Month: December 2012

Healed Holes

The way to find my way is to open my eyes. The way to find God’s way is to open my heart. That means hearing and having faith when I can’t see my way. Not seeing my way is a prerequisite for seeing His:) I always take the long way around when it comes to learning, and that convoluted path gets frustrating at times; but it’s worth the extra miles when I finally get it:)

On Monday evening, the sunset was the most beautiful I have ever seen. The day was a cold, dreary, and very rainy one. I had a funeral in the afternoon, and a visitation in the evening. Around 5:30, I noticed a beautiful glow and turned to look out my kitchen window. What I saw, took my breath away. I quickly turned off the lights and stood by the window to watch God. In an hour, a dense fog descended. Visibility was terrible as I made my way to the visitation. It was a difficult two-hour ordeal that left my heart aching. I know the glimpse of God was there earlier to remind me that He was with me, and I held on to that thought throughout the evening.

On Tuesday afternoon, the funeral for my sweet former student who took his own life was a time of healing. As I heard God’s Word, I felt the ragged edges of my heart begin to come together. As I found myself surrounded by so many loved ones, I felt God”s presence in a powerful way. Immanuel! God with us. What a beautiful plan! His way became clear as I let go of my grief and let Him fill those holes with His love.

Grief opens the heart as nothing else if allowed to run God’s course. God helps me feel the hurt, absorb it, and let the holes in my heart stay open. Those healed holes, as I call them, allow love to flow more freely. It’s like having an ear pierced; the hole heals, and I can put in an earring. Without God’s help, the holes in my heart remain raw and ragged and sore.

I think holiness is having healed holes that open my heart in a wonderful way. Last night, as I listened to the sweet voices of children singing songs about Christmas, I felt whole and holy indeed. I was surrounded by little ones yesterday, and God blessed as love poured in and out of my heart as it only can when I am with children. Tears are part of healing, but so is laughter:)

Grief will always be part of my life if I plan to love, and God certainly has loving at the top of His list when it comes to living. Laughter will always be part of my life because no one has a better sense of humor than God. He designed us to love, and that means both tears and laughter.  I need both, and God is always there to cry and laugh with me.  Those who truly love me do the same.

God shares my journey and shows me His way. He knows it and me by heart:) I didn’t have the presence of mind to take a picture of the sunset, but God has another sweet former student do that for me. Here’s Stacy’s photo, and it captures just what I saw on Monday evening.

Sunset

Sleeping Babies

Watching Mylah or Lillyann sleep fills me with a sense of peace as I breathe in the sweet peace that surrounds them. Babies don’t sleep like adults and rarely make noise. The quiet that fills the house allows time and space to be still. Sometimes I sleep alongside them, but I prefer to stay awake and enjoy the peace.

I thank God that my granddaughters don’t toss and turn. I know little Mylah misses mommy, daddy, and Lillyann. They are at Sea World today enjoying the sunshine and warm temperatures. Mylah is going to ride the Polar Express this evening and see Santa Claus. I know she will love the train ride and the sweet treats, but the Christmas lights will captures her attention.

Not all children have the luxury of being children. Many grow up too quickly, and some are tormented by mental illness. My heart goes out to all children who miss childhood. It should be a time of playing and loving and laughing. Too many little ones are hurting, and it breaks my heart. Heaven is a perfect childhood in the eternal presence of  a loving Father. I  love to imagine the joy of being in God’s loving presence forever. I know He looks after me now, but sometimes the lessons of this world are harsh and difficult to comprehend.

I get a glimpse of heaven each time I watch little Mylah sleep. When I remember that she wasn’t breathing when she came into this world, each sweet breath she takes is a miracle. I thank God for the privilege of loving her, and I pray I never take a single moment with her for granted. She and Lillyann have a lot left to teach me:)

Healing Words

The past week has been a horrendous one in regard to senseless deaths, and I’ve attended two funerals in two days. That’s far too many, especially when one is a young man who took his own life. The funeral today offered healing words that lifted my soul and gave me hope.

The healing power of truth told with love and forgiveness was the heart of the message this afternoon. There is nothing more powerful in all of creation. Loving in God’s kingdom involves honesty and forgiveness. We can begin doing it right now, and that is the miracle Satan hopes we forget.

Satan makes a lot of sense when he bids us to stand our ground or run and hide. He knows we love to hear that we are right and should retaliate. True forgiveness means giving up our right to be right and to retaliate. Satan will even arrange a fan club for us, but a stadium full of fans don’t bring the peace loving and forgiving as God will.

