Month: September 2012

Importance is Relative:)

When I read Mark 9:30-37, I think of how the disciples mirrored what the world so wants to know. How important am I? We all want an answer to that question from God, our loved ones, our employers, and our friends. The disciples argued about just that:

(The Message Eugene Peterson) Leaving there, they went through Galilee. He didn’t want anyone to know their whereabouts, for he wanted to teach his disciples. He told them, “The Son of Man is about to be betrayed to some people who want nothing to do with God. They will murder him. Three days after his murder, he will rise, alive.” They didn’t know what he was talking about, but were afraid to ask him about it. They came to Capernaum. When he was safe at home, he asked them, “What were you discussing on the road? The silence was deafening—they had been arguing with one another over who among them was greatest.He sat down and summoned the Twelve. “So you want first place? Then take the last place. Be the servant of all.”He put a child in the middle of the room. Then, cradling the little one in his arms, he said, “Whoever embraces one of these children as I do embraces me, and far more than me—God who sent me.”

I love the way Jesus teaches. He first asks a question for which He has an answer. Confession is necessary to clear the heart and mind so He can begin. That’s true for the disciples and for me. I understand that deafening silence all too well; it is the beautiful open space God gives for growth. It seems like an abyss when I’m not ready to admit any wrongdoing or wrong thinking. Space is freeing, but only when truth is allowed free reign.

Jesus never answers my questions with a simple yes or no. Like the one He gives His disciples, answers are designed to make me come to knowledge. He doesn’t impart; He saves that for those who know it all and stand in judgment of others. He doesn’t work that way, and it bothers those who want easy answers and quick punishment. Christ is clear in His answer and gives food for thought, as always with Him.

Being first is still important, and it tears at the heart of God’s work. Divisions limit God and His work. Who gets to be the leader? Who will be in charge? Who will make the decisions? The answer to all those questions is obviously God, but man has the need to define and create a hierarchy when it comes to serving Him. Such a shame in that it causes His work to take a back burner to our plans. I wish the body of Christ looked more like Him, and it would be wonderful if we were more concerned with following than leading.

With the election coming near, division has reared its ugly head and is tearing our country apart. It’s hard not to get caught up in the anger this year. I’m used to the mudslinging that goes on, but this election goes well beyond the mud and is cutting right to the heart of this country. It breaks my heart, but it has taught a wonderful lesson as I’ve found myself floundering and falling right into the fray at times. I am reminded of the answer Jesus gave a group of followers falling into the same trap.  He isn’t like the world, and I need to remember that. He isn’t running for office or sanctioning either candidate. He is bidding me to be last and to embrace the little ones who have the right answers until the adults teach the wrong ones.  There’s a lot of bad teaching going on right now as those little ones mimic and mirror what they see before them. God forgive us all for that!

Posture

When it comes to praying

God sees my posture.

Others notice too.

People see my piety;

God just sees my heart.

Walking Through

A dear friend reminded me this week that  “faithfulness may be measured not by what one feels in a given moment as much as by how one walks through that moment.” He added that it is the way I walk through the difficulties that will change the way I travel in a profound way. I know my walk is the classroom in which God teaches, and my motto has been “What’s God’s message for me in this experience?” The teacher in me also understands that the greatest lessons are those which come from my mistakes and poor choices. The notion that God will take my sin and transform it into something beautiful is a new thought that sets my heart free and captures it at the same time.

Hiding and running have given me comfort in the past when I found myself in the midst of circumstances which confound me. It is in the confounding that I find wonder. Thomas taught me that. I don’t have to understand the journey; it is, in fact, the traveling without the need to know when, where, what, and how that makes the walking through a powerful time of learning, healing, and connection. It is the need to know that makes the entire journey miserable for me and those around me. Nothing ruins a trip more than someone who constantly worries or lets the navigation cause them to miss the sweet fellowship.

