Category: Change

Lesson in a Weed Pot:)

God used a little weed pot carved by a dear friend to teach a lesson in walking in His kingdom. He knows my heart better than anyone, and He bid me to not lose heart when the path presses in on me uncomfortably.

I was feeling lonely after having the girls all weekend and then finding myself alone in my room last night. I breathed a sigh of relief and relaxed when the kids got in from Atlanta, but then loneliness got the best of me. I found myself wondering if I was on the right path. I prayed for guidance and decided to trust God with my heart and my hurt. He is always faithful to give me just what I need when I ask, and this morning I awoke to the image of my little weed pot and its very narrow opening. I immediately felt God’s reassurance as I thought of the open space beyond the tiny neck of the vase.

God’s kingdom also has a very narrow opening. Matthew 7:14 says, “For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it.” NASB

Sometimes, I get caught in that narrow opening and wonder if I will ever be able to get through to the beautiful space I know awaits; but God reminds me that squeezing is part of the process, and hurt prepares my heart for open space. When I find myself scared, alone, or frustrated, I remember the cross where Jesus carved an opening with His love that forged the way for me to walk in God’s kingdom. It cost Him everything. Christ asks that I be willing to let go of my stuff and my need to know what’s next so I can follow Him through that narrow gate. 

There is comfort in small paths when I know I am heading in the right direction and realize that there is no room for trepidation to tread alongside. When I leave fear behind, the path is the perfect size. I decided to do just that this morning, and I’m very thankful for the breathing room God gave as I let go and let Him lead the way.

Little Weed Pot

Following the Leader??

As the girls were going upstairs this morning, I heard Lillyann telling Mylah, “That’s right little unicorn; follow the leader.” Lillyann was, of course, the leader. God used the girls to remind me that I wasn’t truly following Jesus, only inviting Him to come along with me. I have the tendency to imagine Jesus right behind me and try to behave accordingly. It’s exactly what Lillyann loves for all of us to do:) I am thankful God has a sense of humor and loves me even more than I love Lillyann. He patiently allows me to show Him all I’m doing and learning. I am eternally grateful that He smiles, encourages, and waits for me to truly understand what following entails. If I am to walk in His kingdom, I have to decide to truly follow Jesus instead of asking Him to join me on my journey.

I take Jesus with me wherever I go, and I thought I was doing the right thing. My intentions have been very good, but the path was not leading to God’s kingdom just improving my path. Good intentions still pave the road to a very different place, and I had a very sobering reminder of that from God’s Word this morning.

“Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it. For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it.” Matthew 7:13-14 NASB

I was humbled by those powerful words and the ones which follow in verses 21-23.

“Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter. Many will say to Me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?’ And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you” NASB

Following Jesus isn’t easy, and I pray I will remember that as I step aside and allow Jesus to lead the way. I listen and obey to the point of seeing the direction, and then I take off like Forrest Gump. It’s only when I find myself past the end zone that I turn around and remember that Jesus should be the one out in front. Again, I’m thankful for His patience and His grace. His love goes without saying because if it weren’t for it, I would be completely lost and alone.

Following the leader was never my favorite game when the kids in my neighborhood got together. I was one of the younger ones, so I wasn’t the leader often. When I was, I was too busy wondering what those behind me were doing to do a good job of leading. Following Jesus is much more difficult than simply inviting Him to walk along. He made that clear to me this week. I have to choose whether or not to hang on to my wants or let go and let Him worry about my needs. I allowed our paths to go in different directions once before in my life, and I do not want to ever be without Him again.

Holiness simply means mature, ripe, and ready. I am closer to understanding just what that means after the vivid lessons He had for me this week. Lillyann’s sweet order to Mylah was a call for me, as well. Jesus is also saying to me, “That’s right! Now, follow the leader,” and His voice is just as sweet and reassuring as Lillyann’s was this morning as she bid little Mylah to do the same:)

You Aren’t Going to Keep That, Are You??

I never tire of watching Lillyann and Mylah interact. God showed me last night that I often share with Him the same way they share with one another. They are still learning, and so am I, the difference between giving away and lending. Mylah and I were watching “The Jungle Book” while Lillyann visited with Mere. She would hold out a little Cheerio for me and then quickly put it in her mouth if I tried to eat it. It’s a little game to her, but it’s a little game that taught an important lesson. Sometimes, if I’m quick enough, I can get that little Cheerio before she has time to snatch it back. She doesn’t like it at all when I do that and sometimes gets upset. I’m the same way with God.

