I taught middle school for 33 years and retired in 2007. I'm enjoying my journey and loving the time I have with my three granddaughters who call me "Gigi." I want to share my journey with them and with anyone else interested in sharing the lessons God has for me on this amazing journey.
God broke the sugar coating right off of my heart this week and used a very sweet image to teach an important lesson in love. I have the tendency to allow my heart, as Langston Hughes would say, to “crust over like a syrupy sweet” in order to protect it from the pain that accompanies love. God’s love cracked that colorful coating into a thousand pieces last week in order to show me the deep rich love I was about to miss. Forest Mars and Bruce Murrie found that a candy coating would keep their sweet chocolate from melting in my hand before it melted in my mouth. I learned the same about my heart long ago.
I wasn’t expecting the image God brought early this morning. In fact, I already had my own image and my own beautiful thoughts. I am learning to let go of mine and go with His. Lust is a colorful candy coating that covers love if I let it. I’m afraid I’ve done just that for a very long time. If I settle for lust’s candy coating, I miss the rich love God has in mind for me. I can’t imagine putting m&m’s in a jar and looking at them or licking off the coating and throwing the chocolate away, but I came very close to doing just that last week.
God knows the way I love, and He always knows exactly what my heart needs. I marvel at how He used a little piece of candy to teach a lesson I will not soon forget. Each time I eat one of those sweet little treats, I plan to smile and thank God for the deep rich love that is more than I could ever imagine on my own and far better than the thin colorful coating that covers it.
One of my favorite songs is “As the Deer” by Martin J. Mystrom. The inspiration for the beautiful song comes from Psalm 42:1 “As the deer pants for the water brooks, So my soul pants for You, O God.” NASB
I do thirst for God. When I find myself spiritually dry, I know it’s time to get back to that sweet stream of living water Christ provides for me. God took the familiar image to a different level yesterday as I drove down the mountain to go to aerobics class. I saw a doe crossing the road, so I stopped my car and watched as a sweet little fawn hurried to catch up with her. I realized it was time for me to do the same. It’s been a tough week filled with difficult lessons that hurt my heart deeply. Those are the lessons I try to avoid, but God is a persistent and patient teacher who waits for me to be ready to hear what He has to say to my heart.
The lessons were varied, but the theme was the same all week. As Reverend Barber reminded me at the rally on Monday, it’s simply about doing what’s right. That varies when it comes to political issues, but it is clear with God. Learning to love as He desires is not an easy task. Just when I think I have it figured out, I realize how little I know. Loving God is easier when I stay close to Him., so I have to be like that little fawn when it comes to following if I want to find the peace His presence provides.
I had a particularly bad day yesterday, but the little parade at the bottom of the mountain was just what I needed to redirect my focus. I stopped looking at my troubles and started looking at God’s love for me. Aerobics with friends and a hot shower helped get rid of any remaining kinks, and I began to see light at the end of the tunnel. There will always be tunnels and rain in life, especially if I decide to love. Opening my heart lets in pain as well as joy, but that’s preferable to an empty heart.
Hopefully, the image of the little fawn running after her mama will help me follow in a way that keeps me from getting too far off the path. Sometimes I just have to stop and be reassured like the little fellow in this photo:)
As I joined in the Mountain Moral Monday protest yesterday, I was overwhelmed by the crowd of nearly 10,000 people gathered to show concern for all that is happening in North Carolina. I have to admit that I am guilty of not keeping up with all that is going on in Raleigh, so I’m as responsible as the lawmakers who are having their way with this state.
I have never been ashamed to be from North Carolina, and I always have been and will continue to be very proud to say that I taught in the North Carolina public schools for thirty-three years. I love teaching and I love North Carolina, so I thank God for allowing me to be part of the education of thousands of beautiful young people. I’m sorry to say that I have been shaking my head in disbelief and shame lately at all that is being done to harm this state that once was a leader in the field of education.
