Category: Uncategorized

A Forgiving Heart

Luke 7:47 has a beautiful ring of truth to it. Jesus says to those who wonder at His allowing a sinful woman to wash His feet, “For this reason I say to you, her sins, which are many, have been forgiven, for she loved much; but he who is forgiven little, loves little.” Those who recognize their own sin and embrace the forgiveness Jesus offers love much. Those, like the Pharisees, who recognize and keep a count of the sins of others love little. Jesus isn’t encouraging sin by any means, but He is pointing out that reconciling our own sin is much more powerful when it comes to loving than judging the sins of others.

Jesus tells the story of two debtors in verses 41-46.“A moneylender had two debtors: one owed five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. When they were unable to repay, he graciously forgave them both. So which of them will love him more?” Simon answered and said, “I suppose the one whom he forgave more.” And He said to him, “You have judged correctly.” Turning toward the woman, He said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I entered your house; you gave Me no water for My feet, but she has wet My feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You gave Me no kiss; but she, since the time I came in, has not ceased to kiss My feet. You did not anoint My head with oil, but she anointed My feet with perfume.”

Anyone who has ever loved knows the deep connection between love and forgiveness. True forgiveness begets love that manifests itself in loving acts of gratitude. The woman who washed and kissed the feet of Jesus understood the connection perfectly, and I pray that I will also come to the same level of understanding as I find the courage to open my heart in honest communion with Christ and others. It very easy to be a pious judge pointing out the sins of others, but it is best to be a humble sinner filled with gratitude at the feet of Christ.

Acknowledging sin and opening my heart allows me to love with an abandon that doesn’t care about what others think and to appreciate the true depth of the love offered to me by one who has every right to point His fingers and judge me. He chooses to open His arms and love me, and that changes the way I look at myself, others, and Him. When I understand the debt Christ cleared for me, my gratitude spills over into my life and allows me to love as He does with a forgiving heart.

 

On the Way Home:)

On the way home last night, the breathtaking sunset made it difficult for me to drive. The sun was huge and the most brilliant orange I have ever seen. I like to pray when I drive, so I turned off the music and soaked in the silence and the scene God placed before me. I was stilled by His presence and had the sweet feeling I always have when I’m heading home. I had been visiting a friend in the hospital and was in great spirits because his spirits were soaring as his pain was gone. I thanked God for the successful surgery and decided to sing for a while. I love to sing to God when I drive for the same reason I love to sing to Mylah when I rock her to sleep; they both love me and care more about the love expressed than the correct key:)

The sweet message God had for me was that walking in His kingdom is simply coming home. I never thought of it in that way. In fact, I’ve always considered it to be more about leaving home and giving up the security home represents. God made it very clear that home is where my heart is, and my heart is with Him as never before. It has taken me a very long time to come to this place of peace, and I thank God, dear friends, and my family for helping me get here.

Repentance is about turning away from that which takes me away from God and turning toward Him. Turning is the key to walking in God’s kingdom and getting started on the way home. When I come to the place of understanding that I have to choose which way I will go, then I can begin the journey home. Home is where my heart is, and I have found it with my son’s sweet family. I thank God for the amazing home He’s given us and for the Holy Spirit’s help in seeing this journey in a new and beautiful light. The western horizon was on fire with a glorious display last night, and I could hear God bidding me to come home.

Heaven is pie in the sky for many, and I’ve been guilty of thinking of it that way myself. How wonderful to see this journey as a trip home. There’s nothing better than heading home, and that’s true even if I’m returning from a wonderful vacation. There’s something inside me that shifts gears as I turn and go toward the love I know is waiting for me. I love the feeling I get when I’m about four miles from home and know I’m only minutes away.

It’s a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual feeling all in one, and I had it more powerfully last night than ever before in my life as God assured me I was heading in the right direction. The Lord made an amazing day for me yesterday, just as He does every day, but I enjoyed it more because I let go of my plans and went with His. When I caught myself planning, worrying, or getting off track, I quickly got my heart back where it belongs.

I smiled at each stumble and thought, “I’m on my way home!!” God kept me very busy yesterday in ways I didn’t expect, but it was a beautiful busy that involved playing with the girls, enjoying the beauty around me, and some special visits He had in mind. He even included my plans in His, but He saved them for last and wowed me with more than I could have imagined on my own.

There was lot of healing in my path yesterday, but the best part was knowing my heart is in good hands and I’m on my way home. I don’t know if the journey home will take forty minutes or forty years, but I plan to trust God and rejoice and be glad in each day. I feel His presence as never before, and that’s much better than that four mile marker when I’m driving home:)

A Future and A Hope

God brought me back to Jeremiah 29:11 tonight as Iwatched the sun setting for over half an hour. There is something soothing in sitting quietly and watching the subtle changes that take place as the sky goes from day to night. Tonight, I found sweet peace in God’s promise in Jeremiah.

