Category: Change

Easy to Swallow But Hard to Digest

The word of God is easier to swallow than to digest. Revelation 10:9 says, “So I went to the angel, telling him to give me the little book. And he said to me, “Take it and eat it; it will make your stomach bitter, but in your mouth it will be sweet as honey.” NASB

I can speak the words of the Bible with eloquence and say I love God with all my heart without letting His Word become part of who I am. It truly does make my stomach bitter if I allow it to go deeply into my heart and soul. It’s the same premise as talking the talk but not walking the walk.

Speaking and reading are important when it comes to getting a taste of God’s Word, but like the food I eat to nourish my body, it must be digested if I am to get the nourishment God has in mind for me. My will often counteracts His, and that’s where the bitterness comes in to play. Food must be absorbed before it can be used by my body. The same is true for God’s Word.

I can take the scriptures and pick out the verses that please me, and I can even take them and use them to prove my point and justify my will. No one knows the scriptures better than Satan, and he helps me find what I need and use it to suit my purposes if I yield to the easier path and keep God’s words in my mouth. God asks that I take His Word as a whole meal which isn’t meant to satisfy my needs but to grow me into the disciple He wants me to be.

I love the scriptures, and they do sound sweet on my lips, but I prefer to swallow and let them settle deeply in my heart. There is nothing better for healing the body than bitter herbs which stimulate everything from my liver to my mind. The same is true for God’s Word. Bitter isn’t bad when it comes to healing; it’s necessary. The sweet taste in the mouth is important too. I have to swallow God’s Word and those bitter herbs before they can begin to heal what ails me.

I love God’s Word, but it goes deeply and tastes bitter when my heart and soul are ailing. There is no greater medicine, and Christ’s precious love sweetens it enough for me to get it past my lips and into my heart. The Holy Spirit helps me digest and discern it in a way that heals and prepares my heart for God’s will. It’s an amazing process that heals as no other medicine in this world.

Photo from The Emmanuel Fellowship Church Weblog
Photo from The Emmanuel Fellowship Church Weblog

Cross Examination

When a witness is called to the stand, they are often asked to testify in regard to the character of the one they represent. As witnesses go through cross examination, they often fall apart. Taking the stand does not ensure the character of the witness will be left in good standing when the dust settles. I know my own heart doesn’t fare well when God puts it to His Son’s cross for examination as He’s done this week. Good witnesses are not the ones with the strongest opinions or the ones with the most elaborate details about what occurred. The best witness is the one who sees and hears the truth without the filters of self interest. God’s witnesses are the same.

I am very adept when it comes to rationalizing, and I can be very selfish when it comes to getting what I want. I can be even more so when it comes to getting what I believe I need. God showed me yesterday that my arguments are convincing indeed. He listens to all of them and gives me all the space and time I need to convince myself, however, He is not going to change His mind or heart during my exhaustive presentations. He listens and waits for me to see my argument in His light.

When I stop my flowery delivery or determined debate and look into the heart of His Son, I see His precious love and am silenced and humbled by the cross examination that takes place. In the light of Christ’s love, my arguments miss the mark. My flowery speeches wilt, and I turn to God and beg for His mercy and forgiveness. In the courts of this world, my stance stands firm and prevails; but it’s not in the courts of this world I wish to dwell or prevail.

God makes it crystal clear that it is, and always will be, up to me to choose the courtroom I prefer. The world offers talented lawyers and luscious loopholes that tempt me to stay and win my case, but I will lose His presence in the process. God offers mercy, forgiveness, grace, hope, and love; but He will not accept my arguments no matter how eloquent or elaborate they may be. He sees His Son’s precious love in my heart, and He will accept nothing less from me if I am to go the way He wants me to go. I can let Him lead me on His path or leave Him and go on my own. I can be my own witness on my own path and become my own judge and jury, or I can follow where He leads and be His simple witness.

Being God’s witness doesn’t involve convincing anyone to do anything, and that includes me. It is a simple path that requires only that I love Him with all my heart and soul and mind and strength and love my neighbor as myself. His Holy Spirit will help me understand how to do both, but I must first stop my arguing, get off my stand, stop leading and allow myself to be led by His beloved Son.

Offense is a Fence

The lessons this week have been difficult to swallow because they dealt with offensiveness, and that always offends. Offense builds a fence that divides and keeps me from connecting as God desires. Sometimes the offense is a tall fence with razor sharp barbed wire on top, but it can also be the underground variety covered by a beautifully manicured lawn. Those offenses are the most dangerous fences because I don’t recognize the offense until I feel the shock. We love fences and put them everywhere. I need a fence around my property and my heart to keep it safe and secure, don’t I?