I couldn’t help but ask myself what former governor Jim Hunt must think about the travesty playing out in Raleigh. I know his heart is breaking as he watches all his hard work going right down the drain. Bad things happen when good people do nothing, and I am glad to be part of a movement to say enough is enough. It was nice to feel pride for my state again as I watched in wonder at all the people in Pack Square.
I was very proud to stand right behind Reverend Barber during his press conference yesterday. I was taking part in history, and I want Lillyann and Mylah to know that I did it for them. I agree that true conservative Christians want to make sure love is conserved for future generations.
As we sang the beautiful song “Your Love Never Fails” by Chris Quilala yesterday during our worship service, the words touched my heart in a powerful way. Romans 8:28 wraps around me in a way that transforms my heart. “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” NASB
The song captures those words in a way that makes my heart want to sing for joy. Several beautiful verses come together in the song. Psalm 30:5 has always been a favorite, and the reassurance it brings is beyond compare. “For His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for a lifetime; Weeping may last for the night, But a shout of joy comes in the morning.” NASB
Look at the lyrics and listen to the song and see for yourself.
Nothing can separate
Even if I ran away
Your love never fails
I know I still make mistakes
But You have new mercies for me everyday
Your love never fails
Chorus:
You stay the same through the ages
Your love never changes
There may be pain in the night but joy comes in the morning
And when the oceans rage
I don’t have to be afraid
Because I know that You love me
Your love never fails
Verse 2:
The wind is strong and the water’s deep
But I’m not alone here in these open seas
Cause Your love never fails
The chasm is far too wide
I never thought I’d reach the other side
But Your love never fails
Bridge:
You make all things work together for my good
God makes all things work together for my good, and that puts all things into His perspective and out of mine.
For those who are keep up, I’ve lost three pounds and two inches in two days. I feel great and plan to enjoy the side effects:)
The scales say I’m down two pounds, but my heart and head say I’ve lost even more. I haven’t fasted in a very long time, so I forgot the clarity that clearing food from the table brings. I didn’t fast yesterday, but I did eat considerably less than I normally do. A beautiful side effect was that what I did eat was delicious. I imagine my taste buds had become numb with all the food I was eating because I never allowed myself to be truly hungry. I mentioned that yesterday, and I see it as the heart of the lessons God has for me this week.
Clarity comes from clearing away, and it was just what my heart and body needed. I am surprised by the satisfaction and the clarity that allows my heart and mind to be more focused upon God. My prayers are different, and I find they are even more powerful than when I fast. When fasting, I think of food and the fact that I am very hungry. That makes my prayers more fervent and gives a sense of sacrifice, but I like the feeling of having time and focus much better. That gives greater intimacy which is what God and I both desire.
So often, with God and in conversations with others, there is a rushed feeling that keeps intimacy at bay. Clarity is lost because my heart and mind are divided. I love having time to stop and enjoy both the food and the conversations God places in my path. Both make me feel lighter in spirit. Clearing the path makes traveling so much easier, and I would say that’s what the Garcinia Cambogia did for me yesterday. I can also feel a difference in the way my clothes are fitting, so I’d say the results are great. A day can make a big difference, and I look forward to seeing what’s yet to come.
I began using Garcinia Cambogia today in an effort to lose some weight around my middle. I have to say it’s been a great day filled with lots of things other than food. I ate far less than I regularly do and exercised more. I also did more and had time left over to relax. Thinking about, preparing, and eating food obviously took up a lot of my time, but I never really felt satisfied. Food was also a source of comfort and entertainment. I’ve entertained myself in a different way today and enjoyed not thinking about food.
I’m not sure what results I’ll see, but I do know that I like having my mind free to think about other things. Satiety is defined as “the quality or state of being fed or gratified to or beyond capacity” and is something I rarely feel. I’ve felt it all day today, and it’s been amazing. My father once told me that I was born hungry and would most likely die hungry. Mama made a point to feed me every time my mouth opened when I was a newborn, and I picked right up where she left off when I got big enough to feed myself.