“For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.” NASB

Sunset Promise

A future and a hope:) God has both for me if I will trust Him with my welfare. He is Yahweh, so how can I ignore His promise. He keeps His promises, and He also promises not to leave me in Matthew 28:20. I need to promise Him the same. I have been thinking about thinking about Him today as I’ve been reading Philippians 2:5-11. The beautiful description of Christ is the perfect companion to His promise in Jeremiah.

Christ is the future and the hope God has in mind for me if I will just keep Christ in mind and think upon Him above all else. As the sun gave up the its last beautiful rays this evening, I knew I had to do the same and empty myself so He can give me the new beginning He has in mind. The promise of a sunset is that sunrise is just around the corner:)

Under His Wings

When I’m feeling lost or disconnected, Psalm 91:4 comforts me with the beautiful image of being tucked lovingly under the very top of God’s wing. I wish I could find the photo a friend sent me years ago of a mother hen with a tiny little peep literally peeping out from under the top of her wing. I could barely see the fuzzy yellow head, but I knew that little chick was safe and loved. God had me right where that mama hen had her precious chick this morning, and it was a wonderful feeling.

Psalm 91:4 “He will cover you with His pinions,
And under His wings you may seek refuge;
His faithfulness is a shield and bulwark.”

Last night, I was feeling as disconnected as I’ve ever felt in my life, and I desperately needed the shelter of God’s wings. When I stopped wiggling, He tucked me safely under His wing until my heart stilled and my fear subsided. It’s funny how my perspective changes when I’m under His loving wing. I cannot stay underneath His powerful wing all the time because I would never grow or learn if I did, but it is comforting beyond words to know that His wing is there when I need refuge or a respite.

I am empowered by the rest God so graciously gives, and I also love that He knows when to tuck me under that wing and when to let me wiggle and run in circles. I sometimes need the exercise running in circles affords because it tires me out and gets me still enough to be tucked in:)

Stillness

The snow started falling around noon as predicted today, and we have five inches with more on the way. The girls got up from their nap and were thrilled, especially Lillyann. She yelled for mommy to come downstairs and see the snow after looking out the window and telling me, “Oooh! There’s a lot of it now!” Together, we got the girls in snowsuits, coats, etc., and they headed to Meme and Pepe’s to go sledding. They were so cute heading down the driveway. Mylah plopped back on Lillyann which was fine with her as it was warmer with her baby sister on top of her:)

I decided to take photos and drink hot chocolate and skip the sledding, a sure sign I’m getting old! I love the snow and had two nice winter walks, but I gave up sledding years ago. Snow brings out the kid in me, but it also makes me stop and enjoy the stillness. It isn’t as much about not being able to drive as it is a sense of wonder and awe at the transformation which occurs as snow blankets everything making even mud beautiful. It’s a lot like Christ’s love except for the coldness:)

The praying life is a life of stillness in the storm and warmth in the cold. It’s been a week of high winds, power outages, and snow, a perfect backdrop for lessons in stillness. Whether the imposed stillness of snow, holding Mylah while she sleeps, or laying beside Lillyann while she falls asleep, the stillness this week has been powerful. I am learning to be still and recognize God’s glory and appreciate the stillness that comes when I enter into His presence. Praying and stillness go hand-in-hand. Silence used to be the goal as I thought I had to find a quiet place to pray.

Cookie, the German Pointer, and two very sweet little girls are teaching me that silence may be golden, but stillness is a state of heart that doesn’t depend upon silence or solitude. In fact, I’m learning that being in the midst of my sweet family brings greater peace than time alone in a reflection center designed for prayer. Time alone in solitude and silence is important, and I love to meditate on God’s Word; but I’m finding that stillness is a much deeper state that brings a sense of peace much like that beautiful blanket of snow.

Sweet Stillness

The world is so pure and beautiful right after the snow falls, and I love walking in freshly fallen snow. It amazes me how mundane objects and plants become magical when covered with a blanket of fresh snow. Stillness has the same effect. I don’t always have silence when I pray, but stillness doesn’t require silence. It comes when I stop and allow the everyday to become an expression of God’s glory.

Early Morning Light:)

Early Morning Light

As I awoke this morning, I was struck by the fog settling in the valley below. It was as if God was right in that fog, and love was embracing the mountains, the town, and me all at the same time. The mountains change moment by moment, and the worst part of the deluge of late is that the mountains were out of my sight. I knew they were there, but there were clouds blocking my view.

