I know I’m heading into dangerous territory. God always gives me a very vivid reminder of my own humanity to remind me not to take myself so seriously and to give me a dose of humility which is the only antidote when piety turns into hypocrisy:) The good news is that the lesson was a funny one that gave me a chuckle. The lesson itself was a serious one that reminded me that the only things about myself I need to take seriously are my sins and the price Christ paid so I could be forgiven of them. I know that was at the heart of my angst during communion.

It’s easier to look for excuses in the form of music playing too loudly or not loudly enough, ministers who don’t say what I want to hear, uncomfortable seating, not enough activities, too many activities, and on and on when it comes to problems with my worship. The heart of my worship is my heart, so when I am uncomfortable, I need to look in it instead of elsewhere to find the source of the distraction. When I find it and take it seriously, then I can worship with an undivided heart as God desires. Love is about unity, and what doesn’t unite me to God and Christ’s body will surely divide more than just my attention.

Obeying, Not Just Saying

God’s Word in our greatest defense against the forces of evil in this world. And when it comes to that defense, it has to be obeying, not just saying His Word. The scriptures this week take us to the wilderness where Jesus comes face to face with those temptations. A forty-day fast left him famished, so the first temptation, as is often the same for me after an hour or so, is to eat! Jesus teaches me a beautiful lesson as He was filled with the Holy Spirit, followed His lead, and obeyed His Father’s Words. Hear the Word of God.

Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan and was led around by the Spirit in the wilderness for forty days, being tempted by the devil. And He ate nothing during those days, and when they had ended, He became hungry. And the devil said to Him, “If You are the Son of God, tell this stone to become bread.” And Jesus answered him, “It is written, ‘Man shall not live on bread alone.’”

And he led Him up and showed Him all the kingdoms of the world in a moment of time. And the devil said to Him, “I will give You all this domain and its glory; for it has been handed over to me, and I give it to whomever I wish. Therefore if You worship before me, it shall all be Yours.” Jesus answered him, “It is written, ‘You shall worship the Lord your God and serve Him only.’”And he led Him to Jerusalem and had Him stand on the pinnacle of the temple, and said to Him, “If You are the Son of God, throw Yourself down from here; for it is written, He will command His angels concerning You to guard You,’and, On their hands they will bear You up,
So that You will not strike Your foot against a stone.’”And Jesus answered and said to him, “It is said, ‘You shall not put the Lord your God to the test.’”When the devil had finished every temptation, he left Him until an opportune time. NASB

I need to be mindful as I travel in the dangerous territory of the wilderness that Satan knows God’s Word better than I do. He uses God’s Word to his advantage, but the big beautiful difference between Jesus and Satan when it comes to God’s Word is that Satan is just saying, and Christ is obeying. It isn’t enough to memorize and quote scriptures to others along the way, and knowing His Word does not ensure safety along the path.

Obedience is our only defense against temptation. The Word of God is the only offensive weapon mentioned in that set of armor in Ephesians, and it must be wielded as Christ wielded it. Gently in obedience. I tried to do battle on my own yesterday as Satan convinced me to run. He had me believing it was best for me and for those I love dearly. I was worn and torn by the time I got home from morning worship because I had been doing God’s job instead of my own. Winning the battle is what Jesus did on the cross, so I don’t have to fight that battle each time I’m tempted. Thanks be to God!

I do have to hide God’s Word in my heart and let it be a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. Psalm 119:105-112 reminds me of the importance of obedience. I often don’t go past 105, but I should. Hear again the Word of God.

Your word is a lamp to my feet
And a light to my path. I have sworn and I will confirm it,
 That I will keep Your righteous ordinances. I am exceedingly afflicted;
 Revive me, O Lord, according to Your word. O accept the freewill offerings of my mouth, O Lord,
 And teach me Your ordinances. My life is continually in my hand,
 Yet I do not forget Your law The wicked have laid a snare for me,
 Yet I have not gone astray from Your precepts. I have inherited Your testimonies forever,
 For they are the joy of my heart. I have inclined my heart to perform Your statutes
Forever, even to the end. NASB

Remembering that God’s precepts are indeed the joy of my heart puts obedience in its proper light. I obey to get to joy not out of obligation. I hide His Words in my heart, not in rote memorization like a concealed weapon, but in order to protect me from my own sin which opens the door to Satan. I obey God’s Word because in that obedience, I find His joy and sweet peace. I slept like a baby last night after a twenty-four hour bout with the tempter. God reminded me when I was face down on the mat in tears that I don’t have to fight His battles for Him. He also reminded me that He wasn’t going to force me to obey. Obedience, like love, has to be a choice. Both lead me to a beautiful place of peace that opens the path to the praying life a little wider and makes this journey a walk in His kingdom:)

Temptation

When Satan tells me what I want to hear,

I’m tempted.

