Category: Life

Shared Grief

Love blooms and spreads beautifully when shared. It is meant to be shared, but grief is also meant to be shared. It is often awkward to share grief, but it is so important that we do because it diminishes when shared. It’s not easy to open my heart and let others see and share my pain, and it is as hard to hear hurting hearts. Love and grief go hand in hand. Without love, there is no grief. Losing a loved one causes deep grief, but sharing that grief in love disperses it and makes way for healing and peace.

Holding on to grief causes its roots to go deeply into the heart. Many hearts are broken by those roots, and many are encased and hardened by them. We have seen the results of a hardened heart this week, and none of us will ever be the same because of it. Having grief in the open as in Newtown, Connecticut forces sharing. People all over the world are praying and sharing the grief of those who have lost loved ones. I pray we will be mindful of all who suffer around us.

Jesus said, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.” Romans 12:15 NASB  The fixer in me wants to keep others from weeping. I like to fix and solve and make it all better. I am learning that is not what I am here to do. Being a loving presence is up to God. His Spirit gives me access to His love. It is the most powerful force in existence, and I can tap into it. That allows me to share the pain of grieving hearts and share my own grief. It changes me and the world.

I am only just beginning to understand love and all it entails. This week, I’ve been poignantly reminded that grief is meant to be shared. I don’t have to understand grief; I just have to open my heart, express it, and hear it. Jesus shares our grief and hears our hearts. The Holy Spirit allows us to do the same with those in our path. Fixing and doing are easy outs that make me feel better but do little in the way of true connection. Loving requires exposing my heart, and that requires trust. With the Holy Spirit’s help, I can find the connections God desires for me and live a life, as my dear friend would say, “is worth living forever:)”

God’s Ways Lead to Peace

Psalm 25:4-5 is my prayer this morning. The psalm is a sweet source of comfort when I am confused or troubled. Like The Lord’s Prayer, it takes the focus from my worries to His ways. That brings the peace I seek.

Make me know Your ways, O Lord;
Teach me Your paths.
Lead me in Your truth and teach me,
For You are the God of my salvation;
For You I wait all the day.

My sleep has been fitful this week, and I know many others share my restlessness. I’ve come to see the time I awake in the wee hours of the morning as a time of prayer. This morning was especially powerful as I felt God’s presence and peace fill my heart as I acknowledged my weakness and His strength.

I try to fix things, and I feel better when I know specifically what to do. As I’m getting closer to God, I’m finding I must let go of my old habits and embrace a new way of living, loving, and praying. It isn’t easy, but Psalm 25 helps me see myself as a student and not a teacher. God is a master teacher, but I’m not an ideal student much of the time. My goal in the coming year is to become a better student. It is what being a disciple is all about. If I am to be Christ’s disciple, I must be willing, open, and obedient.  I must also be willing to trust Him and change my way of doing things.

Trust is at the heart of learning, but I often lean on my own understanding rather than trusting God. I know I am making progress when I see how silly my ways are. That is a great indication that learning is taking place.  Learning changes my mind and my heart, and my life is different as a result. When I live and love in God’s way, I realize the futility of my way. It’s like getting a dishwasher or washing machine after doing dishes and laundry by hand. Can you imagine going back to hand washing dishes and laundry?

I don’t long for the days when clothing was washed in a creek and hung on a line. God used that image to show me the difference between His ways and mine. I waste a lot of time running around in circles when I simply need to be still. To become the disciple He needs for me to be, I must believe His ways are higher than mine. Isaiah 55:9 says it simply and beautifully.

“For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways
And My thoughts than your thoughts.” 

The Holy Spirit helps me with perspective. If I find myself tossing, turning, or running in circles, I look to God’s Word and find balance and peace. It’s much easier to give up my ways when I remember His ways lead to peace, and that’s my desired destination:)

Joy Is Ours to Keep:)

This is the Season of Advent, and today’s candle represents joy. Joy is ours to keep, and no one can take His joy from us. The season began with the candle of hope. Hope is always present and is God’s promise forever. His peace surpasses all comprehension, and His love is assured. Philippians says it beautifully.

Philippians 4:4-7 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice!  Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. NASB

The Lord is near! That gives my heart hope, peace, joy, and love. I can allow Satan and others to steal any one of these precious gifts of God, and weeks like this one certainly open up the door and give those thieves access. Jesus will close that door of grief and heartache and sit with me until the pain subsides. He knows that pain weakens and leaves me vulnerable. It’s why He came to make a better way, one where hope, peace, joy, and love abound and are mine to keep forever. If they are stolen for a time, He will help me retrieve and hold on to them.

