Author: Gigi

I taught middle school for 33 years and retired in 2007. I'm enjoying my journey and loving the time I have with my three granddaughters who call me "Gigi." I want to share my journey with them and with anyone else interested in sharing the lessons God has for me on this amazing journey.

Folds & Flocks

God placed the beautiful image of a flock of grazing sheep in green pastures in my path this morning. He also showed me the difference between a flock and a fold. He knows I’m a visual leaner, and the images He provided were just what I needed to help me understand the important differences between the two. A sheepfold is a pen or an enclosure for sheep, but the folds come together to form a flock that grazes together in the pasture. Christ makes it clear in John 10:16 that He has many folds that all belong to the same flock. He is the good Shepherd who laid down His life to bring His folds together.

God is about oneness, and Jesus is one with God. Pens are necessary for sheep just as churches are necessary for Christians. It’s important to gather together and enjoy sweet Christian fellowship, but the point must always be to glorify God. Being one glorifies God; Jesus came so we could be one with Him as He is one with God. I don’t understand how His message of unity causes division; but it did then, and it does now. We are one flock with one Shepherd, and we must move from thinking from of living in a fold to loving in a flock.

Jesus says it beautifully in John 10:14-20

I am the good shepherd, and I know My own and My own know Me, even as the Father knows Me and I know the Father; and I lay down My life for the sheep. I have other sheep, which are not of this fold; I must bring them also, and they will hear My voice; and they will become one flock with one shepherd. For this reason the Father loves Me, because I lay down My life so that I may take it again. No one has taken it away from Me, but I lay it down on My own initiative. I have authority to lay it down, and I have authority to take it up again. This commandment I received from My Father. A division occurred again among the Jews because of these words. Many of them were saying, “He has a demon and is insane. Why do you listen to Him?” Others were saying, “These are not the sayings of one demon-possessed. A demon cannot open the eyes of the blind, can he?”NASB

This beautiful scripture is a wonderful example of irony. Christ’s attempt to get the folds to be one flock and embrace the oneness of God causes division. I would laugh if it weren’t so very sad. Heaven is oneness in its purest form, and walking in God’s kingdom here must involve the same oneness. I’m finding that some folks cling to the fold and don’t like it when I don’t do the same. I thank God that there are many more who welcome the notion of oneness even if it is unfamiliar. As God is calling me to leave one fold and join another, I am challenged myself to maintain relationships while making new ones. The lessons of late have been tough as I navigate the unknown, but God continues to give me His peace and place passages such as John 10 in my path to encourage me to stay the course He’s set before me. I know there will be challenges along the way because the world loves division

Unity must come to my own heart first, and that is a process that will continue as long as I am in this world. Atonement is, as Oswald Chambers says, at-one-ment. Being one with God through His Son and Spirit allows me to be one with His flock. I also must see the fold for what it is and not get it confused with the flock. There is one Shepherd and many wonderful messengers who feed God’s flock. I am blessed to know and love so many faithful messengers who feed faithfully in beautifully different ways.

Folds are never to be in competition with one another. God wants us to come together as one wonderful flock. When that happens, God’s kingdom comes, and His will is done in a way that will send Satan running for shelter. The image of a beautiful flock of sheep peacefully grazing together is the image God has for all His children.

Fold of Sheep by David Wyatt

David Wyatt Sheep Fold Flock of Sheep

On the Way Home:)

On the way home last night, the breathtaking sunset made it difficult for me to drive. The sun was huge and the most brilliant orange I have ever seen. I like to pray when I drive, so I turned off the music and soaked in the silence and the scene God placed before me. I was stilled by His presence and had the sweet feeling I always have when I’m heading home. I had been visiting a friend in the hospital and was in great spirits because his spirits were soaring as his pain was gone. I thanked God for the successful surgery and decided to sing for a while. I love to sing to God when I drive for the same reason I love to sing to Mylah when I rock her to sleep; they both love me and care more about the love expressed than the correct key:)

The sweet message God had for me was that walking in His kingdom is simply coming home. I never thought of it in that way. In fact, I’ve always considered it to be more about leaving home and giving up the security home represents. God made it very clear that home is where my heart is, and my heart is with Him as never before. It has taken me a very long time to come to this place of peace, and I thank God, dear friends, and my family for helping me get here.

