Month: March 2013

Crusade or Revival?

The Crusades were the darkest days of Christianity. There is nothing noble about forcing people to believe as you believe. There is nothing gallant about galloping around the globe in concerted effort to promote your agenda or eliminate everyone else’s. I am guilty of being mesmerized by knights in shining armor and tales of princesses being recused by them. I’ve had my share of knights and knaves on this journey, but I repent my fascination with that time period. There is nothing romantic or wonderful about it. There is no body count for how many died in those senseless holy wars, and there is no count of the tears that fell from heaven as countless men, women, and children were slaughtered in God’s name.

The difference between a crusade and a revival is that one comes from the efforts of groups on the outside and one comes from a renewal within an individual. Spring is a beautiful example of such a renewal. I can go out armed with shovels and fertilizer and force plants to either bloom or die, but that stops the process of breaking through the cold earth on their own and results in a short-lived, painful imitation of true renewal. 

Crusades  thrived on an “us/they” mentality. Revival involves a “me/God” realization. There is a world of difference between the two. God can have a crusade if He so desires, and Jesus could have performed the most amazing trick ever by pulling His hands away from those hate-filled nails on the far left and far right, bringing havoc down upon this world in a way that would have left us believing in a different sort of Savior. Maybe He would even have a shining knight’s suit of armor. We would still be quaking and doing whatever He said for us to do. He chose to die. He chose to love. He chose to forgive. He chose to extend mercy and grace. It’s what we must also choose to do. It’s much easier to wield a sword in a safe suit of armor, but God knows better than anyone that force doesn’t work when it comes to love.

Revival comes from God, and it comes one person at a time. It’s the feeling of seeing how the love of God is working in the life of another and wanting the same thing. It’s coming to the realization that it is God in that person that makes a difference and letting God come to me in the same way. I have a dear friend who loves God more than anyone I know. When I first heard him speak of God, I knew I wanted what he had. I have it now, but I learned that the process of getting it involves more than simple imitation. More people die in a revival than in a crusade because everyone who experiences revival dies. You cannot be revived if you are alive and kicking on your own terms. Surrender is necessary for revival, and that means going in a new direction. There is nothing more difficult than leaving the known and stepping into the unknown. It takes great faith and personal sacrifice, but the resulting peace truly is beyond our understanding.

Not everyone involved in those hate-filled Crusades died, but Christ’s love was trampled into the ground where the blood of those who did die flowed. Holy wars trample upon God’s heart and bring the very thing He hates the most, division. I pray we learned our lessons from those first disastrous attempts at forcing religion down the hearts of others. I look around today and see the anger and contempt that comes from mixing politics and religion, and it breaks my heart. I know it breaks God’s too. In a true revival, there is no agenda. There is only love. In a crusade, there is no love. There is only an agenda. 

The Sound of My Own Voice:)

When I talk with a dear friend about what’s on my heart, I am often surprised by the sound of my own voice in an atmosphere of honest communion. As I returned to the week my mama died, I let out some frustration and found that I was hanging on to something I needed to release. I also realized my selfish need for the world of others to stop when mine does. It cannot, and I’m thankful God helped me see that this week. In fact, He made it clear that the world doesn’t ever stop. It brings me to my knees when it spins out of control, and it puts me flat on my face when I try to stop it. When I look up and remember Whose world it is and Whose child I am, I find the balance I need to walk and love in His kingdom here and now.

Yesterday was a fourteen hour day with the girls, and my patience wore thin as Lillyann refused to put away her Kindle, go to the bathroom, and lie down. Poor Mylah was awakened by the music at the end of her movie, so I had two girls awake at nine o’clock. I didn’t lose my temper, thank God, but I did wonder if it wouldn’t be better to just live somewhere else, pop in once in a while with some goodies and a little cooing, and be a different sort of Gigi. I really didn’t like the sound of my own voice in the atmosphere of impatience and knew that I wouldn’t trade living with and loving this sweet little family for anything in this world. Living and loving, like praying, requires a deep connection that is much more than once in a while. It is the forever love in 1 Corinthians 1-13.