Relationships made along the way make the journey a joy and the ride a relevant one. It isn’t about getting there or finding the way but rather enjoying the journey and forging friendships. We are all connected whether we want to be or not. I cannot dismiss those with whom I disagree. I can walk around them if they get in my way, but I must acknowledge them and identify what is creating friction in my heart. When I bristle at someone’s comment, I have to see what is in my heart that is giving the surface for it to create that friction. That is a painful process but one that cleanses away those things that need to go.

The opposite is also true. When I find a kindred mind or heart, there is something in my own heart that desires connection. I can relate to the positive and want to attach to it. I have a dear friend who loves God more than anyone I know. From the first moment I saw him, I wanted what he had. Henri Nouwen says God will connect to God, and that’s at the root of those beautiful connections God allows so I can walk through the difficulties as well as revel in the beauty. I get to choose whether to connect to the positive or let the negative cause me to run and hide. I’m learning to embrace the love God places in my path and step around the negative.

I’ve never walked through fire or been on a bed of nails, but I have navigated some treacherous territory. Knowing that God and others love me enables me to walk through in a way that draws me nearer to the Source of all love. I have come to thank God for the sleepless nights when I argue or negotiate with Him about continuing down the path He sets before me, and a big part of the learning has been the way I feel when I make it through that tunnel or across those hot coals. I’m glad He cares enough to listen quietly and loves enough not to acquiesce. I’m also eternally grateful for those He allows to walk beside me.

God’s Mosaic

When it comes to love, capturing comes from letting go not from holding on. Love sets my heart free and holds it closely at the same time. Freedom is the key when it comes to the heart. It cannot survive and will not thrive when held tightly. Love caresses and lets go, and the heart is forever captured in the moment when I know I am loved.

Knowing I am loved releases my heart and allows it to move into the open space God has prepared for it to grow. Growth requires room, and I believe that is why love so often fails. There is the need to own that invades the heart when faced with love. Confusion results when fusion with another becomes the goal. Identity is lost in human attempts to become one.

Becoming one is the goal in relationship, especially when it comes to God. True love allows differentiation. In a mosaic, each piece is individually beautiful. When the pieces are put side by side, they form a wonderful new image. That’s how it should be with love. The oneness God desires is a body that loves one another and Him as they maintain the identity He gives to each. So often, love becomes a conglomerate mess and individuals become lost in the mix.

Wholeness in the heart is about maintaining identity and allowing love to join the uniqueness of individuals like those pieces in a mosaic. God will create the image if I will be who He created me to be and reach out in love to Him and to those in my path. It’s a wonderful feeling to be connected by love and know that I am part of something bigger than myself while still maintaining the beauty only I can add to God’s creation.

I may not be able to see the magnificent creation God is making, and that is where I must let go of my need to understand and simply love and trust Him to do the rest. Honest communion is what causes love to be a mosaic rather than a conglomerate. It provides a perfect space for hearts to grow and connect in a way that gives God the room to create His masterpiece.

Freedom

Truth, love, and peace 

Free the spirit, heart, and soul

Mirroring Christ’s power.

Daddy’s Coming!!

I watched the girls yesterday afternoon while Tyler got tires for his truck. I’m used to seeing them squeal with delight when mommy comes home, but I’ve never had the privilege of seeing them greet daddy. It warmed my heart as I witnessed the sweet homecoming.

After a long afternoon of playing together and eating some pasta, I could tell the girls were getting tired. Around five, Tyler said he was almost there. I told the girls that daddy was coming, and they ran to the window next to the door and stood together waiting. As I looked at them looking and waiting and calling out, “Daddy’s coming!” and “DAA?” I smiled and thought how I should have the same posture and joy when it comes to Christ. Suddenly, they were energized and waiting together for something wonderful.

When daddy’s truck pulled in front of the window, they looked at each other and squealed with delight as if Santa himself was arriving on the lawn. Actually, I suppose he was:) When Tyler opened the door, my heart melted as I watched the girls looking up and calling out as if they hadn’t seen him in a month. He smiled that beautiful smile of his, hugged Lillyann, and picked up Mylah. He had great news! Mommy was right behind him. Again, those squeals of delight filled the room! I couldn’t help but join in myself:)

The lesson the little ones taught yesterday was about expectant joy. Too often, I allow the rough fingers of this world to make my heart weary. I should get in the window where the sun is shining brightly and squeal the good news that Christ is coming!!  I plan to keep the sweet image of those two precious girls standing in the sunlight searching for daddy’s truck near my heart when I get weary in the future.

