Month: January 2013

Breathing In:)

I’ve been out of my regular loop this week as I’ve been busy getting moving into the new house. There are still many boxes to unpack, but my bedroom furniture came yesterday, and Tyler worked late getting it all together! The girls and I have been sleeping on mattresses on the floor in my room this week as Tyler worked long hours and Gina helped care for her grandmother. Last night, mommy and daddy were here, so I was alone for the first time since Saturday. I missed the sweet pillow talk that lulled me to sleep each evening and brightened my spirit each morning. It’s been over a decade since I’ve shared a bed with anyone, and I loved the sweet snuggling.

This morning, I’m breathing in, relaxing in God’s Spirit, and enjoying His presence. The Holy Spirit is the breath of true life and love. That’s been the beautiful lesson this week. The Greek word for Spirit is the same word used for wind and breath. I have taken in deep breaths this week as both I and this beautiful home have come to new life.

Life and love without the Spirit is like being on life support. Life and love with the Holy Spirit is breathing in God. Christ’s precious love enables me to be one with Him, with God, and with the Holy Spirit so I can love as He loves and live the life He has planned. It isn’t about being independent; it is about stopping my struggle, relaxing in His love, and allowing His Spirit’s indwelling to be as natural as breathing.

There is no way to show someone how to breath. There are methods that improve lung and heart capacity, but breathing is an involuntary function closely tied to the heart. The same is true when it comes to the Holy Spirit. Love changes, and there is a new freedom. I no longer need a respirator! I can breath in God’s own Spirit thanks to Christ.

It has been a week of transition for me, and I finally understand the importance of breathing in His love. The best way to describe the lessons this week would be to say I feel as though I’ve come off the respirator and am breathing on my own. Breathing in God’s Spirit is a choice, and I’m the only one who can decide to pull the plug on trusting any other form of life support other than His love.

Sweet Susan’s passing yesterday was a big part of the lessons this week. As I watched her loved ones care tenderly for her at home as she wished, my heart saw love expressed in an amazing way. They allowed her to let go and breathe in God’s Spirit in the most powerful way possible. Breathing her last breath here surrounded by those she loved made the transition to her new and final home a beautiful one.

It’s been a week of amazing lessons in breathing, living, and loving; I thank God for loving me enough to send His only Son so I can breathe in His Spirit and live a life filled with His precious love. Breathing is about living, and living is about loving. Christ helps me live a life worth living forever where love is as natural as breathing:)

Sweet Encounters on the Path

I’ve been disconnected when it comes to media the past few days. In fact, I washed my phone last night and lost the last little thread of media I own. God used all to teach an important lesson in connectedness. The old me would have fretted and fumed and fussed at myself for not being clear with the cable company, not pursuing the new provider, and especially for not checking my pockets before washing my jeans last night:) I’m not who I was, and I’m not who I will be one day. I am, however, learning to be still and let God work through my mistakes.

God works in our decisions, and we blame Him when things go wrong and take credit when things go right. I’m learning that God is always speaking, but I’m not always listening. God is always present, but I’m often someplace else. God lets me make my own choices, and they are not always in line with His desires. He is faithful to speak the truth and hear my heart, but I am seldom still enough to listen to His advice. Not having any distractions was a wonderful blessing, and I thank God for the peace that filled me as I slept media free last night.

Last night was the last night in my apartment. I’ve had three apartments since leaving my husband a decade ago. All were small safe havens, and all were beautiful hiding places; but none have been a home. The new home is open and large and filled to the brim with the sound of living and loving. Mylah and Lillyann love the open spaces for playing and running. Cookie and Matza love the sun-filled living room and mostly bask there unless someone comes up the drive. Then, they do what they are supposed to do, sound the alarm:) I’ve never lived in a home with dogs inside, so this is an adjustment for me. I love the sweet, lazy English Bulldog and the energetic, happy German Pointer. They already know me, and I have the feeling I’m going to get to know them much better as we share a home.

We are designed to love and live together, and I thank God for the opportunity to be close. Last night as I walked to Meme and Pepe’s house, which is just down the road, I was thankful to be nearby as Ann’s mother Susan makes her way to heaven. She is dying, and my heart goes out to Ann as she cares for her at home. Grandma Susan is the strongest, sweetest woman I know, and everyone who ever met her could not help but love her. She has suffered at the cruel hands of Parkinson’s Disease for a decade has been unable to stand upright for years. She taught a music lesson on Friday before having a stroke later in the evening. What a blessing it is to have gotten to know and love her.