Often, I don’t see God because of the worry in my heart. Like the clouds, it settles in the low spots and keeps me from experiencing His presence. The prayer retreat is all about being in God’s presence. I know He is always present; unfortunately, I’m not. I’m learning that praying is about being present. Love is the same:)

When Sleep Won’t Come…

Neither Mylah nor Lillyann could sleep this afternoon. After wrestling with them for half an hour,  I told them if they didn’t take a nap they would have to play together while I read. Funny how not taking a nap motivated them to cooperate:) I didn’t read because I enjoyed watching them play instruments, draw, and play together.

Lillyann’s drawings amaze me. She drew an umbrella, a horse, a dog, and a little person. I was surprised in that I could tell what each was:) As they drew together, Lillyann complimented and encouraged little Mylah. Maybe not getting a nap is a good idea=) They will surely sleep well tonight after a long afternoon of playing.

Things are still in boxes, and our mattresses haven’t gotten here yet, but I told Pepe today that I was enjoying the closeness of camping on the floor. I love living with the kids and thank God for the sweet lessons in community. Family is special, and I love every moment I spend with mine. We are getting settled, and I look forward to being able to look back on this time of transition as a turning point in all our lives.

I’m learning this week to savor and enjoy each bite of life God places in my path. My journey has slowed and deepened as we’ve settled into a sweet routine. I cooked my first meal in the new house at lunch today. It was simple fare, but the sweet company made it very special. I look forward to many meals around the table and many days like today when I savor those sweet connections that make life worth living forever:)

Sweet Side Effect:)

Side effect is defined by Bing as “a usually undesirable secondary effect produced by something.” Usually is the key word; the side effect I’m talking about is a very positive one. As I pray, I notice a sweet side effect that helps me understand Christ’s call to prayer. When I pray for someone who has hurt me or treated me unfairly, I notice that my attitude towards them begins to change. It’s a slow process that requires more than one dose of prayer to get the desired result, but the beautiful feeling defies description.

I see why Jesus sits at God’s right hand and prays for me unceasingly. He knows those prayers change me and bring me closer to God. When I understand that, I am also drawn near to those who have been at arm’s length or further away. Barriers are broken, priorities change, and suddenly the distance is absorbed by the love that intercession frees. There is nothing more powerful than intercession or Christ wouldn’t be doing it.

As I told my class this morning at church, if you’re looking for a financial advisor, shopper, lawyer, or sugar daddy, you need to find another Savior. This One is about the business of praying and lifting me up to God. So many look to Christ to get and do and fix. He loves and prays. Others need a superhero who is going to vanquish and kill. He loves and prays. Some might ask if that’s enough. As I’ve come to understand Who Christ is and Who He isn’t, I have come to know it’s more than enough. Prayer is the least and most any of us can do.

It’s only taken me sixty years to come to that understanding, but I’m thankful to finally get it. The fifties allowed me the space to find out who I am and begin to understand Who God is. I’m thinking the sixties is going to be more about what I am here to do. The call to prayer came at 57, but I kept God on hold for three years. I prayed during that time but not as He desired. I came up with my own to-do list and ignored His. I’m humbled that He never hung up on me but rather waited lovingly for me to understand the nature and importance of His call. I often wonder if the human life span is getting longer because it’s taking us longer to figure out what it is He’s trying to teach us while we’re here:) I say that as the slowest and most stubborn learner I know.

I’ve been sixty for almost a month, and I have to say it’s been an eventful twenty-five days. The lessons have been difficult, but the learning has been amazing. Change may be the theme for this decade, and that’s okay with me. Whatever God has in mind, I want to be open and ready to hear and respond with love. The good news is that I’ve lost ten pounds and can wear clothes I haven’t worn in years! I wouldn’t recommend the diet plan to anyone, but I have to say that I learned that I have to make some changes when it comes to what and how much I eat. Another positive side effect!

Change is good, and I know the sixties are going to be wonderful. Lessons in love are pointing me in the right direction, and my heart is changing. Maybe you can teach an old dog new tricks if you grab her attention and use the right motivation:)

Building Bridges Instead of Burning Them

I have burned a few bridges in my life, but I have also repaired a few which seemed  irreparable. When my injured pride comes in contact with my self defense mechanisms, bridges go up in flames. God placed vivid images in my path this week to teach me the wisdom of building bridges rather than burning them. Burning a bridge is necessary when a toxic relationship threatens my well-being or causes me to compromise on my beliefs, but I can turn from an irreparable relationship without having to set fire to a bridge. A simple dusting of my feet and moving on is more than enough.

At the root of burning a bridge is the fear that I will go back over it, not the fear that the one inflicting the hurt will come back over. I know I’m not the only one who fears returning to a bad relationship, but I was shocked by the lesson God gently taught me this week. When there is danger, a bridge needs to be burned. When at war, a bridge needs to be burned. Most other spans should be left open because connections are important to God’s work, and relationships are at the very heart of His kingdom.