Obedience leads to joy, and that’s the key to finding and keeping joy alive in my heart. Joy isn’t ha ha happy, and it isn’t Pollyanna optimism. It is His presence in the midst of disaster, sadness, and whatever else befalls me on this journey. He won the war, and I can shout from the depths of my heart because of that victory. He is coming again, and that is what Advent is all about. He has not left us and assures that He will be with us always. There’s joy in connection. There’s joy in knowing I am loved. There’s joy in knowing that this world isn’t the final word.

Obedience requires trust, and that means stepping out in faith and believing that God is who He says He is. When I do that, fear flees and worries wither away. I don’t have to understand as I obey; I simply have to trust God. Proverbs 3:5 says it best:

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart
And do not lean on your own understanding.”

The teacher in me wants to understand before I obey, but the Christ in me says trust in the Lord. I argue at times and fall prey to worry, but Christ’s sweet voice keeps whispering softly in my heart. When I get still, those gentle words calm my spirit and bring joy to my soul. Singing praises allow joy to flow down and up and all through me. It’s tempting to weep and wail, and I’ve done my share of that this week, but songs of joy lift. Hope, peace, and love join in, and the chorus becomes a heavenly one:)

We’re In This Together

John Donne’s famous poem “No Man Is An Island” is worth a second look this week.

No Man Is An Island

No man is an island,
Entire of itself.
Each is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.
As well as if a promontory were.
As well as if a manor of thine own
Or of thine friend’s were.
Each man’s death diminishes me,
For I am involved in mankind.
Therefore, send not to know
For whom the bell tolls,
It tolls for thee. 

Each death does indeed diminish each of us, and that was made crystal clear as we watched the horror unfold before us this week. The bell tolled many times for me and for each of us yesterday, and I thought of the poignant ending to Donne’s powerful poem. Do I really believe that mankind is that connected? I should. God created us to connect, but we separate, choose sides, hide, and mind our own business. It’s what’s wrong with the world. Oneness is God’s plan. Individuality is what Satan prefers.

Each day 21,000 children die in this world. “The silent killers are poverty, hunger, easily preventable diseases and illnesses, and other related causes. Despite the scale of this daily/ongoing catastrophe, it rarely manages to achieve, much less sustain, prime-time, headline coverage.”(Global Issues)

The numbers numb, and the statistics cause us to run for cover if we forget to see ourselves as “involved in mankind.” I suppose the fact that we could do something to prevent the 21,000 daily deaths makes us uncomfortable. Out of sight, out of mind keeps the horrible statistics from haunting me. Haunting is the word I would use for this terrible week. The images have literally haunted and left me reeling.

John Donne didn’t write his poem to make us cower and cover our faces. He wrote it to remind us that we are all in this together. We are stronger when we connect because we are closer to one another and to God when we understand the point of this poem. Christ called us to love God and one another. When we grasp that truth and remember that we are not islands, we will walk in God’s kingdom with the light and life that Christ brings into this world.

John 1:1-5 has helped me so very much today:

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.  He was in the beginning with God.  All things came into being through Him, and apart from Him nothing came into being that has come into being. In Him was life, and the life was the Light of men.  The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it.”

The darkness does not comprehend the Light, but it does flee from it. Let your light shine in a way that will disperse the darkness, and live the life Christ makes possible for all of us. I will attend two funerals this week, and my heart hurts from the losses close to home as well as those far to the north and around the world. The bell tolls for me, and its tolling has caused my heart to tremble this week and remember that I am not alone. That is a comforting thought if I remember Who is the author and perfecter of my faith. I’ll leave you with those words of comfort from Hebrews 12:2

“fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

The Victory is God’s

Psalm 30:5 reminds me that “Weeping may last for the night, But a shout of joy comes in the morning.” Yesterday was a day filled with weeping as beautiful young children were taken from us in a deeply disturbing way. Many others died across the country yesterday; one was a special young man in my own town who ended his own life. He was a former student and very dear to me. My heart was filled with much weeping yesterday, and my sleep was troubled throughout the night. God reminded me this morning that the final victory is His.

Weeping may last for the night, and I know many will be weeping for many nights to come, but joy does come when we remember that death has lost its sting. We cannot lose sight of God’s victory or death’s grip will take hold of our hearts and steal our joy. Loved ones leave us lonely and hurting as we long for their love, but we can rest assured that they are in God’s loving presence where death does not exist any more.

Death has no authority in God’s kingdom. Christ put an end to death when he rose from His grave. It is the hope that allows us to continue living and loving in a world designed to make us  give up. God bids us to remember who He is and that His kingdom has a new design. We are here to learn about love and grow closer to Him and to one another. That is a plan that brings hope, joy, peace, and love if we will remember that the war has already been won. The victory is and always will be God’s.

