Month: August 2013

Tagging Along or Out in Front?

In “My Utmost for His Highest,” Oswald Chambers gives a beautiful description of the new life that comes from the rebirth Christ promises. “The new life manifests itself in conscious repentance and unconscious holiness.” Jesus tells Nicodemus, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God.” (John 3:3 NASB)

 The biggest misconception when it comes to Christianity is that rebirth happens automatically. Nothing could be further from the truth. I did not choose to be born the first time around, but rebirth requires a conscious decision on my part. Repentance that leads to rebirth requires obedience that causes me to die to self so I can see God in a new light. Just as a baby coming through the birth canal is blinded by the light of this world, my heart is also overwhelmed by the light of God’s kingdom during the process of rebirth.

In God’s kingdom, He is more than a father, protector, guide, and teacher. He is the Ruler He has been, is, and always will be. Seeing God in the light of His kingdom changes the way I see myself and His world. Without rebirth, I simply bid God to join me on my journey instead of being led on His. There is a world of difference, and entering His kingdom makes that crystal clear. He will never leave me alone, but He will not tag along after me. I found myself lost, alone, and at the end of my hope when I realized the path I was traveling was quickly unraveling toward me. Sometimes a new direction isn’t an option; such was the case with my heart.

While God will not tag along behind me, He has been, is, and always will be present on my journey. When I die to self, I’m ready to be led. He lifted me off the unraveling path I was traveling and set me down in the woods where we had a very special connection long ago. It was a time of beautiful rebirth, and I was nineteen once again. Trips down the birth canal are always traumatic because they take me from the familiar into the unknown. It is a fearful trip, but hearing mama’s voice at the other end calmed and soothed my frightened heart the first time. I remember vividly how Tyler’s crying stopped the moment he heard my voice. God’s comforting voice at the end of that rebirth canal had the same effect upon me.

I’m not sure what God has in mind for the next leg of this incredible journey, but I do know Who will be out front and who will be tagging along as we travel.

A Walk in the Woods

A Beautiful Thing!

As I was eating gelato with friends yesterday, I said very seriously, “Toasted pistachios are a beautiful thing!!” We all laughed out loud, and I’m sure those walking by must have thought we were a little nutty 🙂 I looked at the ladies surrounding me and realized friendship is a beautiful thing. I am blessed with more than my share of dear friends, and I pray I never take any of them for granted. I also have three amazing sisters who are my dearest and oldest friends. God manifests His love in the laughter and tears of friends who share my path.

I had lunch on the river today with my dear friend Robbie. As we shared gelato afterward, I told her I felt nineteen again. I explained that God took my heart back to a time of innocence that renewed my faith and reminded me that I am still who I was at nineteen and always will be. It may seem an odd analogy, but I feel as though God picked me right up off the path and put me back down right before the intersection where I took a terrible turn away from Him.

I’m very thankful for the lessons I’ve learned over the past four decades, and I’m thankful for the lessons this week that reminded me that friends who hear my heart and love me with an honest openness are as good as it gets. My path has been overflowing this week. The connections and reconnections God placed in my path were just what my wounded heart needed. There is nothing better than having friends who share the pain and the joy of the journey. It is a beautiful thing indeed!

With Robbie on the River

On to the Field!

The lessons of the past two weeks have hit hard and touched my heart deeply. The image of an open field this morning didn’t surprise me given the nature of those lessons. God has used images of cages and fields many times over the past few years in His lessons dealing with love, but He’s never used them together until this morning.

On Monday, God took me back to a time when my heart was as open as it has ever been in my life. I spent three beautiful days camping in the woods with a dear friend. Open fields and beautiful woods created the perfect environment for honest communion that freed my spirit. It was a time of simply being honest in a place of complete openness. In the exposure, there was no place for my heart to hide. Like Adam and Eve in the garden, God was present in a very intimate way.

I told my friend that I felt like a caged animal set free for a weekend. Hearts belong in open fields, but I returned to my cage immediately after that beautiful weekend afraid to venture back on to the field. On Monday, memories of that weekend flooded my heart in a very healing way. Cages have taken many forms over the years, but my fear of venturing on to the field has remained firm. I love “Sympathy” by Paul Lawrence Dunbar and can connect to the image of a caged bird. Singing and cages come in many forms.

     I know what the caged bird feels, alas! 
        When the sun is bright on the upland slopes; 
    When the wind stirs soft through the springing grass, 
    And the river flows like a stream of glass; 
        When the first bird sings and the first bud opes, 
    And the faint perfume from its chalice steals — 
    I know what the caged bird feels!