Paula Deen and Alec Baldwin have been involved in the lessons this week, but so have I. It’s always good to remember not to throw any rocks. Paula Deen’s actions were deemed more offensive by the media, and I imagine that has to do with the depth of the foundation of the fence when it comes to racial slurs. We can all get on that bandwagon without worry. Whatever the offense and no matter how tiny the fences we build may seem, fences keep us from connecting as God desires. They all hurt, so it’s best not to judge anyone’s offense but simply make it a habit to be mindful so as not to offend. That was the lesson God had for me last week.

My ears, eyes, and heart were battered by the noisy din of discord in the media all week, and it left me wanting to run to the mountaintop and hide! God reminded me that I added a rock to a fence myself last night, and that humbled and sobered me in a powerful way. A friend posted a church billboard addressed to the governor of my state. I’m not a fan of his, so I responded with a smile. The message was, “Gov. Perry, God here. The voice you hear in your head is not me. Take your meds.” Seemed funny at the time, but that was before I read this response to her post from a lady who suffers from mental illness, “Another stupid joke at the expense of the mentally ill. We are such an easy target. This church has its head up its insensitive ass.” Her response left me ashamed of my reaction and showed me that neither my head nor my heart was where it needed to be.

I did a lot of judging about judging last week and was feeling pretty good about myself, but God was faithful to finish me off with the painful truth about the inappropriateness of my response to what seemed to be a very harmless joke. The danger lies in that electric fence I don’t notice until I’m zapped. I deleted my smiley face and replaced it with this response, “Thank you Pamela for the reminder and the lesson I needed. Prejudice is insidious, and our society is very insensitive when it comes to mental health. Easy targets are easy to hit, but that doesn’t mean it’s okay for me to hit them :(“ Lesson learned and humility gained.

Openness and honesty is the only way to tear down or dig up a fence. God simply asks me to tear down my fences and be willing to have relationships with those who are not like me, to hear the life stories of others, and be willing to tell mine honestly with love. Honesty and  learning come with painful zaps, but the humility that results helps me understand and draw nearer to God, my truest self, and those in my path.

Fences in the yard are okay, but my heart doesn’t need one around it anymore.

Fences

Further Than Following

Walking in God’s Spirit is a choice that has to be made at least once a day. Being led by God’s Spirit is about giving up the need to lead or even choosing to follow. The passiveness that comes from being led is going a step further than following. Following still has a hint of ego, and it’s that pesky ego that has to be monitored every day to keep flesh in check.  Living in the flesh isn’t just about the tug of my body; it’s about the need to be in charge, the “me, my, I” attitude.

I’ve been in Galatians for five weeks, and the lessons have been just what I needed. The powerful truth in Galatians 5:16-17 brought home the lessons God had for me last week.“But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh. For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please.” NASB

Paul makes it clear that flesh and Spirit will always be at odds. Flesh is more about ego than body, but Spirit is all God. If I set myself up as God, Satan will gladly give me anything and help me rationalize everything. Living in God’s Spirit is an all or nothing proposition as Paul reminds those at the church in Galatia. You cannot be led by the Spirit and lead at the same time.

My heart came full circle last week, and I am very happy to say that it was a spiral upward because I decided to go with His Spirit instead of my wants. God used the image of a spoiled child who says they will die if they don’t get what they want to teach a lesson with humor. He made it clear that I will have to die every day if I am to be led by His Spirit. Dying daily isn’t possible unless I let the Holy Spirit lead. The ego doesn’t die without a fight; but I’ve finally learned Whose fight it is, and that changes everything:)

Falling Up :)

My son Tyler gave Shel Silverstein’s book, “Falling Up,” to me for Christmas one year. He knows how much I love poetry, and Shel’s a favorite. I thought of the book’s cover as God’s powerful lessons became crystal clear this morning. A dear friend reminded me that the journey is about spiraling upward, and as he made a twirling motion with his index finger pointing to God, I realized falling upward is part of spiraling upward because falling is part of the journey.

Life involves stumbles, trips, and flat out falls, and that’s why it’s so important to travel with company. Rita will be out of town for a while, and I’ll miss our long treks up the mountain. I’ll stay near the bottom and circle a lot while she’s gone because I don’t go up alone. It’s not the fear of bears or snakes that keep me from the higher ground; I just don’t want to fall with no one around. I did that at Whiteside Mountain once and drove home a bloody and embarrassed mess!