If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or aclanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.

 Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,  does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

 Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away.  For we know in part and we prophesy in part;  but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away.  When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.  For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known. But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love. NASB

I told Lillyann that I couldn’t help her if she didn’t listen and obey. I could hear God in my own voice and had to smile. I am very like little Lillyann when it comes to obeying, and I know that getting her and myself where we need to be is not a simple task. I don’t want to take the easy path when it comes to loving God, Mylah, Lillyann, or anyone else, and I thank God for not taking the easy path when it comes to loving me. Love is not giving in or giving up. It is giving as I’ve never given before. The girls may not understand now, just as I often don’t understand God, but they will when it matters:) I plan to keep listening to God and doing what I know He wants me to do. That’s love, and that’s not always easy, but experiencing love at its truest level is worth whatever God asks me to do. 

I can do my best and love the best way I know how my entire life and be miserable in my failure at love, or I can love the way God loves and find Him in the love I have for myself and for those in my path. There is no self help book or video that explains love any better than the beautiful scripture above. God continues to bring me back to His Word and His way when it comes to loving because He is love and the best teacher ever. With His help, I’m learning:)

Words Are Not Necessary

When praying and loving, words are not necessary. In fact, the lesson yesterday was that weeping is praying and loving at a deep level. As I wept, I wasn’t consciously praying or loving, but I felt a sweet sense of relief and love. God hears my heart more clearly when my mind and mouth are still, and nothing silences them like weeping. Words are not only not necessary when loving and praying, they often get in the way. When I offer consolation, advice, or comfort, I never know what to say. When I pray, I am the same way.

The most important lessons so far in the path to the praying life have been about words. All who know me, know I love words, but I’m getting better with silence and am very thankful for God’s patience in that regard. I have practiced prolonged silence at the reflection center, but I have difficulty with silence around others. I have a need to fill the space, but I’m learning to give up that space to God and be still. There is nothing like silence to help the spirit and heart draw near to God, and there is also nothing like silence when it comes to worshipping and loving Him. I love raising my voice in praise, and I will sing as long as I have breath in me; but silence is the sweetest worship.

I sat for a long while yesterday and watched the beautiful horizon. After a week of crying and a morning of weeping, my heart lifted in God’s presence. The sounds from above blessed my spirit and I thanked God for Mylah and Lillyann’s healing. They have a way to go before they are up and running, but they are on the mend. While they are sick, only mommy will do, so I know Gina is worn thin. I’ve thought of God as I’ve seen the girls cling and even fight over mommy’s lap. I am the same way when I’m hurting; I want God, and nothing or no one else will do. That was the message this week. The only way to survive grief here is to have God at the center of my heart and life. Only His Holy Spirit can offer hope when I am hurting. Nothing or no one else will do.

I may have a tough day today as two little girls go through mommy withdrawal. I’m hoping they are well enough to play and eat, so I can fill in for her while she’s away at school. I’m sure mommy will have Mylah and Lilly withdrawal as well because I’m ready for some little girl time myself:)

Good Grief

I didn’t expect to find myself kneeling and weeping with abandon on the altar this morning, but that’s just where I found myself. God is calling me to be part of worship in two places right now, and that’s not something I understand. I have learned not to question His ways, but sometimes He confounds me. Perhaps He knows I’ll get lost in the confounding and find Him. I love both places and know He is present and alive in both. It’s a rare blessing to find someone willing to speak the truth with love, and both Pastor John and Pastor Jeff do just that. 

The deaths this week, especially Dorothy’s, left me numb. I’ve heard five amazing messages this week, and the message this morning touched me more deeply than I was prepared to be touched. God knew it was time to weep for mama. I put off weeping four years ago. I cried and cried and cried, but I didn’t weep until today. Weeping with abandon in front of others isn’t something I would have chosen to do, and it’s far too personal and intimate to do in from of others, but God knows that weeping together is part of the grieving process. I felt a sense of release on that altar that can only come when I let go of everything and let God and others hear my heart and my hurt.

