God has more in mind for me when it comes to love, and He made that clear with a powerful image and lesson my heart so needed this morning. His love is the perfect example of love, and He knows the desires of my heart because they are the same as His.
I can’t control circumstances or people, and I wouldn’t if I could. My choices in regard to love have been ones that reflect the way I see myself. It is hard to break old patterns and stop listening to those voices from my past that say I am not worthy. My sisters advise me to stop listening to them, but they are familiar and even comforting at times.
Unrequited love is something God knows all about. Christ went to the cross with a love so beautiful that it needed no response. He knows response is up to the one loved. I am learning the same. Circumstances close doors, but they do not change hearts. I’ve been trying to change my heart in the face of those closed doors and asked God this morning to do what I cannot. He did just that as He helped me understand the cause of my heart problems.
I had a very unstable environment in childhood when it came to love. The unhealthy attachments between me and my parents in early life are at the root of my heart’s dysfunction. God showed me that my ex-husband wasn’t the only one with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I see that my intense need to be accepted and loved comes from the start my heart had in this world, and that knowledge is humbling and healing.
When I hurt but cannot find the pain’s source, I can think of nothing else. I lived with a terrible pain in my heart for sixty years; with God’s help this morning, I finally found the thorn in the core of my heart that was causing that pain. Letting God work that thorn to the surface was excruciating, but it was worth the suffering to stop the dull aching throb that came with every beat.
Many say unrequited love is necessary for creative works of art, music, and literature; Mary Ward calls it “the poetry of frustration.” There is truth in that thinking that I understand first hand, and God’s Word is filled with beautiful examples of such literary creations. His Son’s willingness to love completely and sacrifice all for those who would never even notice is the ultimate when it comes to expressing love without worrying about response. Sacrificial love is the highest on the love chain, and unrequited love will always inspire. Now that the thorn has surfaced, I can stop worrying about the source of that throbbing pain and find the life and love God has in store and express my heart’s desires in a new and beautiful way. I know there will be pain when it comes to love because by its very nature, love brings the greatest suffering as well as the greatest joy to life.
Seeing and understanding the truth allows me to love and live differently. Change is always difficult even when it means the absence of familiar pain. My heart is sore and may always be from the truth God applied today. I had breakfast with a fellow yesterday morning who showed us a place on his finger where a piece of metal had worked its way to the surface after an accident in Vietnam twenty years earlier. We all marveled at the miracle. I know the thorn in my heart would never have made its way to the surface without God’s intervening hand, and I know God knew that little piece of metal would be ready to the surface at the same time I would ask Him to work the thorn in my heart to the surface. He knows I’m a visual learner, and I love having an object I can see and touch to help me understand. I am amazed at how He works and teaches until He reminds me that He is God and does know a thing or two about love and me:)