Author: Gigi

I taught middle school for 33 years and retired in 2007. I'm enjoying my journey and loving the time I have with my three granddaughters who call me "Gigi." I want to share my journey with them and with anyone else interested in sharing the lessons God has for me on this amazing journey.

Like It Is

I’ve always preferred “like I want it to be” to “like it is.” Ignorant bliss is more comfortable than harsh reality. Like most folks, I love to hear what I want to hear and don’t respond well to those who tell it like it is. I was surprised by a “tell it like it is” encounter I had last week, and I’m still trying to absorb the harsh truth that came when there were no filters to soften the blow.

I moved into a beautiful house with my son’s family six months ago, and I’ve grown to love it. I have a friend whose husband knows a lot about gardening and construction, so I asked him to come take a look at the house. I was sure he would have the same positive reaction she had and looked forward to showing it off and hearing all his praises. I was taken aback as he began finding fault before we entered the driveway. I was sure he would change his mind once he saw the house, and I knew he would marvel at the landscaping.

As we toured the grounds, he shocked me with his brutal assessment. I could tell his wife was uneasy, but I wanted the truth. I needed the truth! The rose-colored glasses came off, and the truth blindsided me. I was deflated as they drove away. I’ve been having trouble breathing lately and figured I must be coming down with a cold or perhaps an allergy of some kind, but my friend’s husband said that the stucco on the house was most likely hiding black mold and much more that couldn’t be seen but would eventually find its way to the outside.

I went for a long hike for the first time in two weeks yesterday. The torrential rains and some health issues have kept me away from my hiking, so I was happy to be back on the trail. I found I couldn’t climb the first small hill without panting, so I had to stay down at the bottom of the mountain for most of the walk. I knew in my heart that Dale was right about the mold. Black mold caused an asthma attack five years ago, and I realized I wouldn’t be able to live in the house I’d grown to love if it was present. I thanked God that we had not already purchased the home and prayed for His guidance.

This house is a wonderful opportunity for me to be with my granddaughters and enjoy my son’s family, but I realize that it isn’t meant to be my home. There have been many lessons in living and loving together, and I know God has many more in store for us. I plan to see how my breathing goes and let God lead as far as housing goes. It’s not easy to hear the truth when it isn’t what I want to hear, but it’s important to have someone willing to tell it like it is when I’m letting what I want keep me from seeing and hearing the obvious. Hindsight is 20/20, and I got a painful lesson in that this week.

Four years ago today, truth was spoken in a way that changed my life. I realize that the two experiences have much in common. I couldn’t believe my ears or my heart when confronted with unexpected feelings that I am only beginning to understand. Like this house, I had my own ideas of what I wanted, but the truth sent me reeling and left me realizing that what is and what I think can be as far from one another as the east is from the west.

The view outside my bedroom is amazing, and it is really why I am so attached to this house. I don’t want to let it go. It goes on forever, and God never ceases to amaze me with His spectacular displays at sunset. The other side of the house is a very different matter. The sunrise can be seen, but you have to look past a house that sits right in front of this house. It’s a poorly built eyesore. My friend’s husband asked me if I really wanted to look at that horrible house for the rest of my life. The way he said it shook me to my senses. The house is getting worse and showing signs of poor construction as it ages, and it isn’t going away. I knew the same was true for the obstruction in my heart’s way.

God used the house to teach an important lesson in “like it is” yesterday. It’s never easy when what I want isn’t what is. The good news is that God’s lessons with my heart and the house have come in time to avoid making big mistakes with both. Like the house, there is an amazing view from one side of my heart that brings me nearer to God, but there is an obstacle on the other side that, like that house looming in the foreground, isn’t going anywhere. If that house should fall off the side of the mountain, it would create terrible damage that would leave this house compromised and cause great loss to its owner. The beautiful view would come at the demise of both houses. The same is true for my heart.

The best way to let go of “the way I want it to be” is to accept “the way it is” and move on to “the way God wants it to be.” I can’t stay on one side of my house for the rest of my life anymore than I can stay on one side of my heart. I plan to trust God with my house plans and my heart plans because He has wonderful plans for both. Until then, I plan to enjoy the view and share the journey as God desires 🙂

Amazing View

Learning Turn

Learning often involves a curve, but this week it involved a turn. Learning rarely, if ever, comes in a straight line for me. That bothers some folks, but that’s okay. The quality of learning which most intrigues me is that it never stops. I thank God for my desire to learn and for my creative spirit. I’ve hidden it at times because it has gotten me into trouble, especially in school settings (as both a student and a teacher:) I learned to conform as a child, but not when it came to my teaching. A dear friend reminded me several years ago that a sacred imagination is a great thing. I see the same spirit in the girls, and I hope to help them see it as a beautiful gift.