I was walking back home after sitting with Susan and Ann when I saw Tyler, Gina, Lillyann, and Mylah  coming to see Gigi Susie. I knew Lillyann would wonder at her being straight on the bed as she has been bent for so long, and I prayed she would she her as sleeping peacefully. I saw a beautifully strong woman who loves God and her family. I knew that God had all of us in His hands as I looked over at the beautiful lights in town. I stood for a moment and enjoyed God’s presence. I felt at one with Him, with my sweet family, and with those in town.

I was surprised by a large SUV filled with a family from India who told me they were surely lost! I had to grin and think the same thing:) When they showed me the directions to the home they were renting for the week, I smiled and pointed at the house a few yards away. Their faces lit up with a mixture of relief and joy, and they thanked me profusely. As I walked up the drive to the house, I thought about the scripture this week. It is Epiphany today, and we remember those who traveled a long distance and found a great King in a tiny child. God reveals Himself to us each and every day, and I pray I see and hear His will in each sweet encounter on my path.

I Want What You’ve Got!

When it comes to relationships, there is no way to duplicate what happens between two people. Christ never changes, but each relationship with Him is different because each of us is unique. Folks sometimes say, “I want what you’ve got. How do I get it?”  There are two people in each relationship, and I’m the only one who can have what I have with Christ or with anyone else in this world. God loves us the same, but we respond to His love differently.

There are a plethora of people with advice on how to do this or improve that, and I’ve tried many of them to no avail. I’ve also given advice because I knew what I needed to do; I just didn’t seem to be able to do it:) In fact, I used to say that the title of my autobiography should be, “Take My Advice Because I’m Not Using It!”

If there is a secret to success, happiness, or love, I believe it is honest communion with God, myself, and those in my path. The truth is not easy to hear or to speak, and it often comes at a great cost. I have to stop believing the lies and open my eyes to what God has for me. God’s love gives space and shows me truth. That sets my heart free!

John 8:31-36 says it best.

“So Jesus was saying to those Jews who had believed Him, “If you continue in My word, then you are truly disciples of Mine;  and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.” They answered Him, “We are Abraham’s descendants and have never yet been enslaved to anyone; how is it that You say, ‘You will become free’?”

Jesus answered them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who commits sin is the slave of sin.  The slave does not remain in the house forever; the son does remain forever. So if the Son makes you free, you will be free indeed.” NASB

Sin is what keeps me from truth and love, and it destroys relationships by disguising itself as truth and love. Therein lies the rub as the Bard would say:) Sin either rubs the heart raw or hardens it. It keeps the heart in a state of hurt or numbness putting Christ and others at arm’s length. I can’t love someone if sin has a hold of my heart.

I’m learning that I can walk in God’s kingdom now and have what He wants for me, and that makes this life a wonderful one. God makes it clear to me that I cannot have what I see in others because I am not them. I have tried to duplicate what I’ve seen in others or, God forbid, what I’ve see in the media. No one is like me; God made me to be who He created me to be. Therefore, I am the only one who can relate to Him and others as me. The truth is all about being who I am meant to be and loving God as only I can.

The world encourages me to want what others have. Wall Street’s bottom line depends upon my frustration in that regard. The Holy Spirit has a different bottom line and breathes God’s love and light into my life when I accept Christ’s offer of God’s love. He opens my eyes and lets me see the truth. Once I get a glimpse of truth and love, I can easily let go of the lies that surround sin and the need to be someone other than who I am. Christ peels back the layers and helps me see my heart and His so we and I can have a wonderful relationship. Wanting what others have leads to misery. Embracing what Christ has leads to love. Christ’s love allows me to hear His heart and the hearts of others, and that is what love is all about:)

The Treasure in My Chest:)

Matthew 6:19-21 says,

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.  But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal;  for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” NASB

My heart is a treasure chest. What I put in it is entirely up to me. It’s been taken, shaken, broken, and stolen as I’ve allowed other than His love to occupy the space. When I fill my heart with God’s Spirit, Christ’s love allows me to hear Him and clean out the clutter. The message is clear that God is near and love comes from above. Life is about loving, and love is the greatest treasure in this world and the next.

No one can steal Christ’s love, and it never rusts or rots. The measure of His sweet treasure is that it grows as it’s shared. Caring and connecting is not about taking and raping, trying and lying, or using and abusing. It is allowing the Spirit to show me the love in all God creates. Love comes from above, and it is stored in heaven. Jesus gives access to God through His Holy Spirit when I’m ready to accept His love and let it flow through my heart.

