God takes my weakness and turns it into strength if I trust Him to do what He does best-the impossible! My greatest weakness has always been my need for approval. As long as I can remember, I’ve tried to make up for the fact that daddy was disappointed in me. My life revolved around my need to be loved, and I tried to please others rather than God. That took a toll on my heart, my body, and my spirit; it kept me from receiving what God haa in mind, and left me alone.
If I were to write the story of my love life, it would be called Left Alone. In focusing upon pleasing and gaining approval, I’ve given my heart to those who won’t, don’t, or can’t love me the way my heart and God desire. I’ve never loved as God desires because my heart hasn’t been where it needed to be. Loving Christ was a right choice in my love life, but I turned from His love for a long time because I knew He didn’t approve of the mess I had gotten my heart into.
As long as I focus on doing everything for everyone else, I don’t have to face my own weaknesses. It’s easier to be a suffering saint than let God deal with my demons because I have to admit I have them before I can ask Him to help me get rid of them. I have to be humbled, and God will take it from there. The problem is the humbling that allows me to face them and Him.
My choices in regard to love have been about avoiding rejection. If someone will not, does not, or cannot love me, I don’t have to worry about losing them because I never really have them. It is far easier to just fix and help because loving involves hurting. That’s something I learned early in life, but God has brought me to a place of healing. I’ve learned that while love does involves hurting deeply, the joy it brings is well worth the risk. God will show me the love He has in mind if I keep my eyes and heart on Him and follow His Son’s beautiful example.
It is far easier to please people than to sincerely and purposefully love them. It is so simple to let fear keep me from risking rejection or worry make me wonder about the response or the lack of it that comes when I open my heart. I’ve looked for love and acceptance in many places and even seen them as the same thing at times. Love accepts me the way I am and doesn’t expect anything of me except to share a loving presence. I can do just that if I trust God to know what He is doing when it comes to love. I know that makes Him smile and say “Trust me. I know what I’m doing. I am love after all.”