The only solace in a time of grief is extending grace and loving as Christ. God feels our grief was a beautiful part of His message today. He understands our grief as no one else can. He doesn’t want us to hide or deny it. He wants us to feel it and absorb it because it is part of who we are. Those who heal best after a tragic death are the ones who feel deeply and forgive completely.

I pray that as a nation we will feel deeply, forgive completely, and give up our right to retaliate. I don’t think we have to give up our right to bear arms, but I do think we have to think about putting assault rifles in the hands of everyone. We also must think about ways to protect our most fragile citizens. That includes our children as well as those who are mentally ill.

There are no easy answers when we cry out why, and that was part of the message today. We want to know why, but it is more important to have faith. God’s Word was very healing today, and I feel as if a burden has been lifted from my heart. Grief was dispersed in a beautiful way today as God’s healing words penetrated the hurt and lifted the spirit:)

Shared Grief

Love blooms and spreads beautifully when shared. It is meant to be shared, but grief is also meant to be shared. It is often awkward to share grief, but it is so important that we do because it diminishes when shared. It’s not easy to open my heart and let others see and share my pain, and it is as hard to hear hurting hearts. Love and grief go hand in hand. Without love, there is no grief. Losing a loved one causes deep grief, but sharing that grief in love disperses it and makes way for healing and peace.

Holding on to grief causes its roots to go deeply into the heart. Many hearts are broken by those roots, and many are encased and hardened by them. We have seen the results of a hardened heart this week, and none of us will ever be the same because of it. Having grief in the open as in Newtown, Connecticut forces sharing. People all over the world are praying and sharing the grief of those who have lost loved ones. I pray we will be mindful of all who suffer around us.

Jesus said, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.” Romans 12:15 NASB  The fixer in me wants to keep others from weeping. I like to fix and solve and make it all better. I am learning that is not what I am here to do. Being a loving presence is up to God. His Spirit gives me access to His love. It is the most powerful force in existence, and I can tap into it. That allows me to share the pain of grieving hearts and share my own grief. It changes me and the world.

I am only just beginning to understand love and all it entails. This week, I’ve been poignantly reminded that grief is meant to be shared. I don’t have to understand grief; I just have to open my heart, express it, and hear it. Jesus shares our grief and hears our hearts. The Holy Spirit allows us to do the same with those in our path. Fixing and doing are easy outs that make me feel better but do little in the way of true connection. Loving requires exposing my heart, and that requires trust. With the Holy Spirit’s help, I can find the connections God desires for me and live a life, as my dear friend would say, “is worth living forever:)”

God’s Ways Lead to Peace

Psalm 25:4-5 is my prayer this morning. The psalm is a sweet source of comfort when I am confused or troubled. Like The Lord’s Prayer, it takes the focus from my worries to His ways. That brings the peace I seek.

Make me know Your ways, O Lord;
Teach me Your paths.
Lead me in Your truth and teach me,
For You are the God of my salvation;
For You I wait all the day.

My sleep has been fitful this week, and I know many others share my restlessness. I’ve come to see the time I awake in the wee hours of the morning as a time of prayer. This morning was especially powerful as I felt God’s presence and peace fill my heart as I acknowledged my weakness and His strength.

I try to fix things, and I feel better when I know specifically what to do. As I’m getting closer to God, I’m finding I must let go of my old habits and embrace a new way of living, loving, and praying. It isn’t easy, but Psalm 25 helps me see myself as a student and not a teacher. God is a master teacher, but I’m not an ideal student much of the time. My goal in the coming year is to become a better student. It is what being a disciple is all about. If I am to be Christ’s disciple, I must be willing, open, and obedient.  I must also be willing to trust Him and change my way of doing things.

Trust is at the heart of learning, but I often lean on my own understanding rather than trusting God. I know I am making progress when I see how silly my ways are. That is a great indication that learning is taking place.  Learning changes my mind and my heart, and my life is different as a result. When I live and love in God’s way, I realize the futility of my way. It’s like getting a dishwasher or washing machine after doing dishes and laundry by hand. Can you imagine going back to hand washing dishes and laundry?

I don’t long for the days when clothing was washed in a creek and hung on a line. God used that image to show me the difference between His ways and mine. I waste a lot of time running around in circles when I simply need to be still. To become the disciple He needs for me to be, I must believe His ways are higher than mine. Isaiah 55:9 says it simply and beautifully.

“For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways
And My thoughts than your thoughts.” 