Having someone who loves me walk with me helps me keep my attention on the path and the beautiful scenery, and that’s where it belongs. It’s easy to lose focus; that’s why I need a loving companion. I can catch them if they trip, and they can catch me when I do the same. If we both fall at the same time, we can still help each get up, dust off, and find our balance once again. It’s not funny when you fall, but I thank God for love that lets us laugh together when wounds are healed and feelings mended:) It’s the beauty of love, and God is the very best example of love that looks at mistakes and finds humor in lessons learned.

There is nothing sadder that someone who has fallen alone or been left behind when they fall by those who don’t care enough to stop and lend a hand. I thank God for surrounding me with loving companions who make my journey a sweet joy and share both the tears and the laughter that come with loving as God desires. Love humbles as nothing else, but it also brings greater joy than anything else in this world. It is a taste of what is to come, and I thank God, the source of all love, for helping me help others when they trip and for putting those in my path whose love lifts and encourages me to keep going.

1 Thessalonians 5:11 says it best, “Therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing.” Words to love and travel by if you want to fall up and help others do the same. Too often we bring others down or beat ourselves up. I’ve done my share of both, and that causes everyone to fall and many to stay down. If we don’t find the courage to get back up and help others do the same, the body of Christ will be less than God desires. If we love as God desires, our falling will result in honest communion and love that makes others see Him in us and in our relationships. That’s what this journey is all about 🙂

Going up :)

Open House and Open Heart

Climbing up the mountain is much easier with company; my hikes with Rita are proof of that. Walking, like living, is better together. When we come to the steep hills, we get quiet and work our way up the mountain. Knowing I’m not alone is a big motivation, and that’s why sweet loving connections are so important on this journey. It’s literally true as I walk up Indian Creek or figuratively so as I navigate the rough patches in life. Having someone walk beside me makes all the difference in life.

Living with my son and his family has been an amazing blessing, and I love that our home is on a beautiful mountaintop. I’ve been climbing, falling, and getting back up for sixty years, but I’ve found the same sweet sense of peace that comes when arriving home after a long and difficult trip. I’m not sure how God will work out the details, and I don’t even know if He will keep me here; but I do know I am where I need to be right now. There have been many changes in my life over the past few years, but the biggest one has been the change in the way I see my life and my heart. God placed the most amazing view of the western horizon right outside my bedroom door, and I marvel at how that view has changed the way I see HIm and myself.

I cannot help but stare in awe when I stop and take in His handiwork. I love to look at the beautiful view as I pray because I see His presence in the majestic mountains whether they are sunny and clear, nestled in the fog, or under an impending storm. My favorite time of day to pray is at sunset, and God always puts on an amazing display as we sit together and recall the day. I’m learning to listen as never before, and that makes the trip to the mountaintop worth all the climbing.

I’m also learning the importance of openness when it comes to loving and living together. Life and love are meant to be in the open, and that changes my heart in a very beautiful way. God has brought me to a home that is wide open inside and out. The sun rises on the front of our home and sets on the back; the town lies on the south side, and the quiet northern side sits quietly in the shade of beautiful plants and trees.

Getting to the top of the mountain is about finding openness. The summit allows me to see all that surrounds me. God made it clear this morning that love and life belong in the open. He knows my heart has been hidden away for far too long. He asks me to look at all that surrounds me and bids me to open my heart so He can have His way with it. God’s ways are all about truth, and truth flourishes in open hearts that share honest communion.

Love is what makes my hikes with Rita a joy. Love is also what makes life a joy-filled journey when shared with an openness that allows my heart to see in and be seen from all directions. With openness, comes reckoning, and that often brings deep hurt as God’s ways and mine collide. Giving up what I want isn’t easy, but holding on to it means missing the panoramic view He has of the world and heart He desires for me. Now that He’s given me a glimpse of that world and that heart, I know that I cannot settle for less.

Seeing life and love from God’s summit makes the climb worth the while and allows me to live in God’s Spirit in a way that changes my heart.

The view

Loving & Swimming Lessons:)

We opened the pool on Monday when we celebrated Memorial Day. I was, and have been, very nervous about having the girls around the water. My fear of water is deep within my heart, and I was afraid of passing along that fear to the girls. I steered clear of the pool when they were in the water, but today was a beautiful turning point for my heart as God used the pool to give me loving and swimming lessons at the same time.

This morning was a turning point for my heart as I decided to accept and embrace the love God placed in my path, and I did so with a true non anxious loving presence. My heart was light and as full as it has ever been. I relaxed, let go, and “simply and bravely” loved. That was the title of the baccalaureate message Pastor John delivered to the graduates last Sunday; and while I was getting the message into pamphlet form this morning, I realized the title aptly described the lessons God had for me this week.