When he says it’s best for those who are dear,

I’m tempted.

When I’m at the end of my rope,

I’m tempted.

When he offers a ray of hope,

I’m tempted.

When I am divided and filled with fear,

I’m tempted.

When I can’t feel God’s presence coming near,

I’m tempted.

When I breathe in the Spirit’s breath,

I stay.

When I stop and think of Christ’s death,

I pray.

When I open my heart and ears,

I hear.

When I take a look at my fears,

I see.

When I remember Who God is,

I exhale.

When I remember I am His,

I smile:)

“Speak Low if You Speak Love”

In Shakespeare’s play “Much Ado About Nothing,” Don Pedro says to Hero, “Speak low if you speak love,” and that’s the thought God also placed in my heart this morning. Don Pedro is bidding Hero to lower his voice, and it’s sound advice to all who speak of love. Love is serious and lowering the voice is an indication of the importance of the subject at hand. Valentine’s Day is coming up, and I have to laugh as I think of the way love is distorted and twisted on the day. It reminds me of Santa Claus and Christmas. The intentions are great, but love gets lost in both translations:)

God also reminded me of a favorite poet and poem this morning. I used to have my students memorize “A Word is Dead” by Emily Dickinson to help them remember the importance of spoken words.

A Word is Dead by Emily Dickinson

A word is dead when it is said, some say.

I say it just begins to live that day.

Pastor John reminded me this week that the message from 1 Corinthians 13:1-13 is a lot about the way I speak. I hadn’t thought of those passages in that way before, but his message and God’s lesson this morning helped me see the importance of the way I speak about love. I breathe life into each word I speak, and those words take on the life I give to them. So, I should heed the words of Don Pedro in “Much Ado About Nothing” and speak softly and seriously when I speak love. My heart is deeply touched with a tender “I love you” whispered softly in my ear. There is nothing more precious than hearing that Christ’s precious love is for me, and it is best to speak softly when I speak of His love to others and be mindful that I will give life to those words of love.

Valentine’s Day becomes much like Christmas Day as we lose the meaning of both occasions in what becomes a scream fest of who got the most and best flowers, candy, diamonds, presents, etc. The irony is that both St. Valentine and St. Nicholas were humble men with extraordinary meekness who would literally shudder to think of how their names are used today. This Valentine’s Day, try speaking low when you speak love. True love needs nothing more, and try the same strategy in your witness of Christ’s love to the world. Turning the volume down and using a fewer words are what make my loving and praying like His.

Rehashing Regrets & Rehearsing Worries

I spend far too much of my time with God and dear friends rehashing and rehearsing instead of simply listening and loving. If I spend hours a day in prayer or conversations that are about me, I miss the opportunity to spend time with and love God and those near to me. The result is feeling worse when I finish than when I began. If I stay in those precious moments and hear God’s heart and the heart of those I hold dear, I leave the moment renewed.

When I let God fill me instead of trying to fill Him in, I end my time with Him feeling full and empty at the same time. It’s a beautiful feeling. I spent too much time yesterday rehashing and rehearsing and let worry keep me from enjoying the precious love before me. The problem with rehashing and rehearsing is both are a senseless waste of time. I miss the beauty of the moment and the love God has for me if I allow the past and the future to interrupt the present.

The praying life embraces God without smothering Him with past regrets and future worries. It does the same in everyday occurrences. Prayer, conversations, and time together become precious moments that connect my heart to His and those I love. God used a beautiful sunset to catch and hold my attention this evening. I felt His loving reassurance and forgot about those regrets and worries for a moment. It made me want more, and that is the sweet side effect of a loving presence.

