Month: January 2014

You Can Always Get What You Want!

Mick Jagger assured us in the seventies that we couldn’t always get what we wanted, but we could get what we needed if we tried. The truth is that you can always get what you want, but it comes at a price. Rhonda Bryne tells us in The Secret that we have the power to manifest our heart’s desire. I believe she’s right. The problem is the cost. It doesn’t take an extensive research project to prove that it’s possible to get what you want. Every spoiled child and adult in the world has proven that to us over and over again for free. Getting what we want only leads to misery, and we don’t need a study to prove that either.

God can give us everything we want, but He knows that would make us miserable. He could also force us to do exactly what He wants, but He knows that would make Him miserable. The lessons of late have been about obedience, and they are never easy ones. I want what I want and struggle with God when what I want and what He knows is best for me are not the same thing. All good parents and teachers understand the feeling well.

I laugh each time I think of my nephew Ben telling Tyler that he didn’t have to do what I asked him to do. He was two and running away from my sister Edie as fast as he could. I was at the kitchen table telling Tyler it was time to get ready for bed. Ben stopped running long enough to yell, “You don’t ha to Tider!” Tyler looked surprised, and I did my best to hide the big grin on my face. Ben was right, and I knew it.

The fact that I don’t have to do what God asks me to do is what allows me to grow when I choose to obey. God and I both know that obeying out of love is the only way for me to be who He knows I can be. Without love, I become a drone. Christians who become drones are miserable and make those in their paths miserable too. Misery does, indeed, love company. Love also loves company, but the connection is so much better and lasts forever.

Getting what I want means turning from God and living in the darkness. Darkness is darkness and no amount of money, fame, or fortune can change it into light. Only God can do that. He shed His Light upon the world in a way that changed everything. Understanding His Love and embracing His Truth brings hope, and hope is better than anything I can manifest on my own. Sure, I can write myself make believe checks and make collages of the life I want, but Proverbs 19:21 says, “Many plans are in a man’s heart, But the counsel of the Lord will stand.” (NASB) That lottery money will soon be spent, those possessions will fall prey to rust and dust, and fame will soon fly away. Love lasts forever!

If I go with God’s plan, I will have eternal life with Him, and I can walk in His kingdom now. That doesn’t mean I’ll be prosperous, but it does mean I will have love, joy, and peace. When God’s counsel takes root in my heart, it bears the fruit of His Spirit. Galatians 5:22-23 promises, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” (NASB) Money, fortune, and fame don’t come close to love. Love cannot be manipulated or manifested. It comes when I understand that there is something much better than what I want.

Lust is about getting what I want, and it is the second most powerful force in this world. The universe will give you just what you want, and there will always be those who pick up the slack for selfish, spoiled folks who insist on their way because they make others miserable when they don’t get it. Love means not getting what I want and not giving others what they want. Lust wins many battles, but the good news is that love has already won the war!

This photo is from "Spoiled Kids Get Worse Grades in College" by Laura Hamilton.
This photo is from “Spoiled Kids Get Worse Grades in College” by Laura Hamilton.

I’m not surprised 🙂

I’m Not Letting You Go!

Yesterday, Lillyann had a meltdown after I sent her to time out for taking a toy away from Mylah. I had seen her pitch a fit before, but this was a big step above a fit. I didn’t want to grab her or use force to sit her on the couch, so I decided to just hold her until she stopped fighting. It wasn’t easy because she was determined to get out of my arms. I told her I loved her and was not going to let her go until she stopped struggling. I don’t want Lillyann to obey me because she’s afraid of me. That’s what corporal punishment does; grabbing and jerking are the same as spanking and are all about proving who’s stronger. Obedience that comes as the result of fear doesn’t work for long. Children learn to fight and bully others when those tactics are used on them.

When Lillyann finally got tired of wiggling, she relaxed in my arms and cried out her frustration. I continued to hold her and tell her I loved her. I thought of Job and the word used to describe his repentance. Obedience and repentance go hand in hand. Both are about realizing God knows what’s best for me. Lillyann stopped crying and told Mylah and me she was sorry. She gave me the sweetest hug ever, and my heart just melted. I know from parenting and teaching that I can force children to do what I want, but that accomplishes one thing. I prove I’m in charge. It makes me feel better but does very little to help the child.