When I give something to God, I find myself saying, “You aren’t going to keep that, are you?” I’m ashamed to say that I’ve let go as little Mylah and reacted with the same frustration when He does keep it. Giving things to God involves truly letting go. Mylah will offer and offer and even push a Cheerio in my mouth if I shake my head and say, “No thank you!” She wants me to want it so she can snatch it away, put it in her own mouth, and then giggle. It’s all part of her game, and I am guilty of sharing with God in the same manner.

I want to give all to God, but I don’t want Him to keep it. It’s easy to give away what I don’t want or need but harder when it’s something I want. God often gives back what I have given Him, but it is not the same. He gives my space and stuff a new dimension and does the same for me. His ways are higher than I can imagine, and I’m slowly learning to truly let go and not push my Cheerios into God’s mouth when He isn’t playing the way I want to play:)

Lillyann came home last night loaded down with goodies from her day with Mere, and she handed Mylah some things she had gotten for her. When Mylah wanted Lillyann’s precious flashlight, the atmosphere took a turn for the worse. Mere and I had to convince Lillyann that Mylah was just going to play with it for a little while. She relaxed a bit, but I could tell that she wanted to make sure she was going to get it back. Again, I saw myself in her trepidation. All worked out well when I put the little light back where it stays, and we settled in to finish the movie and “share” Cheerios:)

If God offered me the opportunity to go back to Ash Wednesday, I wouldn’t change a thing. The space and stuff I’ve given Him have made room in my heart for what He has in mind. The lessons have been hard ones, and the hurt is still healing. Learning to trust Him and walk in His kingdom in a way that glorifies Him has been, is, and will continue to be, worth the hurt that came, comes, and will always come when I share as He desires.

 

Surrendered and Surrounded:)

Before heading to dinner last night, I decided to take some photos since it was a special occasion. I told the girls I wanted to hold them one at a time for a picture with Gigi. Of course, they both wanted up at the same time. Tyler and Gina can handle both at once, but I’m not quite there. I was holding Lillyann, and little Mylah wanted in on the action too. I told Gina to hand her to me quickly and not get very far away as Tyler took the picture. The girls giggled, and I strained; but their sweet hugs gave me strength. Love enables me to do what I don’t believe possible:) God is love, and He makes all things possible. The love I give and receive changes me in powerful ways. Walking in God’s kingdom is walking in love, and I’m finding that allows me to do the impossible.

Philippians 4:13 is a favorite verse of mine, and God placed it in my path this morning as I thought of how I’ve changed over the past two months. “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.” (NASB) I refer to that verse when I fear I won’t be able to what God is asking me to do, but I am beginning to see it as a call to accept the love and help He offers through Christ and the Holy Spirit. God’s love manifests through His Son and His Spirit, and I have access to its power when I accept the love He offers and let Him surround me. Love is the key to walking in God’s kingdom, and His love allows me to walk without having to understand, to trust without having doubts, and to find the sweet joy that comes from surrendering completely to His will.

When I surrender to His will, His love surrounds me in the most beautiful way. I love it when Lilly and Mylah both hug me at the same time. They are a big part of the beautiful love God has placed in my life as I walk in His kingdom and love as He desires. It’s been a tough time of transition for me as I’ve come out of my comfort zone, let go of my desires, and embraced His will; but the joy I’ve found has been worth it. God won’t surround me with His love until I surrender and trust Him completely. God used the girls as a sweet reminder that all things are possible when I allow Christ’s precious love to surround me. It a simply magical feeling, and I love every moment:)

Surrounded

Folds & Flocks

God placed the beautiful image of a flock of grazing sheep in green pastures in my path this morning. He also showed me the difference between a flock and a fold. He knows I’m a visual leaner, and the images He provided were just what I needed to help me understand the important differences between the two. A sheepfold is a pen or an enclosure for sheep, but the folds come together to form a flock that grazes together in the pasture. Christ makes it clear in John 10:16 that He has many folds that all belong to the same flock. He is the good Shepherd who laid down His life to bring His folds together.