Learning should be fun. I had a lot of fun learning alongside my amazing students for thirty-three years. I loved learning from them as much as I loved helping them learn. Children are the very best teachers, and my sweet granddaughters have taken teaching to a whole new level. They teach me something new every day and remind me that delight should always accompany learning.

Mylah is almost two and listening to her learn to talk has been an especially sweet blessing lately. She shocked me yesterday. When I picked her up and gave her a big hug, she said clearly and seriously, “Is it done raining for now?!” I laughed and told her that I certainly hoped so. We’ve had the wettest summer ever, and I’m as ready as she is for some sunshine! She gets a sheepish grin when she is speaking and realizes her words aren’t coming out the way she wants, but she just loves it when the words come out clearly as they did yesterday. There’s nothing better than watching her and Lillyann grow and learn on a daily basis; I thank God for my little live-in tutors:)

Learning can be painful at times, so it helps to have those in the path who are learning the same tough lessons and understand my heart. I am here to hear the stories of others and learn from them, and I’m also here to allow others into my own story. It is what witness is all about. That was the beautiful lesson God taught me this week. When the service at church this morning involved the elders sharing their stories with the congregation, I had to grin at God’s timing. He’s definitely the Master Teacher. My learning took an important turn upward this week, and I found myself a little closer to God and to those in my path because of it.

Love and Truth Go Hand in Hand

Nothing in this world is more powerful than the truth told with love. God is love, and Christ brought His love to earth with an honesty that promises freedom if I take it to heart. My relationships and witness must rely on the same love and honest communion if I am to walk in God’s kingdom and help others do the same. Love lives in truth, but truth isn’t always easy to accept. The lessons of late have been about the trust necessary to accept the truth with love.

I wonder how our judicial system would change if all witnesses were asked to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth with love. I wonder how God’s world would change if His witnesses did the same. The truth isn’t a problem unless I struggle with love. Love isn’t a problem unless I avoid the truth. They are a bundle that God will not allow to be broken. Satan would say take one or the other, or better yet, forget both and go with lust and lies because they are much easier. Many do just that, and I’ve been tempted to do the same because my heart can’t process love and truth without His help.

Christ gives the Holy Spirit to ready my heart for the beautiful combination of God’s love and His truth. With the Spirit’s help, my heart can accept love and truth as they are. Without it, love and truth become what I want them to be as I fit my wants and needs into both. God doesn’t allow any bartering when it comes to love and truth; He knows there is only one way to have the peace He desires, and that is the two together. The early believers were called “The Way” because of their belief that Christ was the way, the truth, and the light. The world sees its way as the better way. I am guilty of the same. Taking the easy route when it comes to love and truth cause me to miss the joy  God’s beautiful combination brings to my heart.

God asks me to be His witness by accepting His love and His Son’s truth in a way that frees me to serve and love Him and others. The only control I have is saying yes to a truth that defies definition and a love that cannot be described. My futile efforts to understand and control lead to misery, but my willingness to believe that God is who He says He is leads to a freedom unlike anything I’ve ever known. Religiosity offers safe boundaries, rules, and definitions that have good intentions at their core, but God’s love and truth will not be confined or defined by anyone. God simply wants me to accept and express His love. It’s what being His witness is all about 🙂

Open Heart

Remembering Mama

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Mama died four years ago today, and I think of her everyday. She was, and still is, more than a mama. She and I were kindred spirits who understood and loved one another in a special way. Mama wasn’t like everyone else, and neither am I. Since her death, I’ve come to love who I am, and I know she would be very happy about that. She was always trying to warn me that I was different and not to let that hurt me when others didn’t understand. Unfortunately, I’ve let a lot of people hurt me and even more convince me I needed to be someone other than who I am.

Being loved just as I am changed all that, and that love has enabled me to love myself just the way I am.  Mama was trying desperately to tell me something before she died, and I believe it was to not give a flying flip what other people thought and to just be me:) I’m sorry to say that I’ve allowed my fear of disappointing others to guide my heart for most of my life. Christ’s precious love has changed all that since mama died, and I’m happy to say that my heart is finally wide open. I am free to be who God created me to be instead of who I or others think I should be. That makes sense to mama and me; but if it doesn’t make sense to you, that’s okay too:)

The lessons in witness have been about being who I am, loving others as they are, and letting the Holy Spirit do the rest. I used to think I had to be who I could never be and get others to be the same. It sounds silly now, but that’s the story of my life. I eventually do get it, but it takes me a little longer than most:)

Mama’s name was Mary, and God placed another Mary in my path yesterday to remind me that being different a good thing in His eyes.