    I know why the caged bird beats his wing 
        Till its blood is red on the cruel bars; 
    For he must fly back to his perch and cling 
    When he fain would be on the bough a-swing; 
        And a pain still throbs in the old, old scars 
    And they pulse again with a keener sting — 
    I know why he beats his wing!

    I know why the caged bird sings, ah me, 
        When his wing is bruised and his bosom sore,— 
    When he beats his bars and he would be free; 
    It is not a carol of joy or glee, 
        But a prayer that he sends from his heart’s deep core, 
    But a plea, that upward to Heaven he flings — 
    I know why the caged bird sings!

Maya Angelou’s autobiography “I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings” also strikes a familiar chord in my heart. Attempts to leave the cages in which I’ve found myself have left me bruised and sore but never completely free. God put a special time of openness into my path forty-two years ago, and He brought back those memories in a vivid way this week. I haven’t had the faith to venture into His openness until this morning as I walked with a dear friend. Instead of the woods, Rita wanted to walk around the football field. I always marvel at the way God orchestrates my learning, but He undid me today. The openness of the football field was the perfect backdrop for His lessons in love that caught me totally off guard. The players would say I was blindsided:)

Love is an open field, and I’ve always known that. My heart yearns for openness and pleas for freedom, but my body and mind continue to confine and control. I remember a time when I was free to be who God created me to be. My heart has been beating its wings against bars for forty-two years. God reminded me, yet again, that I am the one who continues to shut and lock doors. Faith is the key that opens those doors. God is waiting for me to find faith that will allow my heart to come out of the cage and head out on to the field.  I know God will provide all my heart needs and more if I will only trust Him. I am eternally grateful for loving friends who gently nudge me on to the field and cheer enthusiastically for me.

Like many of my friends and family, Rita worries about my love life. She relayed stories about friends finding love late in life this morning as we walked. When we finished walking, she looked at me with a big grin and said in her beautiful Boston accent, “You need to start playing the field!” Right on cue, the football team came out of the fieldhouse wearing broad grins and dressed out in maroon and white. I had to smile and marvel as God used a group of dedicated Maroon Devils to teach an important lesson on the importance of getting out of the cage and on to the field.

On the Field

What If?

Do you ever catch yourself wondering how your life might have been different if you had made different decisions. I found myself doing just that as I reconnected with a dear friend this morning. I heard once that the biggest mistake we can make when it comes to the past is thinking it could have turned out any differently. It destroys the present when I wander into my past or future with a wondering attitude. It’s best to thank God for all the beautiful experiences He’s placed in my path, is placing in my path, and will continue to place in my path. That way, I can enjoy the beautiful present He gives me each day.

Movies about slipping back in time or fast forwarding to the future all have the same theme-enjoy the present! I allowed myself to pine for a while today, but my thoughts quickly turned to my son and his beautiful family. I am so grateful to be able to share this special time of connection with them. The lessons over the past eight months have been about loving and living together, and I thank God for each and every one of them.

It’s was wonderful to go back to a very special time in my life, and I’m grateful for the sweet memories God brought to the surface today. My heart needed the nudge. While special moments can never be recreated, they can be revisited in a way that renews and revives the spirit. Renewing past connections is as important as making new ones. As my friend reminded me today, we are all connected. We just don’t always know it:)

We are all one, and it was nice to feel that sweet oneness today. Christ said, “The glory which You have given Me I have given to them, that they may be one, just as We are one;” John 17:22 (NASB) 

I’m learning that being connected is what life is all about. It is what Christ wanted, wants, and will always want for us. I was reminded today of a time when I was as close to God as I ever remember being. I veered off the path for a very long time after that, but I found my way back. I’ve always taken the circuitous route, but that works out well because I come full circle a lot. The trick, as another friend told me, is to spiral upward with each of those circles. I did that today, and it felt wonderful!

Spiraling Upward :)

Lust, Love, and m&m’s

God broke the sugar coating right off of my heart this week and used a very sweet image to teach an important lesson in love. I have the tendency to allow my heart, as Langston Hughes would say, to “crust over like a syrupy sweet” in order to protect it from the pain that accompanies love. God’s love cracked that colorful coating into a thousand pieces last week in order to show me the deep rich love I was about to miss. Forest Mars and Bruce Murrie found that a candy coating would keep their sweet chocolate from melting in my hand before it melted in my mouth. I learned the same about my heart long ago.