It would have been easy to scare Lillyann into doing what I wanted her to do, but  I wanted her to learn a different lesson. If I let her storm and stop and scream around the room, the tantrum would have gotten louder and gone on for much longer. It hurt me physically to hold on to her, but when she stopped struggling, it was worth all the effort. God could make everyone do exactly what He wants, but He knows that isn’t what love is all about.

Repentance simply means to turn. Like Lillyann, I struggle when I’m frustrated and don’t want to obey God. I fight and squirm in God’s arms all the time, but He won’t let me go until I relax in His arms. Pastor John explained the word “nacham,” as it is used in Job,  to me when I was struggling with God. He told me the best way to describe the Hebrew term was to think of a child wrestling to get out of his father’s arms. The father holds on until the child stops struggling. The sigh of surrender that comes when they finally stop fighting is nacham. That image continues to help me understand that repentance is not about guilt or God proving He’s stronger. It’s not about being bullied into behaving. It is about coming to a place of peace and accepting the comfort God’s arms always offer. It’s about obeying because I love Him, not because I’m scared of Him.

I want Lillyann and Mylah to understand that God’s arms are always around us. When we struggle, they are uncomfortable; but when we let go and trust Him, there is nothing more comforting in this world. I’m so glad that God says to us, “I’m not letting you go because I love you and always will no matter how hard you wiggle!!”

I'm not letting you go!
I’m not letting you go!

Thawing Heart

Raging fire quenches the desire.

Freezing rain douses the fire.

Arctic air freezes the rain.

Salty tears melt the ice.

God brings beauty from the ashes,

Cleansing in the rain,

Stillness in the ice,

And healing in my tears.

Thawing Heart

Reflect or Refract?

Reflection is defined as ” something that shows the effect, existence, or character of something else.” That definition made me wonder how my life shows the effect, existence or character of God. I fear I refract God’s image more than I reflect it, and that’s something I hope to change in the coming year. It’s very humbling to think that God manifests Himself in the lives of His children.

There’s an old saying which asks, “If you were on trial for being a Christian, would there be enough evidence to convict you?” I would add another. Do you resemble Christ enough to be recognized as one of His brothers or sisters? No one reflected God’s love and light as Christ. I’m thankful God doesn’t expect me to be perfect. Christ did that in my place and allowed God to see His image each time He looks at me. He does, however, expect me not to bend, twist, or break His image as I live out my life.

Refraction is similar to reflection, but there is an important difference. The image is changed as the wave passes through a medium such as water. The straw in this glass is an image that helps me remember that I can break and distort God’s precious love if I’m not careful.

Refraction

The straw doesn’t appear to be connected, and that is what happens when the individual members of Christ’s body refract rather than reflect His love. Instead of letting God be God, His children insist on using Him for their own good. If I use God’s name or image, I better do so with a great deal of caution. I am not God, and I certainly do not need to defend Him. He doesn’t want His children to fight over who is right and who knows or loves Him best. That creates dysfunction in all families and breaks a parent’s heart to pieces.

I know the right thing to do. Two-year-olds know it. When right is refracted, it becomes what I think is right or what I want to be right. That causes a distortion much like the straw above. Doing the right thing is rarely easy, but I cannot twist the right thing to suit my needs or desires. James 4:16-17 describes what happens when I refract instead of reflect.

“But as it is, you boast in your arrogance; all such boasting is evil. Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin.” NASB

Arrogance is about being right. Obedience is about doing right. There is a big difference that changes the way I see myself, God, and others. More importantly, it changes the way others see God. It is my fervent prayer that I will reflect and not refract God’s love in the coming year. Brokenness and distortion lead to arguments that tear Christ’s body into jagged pieces. Wholeness and clarity cause the oneness Christ came to make possible. The Holy Spirit smoothes jagged edges and makes unity a beautiful reality in my heart and in a world with far too many rough edges.

I have a dear friend who teaches science, and she would add, “and when it diffracts,there is an apparent bending of waves around small obstacles and the spreading out, which allows God’s light to shine from oneself~to other.” I agree wholeheartedly Anne Watkins 🙂