It isn’t easy to let others hear my heart, but weeping frees the spirit and opens the heart as nothing else. As I watched Pastor Jeff, a big strong man, tear up as he talked of his own journey, the way was wide open for me to do the same. Letting others see our vulnerability opens doors for ourselves and others. Jesus wept openly for Lazarus. He was a very strong man who loved his friend dearly. Perhaps He cried because He knew he was bringing his friend back into a world of pain. Perhaps he cried because he knew Lazarus had suffered and would suffer again at the hands of death. 

Christ gives me hope and is my strong center. That was the beautiful message this morning. God’s grief is good grief because He is my hope, my comfort, my rock, and my redeemer. He never moves or changes, and that is the best news of all. There will always be weeping and loss in this world, but I can walk in God’s kingdom and chose to grieve as He grieves knowing that I can grieve with Him and share my grief and His love with those in my path. I will weep until I am with God in heaven, and I learned today that weeping is a very powerful form of prayer. That changes my journey in a most beautiful way. That’s good grief, and I thank God for showing me the difference between the world’s way of grieving and His.

Love Blossoms

The blossoms in the yard yesterday were sweet smelling harbingers of spring that lifted my spirit and filled me with hope. Easter is my favorite time of year because it comes at a time when I need a lift. I enjoy winter, but I am always happy when the cold gives way to spring. I love the flowers of each season, but those blossoms of spring are more than just flowers blooming. They give me hope and inspire me, as I’m sure they do many, when it comes to both the temperature and my heart. God says in each bloom that love is coming. The beautiful truth found in Christ’s resurrection is like the blossoms of spring. Each Easter, I celebrate that resurrection and the sweet knowledge that I am loved.

I have a beautiful succulent houseplant that blooms during the winter. It’s tiny blossoms bless me in a special way because they come at the darkest time of the year and are all the more precious because of their timing. They remind me I am loved when I most need to be reminded. The plant is dear to me and flourishes in a window which gets the afternoon light. It’s delicate in one sense, but it also refuses to die. I’ve come very close to tossing it out on several occasions, but it always comes back to life in a way that amazes me. It’s determined to thrive, and I love that about it. Love is the same way:)

Flowers remind me of love whether they are blowing in the open spring air or sitting quietly on a windowsill. Love is expressed in different ways, and God used flowers to remind me of that. Love, like flowers, will not be taken for granted. If they stayed the same year in and year out, I would soon not pay any attention to them. Love and flowers bless me when they bloom, especially when they catch me off guard. I almost killed the sweet little houseplant by expecting it to be in full bloom all the time, and I will kill love if I expect the same.

Love blooms when it is time for it to bloom, and flowers do the same. It is best to let them both be what God intends for them to be, a beautiful reminder of the hope we have in Him. He is there in the window, the yard, the meadow, and everywhere I am. Love is always there, and it will always be. That’s the sweet hope of Easter that makes it the most blessed time of the year to me. As the flowers on my little houseplant begin to die, the daffodils and star magnolias begin to flourish. When the last of the fall flowers fade, my little houseplant will be there to remind me to hang on until spring:)

Spring blossoms

God’s Family

The tragedies of the week caused us to put aside our differences and remember that we are a beautiful community closely connected by the love we share. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if God’s family would do the same. I can only imagine what this world would be like if we all quit squabbling about details and arguing over petty differences. God loves all His children, and it breaks His Son’s body and His own heart when we break apart. We learned this week that we are more alike than we are different.

Families stick together, and that is never more true than when tragedy strikes. When death enters our safe haven, we cling to one another. Love causes fear and sorrow to take a back seat, and those things that once seemed important enough to fight about no longer matter. God loves this world, and He watched His only Son die to save it. When we remember His loss, we draw nearer to Him and to one another. When we get caught up in our agendas and plans, we begin to argue over who’s doing the most or who’s right about this or that.