The Holy Spirit helps me with perspective. If I find myself tossing, turning, or running in circles, I look to God’s Word and find balance and peace. It’s much easier to give up my ways when I remember His ways lead to peace, and that’s my desired destination:)

Joy Is Ours to Keep:)

This is the Season of Advent, and today’s candle represents joy. Joy is ours to keep, and no one can take His joy from us. The season began with the candle of hope. Hope is always present and is God’s promise forever. His peace surpasses all comprehension, and His love is assured. Philippians says it beautifully.

Philippians 4:4-7 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice!  Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. NASB

The Lord is near! That gives my heart hope, peace, joy, and love. I can allow Satan and others to steal any one of these precious gifts of God, and weeks like this one certainly open up the door and give those thieves access. Jesus will close that door of grief and heartache and sit with me until the pain subsides. He knows that pain weakens and leaves me vulnerable. It’s why He came to make a better way, one where hope, peace, joy, and love abound and are mine to keep forever. If they are stolen for a time, He will help me retrieve and hold on to them.

Obedience leads to joy, and that’s the key to finding and keeping joy alive in my heart. Joy isn’t ha ha happy, and it isn’t Pollyanna optimism. It is His presence in the midst of disaster, sadness, and whatever else befalls me on this journey. He won the war, and I can shout from the depths of my heart because of that victory. He is coming again, and that is what Advent is all about. He has not left us and assures that He will be with us always. There’s joy in connection. There’s joy in knowing I am loved. There’s joy in knowing that this world isn’t the final word.

Obedience requires trust, and that means stepping out in faith and believing that God is who He says He is. When I do that, fear flees and worries wither away. I don’t have to understand as I obey; I simply have to trust God. Proverbs 3:5 says it best:

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart
And do not lean on your own understanding.”

The teacher in me wants to understand before I obey, but the Christ in me says trust in the Lord. I argue at times and fall prey to worry, but Christ’s sweet voice keeps whispering softly in my heart. When I get still, those gentle words calm my spirit and bring joy to my soul. Singing praises allow joy to flow down and up and all through me. It’s tempting to weep and wail, and I’ve done my share of that this week, but songs of joy lift. Hope, peace, and love join in, and the chorus becomes a heavenly one:)

We’re In This Together

John Donne’s famous poem “No Man Is An Island” is worth a second look this week.

No Man Is An Island

No man is an island,
Entire of itself.
Each is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.
As well as if a promontory were.
As well as if a manor of thine own
Or of thine friend’s were.
Each man’s death diminishes me,
For I am involved in mankind.
Therefore, send not to know
For whom the bell tolls,
It tolls for thee. 

Each death does indeed diminish each of us, and that was made crystal clear as we watched the horror unfold before us this week. The bell tolled many times for me and for each of us yesterday, and I thought of the poignant ending to Donne’s powerful poem. Do I really believe that mankind is that connected? I should. God created us to connect, but we separate, choose sides, hide, and mind our own business. It’s what’s wrong with the world. Oneness is God’s plan. Individuality is what Satan prefers.

Each day 21,000 children die in this world. “The silent killers are poverty, hunger, easily preventable diseases and illnesses, and other related causes. Despite the scale of this daily/ongoing catastrophe, it rarely manages to achieve, much less sustain, prime-time, headline coverage.”(Global Issues)

The numbers numb, and the statistics cause us to run for cover if we forget to see ourselves as “involved in mankind.” I suppose the fact that we could do something to prevent the 21,000 daily deaths makes us uncomfortable. Out of sight, out of mind keeps the horrible statistics from haunting me. Haunting is the word I would use for this terrible week. The images have literally haunted and left me reeling.

John Donne didn’t write his poem to make us cower and cover our faces. He wrote it to remind us that we are all in this together. We are stronger when we connect because we are closer to one another and to God when we understand the point of this poem. Christ called us to love God and one another. When we grasp that truth and remember that we are not islands, we will walk in God’s kingdom with the light and life that Christ brings into this world.

John 1:1-5 has helped me so very much today:

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.  He was in the beginning with God.  All things came into being through Him, and apart from Him nothing came into being that has come into being. In Him was life, and the life was the Light of men.  The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it.”