I distinctly remember eating five meals a day as a child. I ate heartily at breakfast, lunch, after school, dinner, and before bedtime every single day. I also ate in between those times, so it’s a wonder I wasn’t obese. I weighed a steady 110 pounds from the time I was in high school until I got married at 21. I gained ten pounds but then went back to 115. When I went into labor with my son Tyler, I weighed a whopping 152 pounds. I left the hospital weighing 122. I remember thinking I was a beached whale. Funny how perspective changes:)
Yesterday, I weighed 150 when I got out of bed. I decided it was time to do something since I wasn’t nine months pregnant. I also have been feeling heavy, and that makes me tired and unable to do what I want to do. I’ve never been one to diet, and I’m still not one to diet. I was intrigued, as I know many have been, with the information coming out about Garcinia Cambogia. I have a friend who’s been taking it for a while without a noticeable change in weight, but I thought I’d give it a try and see if my insatiable appetite might be curbed.
It’s not fun to not be satisfied, and that applies to more than food. God reminded me this morning to be satisfied with what He provides, and I have to agree with Him. Hunger is designed to make sure I eat enough to keep my body going, but I never allow myself to get hungry. I have to say that I have not been the least bit hungry all day, and I’ve eaten at least half, if not less, than I normally eat. It will be interesting to see what happens:)
My Garcinia Cambogia guarantees satisfaction or I get my money back. Life doesn’t offer the same guarantee, but God does promise that He is God and does know what He’s doing. That’s a promise that helps me stop hungering for what I want and be satisfied completely with what He gives.
Ecclesiastes 1:14 says, “I have seen all the works which have been done under the sun, and behold, all is vanity and striving after wind.” Those verses might sound discouraging, and they are if I try to capture God or catch the wind. I love Ecclesiastes, and this verse is especially comforting. That may sound strange, but it touched my heart in a beautiful way this week and helped me see that my striving is in vain. It is as futile to chase after God as it is to attempt to catch the wind. Neither will be captured or held. Both are present in powerful ways, but I cannot hold either in my hands.
Like the wind, God comes to me when I stop what I’m doing and be intently still. When I do that, both capture me. The Holy Spirit is beautiful wind that comes when I cry out or when I hold out my arms in love. Breath and spirit are the same, and that is never more obvious than when I am without the Spirit. Sometimes, my busyness causes me to miss the spirit and the wind. I rush here and there and end up winded rather than filled.
Lately, I’ve had trouble breathing because of mold. Our hot, rainy summer has left me struggling with a heavy feeling in my lungs. I don’t like not being able to breathe freely, but it reminds me not to take breath for granted. The best things in life come to me when I stop chasing them. That’s true when it comes to love and to breathing. If I think about breathing or panic when it becomes difficult, I end up making it much worse. The same is true when it comes to God. Relaxing and letting His Spirit flow through and around me, loosens up my heart and makes room for His love to grow unfettered in my life.
God and the wind will not be fettered, but that doesn’t keep me from trying. I learn in the striving and often find myself letting out a deep sigh of release when my energy is expended. I suppose it’s human nature to struggle, but God’s nature isn’t like mine at all. His nature is love, and love cannot be captured or contained. Love is like wind, and chasing it is vanity. The beautifully reassuring message is that it will come to me when I stop trying to catch it.
I can’t sing a new song until I get the old ones out of my heart, so I wasn’t surprised when God put the Four Tops and “It’s the Same Old Song” in my path this week. I used to love that song, and that’s exactly the point of the lesson God had for me. “Used to” is the key phrase in the song and His message.
My old love songs say I’m not worthy when it comes to love, and I believed them far too long. I lived up to their lyrics and let my heart linger in a loveless limbo believing love was for others and not for me. God shows me otherwise and bids me to throw out those outdated eight-track tapes and download His beautiful new songs.
Musicals and seventies songs have reminded me how easily songs can get stuck in my head and my heart, but Psalm 96 bids me to sing a new song. Old songs have to take on a different meaning before I can let them go. God tunes my heart to sing His songs and love as He desires. I know I’m loved, and that makes my heart want to sing.