I pray that I will enjoy the sweet moments of love God places in the path and see them as the beautiful gifts He intends for them to be. I’m eating Belgian Chocolate Gelato as the sun finishes setting and listening to the distant chatter of two delightful little girls playing in the tub. I’m practicing savoring, and as a dear friend reminded me yesterday, I like it:)

Great Fishing Strategy:)

Last night, we looked at Luke 5:1-11 during our evening worship time. It was a powerful message that left me wanting to know how I could reach out as God desires.

“Now it happened that while the crowd was pressing around Him and listening to the word of God, He was standing by the lake of Gennesaret;  and He saw two boats lying at the edge of the lake; but the fishermen had gotten out of them and were washing their nets.  And He got into one of the boats, which was Simon’s, and asked him to put out a little way from the land. And He sat down and began teaching the people from the boat. When He had finished speaking, He said to Simon, “Put out into the deep water and let down your nets for a catch.”  Simon answered and said, “Master, we worked hard all night and caught nothing, but I will do as You say and let down the nets.” When they had done this, they enclosed a great quantity of fish, and their nets began to break;  so they signaled to their partners in the other boat for them to come and help them. And they came and filled both of the boats, so that they began to sink. But when Simon Peter saw that, he fell down at Jesus’ feet, saying, “Go away from me Lord, for I am a sinful man!” For amazement had seized him and all his companions because of the catch of fish which they had taken;  and so also were James and John, sons of Zebedee, who were partners with Simon. And Jesus said to Simon,“Do not fear, from now on you will be catching men.”  When they had brought their boats to land, they left everything and followed Him.”

I am always struck by those scriptures, and last night on my way home, I asked God to help me with my own fishing. I wanted a strategy. I love and appreciate His sense of humor and had to smile as two wet little girls taught an important lesson in witnessing.

Tyler was putting the new dining room table and chairs together, and Gina was at a meeting when I arrived home. The girls were playing and ready for a bath. I took them downstairs and filled the tub. They love to play in the water and have to be wrenched out when they begin to resemble pale raisins:) I put Lilly’s hair up so it wouldn’t get wet, so little Mylah, who will not normally have so much as a tiny clip in her hair, insisted on having her hair put up like Lilly’s. That took some doing as she has very little hair, but I finally got hair up and girls settled down.

They wanted washcloths, so I gave them each a soft little cloth. I soon discovered they had no intention of using them to wash themselves. They fashioned the cloths into little blankets which they wrapped around two toy fishes in the tub. I wish I had a video of what happened next. They got very serious looks on their faces, rocked the little fish, and began singing lullabies in unison to the fishes, holding them lovingly all the while. I realized God was giving advice on how to fish for Him. Take a fish and love it!

God’s fishing, like His teaching, isn’t like the world’s. I’m thankful for His sweet lessons and for the adorable little teachers whose lesson will stick with me the next time I have the opportunity to go fishing with God. He is love, so the method the girls modeled for me makes a whole lot of sense:)

Self Gratification and Deprecation

When it comes to self, it doesn’t matter if I focus on the self deprecation that makes others laugh or the self gratification that placates me. Both leave me empty in the long run and keep me from walking in God’s kingdom as I should. I twist and play with my hair and have for as long as I can remember. Mylah loves to play with my hair, and when I took her downstairs for her bath last night, she was delighted that my hair was down so she could run her little fingers through it. It’s even more satisfying when she twists it:)

When I found that playing with my hair was a form of self gratification, I was surprised and a little embarrassed. I knew it made me feel better, but I didn’t realize it was considered an activity similar to sucking one’s thumb. I still play with my hair, but I just don’t feel bad about it. I do take note if I start twisting because it means that something is on my mind or heart. I may just be thinking of the day before me, but I also may be hurting. That was the case when I went to bed last night.

It was an amazing day yesterday, and the warm sunshine after a week of horrific winds, water and snow was truly a gift from God. The girls and I played outside for a long time, and I also found time while they were napping to sit in the sun by the pool. Worship was wonderful last night, and the singing left my heart soaring. Mylah and Lilly were adorable in the tub as they took their little washcloths and wrapped up little toy fish and sang lullabies to them. I went to bed a very happy Gigi indeed:)

As I prayed, I started twisting my hair. I knew something on my heart that needed attention. God helped me find and face the root of my angst, and I relaxed and slept peacefully. The lesson God had for me in the hair twisting prayer was that much of our conversations are about me. It’s okay to go to God when I’m hurting, but it isn’t okay for me to be at the center of my prayers. I saw praying as the ultimate form of self gratification, and I was humbled by the lesson.