I wasn’t expecting the image God brought early this morning. In fact, I already had my own image and my own beautiful thoughts. I am learning to let go of mine and go with His. Lust is a colorful candy coating that covers love if I let it. I’m afraid I’ve done just that for a very long time. If I settle for lust’s candy coating, I miss the rich love God has in mind for me. I can’t imagine putting m&m’s in a jar and looking at them or licking off the coating and throwing the chocolate away, but I came very close to doing just that last week.

God knows the way I love, and He always knows exactly what my heart needs. I marvel at how He used a little piece of candy to teach a lesson I will not soon forget. Each time I eat one of those sweet little treats, I plan to smile and thank God for the deep rich love that is more than I could ever imagine on my own and far better than the thin colorful coating that covers it.

Love, Lust, and m&m's

As the Fawn

One of my favorite songs is “As the Deer” by Martin J. Mystrom. The inspiration for the beautiful song comes from Psalm 42:1 “As the deer pants for the water brooks,
 So my soul pants for You, O God.” NASB

I do thirst for God. When I find myself spiritually dry, I know it’s time to get back to that sweet stream of living water Christ provides for me. God took the familiar image to a different level yesterday as I drove down the mountain to go to aerobics class. I saw a doe crossing the road, so I stopped my car and watched as a sweet little fawn hurried to catch up with her. I realized it was time for me to do the same. It’s been a tough week filled with difficult lessons that hurt my heart deeply. Those are the lessons I try to avoid, but God is a persistent and patient teacher who waits for me to be ready to hear what He has to say to my heart.

The lessons were varied, but the theme was the same all week. As Reverend Barber reminded me at the rally on Monday, it’s simply about doing what’s right. That varies when it comes to political issues, but it is clear with God. Learning to love as He desires is not an easy task. Just when I think I have it figured out, I realize how little I know. Loving God is easier when I stay close to Him., so I have to be like that little fawn when it comes to following if I want to find the peace His presence provides.

I had a particularly bad day yesterday, but the little parade at the bottom of the mountain was just what I needed to redirect my focus. I stopped looking at my troubles and started looking at God’s love for me. Aerobics with friends and a hot shower helped get rid of any remaining kinks, and I began to see light at the end of the tunnel. There will always be tunnels and rain in life, especially if I decide to love. Opening my heart lets in pain as well as joy, but that’s preferable to an empty heart. 

Hopefully, the image of the little fawn running after her mama will help me follow in a way that keeps me from getting too far off the path. Sometimes I just have to stop and be reassured like the little fellow in this photo:)

As the Fawn

Mountain Moral Monday

As I joined in the Mountain Moral Monday protest yesterday, I was overwhelmed by the crowd of nearly 10,000 people gathered to show concern for all that is happening in North Carolina. I have to admit that I am guilty of not keeping up with all that is going on in Raleigh, so I’m as responsible as the lawmakers who are having their way with this state.

I have never been ashamed to be from North Carolina, and I always have been and will continue to be very proud to say that I taught in the North Carolina public schools for thirty-three years. I love teaching and I love North Carolina, so I thank God for allowing me to be part of the education of thousands of beautiful young people. I’m sorry to say that I have been shaking my head in disbelief and shame lately at all that is being done to harm this state that once was a leader in the field of education.

I couldn’t help but ask myself what former governor Jim Hunt must think about the travesty playing out in Raleigh. I know his heart is breaking as he watches all his hard work going right down the drain. Bad things happen when good people do nothing, and I am glad to be part of a movement to say enough is enough. It was nice to feel pride for my state again as I watched in wonder at all the people in Pack Square.

I was very proud to stand right behind Reverend Barber during his press conference yesterday. I was taking part in history, and I want Lillyann and Mylah to know that I did it for them. I agree that true conservative Christians want to make sure love is conserved for future generations.

All Things Work Together

All Things Work Together

As we sang the beautiful song “Your Love Never Fails” by Chris Quilala yesterday during our worship service, the words touched my heart in a powerful way. Romans 8:28 wraps around me in a way that transforms my heart. “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” NASB

The song captures those words in a way that makes my heart want to sing for joy. Several beautiful verses come together in the song. Psalm 30:5 has always been a favorite, and the reassurance it brings is beyond compare. “For His anger is but for a moment,
His favor is for a lifetime;
Weeping may last for the night,
But a shout of joy comes in the morning.” NASB

Look at the lyrics and listen to the song and see for yourself.