Redefining relationships is much better than going to the extreme measure of burning a bridge. Burning bridges is a very old military technique that may have begun with Julius Caesar when he built two massive bridges over the Rhine in 55 BC in a show of power meant to inflict fear in the Germanic tribes nearby. He ordered both burned when those tribes didn’t react as he expected. He decided discretion might just be the better part of valor and burned those bridges to keep the peace and his property:)

I have burned three bridges in my life, but only one involved valor of any measure. I have to take a stand and burn a bridge when things are very wrong and compromise my values in a way that is unacceptable. However, a less extreme measure is as effective without the collateral damage and should be taken when possible. Jesus advised His disciples to wipe the dust from their feet, not to burn the bridge when folks did not accept the truth. There is a big difference in the two strategies, and wiping the dust off my feet and truly moving on is the most effective way to deal with a situation when a relationship is irreparable. The other two bridges were burned out of fear. Fear represents a lack of faith in God, and I realize that dusting my feet is more than enough if I believe God is who He says He is, and I have truly become who He desires for me to be. Burning bridges is an extreme measure that should be reserved for keeping peace and building relationships, not ending them. I guess we all can learn a lesson from Julius Caesar in that regard.

I saw the results of a burned bridge this week, and it hurt to watch. It is much easier to see the truth in someone else’s life than in my own, so God let me see the collateral damage of such drastic measures. Bridges may span great divides or simply stretch over a marshy area, but all offer both a way out as well as a way in. People or places may indeed need to be avoided, but to permanently cut off an individual or group is something to be carefully considered. God knows better than we how terrible that can be. Separation from God’s love is the definition of hell, so any fires there involve burning His Bridge. I’m thankful His Son built His Bridge so I can be in His presence, experience His forgiveness, and be surrounded by His love. That bridge makes me humbly mindful of all bridges and causes me to pause before lighting any torches.

Pastor John introduced me to Fisher Humphreys’ view on forgiveness, and I learned that giving up my right to retaliate and praying for those who hurt me is the way to forgive as Christ forgives. That level of forgiveness helps me build new bridges, restores bridges I’ve burned, and keeps me from burning any more. I can hold on to my stubborn pride like a torch, look down at the cold cinders, and feel smug about being safe and right if I like; but I believe God would rather have me take the path His Son took. He prefers building bridges and restoring the ones I’ve burned rather than setting any new fires:)

Unexpected Gift

Coming face to face with death was not what I expected on my birthday, but God had me do just that. I watched a sweet saint go into God’s presence yesterday afternoon and was awed and humbled as never before in my life. I wasn’t with mama when she died, but even if I had been, it wouldn’t have been the same experience because I was in an altered state and unaware of what was going on around me during that time. Yesterday, I was able to observe calmly and was touched deeply by God’s unexpected gift. It caught me off guard and caused a stillness unlike any other as I held my breath and watched as Edith took her last breath.  She was so like mama, so my heart was immediately carried away in a flood of emotions that took me to my car and followed me home.

Being in the presence of death was a lesson I will not soon forget. Life is a vapor, and ethereal took on new meaning as I shared the room with death. Life is tenuous and a mere blink when compared to the eternity within which we live. That was the lesson as God captured and held my attention tightly in those few frozen moments.

Mama left a hole in my heart when she died. I think of her often but particularly miss her on my birthdays. She always made sure they were very special. She was like a child herself and loved celebrating birthdays. She would sometimes hide my present under the bed so I could open it as soon as I awoke. One year, I got a Barbie doll! I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw that lean lanky doll in her black and white swimsuit:) I remember birthday cakes and parties and feeling like a princess all day long. I felt very like a princess yesterday morning, but in the hospital room yesterday afternoon, I knew I was a bride.

Edith had waited patiently for Christ to come for her and grown weary in the waiting. I thank God for allowing me to see her wait come to an end. She isn’t anxious any more, and she is in the presence of more love than she or I could ever imagine. As I worked on last minute details for the wedding, I was reminded of the excitement a wedding brings. The bible study yesterday morning also reminded me that I am Christ’s bride. That changes the way I wait. I am to be preparing for His coming just as He is preparing a place for me in His Father’s House. I know He’s doing a much better job than I with those preparations, but I plan to improve on my preparing.

I thank God for the beautiful, unexpected gift of stillness in the presence of His love that touched my heart. Death helped me see life and love in a new light. It’s easy to get weary in the waiting, but knowing that Christ is also waiting eagerly helps me puts everything into perspective. It sometimes seems like a long wait, but if I wait as an expectant bride or a child on Christmas eve, the wait is not a weary one.