Sitting on the Shelf

The china doll looks down

Wanting to play on the floor.

She sees the other toys

And wishes she could join in.

Rain

Sprinkles softly causing me to pause.

Falls steadily causing me to stare.

Pours heavily causing me to duck.

Stops suddenly causing me to smile:)

Seriously?

I went to a luncheon for senior adults today. Someone challenged me and asked what I was doing there because it was for seniors. I proudly told them my age much the same way I did when carded for buying alcohol in the early seventies. I am proud of my age and all the discounts that come with it:) I’m counting down excitedly the way I did at fourteen because I can’t wait to get Social Security! It’s even better than getting a driver’s license. Of course, I may not say that when my license is taken away for being too feeble to focus.

Being a senior is a serious matter to some, and I do notice that things are changing:) My body doesn’t move as fast as it once did, and my mind is like a cluttered desk much of the time; but I’m loving the freedom I have.  Getting older means grandchildren, and I thank God for the privilege of being able to help with my sweet grandbabies. They keep me young, but I also feel my age after carrying Mylah or trying to keep up with Lillyann. What a joy those aches have become.

Retirement allows time to study and read and write, and I love doing all three.The learning over the past four years has been the most powerful to date. My head and my heart have been stretched beyond what I could have ever imagined as I delve into God’s Word in a way I cannot describe. Having the time and opportunity to do that makes getting older a blessing.

Falling into seriousness was the topic of the luncheon today, and Jack Hinson said it was the definition of sin according to the speaker at a lecture series he attended. He warned of the dangers of taking myself too seriously. The Baptist in me felt the need to repent as I’m very guilty of doing just that. Seriousness is important when it comes to a task, a job, or an appointment. I want my surgeon and my banker to be serious as they operate on my body or invest my money. I need to be serious about what I do, but not about who I am. There’s a big difference, and that’s where sin sneaks in.

It’s that pesky little self that gets in the way when it comes to seriousness. Self can always use a dose of silly, especially when hurt, angry, or weary. Laughter lets down my guard and lets in healing. It has been proven to be effective in the healing process, and there is even a branch of medicine called Humor Therapy. That doesn’t surprise me at all because I know I always feel better after a good belly laugh, and that sweet sigh that comes afterward releases tension like nothing else. I believe it is your body asking your self, “Seriously?:)” and self giving in and laughing along:)

I also know the opposite is true. When I cry, even for a little while, I am physically and emotionally spent. My head and heart ache, and I feel as though I’ve been wrung completely dry. There are different studies on crying. It can be a release and a relief, but it can also bring tension, sinus troubles, and stress. I think the difference must be if there is an end to suffering in sight. If there is none, the hurt gets worse. If there is, then crying gives relief. My head still hurts, so I suppose that’s not a good sign. It does help to have someone hear your heart and be a loving presence even if you know the hurt isn’t going away. A true friend offers a shoulder and feels your pain. I believe it is in the sharing that both laughter and crying offer healing.

I just can’t help myself when it comes to crying or laughing. Both are important release valves God put in place to help me deal with stress, and laughter gets rid of that serious little self that wreaks havoc on my heart and messes with my mind. I thank God for laughter and for tears. They remind me that I am human and that Christ shares the same flesh and knows the pain and joy that comes with it. That is a marvelous mystery that makes me mindful of the love that He expressed with His flesh. I am eternally grateful to have a Savior who laughed and cried just as I do. That changes the way I love and live my life.

Heart and Soil

Clay pot

Broken and forgotten.

Mud pie

Stirred and left to dry.

China vase

Admired and put away.

Fertile field

Plowed and allowed to yield.