Nothing can separate

Even if I ran away

Your love never fails

I know I still make mistakes

But You have new mercies for me everyday

Your love never fails

Chorus:

You stay the same through the ages

Your love never changes

There may be pain in the night but joy comes in the morning

And when the oceans rage

I don’t have to be afraid

Because I know that You love me

Your love never fails

Verse 2:

The wind is strong and the water’s deep

But I’m not alone here in these open seas

Cause Your love never fails

The chasm is far too wide

I never thought I’d reach the other side

But Your love never fails

Bridge:

You make all things work together for my good

God makes all things work together for my good, and that puts all things into His perspective and out of mine.

For those who are keep up, I’ve lost three pounds and two inches in two days. I feel great and plan to enjoy the side effects:)

Clearing & Clarity

The scales say I’m down two pounds, but my heart and head say I’ve lost even more. I haven’t fasted in a very long time, so I forgot the clarity that clearing food from the table brings. I didn’t fast yesterday, but I did eat considerably less than I normally do. A beautiful side effect was that what I did eat was delicious. I imagine my taste buds had become numb with all the food I was eating because I never allowed myself to be truly hungry. I mentioned that yesterday, and I see it as the heart of the lessons God has for me this week.

Clarity comes from clearing away, and it was just what my heart and body needed. I am surprised by the satisfaction and the clarity that allows my heart and mind to be more focused upon God. My prayers are different, and I find they are even more powerful than when I fast. When fasting, I think of food and the fact that I am very hungry. That makes my prayers more fervent and gives a sense of sacrifice, but I like the feeling of having time and focus much better. That gives greater intimacy which is what God and I both desire.

So often, with God and in conversations with others, there is a rushed feeling that keeps intimacy at bay. Clarity is lost because my heart and mind are divided. I love having time to stop and enjoy both the food and the conversations God places in my path. Both make me feel lighter in spirit. Clearing the path makes traveling so much easier, and I would say that’s what the Garcinia Cambogia did for me yesterday.  I can also feel a difference in the way my clothes are fitting, so I’d say the results are great.  A day can make a big difference, and I look forward to seeing what’s yet to come.

image from Sitkins International
image from Sitkins International

Satiety and Satisfaction

I began using Garcinia Cambogia today in an effort to lose some weight around my middle. I have to say it’s been a great day filled with lots of things other than food. I ate far less than I regularly do and exercised more. I also did more and had time left over to relax. Thinking about, preparing, and eating food obviously took up a lot of my time, but I never really felt satisfied. Food was also a source of comfort and entertainment. I’ve entertained myself in a different way today and enjoyed not thinking about food.

I’m not sure what results I’ll see, but I do know that I like having my mind free to think about other things. Satiety is defined as “the quality or state of being fed or gratified to or beyond capacity” and is something I rarely feel. I’ve felt it all day today, and it’s been amazing. My father once told me that I was born hungry and would most likely die hungry. Mama made a point to feed me every time my mouth opened when I was a newborn, and I picked right up where she left off when I got big enough to feed myself.

I distinctly remember eating five meals a day as a child. I ate heartily at breakfast, lunch, after school, dinner, and before bedtime every single day. I also ate in between those times, so it’s a wonder I wasn’t obese. I weighed a steady 110 pounds from the time I was in high school until I got married at 21. I gained ten pounds but then went back to 115. When I went into labor with my son Tyler, I weighed a whopping 152 pounds. I left the hospital weighing 122. I remember thinking I was a beached whale. Funny how perspective changes:)

Yesterday, I weighed 150 when I got out of bed. I decided it was time to do something since I wasn’t nine months pregnant. I also have been feeling heavy, and that makes me tired and unable to do what I want to do. I’ve never been one to diet, and I’m still not one to diet. I was intrigued, as I know many have been, with the information coming out about Garcinia Cambogia. I have a friend who’s been taking it for a while without a noticeable change in weight, but I thought I’d give it a try and see if my insatiable appetite might be curbed.

It’s not fun to not be satisfied, and that applies to more than food. God reminded me this morning to be satisfied with what He provides, and I have to agree with Him. Hunger is designed to make sure I eat enough to keep my body going, but I never allow myself to get hungry. I have to say that I have not been the least bit hungry all day, and I’ve eaten at least half, if not less, than I normally eat. It will be interesting to see what happens:)

My Garcinia Cambogia guarantees satisfaction or I get my money back. Life doesn’t offer the same guarantee, but God does promise that He is God and does know what He’s doing. That’s a promise that helps me stop hungering for what I want and be satisfied completely with what He gives.

image from The Art of Satisfaction
image from The Art of Satisfaction