Once I know God’s love, the desire to store or stack up cheap imitations is gone. I’m learning to leave my treasure chest open as God’s love cannot be taken or stolen away. My heart’s been like a storage locker filled with junk left to the rust and dust that comes when I let Satan convince me that doing, fixing, enabling, and pleasing are what love is all about. That is true when it comes to the treasures of this world, but God’s kingdom is about a different kind of love and storage that creates a beautiful open space that invites His Spirit to flow through and fill at the same time:)

Embracing the New:)

I love beginning a new year. I seldom go out on the town and end the old year sound asleep, but I love waking up to a brand new year. Like a blank canvas or sheet of paper, the new year begs for me to begin a new story, a new painting, a new song, or just a new doodle:) It doesn’t matter as long as it’s new.

Getting stuck in old habits is a common problem, but I’m learning to get rid of the old habits that keep me from moving forward. I catch myself slipping backward at times, and it’s great to toss those thoughts that don’t belong.  As I pack and move to my new home, I’m loving letting go of stuff I don’t like, need or want. Like the new year, the new place begs for me to begin anew. I love having a big blank canvas and am embracing the emptiness as I clean and prepare for the new furnishings.

Moving is a lot of work, and I’m sore right down to my bones.  I’ve been sleeping like a baby after all the physical labor, the laughter, and thoughts of living with my son and his sweet family. It is the stuff of peace-filled sleep, and I’m loving it.

I was astounded by the quiet at the house. I’m used to traffic and noise, so the silence got my attention when I was there alone. I stopped, looked out the window, and thanked God. I have to say that I am praying more often than ever in my life. I can’t help but pray each time I walk by a window, hear a loved one, or look at the girls running around the house. God answered my prayer for deeper understanding of His love in a beautiful, unexpected way:)

Mylah went to the wire rack where I kept their little books at my apartment and gave me a puzzled look. I decided to put their books in my bookcase under the beautiful stairway and use the wire rack for my books.  When Mylah brought my copy of “Practice the Presence of God” by Brother Lawrence, I asked her what she thought of his ideas on living in God’s kingdom now.

She smiled that sweet little smile of hers and dropped it on the floor. Kids know how to practice the presence of God until we teach them to pay attention to us!! There were no pictures in this book, so she dropped it on the floor and grabbed Langston Hughes and dropped it too. We quickly showed her the mountain of books ready to go in the bookshelf by the rocker. She found one she recognized, grinned, and handed it to me:)

Gina and Rita created a beautiful place for reading while I played with the girls. I absolutely love it! It’s a perfect example of what a difference it makes when you let go of the old and embrace the new. Books are where they belong, and all’s right in the world.

The Sound of a House Becoming a Home:)

As Mylah slept on my shoulder this afternoon, I listened to Lillyann playing Candy Land with Mere. The sound of her sweet little voice echoing down the stairway was music to my ears. Mylah’s sleepy breathing almost lulled me to sleep, but I stayed awake because I wanted to hear the sound of the house becoming a home. Love was all around, and I basked in it thinking it was a bright and beautiful day even with the steady rain.

Pepe and daddy came in with a load of furniture, and Pepe smiled his beautiful smile and closed the doors so she could sleep. I listened to all the activity and hugged Mylah while she slept. I decided not to put her down because I was afraid she’d wake up. Tyler came into the room to check something and didn’t see us there. He was asking Rita a question when he noticed us.

It was time for Mylah to wake up, and she had been stirring a little. She heard daddy’s voice and popped awake, and exclaimed DA!! She and Lillyann act as though it’s the first time they’ve seen mommy or daddy each time they see them. I love that about them! They love being surrounded by people they love, and their enthusiasm is contagious. Lillyann is so happy I’ll be down the hall from her and Mylah. She looked at the sweet nightlight Ethel gave me for Christmas and said, “Now I can find you if I wake up and want to come to your room.”

I told her that was exactly what the light was for. I can’t decide if the beautiful views or the sweet children are more distracting. Between the two of them, I may just play and stare out the window for the rest of my life. That would actually be okay with me because each time I see the girls or the views, I thank God.  Needless to say, I’ve been thanking Him a lot lately. That’s been a very positive thing, but it’s also why I’m a little behind on my unpacking:)

The kids stayed at the house tonight for the first time, and I will be completely in very soon. I love the new house. What a pleasure to witness it become a home this afternoon as happy voices and a sweet sleeping baby’s breath filled the entire space with love. The house breathed in the sounds and let out a sigh of relief, and so did I.  The sounds of love are what make a house a home, and I thank God for allowing me to witness the transition this afternoon. It was a privilege, a blessing, and a taste of what heaven must surely be like.