Let’s help each other as we walk through the times of weeping. Holding a hand, saying a prayer, and just being present. Having someone hear my heart helps me find joy in the morning, and hearing someone’s heart does the same. When we weep together through the dark night, we find the strength to make it to the morning light together. Loneliness is at the heart of all those who are hurting, and I pray that I am more mindful of those in my path who need a little love.  Instead of arming ourselves with bigger guns, I pray we will arm ourselves with bigger hearts filled with compassion and reach out to one another in love. It was love, after all, that won the war in the first place.

Ring of Truth

I had the diamond from my engagement ring placed into a beautiful new setting and picked up the ring today. It was important to let go of the past and move forward, and the new ring was about doing just that. I marveled at the beautiful heart that brought tears of joy and release as I put it on my finger.

There are times I feel I haven’t made a lot of progress when it comes to my heart, but there are other days when I know I’ve come a long way. Settling for less than what God has in mind has always been a problem for me in regard to love, and God reminded me that He knows best when it comes to love. Truth is the most important component of love, and I am learning to be honest and open even when if breaks my heart.

Listening is a new skill for me, and I’m learning to discern His will. Sometimes it’s the most simple thing in the world, but it becomes complicated when I put my wants into the mix. Hearing His truth involves breathing in His Holy Spirit. I am beginning to do just that and realized today that I hold my breath far too often when it comes to His Spirit. Having access to the Holy Spirit is not the same as truly embracing Him and allowing Him to occupy my heart.

When I let God’s Spirit into my heart, He makes it beautiful. I haven’t cherished my heart, so it’s no wonder it hasn’t been cherished by others. Being wanted is a great feeling, but being cherished is much better. God made sure I saw the difference today. Lessons in love are never easy, but the beautiful ring God placed on my finger will serve as a vivid reminder to cherish my heart and love as He desires. His kingdom will come if I let Him start with my heart. There’s a ring of truth in that if I ever heard one:)

The Innkeeper’s Daughter

Lillyann brought “The Innkeeper’s Daughter” to me yesterday and wanted to hear the story. She got in my lap, and Mylah quickly followed suit. The book is beautifully written by Carol Greene, so the girls did not move a muscle as little Abigail and Meangoat terrorized the neighborhood. I could tell Lillyann was anxious about the outcome when she asked if Abigail was ever going to be nice.

Abigail changes when she finds a sweet baby in her family’s stable. Knowing she is loved changes the way she behaves. The girls loved the story, and I loved sharing it with them. Jesus’s love does make a difference and saves me from my mean self! It even changed Meangoat in the story, and Lillyann was especially thankful for that:)

I love children and envy their sense wonder. As I watched the girls sleeping yesterday, I also envied their peace-filled sleep. Last night, I ended up sleeping for ten hours straight. That isn’t the norm, but I believe my exposure to wonder, love, and the sweet peace of watching them sleep must have been part of my own peace-filled sleep last night. I was shocked when I saw light coming in the window and couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw the clock.

Love makes the world a different place, and that’s what “The Innkeeper’s Daughter” is all about. God’s love came down in the form of an innocent child. Children make a beautiful difference in this world when we listen and take time to hear what they have to say. When I model the girls wide-eyed wonder and join their giggles of glee when we play, joy and love come together in a way that is appropriate for this special time of year. So, take the time to wonder and giggle today. You’ll thank God for it later:)

The Foolishness of Fighting Alone

When I try to do things on my own, I end up in a terrible mess. That is never more true than when I think I can handle my sin without help. I set myself up for a fall if I think I can do what only Christ is able to do. Bravado leads to destruction, and courage kills any chance I have at righteous living if I attempt to battle Satan alone.

Ephesians 6:12 is a vivid reminder that should be memorized by those who like to do things for themselves or think they can save someone else.

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.” NASB

Being saved does not make me God, and that becomes painfully clear when I attempt to do what only He can do. When faced with evil, my job is to swallow my pride and cry out to God. He hears my cries and brings peace. If I start a fight I cannot finish, I am in for a bad bruising or worse.  Pride comes before my fall when it makes me think I can handle everything on my own.

Matthew 11:30 is another verse to keep in my heart.

“For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”NASB

When I allow God to be God, my burdens become light as He takes then and turns them into lessons that nudge me a little closer to Him and to those in my path. Before I can give him those burdens, I have to deal with my pride. With pride out of the way, humility has room to take root in my heart. Then, I can truly walk in God’s kingdom and not stomp all over it!