Lillyann swam on her own for the first time Monday, but she truly got it this afternoon. She just wouldn’t quit swimming back and forth across the pool. She had her water wings on, but she let mama let go and took off on her own.  Mama’s lessons finally clicked for her, and God’s lessons in loving and swimming finally clicked for me too. We both simply, and bravely, let go:)

After lunch, I decided to swim in the pool while the girls were napping. I prayed that I would not relay my fear of the water to the girls and asked God to please help me. An amazing thing happened when I got into the water. I started swimming, floating, and playing with abandon. There was no floundering, flailing, or thrashing about. I swam and played until the girls got up, and then I played for another hour and a half with them. They saw my excitement, and it was contagious! They especially loved it when I swam under the water and tickled their toes:)

God took away the fear I so worried would be passed along to my sweet little grandbabies and replaced it with delight. I am still in awe and don’t understand exactly what happened today, but God used Lillyann’s letting go and delighting in her new found freedom to get across His lessons for me. My heart has had on its water wings (the Holy Spirit), and my body had all the right motions for swimming. I knew what to do, but knowing and doing are two different things. Today, I loved and swam with abandon as I let go of my fears. I was as close to God as I ever have been in the process.

I shared Lillyann’s delight in a beautiful way because I knew exactly how she was feeling. That’s the way it is with love, as well. We laughed and loved each other as we played in the water, and we shared a very special moment. She kept telling me that I was her best friend while we were swimming together, and that was icing on an already amazing cake today. Love is like swimming; God waited for me to let go of the fears that were keeping me from loving as He desires. Just as mommy and I delighted when little Lillyann took off across the pool, I could imagine God doing the same when He saw that His swimming and loving lessons had finally paid off:) 

How’s Your Love Life?

When fishing for details about intimacy, folks used to ask, “How’s your love life?” Friends, strangers, and even doctors would ask the question to gauge how things were going in regard to relationship. Physical intimacy is still a measure in the minds of many when it comes to love. The lessons this week have been about God’s abstracts conflicting with the world’s concretes. Love is abstract, and that makes it difficult to define and even harder to measure. Physical contact is part of the gauge we use to determine how loved we are. God took abstract love and made it concrete when He entered the world in human form. He understands our need to measure that which defies measurement.

I’m a hugger, so physical contact is very important to me. I respect those who do not like to touch or be touched, but I love to be held. I’m glad I’m surrounded with friends and family who offer hugs to me and accept the hugs I offer to them. It feeds my soul to be touched, and I love being close enough to my son and his sweet family to get my fill of hugs each and every day. When I find myself with a physical intimacy deficit, I remember Christ’s precious love, and that gives intimacy a new meaning and fills me with His sweet Spirit.

I’m learning abstract measures are more powerful than concrete ones when it comes to measuring my love life. God is redefining love for me and changing my heart in the process. He is helping me understand that the most valuable things in this world and the next cannot be held or seen. Love, grace, forgiveness, faith, hope, compassion, joy, and peace are all beautifully abstract, and there is nothing more real. As I get away from my need for concrete evidence and physical proof, I’m finding my love life is improving dramatically:) 

Gravity & Grace

I thought of Lillyann and Mylah this week as God’s lessons led me to see the power of His Holy Spirit to lift my spirit and bring me into a sweet intimacy with Him. Earlier in the week, the girls were pretending to be birds and decided to get on the couch and  fly. Gina and I watched as they showed us how real birds fly. Lillyann, the engineer, had the proper wing formation and proceeded to fly in true bird form. Mylah threw her arms up in delight, squealed, and flew with abandon. Lillyann tried in vain to get Mylah to use proper form, but Mylah was soaring and didn’t heed her directions.

I told Lillyann that humans would fly with their arms outstretched like Mylah’s and used Superman as an example of such flight. Lillyann wasn’t buying it, so I told her that Mylah could pretend fly any way she wanted. That seemed to make sense, so on they flew. I love the abandon of children, and I envy the freedom with which they express their spirits. The lessons this week were all about Spirit, and God used the vivid image of the girls’ flight to bring home a powerful lesson in gravity.

We celebrate Pentecost this week. I’ve read and heard about Pentecost all my life, but I understood Pentecost for the first time today. I was flying like little Mylah with the help of God’s sweet Holy Spirit, and it was the best high I’ve ever experienced. I’ve felt God’s Spirit before, but today was different. It was the most beautiful AHA! moment I’ve ever had as I understood the difference between God’s ways and mine as never before. God dwells in Spirit; I tend to dwell in the body. It was clear to me today that the Spirit has the body beat when it comes to soaring, and I loved the feeling of absolute bliss I felt today. God made it clear that He knows what’s best for me. His timing is always perfect, and I was especially thankful for that today. I got His message just when I needed it, and I love that about Him.