Satan sits back and grins when we poke at one another, place blame, or point out sins in each other. God shakes His head and wonders what more would it take to get us to come together and see what truly matters. Jesus said to love God and our neighbor. This week, our sweet community has been a beautiful neighborhood. I pray that we will hold on to that spirit and not allow anything to come between us and those we love. We should love each other and celebrate our differences. God created each of us, and we are all beautiful to Him. Would that we would be to one another, so His kingdom would come, and His will would be done.

It is possible to love in God’s kingdom now. If you didn’t see that this week, you were not paying attention. Join me in praying for unity as we love God with all that is within us and love each other as we have this week. The praying life is all about community. Satan argues and fusses about being right and loves to see separation and discord. God creates us to be a loving community because He knows it’s the very best way to get a glimpse of Him. We each must decide who we want to be like, and I saw an awfully lot of God this week. I’m excited about all He has in mind and look forward to seeing it work out in the faces of the beautiful folks in this community and in the world.

Insurance or Assurance?

There are some crazy insurance polices out there!! The eleven weirdest policies are listed on this website Strange Insurance Policies I personally think Tom Jones’ chest hair should be number one, but that’s just my opinion:) When it comes to love, I can’t buy an insurance policy. The closest thing to a love insurance policy would be a prenuptial agreement if I’m concerned that my love may go south with my money, but that isn’t really insurance.

Because I don’t like to gamble, I have my fair share of policies on life, house, cars, health, etc… The insurance business thrives on my fear of losing what I have. Like Tom’s Jones and his chest hair, I am closely connected to my stuff and my body and do not want to part with any of it. Sadly, some folks see Jesus as an insurance policy and miss the joy, hope, and peace His love brings to a world filled with fear.

Jesus offers assurance, which is much better than insurance. Insurance will pay me if I lose whatever it is I’m worried about losing, but it cannot insure that I will keep it. God’s love is a different matter; it’s forever, and Christ offers a wonderful assurance policy if I am willing to trust Him and accept His love. Sounds simple enough, and it truly is simple enough for everyone to afford when they come to the place of believing He is who He says He is. The fact that it’s too good to be true keeps some from acquiring a policy that allows me to not only to spend eternity in heaven, but also walk in His kingdom right now.

Christ assures me that I can walk in God’s kingdom with the help of His Holy Spirit. He is Christ’s assurance agent, and He is much better than the very best insurance agent. The only problem with this wonderful policy is that I can refuse the offer. Sometimes I wonder why God lets me walk away, but then I remember that love isn’t something to be forced upon me. That goes against love’s very nature. God is love, so it goes against His nature to make us take Him up on His beautiful offer.

I’m so very thankful that I accepted His assurance policy back in 1964. It is a policy that gets better and better with time. His policy is good for eternity, and I just keep discovering new benefits. The most beautiful one is the blessed assurance that He is mine, and I am His. I’m learning that kingdom love doesn’t have to wait until I am in heaven. It begins as soon as I let Him show me how to love as He loves. I’ve had my love assurance policy with him for almost 50 years, but I’ve only just figured out that I can walk and love in His kingdom now. The healing that came this week was better than winning a big jackpot or a mega million dollar lottery. Check out the policy on the list when it comes to lotteries:) God’s assurance is better than the best insurance policy in this world, and I plan to hang on to my policy and help others accept His sweet offer of everlasting love:)

A Breath of Fresh Prayer

When praying becomes as natural as breathing, the praying life becomes a reality. In a week filled with so much hurt, I found a breath of fresh prayer this morning. I’ve sighed and cried and supplicated this week, but the greatest sense of relief came when I breathed a deep sigh of giving in and giving up. The sorrow of the week helped me see the futility of trying to understand that which I cannot understand, and that gave God the space He needed to breathe His Word into me.

I came to the end of my prayer rope this week and made the freefall of faith that must occur if I am to trust and obey Him completely. I would not have let go if I could have held on.  I suppose I thought I would hit something or crash when I let go, and that shows a lack of faith in and of itself. What I found was David’s sweet psalm that I always had my students memorize. The Twenty-Third Psalm came one line at a time, and it was like breathing in sweet fresh air after being underwater or in a stuffy cellar.

