Month: September 2012

Pride

Some say pride comes before a fall

I say that order is all wrong.

The fall comes first and then the call

Of pride who sings an angry song.

Thank You, I Think:)

Teaching middle school for thirty-three years gave me a great appreciation for the English language. I love the way middle schoolers use words, and nothing thrills me more than seeing the transformation that takes place in eighth grade as those young teens begin to understand the nuances of language and learn to express themselves in ways that make sense to them and to others. They leave the dense fog in which they’ve been trapped for three years and start to take ownership of words. Until that transformation, language is a challenge for them and for those with whom they communicate.

I especially remember compliments I would get from students who dearly loved me but had difficulty putting their good intentions into words. I believe good intentions actually do pave the road to perdition, but those middle school good intentions always made me smile. Once, when I changed my hairdo, a young man told me that my hair didn’t look nearly as bad as it did before. I paused for a moment and quickly said thank you, but in my head I added I think:) I got lots of those middle school compliments, mostly about my age and my hair. I accepted them as sincere efforts at being polite and practice in expressing themselves effectively. The words “for your age” usually began or ended their attempts. Once I realized that middle school students clump everyone over thirty into the same category, my pride was appeased.

The only thing that matters about words of encouragement or compliments is the heart handing them to you. Those students were sincere and loving, so I was thankful for each one. The same comments are not nearly as endearing when they come from adults, but it’s still the nature of the one speaking that is important. Good natured folks often say things that cause me to bristle, but I just remember those middle schoolers and say what we always say in the south. “Bless your heart!” If you’re from the south, you understand. If you aren’t, it would take too long to explain:)

Words carry great power and should be taken seriously, especially when I’m angry. I tend to let my anger get the best of me when my pride is bruised or my heart is broken. I say things I don’t mean but fortunately it is usually only the walls who witness my weakness. I’m thankful to have close friends who hear my heart and listen to my hurt pride without judging. A loving response helps me find perspective.  Pride steps aside as the voice of reason enters the heart. Humor also helps when I get a response that reminds me of my middle school days:)

I do miss being around middle schoolers, but reminders of those sideways compliments and twisted words of encouragement put me right back in the beautifully upside down world where words just don’t come out the way one expects. So to all compliments made by those who haven’t quite mastered the nuances, thank you, I think:)

A Blind Hog and an Acorn:)

I always have been a very slow learner when it comes to life lessons. Book knowledge flows in effortlessly, but I find the obvious difficult to absorb. I suppose it’s why daddy called me stupid and why I keep getting blindsided. I am an incurable optimist who sees life through rose colored glasses. That works except when it comes to those unexpected lessons, then I feel like a football player flat on my face in front of the crowd after being blindsided. I get the wind knocked out of me on a regular basis, but hope still springs eternal. I usually dust myself off, laugh with the crowd, and get back on the field.

There is an old saw that says, “Even a blind hog will eventually find an acorn.” That pretty much sums up the lessons last week.  Those who know me well, know that when I finally do get it, I don’t forget it! Learning may come slowly in some areas, but lessons learned the hard way stay with my heart. The best learning comes when I find myself face down. I cannot learn those hard lessons from reading books or listening to a lecture. They can only come from living. I’ve had many such lessons along the way. Some leave me laughing, and some leave me crying. Both leave me with resolve and an acorn of truth.

Mylah and Lillyann taught a powerful lesson in perspective yesterday. I needed the lesson and the distraction, and they gave it as only children can. God pulled me off the field this time for a serious talk. I know He has wonderful plans in store for me, and He’ll keep using those sweet little tutors as He gives me the opportunity to learn and grow alongside them. Mama warned me over and over that I wasn’t like everyone else, and that was going to hurt me. She realized I had inherited her very large blindside.

Seeing the truth is the only way to be free, but it blindsides when I’m not heedful. The trick is to come off the field, take that acorn of truth God places in my path, and plant it deeply in my heart. The process humbles but reminds me to listen, trust, and obey God. Unlike me, He does know what He’s doing.

Stop and Ask For Directions

Yesterday would have been my fortieth wedding anniversary if I hadn’t found the courage to leave. I needed courage to admit I was wrong and accept that God never has, and never will, sanction marriages that are not of His doing. Before I went through the ceremony forty years ago, I knew with all my heart that it wasn’t what God wanted. It wasn’t what I wanted either, but I believed it was something I had to do. Two wrongs never made a right, but I thought God expected me to correct my mistake. Marriage seemed the logical way for me to do that and maintain my pride at the same time. I know how silly that sounds now, thank goodness. I didn’t listen to God and went with my plans rather than admit I was wrong, swallow my pride, accept God’s forgiveness, and move forward.