I know I have to die to self, and I know it is a daily death, but I lived the lesson today. That is much better than simply hearing it. I’ve been thinking about Romans 8:14-17 and Acts 2:1-21 this week, and I read commentaries and articles half-heartedly as I prepared the folders last week. In fact, and I’m ashamed to say this, I dismissed Romans and moved on to Galatians because I found it more interesting. I am so very thankful God that is patient, loves me more than I can begin to fathom, and sees me just as I saw Mylah with her  little hands raised in pretend flight. I am also grateful for loving friends who nudge me along the path:)

The lessons this week have all been about allowing God to define me. I am His daughter, and He made that very clear today. The lessons began on Sunday, continued all week, and came together beautifully today. I was His daughter this afternoon, and that made me want to jump and shout and lift my arms like little Mylah. My body reacts to gravity, and that makes it very difficult to stay in flight. Gravity keeps me from experiencing what God has in mind for me, but God’s grace gives me a taste of His freedom that I can’t forget. Bing gives three definitions for gravity:

1)gravitational force: the attraction due to gravitation that the Earth or another astronomical object exerts on an object on or near its surface

2)seriousness: the seriousness of something considered in terms of its unfavorable consequence

3)serious behavior: solemnity and seriousness in somebody’s attitude or behavior

Gravity literally keeps my body from floating up in the air, and I’m very thankful for it; but I must make sure my body does not keep my spirit from being lifted by God’s grace. That pesky sin of seriousness will also keep my spirit from soaring and will ground my soul. Seriousness and gravitational force have their places, but my spirit isn’t one of them. My spirit belongs to God, and I am His beloved daughter. He showed me what He could do when given the space and freedom He needs. What a lesson! What a week! There just aren’t words that describe the way I felt when I was lifted to a place where I escaped gravity and flew into His presence today, but John Gillespie Magee Jr. comes very close his beautiful poem that I’ve always loved.

“High Flight”

 Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of Earth
 And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
 Sunward I’ve climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth
 of sun-split clouds, — and done a hundred things
 You have not dreamed of — wheeled and soared and swung
 High in the sunlit silence. Hov’ring there,
 I’ve chased the shouting wind along, and flung
 My eager craft through footless halls of air….

 Up, up the long, delirious, burning blue
 I’ve topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace.
 Where never lark, or even eagle flew —
 And, while with silent, lifting mind I’ve trod
 The high untrespassed sanctity of space,
 – Put out my hand, and touched the face of God.

I’m not a pilot, and that was especially true today as God’s Spirit took the controls. My body was forced to be still on the ground and watch as my spirit slipped those surly bonds, and I truly felt like His daughter. Reality set in, and I came back down to earth, but I flew long enough to learn the earth is never the same after flying:)

Taking Flight

Molded by the Mess

I thought about God’s messages over the past month as I went to sleep last night. Sometimes, I want to flee the mess and hide from this world, but God reminds me that my heart is in the mess in a way that bids me to stay and love as He desires. As I talked to Tyler when he came in very late after a grueling day at work, I knew I was were I needed to be. His sweet thank you for supper lifted my spirit and warmed my heart as only a loving child can. The smallest gestures mean the very most in the midst of the mess. I had allowed my heart to get off track, but Tyler helped my heart regain its balance.

Like the little weed pot from yesterday, my heart must be put to the lathe before it can be molded as God desires. The cutting away is painful, but the mess does an even better job than that sharp lathe if I give my mess to God. He uses it to cut away and create the me His love sees and so wants me to become. I had the image of a wood turner trying to shape a vase while it was wiggling, worrying, and wondering what was going on. I had to giggle at the notion of a piece of wood arguing and questioning the turner:) I’m glad God giggles when I wiggle and worry because if He didn’t, I’d be a pile of sawdust on the floor. He patiently holds me to the mess and whispers calming words through His scriptures.

When I turn to His Word, He uses the mess to turn and mold and make me into His creation. Like that block of wood, I can’t see what the turner sees. I have to trust that God knows what He is doing before I can stop my wiggling and worrying. I get buried by the mess at times, but God is faithful to dust me off and start turning again when I let the Holy Spirit put me back into His hands and be still while He does what He does best. God’s love tempers the turmoil in my heart and allows me to surrender to the turning. Repentance is turning, and it is only in the mess of this world that I can recognize my own sin and let Christ’s precious love turn me around so I can molded by the mess instead of being buried by it.