“ Now as they were traveling along, He entered a village; and a woman named Martha welcomed Him into her home. She had a sister called Mary, who was seated at the Lord’s feet, listening to His word.  But Martha was distracted with all her preparations; and she came up to Him and said, ‘Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help me.’ But the Lord answered and said to her, ‘Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only one thing is necessary,  for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.'” Luke 10:38-42 NASB

All the commentaries have a different take on this story, but the meaning for me yesterday was crystal clear. It’s okay to be who I am even if I or others do not understand. Mary and Martha are very different, and that’s okay. What isn’t okay is thinking that others should be like me or trying to get God to make them do what I want them to do or be who I want them to be. I’ve always loved Mary and can relate to her in this story because, like her, I would most likely be caught sitting at Jesus’ feet and not paying any attention to whether or not it was the proper or right thing to be doing. I know the dishes have to be washed, and I’ll eventually get to them. I’m listening to Jesus right now, and that’s all that matters:)

I wore mama’s favorite Fourth of July shirt yesterday. She used to say, “Doesn’t this look good on me?” when she wore it. I always smiled and said, “Yes, it does mama. Yes, it does!!”

Gigi & Lilly on the 4th

Offense is a Fence

The lessons this week have been difficult to swallow because they dealt with offensiveness, and that always offends. Offense builds a fence that divides and keeps me from connecting as God desires. Sometimes the offense is a tall fence with razor sharp barbed wire on top, but it can also be the underground variety covered by a beautifully manicured lawn. Those offenses are the most dangerous fences because I don’t recognize the offense until I feel the shock. We love fences and put them everywhere. I need a fence around my property and my heart to keep it safe and secure, don’t I?

Paula Deen and Alec Baldwin have been involved in the lessons this week, but so have I. It’s always good to remember not to throw any rocks. Paula Deen’s actions were deemed more offensive by the media, and I imagine that has to do with the depth of the foundation of the fence when it comes to racial slurs. We can all get on that bandwagon without worry. Whatever the offense and no matter how tiny the fences we build may seem, fences keep us from connecting as God desires. They all hurt, so it’s best not to judge anyone’s offense but simply make it a habit to be mindful so as not to offend. That was the lesson God had for me last week.

My ears, eyes, and heart were battered by the noisy din of discord in the media all week, and it left me wanting to run to the mountaintop and hide! God reminded me that I added a rock to a fence myself last night, and that humbled and sobered me in a powerful way. A friend posted a church billboard addressed to the governor of my state. I’m not a fan of his, so I responded with a smile. The message was, “Gov. Perry, God here. The voice you hear in your head is not me. Take your meds.” Seemed funny at the time, but that was before I read this response to her post from a lady who suffers from mental illness, “Another stupid joke at the expense of the mentally ill. We are such an easy target. This church has its head up its insensitive ass.” Her response left me ashamed of my reaction and showed me that neither my head nor my heart was where it needed to be.

I did a lot of judging about judging last week and was feeling pretty good about myself, but God was faithful to finish me off with the painful truth about the inappropriateness of my response to what seemed to be a very harmless joke. The danger lies in that electric fence I don’t notice until I’m zapped. I deleted my smiley face and replaced it with this response, “Thank you Pamela for the reminder and the lesson I needed. Prejudice is insidious, and our society is very insensitive when it comes to mental health. Easy targets are easy to hit, but that doesn’t mean it’s okay for me to hit them :(“ Lesson learned and humility gained.

Openness and honesty is the only way to tear down or dig up a fence. God simply asks me to tear down my fences and be willing to have relationships with those who are not like me, to hear the life stories of others, and be willing to tell mine honestly with love. Honesty and  learning come with painful zaps, but the humility that results helps me understand and draw nearer to God, my truest self, and those in my path.

Fences in the yard are okay, but my heart doesn’t need one around it anymore.

Fences

Intersecting Lives

My life is meant to intersect with the lives of others while walking in the world. Sometimes the intersection is only for a moment, and sometimes it’s for a lifetime. The place of intersection provides an opportunity to share my heart and hear the heart of another. Busyness and fear cause me to miss the connection if I am not careful. I am lucky to have friends and family whose love enables me to reach down and up in ways that change my heart. Love changes everything, and that makes each intersection an intercession if I’m heedful in the moment.