Focus Phenomenon

I’m used to having to hold things at arm’s length if I want to read without my glasses. It’s an after forty phenomenon when it comes to focus that irritates as I accept the limitations of eyes that are getting old. Being too close to truly see a situation is another universal which has to do with heartsight rather than eyesight. That was the message God had for me this morning. Being too close for comfort applies to both eyes and hearts.

It’s frustrating enough when I am reminded that my eyesight can’t be trusted, but finding that my heart can’t either is worse. God forced my heart to focus yesterday. Like someone holding my head and making me look at something I didn’t want to see, He bid my heart to focus and take in what I have avoided seeing. His hands were gentle, but they would not allow my heart to wiggle free.

I have always been guilty of living in La La Land, but I thought I had made progress. I saw yesterday that I’ve not only not made progress, I have lost ground in regard to my heart. Fusion holds too closely, and that causes a lack of perception in regard to the heart. God did some refining yesterday that forced me to let go and take a step back. His fire burns away and cleanses as nothing else can. That’s the powerful message in Malachi 3:1-6 this week.

“Behold, I am going to send My messenger, and he will clear the way before Me. And the Lord, whom you seek, will suddenly come to His temple; and the messenger of the covenant, in whom you delight, behold, He is coming,” says the Lord of hosts.  “But who can endure the day of His coming? And who can stand when He appears? For He is like a refiner’s fire and like fullers’ soap. He will sit as a smelter and purifier of silver, and He will purify the sons of Levi and refine them like gold and silver, so that they maypresent to the Lord offerings in righteousness. Then the offering of Judah and Jerusalem will be pleasing to the Lord as in the days of old and as in former years.

“Then I will draw near to you for judgment; and I will be a swift witness against the sorcerers and against the adulterers and against those who swear falsely, and against those who oppress the wage earner in his wages, the widow and the orphan, and those who turn aside the alien and do not fear Me,” says the Lordof hosts.  “For I, the Lord, do not change; therefore you, O sons of Jacob, are not consumed.”

It doesn’t surprise me that it would be a week of refining and cleaning, but I wasn’t prepared for the lesson on focus. I realize I am still fusing, and that is not good for the heart. God doesn’t change or move, and He is the perfect example of self-differentiation. He cleanses but doesn’t consume, and that is comforting. There was a time yesterday when I so wanted Him to come and take me away, but He and I both know I’m not ready to go. I am thankful for a faithful God, a sweet Savior, and a wonderful Comforter to get me ready:)

Comforting Smells:)

Turkey soup is simmering on the stove, and apple cider is mulling beside it.  Both are comforting smells. Smell is the most basic sense and evokes a host of emotional responses that literally take us back in time. I love the smell of turkey cooking because it reminds me of Thanksgiving dinners with the family. Turkey is healing all by itself, but thoughts of family bring an added measure of comfort. Turkey soup warms right to my core and helps me sleep. There are chemical reasons for that, but there are also strong emotional ones.

Smell is associated with the most ancient and primitive part of our brain. The research in our reactions to smell shows that it isn’t the smell that brings a response as much as our expectation of the smell. If we are told the aroma we are going to smell is a pleasant one, we are likely to find it pleasant. The suggestion we receive sets our mind, and our expectation causes mood to improve. I love lavender and have it all around my house. It relaxes and soothes and helps me sleep. I wonder at that since it is a smell I associate with my father, and he brought anything but peace to me as a child.

I can vividly remember going into the bathroom when he was shaving. We only had one bathroom so there were often several in at one time, especially in the morning as we all got ready for school and work. Daddy used lavender aftershave, so it was present each morning. It’s a powerful smell and one that is used in aromatherapy for relaxation, so maybe the smell is stronger than the association:)

Cooking smells bring comfort, and vanilla is at the top of the list when it comes to scents that are found to be pleasing. Mama said she and her sisters would put a drop of vanilla extract behind their ears when they went on a date. It turns out they were wearing a fragrance men still find more alluring than expensive perfumes. Cinnamon and pumpkin pie are also known to get a man’s attention in a powerful way:)

There is a new fragrance out on the market, and it’s the scent of Pizza Hut. I suppose in the future, there just might be a turkey perfume and even one that smells like bread baking. I used to love the commercial where the ladies were out on the town and one was attracting men like crazy. She simply opened her purse, showed the others a slab of bacon, and said that it worked every time:) I believe there may be something to that!

Whatever the science behind smell, I know that I’m enjoying the smells coming from the kitchen right now. I love to cook, and I love to share my cooking with others even more. I guess I inherited my mama’s cooking gene. There was nothing Mary Sue liked more than cooking up and serving great food, and she did it better than anyone I know. When Mylah and Lillyann are playing in their little kitchen, I see a lot of mama in them and can smell the sweet memories of the love that went into every meal she prepared. I take a deep breath and sigh contentedly:)