I thank God for giving me a beautiful son and cannot imagine life without him. God brings beauty and love out of my wrong turns. I am most amazed by that characteristic of my Creator. He knows I am going off in the wrong direction and will not stop me, but He will use the circumstances in my life to continue to teach and draw me near.  The rub is that the lessons change and are always more difficult when I insist on having my way. My problem is not being able to admit I am wrong. Admitting I’m wrong is the point when I veer off the path. Like those who stubbornly refuse to stop for directions, I pretend I know where I’m going and don’t need help. Repentance is simply knowing I’m heading in the wrong direction and making a turn in the right direction. It took thirty years for me to realize that two wrongs don’t lead to the right path! God wants me on the road and in the field living life and loving Him, myself, and others. As long as I wander in circles waiting for those two wrongs to add up to a right, I will not arrive at the destination God has in mind for me.

I’ve always allowed others to define me rather than looking to God who created me to tell me who I am. The most beautiful way He does that is to first show me Who He is. I have come to know Him as a loving Father, a waiting Groom, and a dear Friend, I see the Trinity as a beautiful Three in One. God wants the best for me, and  that involves becoming one with Him. Staying in a bad relationship limits God. He is all powerful, but He will allow me to limit Him. That is what confounds and frightens me the most about Him. I get to choose whether or not to let Him has His way in my life. He will take my bad choices and redirect my path; GPS will do the same when I get off course. The big difference is that GPS can be inaccurate, but God is always right when it comes to direction.

Until I let go of my pride and let Him lead, I can’t find His way.  I know in my heart that I will get where He wants me to go if I will simply stop doubting and start trusting Him to forgive me for my bad choices and help me start making good ones. He said He will direct my path if I will only acknowledge Him in all things, and I believe Him. The key to being on the right path is to stop making wrong turns and stop to ask God for directions:)

Better Plans:)

I was very excited yesterday about my plans to take Lillyann to lunch and shop for a special birthday present for Mylah. We were going to the Cork & Bean for a crepe and then search for the perfect big sister gift. I could tell on the ride to my house that she was less than enthusiastic about my plans, but I decided to give her time to warm up to them. I knew she’d come around to my way of thinking.

As we neared town, I asked if she wanted to shop first. She said she wanted to play at my house first, so we headed up the hill. She wanted to play with her doctor kit, so we started putting together the doctor’s office and hospital. I got dishtowels for our blankets, and we went to work getting everything ready. I enjoyed watching as she slipped easily into her role. She decided we would have a special wing for butterflies, so we rearranged and went in search of more butterflies. Not difficult in my home:) She looked at me while she was fixing lunch for the patients and said she didn’t want to go to a restaurant to eat.

I usually have plenty of food on hand, but my refrigerator was bare. She was so sincere and sweet about it, so I asked what she wanted. She said mashed potatoes! I did have potatoes in the bin and decided that I could round up a meal if that’s what she really wanted. There’s a payoff for every choice, so I told her that I would have to go in the kitchen to cook while she played by herself for a little while. She said that was okay and added that she wanted to make something for Mylah. I told her that was a great idea and got some things together so she could work at the kitchen table while I prepared lunch. She made a sweet little noise maker with an orange Gatorade mix container and some little smooth river stones. She made designs with a blue sharpie, and I grinned as I watched her attention to the task at hand. She also made two beautiful cards with more drawing and lots of stickers. We may not have been playing together, but we were chatting away while we shared the same space. It was so sweet to listen to her talking about how much Mylah was going to like her present. My heart was as warm as it’s ever been!

As we enjoyed a simple, but wonderful, lunch of lima beans, carrots, mashed potatoes, cornbread, and cherry-berry tea, I had to smile. I told her as we ate that she had some very good ideas when it came to lunch and the present for Mylah. She just smiled and said proudly, “Yeah!” You would think I might suggest the homemade gift after my lesson on gifts, but I needed a sweet reminder. Lillyann gave me just that yesterday as I remembered that it’s the time together that makes a meal special, and it’s the love that makes the present perfect. So thankful for my little mentor! I can’t wait to see and hear Mylah play with the present from her big sister.

After her nap, she wrapped the present with a little help and put it and the cards in a pink bag. I loved watching her proudly hold the gift and comment that it wasn’t too heavy. She was so proud, and I don’t imagine that shopping trip would have produced the same feeling as the little homemade gift. We rushed home so she could head to the movies and see Nemo with mommy and daddy while I played with Mylah. When they returned home, Mylah was beside herself with joy. I know Lillyann gets tired of having to share things with her little sister, but I also know that she loves it when Mylah squeals with delight when she sees her. I’m just glad I have a front row seat and get to see it all. Lillyann certainly had better plans than I did. I’m glad I came around to her way of thinking:)