I was shocked and embarrassed as fear spilled out of my heart yesterday. I wasn’t expecting the sudden flood of emotion when I talked with a friend about a situation that concerned me. It hit a nerve that made me realize I still have a lot of healing to do. They say when you’re jarred, you see what’s inside. I wasn’t prepared for the fear that came spewing out. It was like hitting an artery!
I was thankful to have a sound board and honest communion as I struggled to get out of the quick sand that was surrounding me. I was drowning and didn’t like or understand it at all. I thank God for providing the space I needed and the tears that cleansed and released my heart.
It’s important to make room, and that’s what happened yesterday. God cleared, cleaned, and showed me the need to move on. Twain said a virtue not tested is not really a virtue, and I believe the same is true for fear. I don’t know I have it until my heart is confronted. It is frightening, and it helps to have company who understands. Hearing is the heart of witnessing and provides a needed nudge.
Stumbling provides opportunity for growth, and lessons that hit a nerve are the ones that stay with me. God knew I was ready to face the fears lingering from past hurts and move forward. He knew I needed the nudge I got yesterday. I once heard a minister say that was precisely what we are here to do. To nudge and be nudged is much better than to judge and be judged. It is at the heart of walking and witnessing in God’s kingdom.
The most difficult part of facing fear is seeing the need to move on. God showed me yesterday that I’m ready to take another step in the direction He has in mind. He’s always ready for me to move on, but I get sidetracked and make Him wait. I’m grateful for His patience. His ways are higher than mine, and I am learning that I don’t have to understand them. He doesn’t expect me to, but He does expect me to obey His precepts and live according to His Word. I cannot bend, stretch, or make them or Him fit into my plan. I have been guilty of doing just that.
When stuck at a fork in the road, a loving nudge is necessary. I can ignore the nudge, go my way and rationalize my decision. I can see the nudge as a push and get angry, or I can allow the nudge to move me gently in the direction God desires. The choice is mine, and there’s the rub as Shakespeare would say:)