Wonder is a big part of worship, but I let worry and want keep me from wondering as I should. Instead of letting awestruck wonder fill my heart and life, I waste precious time worrying about whether or not I’ll get what I want. Want and worry go hand in hand, and I find I can’t have one without the other. My wants are right in the middle of my worries. Those worries are a sure sign that I’m focused upon myself rather than God.
When I focus upon God, I’m struck by His majesty, I’m also amazed by His patient love and find myself seeking His presence. Saying two in the Gospel of Thomas says this about seeking.
“Jesus said, Those who seek should not stop seeking until they find. When they find, they will be disturbed. When they are disturbed, they will marvel, and will reign over all. And after they have reigned, they will rest.”
I love the progression Thomas includes in his gospel because I’ve found that seeking does disturb at first. When I get past the disturbance, I marvel as I am able, with the help of the Holy Spirit, to reign over the things of this world. The reigning isn’t about controlling circumstances but rather about living in and loving through them. It’s taken a long time for me to come to this place of rest, but the Holy Spirit provides peace that passes all rest I’ve ever known.
Worries and wants are giants that can only be slain by wonder in and worship of a God who loves me more than I can imagine on my own. With the help of the Holy Spirit and the company of those who hear my heart and continue to love me anyway, I can not only absorb that love, I can share it with others. It’s what the Good News of Jesus Christ is all about, and I thank God for the patience He has shown to me.
It’s tempting to stop seeking and simply sit satisfied safely in my own salvation, but that self satisfaction can never take the place of the joy that comes from sharing God’s love. When it comes to temptation, I can test God and try His patience, or I can trust Him and take His advice. Either way, I find that God never changes, but He can change me if I let Him.
I think I’ll keep seeking, wondering, and worshiping God because I love the peace that comes once I find Him.