People will always come and go in my life, and some will connect in powerful ways. Those who allow me to be who I am stay near my heart even when they are no longer present because of geography or circumstance. Clinging is comfortable, and it’s natural to want to hold on to beautiful connections and moments. Allowing others to come and go is much more difficult. I’ve always done the best I knew how when it comes to connecting, and I believe that is true for most of us. It’s important to let others be who they are and be who God wants me to be. It’s the only way intersecting lives can become beautiful connections. If I stay the course God has in mind, my life will intersect the lives of many. If I veer off His path, I will miss opportunities to love as He desires.

Only God sees the way intersecting lives come together and produce the harvest He has in mind. I look forward to understanding it one day myself. For now, I can only rely on God to open doors and give me the courage to walk through them. Kindred hearts are what heaven is all about. The euphony of lives touching one another in love is sweet music to God’s ears. The clanging cacophony of discord breaks God’s heart, and it sometimes makes me want to run and hide. The sweet love I feel when my life intersects with another as God desires gives me hope and allows me to open the door to my own heart a little wider.

Intersecting Lives

Weeping Witness or Slick Sales?

Witnessing is opening my heart in a way that allows me to weep openly on the shoulder of another and let others weep openly on my own. It’s honest communion and loving in a way that the world cannot understand. It is about loving God with all my heart and soul and mind and strength and letting His love be the love in my own heart for others. As I’ve watched coverage of trials in the news this week, I’ve seen clearly the importance of a good witness. I’m not an attorney, but I can discern the difference between heart-felt testimony that simply states the truth with love and a witness with an agenda trying to sway the jury.

Witness isn’t about taking sides, pointing fingers, or making comparisons. God doesn’t need for me to defend Him, but He does want me to be a witness to His love. God doesn’t have to be sold as if He were the latest, greatest gadget guaranteed to fix all. Salesmen convince, cajole, and motivate others, and Satan is looking for slick sales representatives. God’s witnesses aren’t in the sales department although we often sound as though we are. Tracts, flyers, pitches, and pushing often take the place of a loving presence because it is much easier to sell than to witness.

There are a million ways to sell, but there is only one way to witness. Sales is about taking the truth and twisting it to benefit me and my agenda. It’s about bending, but not breaking the law. The same is true for sales when it comes to God. He’s been packaged and sold in so many ways that I couldn’t count them if I tried because new ways are constantly on the horizon. When I try to sell God, there is something in it for me. A sales commission in Christian ministry might be high contributions or large numbers in attendance. It may be a running list of those I’ve led to the Lord or an accounting of the hours I’ve spent working for God. When it comes to witness, all the credit and accolades go to God.

Measure is meaningless when it comes to witnessing. In a court of law, witnesses considered to be experts are paid for their time and effort. Many of God’s witnesses want the same reimbursement for their expertise. I want recognition, payment, compensation, or credit for my witness. I want others to know that I have gone out of my way, worked hard, and spent my valuable time winning souls for God. Those witnesses belong in sales.

God is love, and if I am to be His witness, I must be willing to be broken. Love breaks my heart in a beautiful way that allows me to be a loving presence, weep with those who are hurting, and let them hear me weep when I am hurt. Witnessing for God involves stripping away pretense, letting go of the need to be right, and being who God created me to be by loving myself and others as He does.

It’s not complicated, and I’m sure judges on this earth wished the same were true for witnesses in their courtrooms. God doesn’t need a courtroom here on earth because He knows the heart of everyone without having to hear any witnesses. God has a world filled with His children, and we are all in desperate need of Him. Witnessing is designed to feed, fill, and free all His children. Love shared in a way that glorifies Him changes everything as only an honest, loving witness can.  

The Why in Witness

Witnessing is much more effective when it’s worry free. I’ve worried my entire life about what others think, and I still feel a twinge of hurt when others don’t respond as I want. In the past, I’ve worried about witnessing because I’ve seen it as winning people over. It’s what I’d always been taught. Winning folks over to Christianity or leading them to the Lord usually involves much effort and results more in wearing down or wearing out than winning over.

I’ve struggled with who, when, where, and what when it comes to witnessing, but the only thing that matters is why. Witness is not a process or a game, even though many keep a running tab of their conquests. Stories glorify the teller and sound more like a mini inquisitions or a personal crusades than a loving connections. The end result is a string of badges on a sash hung proudly around the neck.