God is about oneness, and Jesus is one with God. Pens are necessary for sheep just as churches are necessary for Christians. It’s important to gather together and enjoy sweet Christian fellowship, but the point must always be to glorify God. Being one glorifies God; Jesus came so we could be one with Him as He is one with God. I don’t understand how His message of unity causes division; but it did then, and it does now. We are one flock with one Shepherd, and we must move from thinking from of living in a fold to loving in a flock.

Jesus says it beautifully in John 10:14-20

I am the good shepherd, and I know My own and My own know Me, even as the Father knows Me and I know the Father; and I lay down My life for the sheep. I have other sheep, which are not of this fold; I must bring them also, and they will hear My voice; and they will become one flock with one shepherd. For this reason the Father loves Me, because I lay down My life so that I may take it again. No one has taken it away from Me, but I lay it down on My own initiative. I have authority to lay it down, and I have authority to take it up again. This commandment I received from My Father. A division occurred again among the Jews because of these words. Many of them were saying, “He has a demon and is insane. Why do you listen to Him?” Others were saying, “These are not the sayings of one demon-possessed. A demon cannot open the eyes of the blind, can he?”NASB

This beautiful scripture is a wonderful example of irony. Christ’s attempt to get the folds to be one flock and embrace the oneness of God causes division. I would laugh if it weren’t so very sad. Heaven is oneness in its purest form, and walking in God’s kingdom here must involve the same oneness. I’m finding that some folks cling to the fold and don’t like it when I don’t do the same. I thank God that there are many more who welcome the notion of oneness even if it is unfamiliar. As God is calling me to leave one fold and join another, I am challenged myself to maintain relationships while making new ones. The lessons of late have been tough as I navigate the unknown, but God continues to give me His peace and place passages such as John 10 in my path to encourage me to stay the course He’s set before me. I know there will be challenges along the way because the world loves division

Unity must come to my own heart first, and that is a process that will continue as long as I am in this world. Atonement is, as Oswald Chambers says, at-one-ment. Being one with God through His Son and Spirit allows me to be one with His flock. I also must see the fold for what it is and not get it confused with the flock. There is one Shepherd and many wonderful messengers who feed God’s flock. I am blessed to know and love so many faithful messengers who feed faithfully in beautifully different ways.

Folds are never to be in competition with one another. God wants us to come together as one wonderful flock. When that happens, God’s kingdom comes, and His will is done in a way that will send Satan running for shelter. The image of a beautiful flock of sheep peacefully grazing together is the image God has for all His children.

Fold of Sheep by David Wyatt

David Wyatt Sheep Fold Flock of Sheep

All I Ever Need to Know

I used to think I had to die to get into God’s kingdom. That’s true when it comes to heaven, but I can walk in His kingdom now. It’s a lesson I first learned four years ago, but I only recently embraced and applied the learning. I’ve walked in a lot of kingdoms, but nothing compares to living, loving, and connecting in His kingdom now. Like Mylah, I’m still a little shaky; but I’m slowly getting my kingdom legs and am anxious to use them. Unlike walking in earthly kingdoms where independence is the key, walking in God’s kingdom requires that I acknowledge my need for help from the Holy Spirit.

Getting my kingdom heart was a painful process that took a while, but God’s lessons in love gave me the confidence I needed to keep going when I didn’t think I would ever be able to love and live as He desires. The lessons in prayer have brought stillness that steadied my heart and my legs:) All the lessons helped me differentiate, and that is not an easy thing to do. I now know who God is, and I know who I am. That’s essential when walking in His kingdom. I want what God wants, and the lessons last week brought perspective and closure in a way that brought me nearer to Him and to those in my path.

God has been patiently waiting for me to understand and let go of the fear that was keeping me from walking in His kingdom. He knew exactly what I needed and provided it as only He can. I have the tendency to learn the hard way, but I’m hoping to do better in that regard as I listen more carefully to God and worry less about those who take on His role. It’s so sweet when a very long wait is over, and I begin this next leg of the journey filled with joy knowing that the plans God has are much better than anything I can imagine. I have no idea what He has in store, and that is exactly what walking in His kingdom entails. I don’t have a map or an itinerary so please don’t ask me for one. All I know is that I am walking in God’s kingdom now, and that’s all that I ever need to know:)

Spiraling Upward

Pastor John helped me see that the path takes an upward spiral when walking in God’s kingdom and connecting as He desires. For someone who has gone in circles most of her life, the circular part of the pattern is familiar, but spiraling upward was more difficult for me to grasp. God used the vivid image of Lillyann and Mylah navigating the stairs to help me understand His lesson. The big difference in spiraling upward is that each time I come full circle, I nudge a nearer to God. The hard part is a willingness to move on to the next step. The great news is that I’m not alone. The Holy Spirit and dear friends encourage me to move upward. The sobering lesson is that I can easily spiral downward if I allow my attention to move away from God.