So thankful for His precious Word that filled my heart and lifted my spirit. Psalm 23

“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lordfor ever.”  KJV

With each line, God breathed new life into my weary heart and taught me that prayer is not only asking and crying out, it is also breathing in His Spirit. Too often, I don’t turn to God until there is no other hope or when tragedy humbles. Praying, like breathing, involves taking in the comfort and joy God has to offer or simply enjoying His precious presence. I’m guilty of talking to Him and then hanging up before He has the chance to answer. That’s as silly as only breathing out.

Take time to take in a breath of fresh prayer, and you’ll find that the freefall of faith is a simple sigh of release followed by a deep inhaling of His Spirit. It makes all the difference in the world when it comes to praying and living the life He has in mind:)

Is There An Easier Way?

It’s been a week of great loss in my community as we mourn the death of two precious young men taken too quickly from the loving arms of their families. I also lost a dear friend who was a big part of my life and very like a sister. My heart has been going through a difficult time lately, and I found myself wondering if love is worth the pain.

The cost of loving is great, and my heart will be broken each time I chose to love.  I know that well, but as I prayed this morning, my heart begged God to help me understand the pain. Isn’t there an easy way to love? Of course, I knew the answer before I asked the question. If there were an easy way to love, Jesus would have shown us how to love without hurting. His way of loving involves great pain, and His heart was, and still is, broken in ways we cannot imagine. Separation from God is hell, and losing loved ones is a taste of the torment of that horrid place, but choosing not to love is condemning my heart to stay there.

The good news is that God is love, and He prepared the way for us to love Him and share His love with others. It broke His heart to watch His Son die, but His resurrection sealed our hearts with the sweet assurance that His love is forever ours. Death does not stop love; it reminds me of the cost Christ paid so I could love. I plan to keep loving with all my heart because it is the only way I know how to love, and I plan to remember Christ when my heart is breaking.

An Easy Way to Love?

Why must the heart be broken

Over and over again?

Isn’t there an easy way

To love without feeling pain?

 

God’s quiet response to me

“It’s the only way I know.

It broke My heart to pieces

To watch my beloved Son go.

 

Endure the pain of loving,

And then you will understand.

The joy that comes from loving

Is worth all the the heart demands.”

Thoughts & Prayers

Thoughts and prayers cannot be separated, and that makes praying with something else on my mind impossible. That was the humbling lesson this morning. God gently told me that He couldn’t hear what I was praying because what I was thinking was too loud. That got my attention and reminded me of the lesson on praying attention! This was more that just paying attention; it was understanding that my thoughts are my prayers.

I can’t set aside thoughts and sit down to pray any more than I can set aside my mouth and sit down to eat. It can’t be done, and that was the clear message this morning. Proverbs 23:7 is a warning about appearances being deceiving, but it is also a powerful reminder that the thoughts within me are my truest self. “For as he thinks within himself, so he is.” That doesn’t just apply to the ruler in Proverbs; it applies to me too. When I sit down with God, He hears my thoughts. If there is a conflict between what I’m praying and what my thoughts are saying, He goes with my thoughts.

Sobering lesson this morning for my wandering mind. I am still holding on to what I want in my head, so God cannot hear the cry of my heart over the din of my mind. As I said yesterday, the lessons in praying are proving to be my greatest challenge. Give up my thoughts too, Lord? Yes was His quiet, but powerful, answer. The heart and mind must be of the same accord before my prayers are what God desires. Christ did not think one thing and pray another. He didn’t hang on to His wants and pray God’s will. He emptied Himself completely, and that is what I must also do. Letting go of those pleasant thoughts of what I want are not easy to do, but it’s necessary if I am to give up space to God and pray as His sweet Son.

There is a peace that comes from clearing out stuff, and an even better feeling comes when I give up those thoughts that fill my head. Letting go of the notion that things could have been any different is the most freeing clearing I’ve found. Learning always comes at a cost, but the greater the cost the greater the blessing that comes from it. God has blessed me beyond belief as I’ve cleared my head so He and I can both hear my heart. It changes the way I think and pray and makes living the praying life much easier:)