Witness is about letting God open a door to conversation and relationship, and it doesn’t have anything to do with adding anyone to a roll, a list, or my personal merit badge sash. With the help of God, dear friends, and two faithful pastors, I’ve come to understand witness in a new light. Christ doesn’t pressure or instill fear as a witness to God’s love. He loves God in front of me, and loves me as I’ve never been loved before. The only tools required for witnessing are knowing and loving God with a depth that makes everyone want everyone to know and love Him too, understanding that it is always God’s work and never mine, and letting go of the need to please others. The why in witness is love, and I do understand that. I witness because I love God and others. Telling others that God’s love is for them is very personal and cannot be done on the fly. 

I was at the grocery store this morning having a pleasant conversation with a wonderful young man I taught in middle school. A rude man standing near enough to hear our conversation felt the need to interrupt and do his witness bit for the day. I was telling Cody, who is working very hard with his family to open a new restaurant in town, that nothing is harder than working for yourself. This obnoxious man said, in a very hateful tone, “Working for God is a lot harder! You should try it some time.” We looked at each other in shock and shook our heads as the man continued to spout out venom in God’s name as he walked away. I suppose he told his friends that he was out in the wicked world witnessing today. Cody loves God dearly as do I, but this man didn’t stop long enough to find that out about either of us. It’s like folks who leave tracts or flyers instead of tips when they are in a restaurant. Let me tell you something, that is not a good witness to God. A pleasant attitude, a caring conversation, or a very nice tip are much more effective when it comes to witnessing. Good intentions surely do lead down a terrible path.

If not careful, churches can become exclusive clubs, organizations, or even very close knit families when the work is theirs and not God’s. Christ included all and left the doors open for folks to enter or leave as they wished. He knew they needed to stay near to Him, but He also knew that it must be their choice. Without the right connections, His body would become His fan club or His country club. The living, breathing, loving body of Christ is not an organization. Knowing that changes the way I witness. I only have to love God and let Him open the doors of positive and healthy connection. That’s not difficult at all.

Witnessing the way I was witnessed to today is hard work, and I feel very sorry for the man who felt compelled to tell Cody and me that we should try working for God for a change. So thankful I know that isn’t the way God feels, but it’s sad to think that there are those who have his attitude who consider themselves to be God’s witnesses. I’m thankful Cody and I know and love God and shudder to think what someone would think of God if they heard about Him from someone like the man who crossed my path today. It breaks my heart, and I know it must break God’s. God gave a clear example of a fly by witness without any love. I’ll remember that fellow the next time God opens a door for me.

The Simple Life of Witness

Witness isn’t an intimidating process of finding the right person, the right verse, and the right time to present Christ’s love. It’s a life lived honestly in front of others so that Christ’s precious love manifests in the day to day.

Witness is honesty about brokenness not pretense about perfection or promises of prosperity. A life of witness is a simple life, but one that is far from easy. Nothing takes more courage than admitting you’re broken and in need of God’s love, but such honest communion opens the doors God provides and allows Christ’s precious love to fill and flow from my heart ♥

Ready to Dance

Further Than Following

Walking in God’s Spirit is a choice that has to be made at least once a day. Being led by God’s Spirit is about giving up the need to lead or even choosing to follow. The passiveness that comes from being led is going a step further than following. Following still has a hint of ego, and it’s that pesky ego that has to be monitored every day to keep flesh in check.  Living in the flesh isn’t just about the tug of my body; it’s about the need to be in charge, the “me, my, I” attitude.

I’ve been in Galatians for five weeks, and the lessons have been just what I needed. The powerful truth in Galatians 5:16-17 brought home the lessons God had for me last week.“But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh. For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please.” NASB

Paul makes it clear that flesh and Spirit will always be at odds. Flesh is more about ego than body, but Spirit is all God. If I set myself up as God, Satan will gladly give me anything and help me rationalize everything. Living in God’s Spirit is an all or nothing proposition as Paul reminds those at the church in Galatia. You cannot be led by the Spirit and lead at the same time.

My heart came full circle last week, and I am very happy to say that it was a spiral upward because I decided to go with His Spirit instead of my wants. God used the image of a spoiled child who says they will die if they don’t get what they want to teach a lesson with humor. He made it clear that I will have to die every day if I am to be led by His Spirit. Dying daily isn’t possible unless I let the Holy Spirit lead. The ego doesn’t die without a fight; but I’ve finally learned Whose fight it is, and that changes everything:)