The darkness does not comprehend the Light, but it does flee from it. Let your light shine in a way that will disperse the darkness, and live the life Christ makes possible for all of us. I will attend two funerals this week, and my heart hurts from the losses close to home as well as those far to the north and around the world. The bell tolls for me, and its tolling has caused my heart to tremble this week and remember that I am not alone. That is a comforting thought if I remember Who is the author and perfecter of my faith. I’ll leave you with those words of comfort from Hebrews 12:2

“fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

The Victory is God’s

Psalm 30:5 reminds me that “Weeping may last for the night, But a shout of joy comes in the morning.” Yesterday was a day filled with weeping as beautiful young children were taken from us in a deeply disturbing way. Many others died across the country yesterday; one was a special young man in my own town who ended his own life. He was a former student and very dear to me. My heart was filled with much weeping yesterday, and my sleep was troubled throughout the night. God reminded me this morning that the final victory is His.

Weeping may last for the night, and I know many will be weeping for many nights to come, but joy does come when we remember that death has lost its sting. We cannot lose sight of God’s victory or death’s grip will take hold of our hearts and steal our joy. Loved ones leave us lonely and hurting as we long for their love, but we can rest assured that they are in God’s loving presence where death does not exist any more.

Death has no authority in God’s kingdom. Christ put an end to death when he rose from His grave. It is the hope that allows us to continue living and loving in a world designed to make us  give up. God bids us to remember who He is and that His kingdom has a new design. We are here to learn about love and grow closer to Him and to one another. That is a plan that brings hope, joy, peace, and love if we will remember that the war has already been won. The victory is and always will be God’s.

Let’s help each other as we walk through the times of weeping. Holding a hand, saying a prayer, and just being present. Having someone hear my heart helps me find joy in the morning, and hearing someone’s heart does the same. When we weep together through the dark night, we find the strength to make it to the morning light together. Loneliness is at the heart of all those who are hurting, and I pray that I am more mindful of those in my path who need a little love.  Instead of arming ourselves with bigger guns, I pray we will arm ourselves with bigger hearts filled with compassion and reach out to one another in love. It was love, after all, that won the war in the first place.

My Heart Goes Out to Connecticut

The tragic shooting in Newtown, Connecticut seems unreal. Like a terrible nightmare, it leaves me thinking it can’t be true. Kindergarten is a safe place. Rural Connecticut is a safe place. Suddenly, the world isn’t the same. I don’t imagine it ever will be the same; in fact, I hope we are not the same after this slap to the very heart of all we hold to be sacred and safe.

I imagine we will have answers in the coming days, but I doubt any of them will make sense to us. Sense is relative and, and I guess the young man who carried out this horrific crime saw some sense in his actions. Satan is adept at convincing those who are hurting that hurting others will help. It doesn’t, of course, but there is truth in the old saying that misery loves company. There is an epidemic of misery in this world, and it breaks my heart that innocent little ones bore the brunt of one man’s frustration and hurt.

There is no way to protect our children and grandchildren from all harm, but we can give them hope. God offers hope to a world without hope. Christ understands the pain of senseless killing; He died at the hands of those who were hurting and misguided. Death is not the final word thanks to His sacrificial love.

My heart goes out to Connecticut and to all those who will face this Christmas season without their precious little ones. I cannot begin to imagine their pain, but I know that God can and does. May He surround those hurting and remind them that evil is defeated by love and forgiveness. That level of forgiveness is not possible in the human realm, but it is possible with the help of the Holy Spirit.

God bless those in Newtown, Connecticut and may we all hold those we love a little closer tonight.

Ring of Truth

I had the diamond from my engagement ring placed into a beautiful new setting and picked up the ring today. It was important to let go of the past and move forward, and the new ring was about doing just that. I marveled at the beautiful heart that brought tears of joy and release as I put it on my finger.

There are times I feel I haven’t made a lot of progress when it comes to my heart, but there are other days when I know I’ve come a long way. Settling for less than what God has in mind has always been a problem for me in regard to love, and God reminded me that He knows best when it comes to love. Truth is the most important component of love, and I am learning to be honest and open even when if breaks my heart.

Listening is a new skill for me, and I’m learning to discern His will. Sometimes it’s the most simple thing in the world, but it becomes complicated when I put my wants into the mix. Hearing His truth involves breathing in His Holy Spirit. I am beginning to do just that and realized today that I hold my breath far too often when it comes to His Spirit. Having access to the Holy Spirit is not the same as truly embracing Him and allowing Him to occupy my heart.

When I let God’s Spirit into my heart, He makes it beautiful. I haven’t cherished my heart, so it’s no wonder it hasn’t been cherished by others. Being wanted is a great feeling, but being cherished is much better. God made sure I saw the difference today. Lessons in love are never easy, but the beautiful ring God placed on my finger will serve as a vivid reminder to cherish my heart and love as He desires. His kingdom will come if I let Him start with my heart. There’s a ring of truth in that if I ever heard one:)