Listening to old songs isn’t a bad thing, and I have favorites that bless me over and over. Letting lost love define me is a bad thing, and pining away for what never was mine is worse. God bids me to see myself in His light and listen to His love songs. No one captures God’s heart more than David; he was a man after God’s own heart, and it shows in the songs he sang. There are happy and sad songs when it comes to love, but dwelling on the ‘can’t have’ or ‘don’t deserve’ leaves my heart stuck in a rut that gets deeper and deeper each time I listen.
Singing a new song requires letting God’s lyrics lead when it comes to love. I learned this week that I still equate love with pleasing and doing. Love is about delighting and being. Love changes everything, and being loved gives my heart the courage to move a little closer to God, love myself, and love others as God desires.
God used humor and music to teach important lessons, and the truth honestly spoken opened the doors of my heart in a way that allowed me to toss my old tapes and start downloading new ones. Old love songs can make me swoon and cry or grin and shake my head. It was nice to smile, shake my head, and realize I am not who I used to be. I could see God grin and say, “That’s my girl!” It’s the reaction all parents have when our children begin to see themselves the way we do.
My studies took me to Isaiah this week. One word describes the prophet’s words about God. Holy. Eugene Peterson says it best in The Invitation, “We find ourselves in on the operations of God himself, not talking about them or reading about them. Holiness is a furnace that transforms the men and women who enter it. Holy, Holy, Holy is not needlepoint. It is the banner of a revolution, the revolution.” He goes on to say, “He (God) uses everything and everybody as material for his work, which is the remaking of the mess we have made of our lives.”
Isaiah means “God saves,” and his poetry brings, according to Peterson, “Messages of Judgment (chapters 1-39), Messages of Comfort (chapters 40-55), and Messages of Hope (chapters 56-66). Holiness is the goal on this journey, and I’m finding that love leads to praying, and praying leads to singing. Singing is wonderful for my soul and brings me into God’s presence in a powerful way.The songs have been interesting this week, but I realize they were meant to make me to think about falling in love and singing a new song as a result of that love. To know God is to love Him, and my heart cannot do less than sing when I love and pray to Him.
I realized this week that I’ve lusted after God more than I’ve loved Him. Give me this. Help me do this. Fix this. Heal me. Heal others. Praying and loving are so much more than I understood before, and that is where the singing comes in. John describes the song I will sing when I come into God’s presence. I am learning I can sing it now if I allow love to give my heart wings.
“And the four living creatures, each one of them having six wings, are full of eyes around and within; and day and night they do not cease to say, ‘Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God, the Almighty, who was and who is and who is to come.’ And when the living creatures give glory and honor and thanks to Him who sits on the throne, to Him who lives forever and ever, the twenty-four elders will fall down before Him who sits on the throne, and will worship Him who lives forever and ever, and will cast their crowns before the throne, saying, ‘Worthy are You, our Lord and our God, to receive glory and honor and power; for You created all things, and because of Your will they existed, and were created.’”Revelation 4:8-11 NASB
Those beautiful words have inspired many songs, and two of my favorites are “Holy Holy Holy” by Reginald Heber and “Holy Holy” by Nathan Fellingham. Both touch my heart in the same beautiful place, where God resides. Holy simply means mature, ripe, and ready to be picked. I used to think it meant perfect. Silly me! I’m learning that holy is much more than being who I think God wants me to be. Isaiah helped me come to the place of understanding John’s beautiful words. I can sing those favorite songs of mine with a new vigor knowing my heart is ripening a little more each time I sing out to the God I love more than life itself.
Holy Holy Holy
Reginald Heber
Holy, holy, holy! Lord God Almighty! Early in the morning our song shall rise to Thee; Holy, holy, holy, merciful and mighty! God in three Persons, blessed Trinity!
Holy, holy, holy! All the saints adore Thee, Casting down their golden crowns around the glassy sea; Cherubim and seraphim falling down before Thee, Who was, and is, and evermore shall be.