The last lesson on the path to the praying life hurt me very deeply, but it gave me the courage I needed to spiral upward. I must choose if I will spiral upward or downward on this journey. Hesitating on the step last week almost caused me to fall. Little Mylah is finding the same to be true as she navigates the stairway.

Connecting and traveling on the path to the praying life is about self differentiation and love. As I become who I am truly meant to be with the help of the Holy Spirit and those dear friends with whom I have honest communion, I come full circle and nudge a little nearer to God and others. Some do not appreciate the spiral and prefer bringing me down. The Holy Spirit enabled me to break free of the need to please and reach a new place of loving and praying. With His help, I am able to pray at a new level. It’s what spiraling upward is all about. As I learn to pray as Christ, I am able to let go of hurt.

Praying for those who hurt me may never make a difference in them, but it really does make a difference in me. I don’t have to fix or persuade anyone; I just have to extend lovingkindness, and the Holy Spirit will do the rest. It was a powerful lesson, but I suppose I shouldn’t have been surprised. Satan brought out the big guns last week, and my heart suffered as I forgot Who’s in charge and tried to handle what only God can handle. Not everyone is happy with the changes that enable me to spiral upward. I was concerned when little Mylah insisted on walking up the stairs before I thought she was ready. She would not back down, and I’m so thankful she didn’t let my fear keep her from moving up:)

I marvel at how God teaches, and pray I let Him guard my heart and the hearts of those I love dearly because guarding hearts is the work of the Holy Spirit. That was clear as God prepared my heart to pray as He desires. I’m not sure where the lessons will lead next, but I know living out the lessons in loving and praying will always be a big part of this beautiful journey.

God used the image of the winding staircase at the center of our new home to help me see that the path to the praying life is one that spirals upward. Walking in God’s kingdom is better with company, and seeing Lillyann encourage Mylah to keep trying reminded me that a little lovingkindness from a friend goes a long way when it comes to getting to that next step:)

Spiraling Upward Together

The Best Change Ever

Change is never easy, and I think that’s why this season of Lent has been so very difficult for me. So many changes in such a short time left me out of balance for a bit. This morning, as the sun broke through the dark clouds and filled the house for a few special moments, I had to smile back at God and thank Him for all the lessons. Those teachers who push me to the point of true change are the ones I most remember. I don’t normally have a lot of affection for those teachers as they are getting me through a difficult lesson, but I truly appreciate them when I finally get it.

The best teachers are the ones who care about me, and that means understanding that I may not understand or like the lessons they know I truly need. Good parents are not always popular, and neither are good teachers. Jesus is the best teacher ever, and He knew the lessons coming at the cross were going to break His followers’ hearts. He also knew they would lead to stronger discipleship and greater love than they had ever known. They would need those lessons when He was no longer with them, and we still need them today. Without the separation that came with His death, His resurrection would not have been possible. He knew that then, and He knows that now.

The lessons this season of Lent have been about separation more than anything else. I didn’t understand what God was doing and even became angry with Him at one point. This morning, I’m thankful for His patience with me. Hanging on to that which He bids me to release keeps me from experiencing all the good He has for me. My intentions get tangled up in His will if I try to pick and choose or keep one foot in my way and one foot in His. Then my feet, like those good intentions, keep both of us from doing any good. He made it clear that I need to clear my heart and stop trying to convince Him to let me keep this or hold on to that.

God is the Master Teacher, and the change He has in mind is the same change He had in mind on that beautiful morning when Christ rose from the grave. He wants me to experience resurrection living and loving. This morning I celebrate Christ who gave up all to God on my behalf. The result was the single greatest change this world will ever know. I am thankful that He is still a god of hope who gives me the chance to change and live a life worth living forever:)

Seeing the God in Others:)

If you’ve ever had someone see the good in you that you cannot see in yourself, then you understand the power of seeing the good in others. Seeing the good in others is seeing the God in them. Christ helps me do just that and connect in a way that changes them, me, and the world as God releases His Son’s precious love into His world. The message on this last day of Lent is the importance of that connectedness and the compassion that results when His love is recognized and released.