Dying to self is a painful process that leads to greater joy than any form of self gratification found on earth. Those three little concrete steps presented themselves as I left services last night, and I was taken aback when I looked down and saw the steps from my dream night before last. God amazes me when He teaches the obvious with love, and He did just that last night. The steps leading out of the church office were the steps in my dream, and they lead out of the building and into the world. I so need the filling and fellowship I get from the church body, but God gently reminded me that I need to take that filling and fellowship out into His world in a way that changes me and it.

I learned at an early age to use self deprecation to get laughs from those around me, and I still have to be mindful not to put myself down when I make mistakes or feel the need to apologize for the way I am. I am learning that who I am is who I am. God is teaching me to love myself, and Dr. Steibel reminded me that we need to love ourselves for God’s sake (Richard J. Foster and Emilie Griffin.) That was an amazing lesson during the prayer retreat that I play to remember. Self is an expression of who I am, but I have to make sure I don’t get caught up in gratifying or deprecating because that isn’t what God desires.

Praying is personal, and God loves to hear my heart. He, like all of us, doesn’t enjoy listening to a litany of self-loathing or a rehearsal of my plans and problems. He would rather our conversations be about Christ and how His Holy Spirit is working through me. He has a lot to add to that conversation if I will be still and let Him share His ideas with me:)

Whether it’s self gratification or deprecation, it still amounts to be self-centered. That keeps me from drawer nearer to God and to those in my path. Intercessory prayer is a beautiful antidote when I find myself getting too far into myself. Remembering who God is and who I am brings our conversations to a beautiful place of connectedness, and that feels better than anything I’ve ever felt:)

Two Roads….Three Sets of Steps:)

Anytime two roads diverged, I always took the more difficult one. It’s one thing that drove my daddy to distraction. He fussed and fumed from the time I was a toddler until I was grown about my propensity for the difficult. I got frustrated and lost at times as I insisted on doing things the hard way, and that was especially true when it came to praying. I made something simply beautiful into an uphill battle at times, and I would often feel as if I’d lost a heavy-weight boxing match after an intense prayer session.

I see the error of my ways, and I know daddy must be grinning from ear to ear. I’ve had several reoccurring dreams in my life. The one about the lake went away after resolving its source, but I’ve also had one involving stairs that returned this morning with a resolution of its own. In past dreams, I’ve been confronted with stairs that either go nowhere or are too frightening for me to try. There are many variations and locations, but the stairs are always at the center of the dream and are a source of fear. I’m not sure what all the dreams might mean, but I understood the one I had this morning.

The dream was very similar to the past dreams in that there were frightening stairs. There were three sets going down. The first set of steps was unstable and led to a dark room; the second set was a beautiful winding staircase, but the steps swung against the wall and collapsed completely each time I tried to step on. The third set was behind me, and I didn’t see them until I turned around in frustration. It was a simple set of three small concrete steps that led down to a paved road which was going right where I wanted to go. It wasn’t hard for me to discern the meaning of the dream. God was clearly showing me that the simple path has always been right there. My daddy tried to tell me the same thing for decades without success.

Praying is about stopping my striving and turning to God. His path is a simple one that leads where my striving isn’t able to take me. I may continue to have dreams of steps that frustrate, but something tells me I won’t be bothered with them anymore. As I got the girls to sleep this afternoon, I thought about how pleasant yesterday and today have been. I always love keeping the girls, but I am usually completely spent by Tuesday nap time. I actually feel better than I ever have and look forward to the days when I have them all day. We eat, play, and love all day long, and I believe I’m actually getting younger:)

Learning to relax has nudged me a little closer to God and given me the proper perspective when it comes to the girls. I’m taking the simple path with them rather than striving and worrying. Living, loving, and praying are better when I take the simple path. I’m finding it’s the one that leads to the praying life God has in mind for me. His ways are higher than mine because He doesn’t take the difficult path. He will go with me when I head down the steps into darkness or try to navigate a collapsing staircase, but He much prefers for me to take His steps:)