Holy, holy, holy! Though the darkness hide Thee, Though the eye of sinful man Thy glory may not see; Only Thou art holy; there is none beside Thee, Perfect in pow’r, in love, and purity.
Holy, holy, holy! Lord God Almighty! All Thy works shall praise Thy Name, in earth, and sky, and sea; Holy, holy, holy; merciful and mighty! God in three Persons, blessed Trinity!
Holy Holy
Written By: Nathan Fellingham
Holy, holy,
Holy is the Lord God Almighty.
Holy, holy,
Holy is the Lord God Almighty.
Who was and is and is to come,
Who was and is and is to come.
Lift up His name with the sound of singing,
Lift up His name in all the earth.
Lift up Your voice and give Him glory
For He is worthy to be praised.
Jesus, Jesus,
Jesus is the Lord God Almighty.
Jesus, Jesus,
Jesus is the Lord God Almighty.
Who was and is and is to come,
Who was and is and is to come.
Lift up His name with the sound of singing,
Lift up His name in all the earth.
Lift up Your voice and give Him glory
For He is worthy to be praised.
I am closer to God and to those in my path as a result of the lessons this week, and I am lifting my heart in a new way and singing a new song because of it!
God asks only one thing of me, and that is to love Him. Not surprisingly, He used “All I Ask of You” from “The Phantom of the Opera” to get His point across to me this afternoon. I am not a big fan of musicals, so part of the learning this week has been a greater appreciation for them. While I’ve never seen the play, I love the song because it was a favorite of a dear friend of mine. Dorothy’s son and daughter recorded a beautiful rendition of the song, and she gave a copy of it to me. It spoke to my heart when she gave it to me, and it touched me, once again, as I listened to it today.
Dorothy loved music, and she had an incredible voice. She sang all the time, and I loved to stop what I was doing and listen when she burst into song. She once told me that she only knew one way to sing, and that was to just belt the words out with all her heart. It was also the way she loved, and that was especially true when it came to God. I learned a lot about God, love, and singing from Dorothy. I am learning that the three go together beautifully. Dorothy loved me, and that love changed me. I hope my love changed her, as well. Love does, indeed, change everything it touches.
All I Ask of You
Andrew Lloyd Webber
No more talk of darkness,
Forget these wide-eyed fears.
I’m here, nothing can harm you –
my words will warm and calm you.
Let me be your freedom,
let daylight dry -your tears.
I’m here, with you, beside you,
to guard you and to guide you . . .
Say you love me every waking moment,
turn my head with talk of summertime . . .
Say you need me with you,
now and always . . .
promise me that all
you say is true –
that’s all I ask of you . . .
Let me be your shelter,
let me be your light.
You’re safe: No-one will find you
your fears are far behind you . . .
All I want is freedom,
a world with no more night . . .
and you always beside me
to hold me and to hide me . . .
Then say you’ll share with
me one love, one lifetime . . .
let me lead you from your solitude . . .
Say you need me with you
here, beside you . . .
anywhere you go,
let me go too –
Christine,
that’s all I ask of you . . .
Say you’ll share with
me one love, one lifetime . . .
say the word
and I will follow you . . .
Share each day with
me, each night, each morning . . .
Say you love me . . .
You know I do . . .
Love me –
that’s all I ask of you . . .
Anywhere you go
let me go too . . .
Love me – that’s all I ask of you . .
The song is a desire to be loved and share honestly and completely with another. It’s what God asks of me. The last lines are powerful ones when applied to loving God. I pray I will make sure that anywhere I go, He will go too. I know that’s up to me.
To be blessed with one love in one lifetime is a gift, and God is the best example of that type of love. Love is for a lifetime and leads me out of my solitude if I am willing to accept it. God’s lessons this week have left me wanting to sing as Dorothy sang. Love makes my heart want to sing, and there is nothing I enjoy more than singing praise songs to God. I’ve always thought of musicals as a little corny, but I’m finding the songs God continues to place in my path are just what my heart needs. I have to admit that those songs have made me want to sing along, and that’s what loving God and others is all about:)
journeywithgigi 