I am designed by my Creator to connect, and I cannot be who He wants me to be until I make the connections He has in mind. Having someone take time to help me understand Christ’s love by seeing the good and God in me gives me the courage to carry out His call to do the same for others. Love and worship must be shared. The body of Christ is connected by His love. When I think about Easter, I am reminded of the resurrection and humbled to think that the powerful love that brought Christ out of the grave is in my own heart and the hearts of all who accept His offer of love.

Christ’s love stays hidden in many, and I’ve certainly hidden it away in my own heart. Bringing His love out of the darkness and into the light of relationship changes everything. Having someone recognize that love and bring it to the surface with honest communion transforms me and allows the resurrection living and loving God has in mind for me. Jesus did not stay in the grave, and His love will not stay locked away in my heart. The grave could not contain His love, and neither can my heart. Christ’s precious love is meant to be shared, and it will be whether or not I participate in the process of sharing it or not.

Love cannot be imposed on others. To love out of fear or force goes against God’s very nature. Before I can see His love in others, I must first see it in myself. That comes when someone sees what I cannot and helps me come to the place of seeing it myself. It’s a sweet revelation that prompts me to want to do the same for others. The process is a painful one that takes time, but it is well worth the hurt to experience the delight that comes from loving as God desires. It brings out the very best when a dear friend sees the worst but still loves the best in me. Releasing God’s love into His world and helping others do the same frees the spirit and heart to connect and serve in God’s world in His way.

It’s been a crazy Lent this year, but on this Holy Saturday, I’m seeing the beautiful light at the end of the tunnel. The light is Christ’s love, and He’s waiting there for me with a sweet resurrection smile of delight on His face. God reminded me this morning that I serve a risen Savior, and that makes all the difference in the way I love and connect in His beautiful world:)  Happy Easter!!

Praising The Razing:)

Razing is literally taking something to the ground, and that’s just what God’s done with my heart this Lent. He started on Ash Wednesday and has been demolishing in ways I still don’t understand. I do understand that I don’t have to understand, so I suppose that indicates a little growth. The messages this week have all been about community, and I’ve been humbled by the questions they have raised in my heart. God created us to be in community, and I’ve struggled with that my entire life. I’ve seen my inability to connect as God desires in the bareness left by His razing. He made it clear that I have to deal with that before He can go any further with the building He has in mind.

I do not plan to spend another moment figuring out why I haven’t made connections as I should have, and I do not plan to ponder the problems which may lie ahead. God made it clear to me today that it’s time to move forward, forget past hurts, and let go of future worries. God is God and will work out all the details. He isn’t asking me to do the building, only sweep away the fear-filled failures so I can see the bigger problem with my heart.

He used the image of tearing down a rotten wooden structure and then building a brand new one on the massive termite colony that caused the other to crumble. It will be fine for a little while, but it will eventually fall. It is a familiar pattern. God will take care of my heart problem, but He wants me to acknowledge it first and give Him the license to dig deeper. It was not fun to sweep away the failures because it meant facing them one by one and forgiving myself for each. I did, however, find great peace in handing over the excavation to His loving hands.

God took my heart down to the ground and me with it the past few weeks, and now He is insisting on digging even deeper. It is much easier to give Him the space to dig now that everything is gone, and there is sweet freedom to the emptiness before me. Like the show Extreme Makeover, demolition is necessary before a new structure can be built. Watching the demo may be fun, but looking at the vast emptiness is frightening. I am excited about what God will do with the space now that it’s empty, I have no doubts that it will be much better than what the folks on the show see when Ty says, “Move that bus!!”

Until then, I’m praising His razing and not worrying about the results. God has a much better imagination than I do, and He knows what’s best for me. I marvel at God’s timing but then I remember that He’s been waiting for me to give Him the space so He can do the remodeling He has in mind. It was my prayer on Ash Wednesday, and it is my prayer this Good Friday. I pray it will always be my prayer. I might just see a tent when God moves that bus:) Whatever I see, I plan to shout “Hallelujah!!” at the top of my heart!