Repentance is about turning away from that which takes me away from God and turning toward Him. Turning is the key to walking in God’s kingdom and getting started on the way home. When I come to the place of understanding that I have to choose which way I will go, then I can begin the journey home. Home is where my heart is, and I have found it with my son’s sweet family. I thank God for the amazing home He’s given us and for the Holy Spirit’s help in seeing this journey in a new and beautiful light. The western horizon was on fire with a glorious display last night, and I could hear God bidding me to come home.

Heaven is pie in the sky for many, and I’ve been guilty of thinking of it that way myself. How wonderful to see this journey as a trip home. There’s nothing better than heading home, and that’s true even if I’m returning from a wonderful vacation. There’s something inside me that shifts gears as I turn and go toward the love I know is waiting for me. I love the feeling I get when I’m about four miles from home and know I’m only minutes away.

It’s a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual feeling all in one, and I had it more powerfully last night than ever before in my life as God assured me I was heading in the right direction. The Lord made an amazing day for me yesterday, just as He does every day, but I enjoyed it more because I let go of my plans and went with His. When I caught myself planning, worrying, or getting off track, I quickly got my heart back where it belongs.

I smiled at each stumble and thought, “I’m on my way home!!” God kept me very busy yesterday in ways I didn’t expect, but it was a beautiful busy that involved playing with the girls, enjoying the beauty around me, and some special visits He had in mind. He even included my plans in His, but He saved them for last and wowed me with more than I could have imagined on my own.

There was lot of healing in my path yesterday, but the best part was knowing my heart is in good hands and I’m on my way home. I don’t know if the journey home will take forty minutes or forty years, but I plan to trust God and rejoice and be glad in each day. I feel His presence as never before, and that’s much better than that four mile marker when I’m driving home:)

How About a Be Bee?

I decided to listen to the Romper Room Do Bee Song because God’s message this morning is about being a be bee rather than a do bee. Yesterday, the girls and I were very aware of the bees all around us as we spent as much of the day as possible outside. The buzzing insects fascinated little Mylah but had Lilly a little concerned. I loved watching the big bumble bees surrounding the beautiful weeping cherry trees in the yard, but I was nervous as we passed the yellow jackets buzzing in the juniper. I am surrounded by bees as I walk in this world, and sometimes the do bees get to me.

As I heard the words to the little song that was drilled into my head as a child, I had to smile as I thought how little do bees turn into big pharisees:)

 The words “I always do what’s right. I never do anything wrong struck me.” Unfortunately, do bees still have the same mantra. Do bees have a tough life, and one that causes great disappointment when the those great expectations are not met. Unrealistic expectations are bad enough when imposed on ourselves, but they are even worse when extended to others. The do and don’t bees are absolutes, and in God’s kingdom there is only one absolute. God is God. I am not. God is perfect, and I am not. The need to be perfect before walking in His kingdom is the biggest obstacle when it comes to walking in God’s kingdom. When I exclude others if they don’t meet my standards, I’m in very dangerous waters. His kingdom is about learning to love and drawing nearer to Him and others in the process.

Knowing Who God is and understanding that I don’t have to be Him opens the door to His beautiful kingdom and allows me to be who He created me to be. God simply asks me to be, so I decided a be bee is best in His kingdom. Being present in a loving way does more good than all the little do bees put together. In fact, those do bees end up making others do what the girls and I did when we passed those yellow jackets-get as far away as possible!

Many Christians have a do bee mentality, and that only sets us up for the fall that inevitably comes when the do bees realize they will never be perfect. That’s when those little do bee fingers come out and point at other bees and say, “I may do this, but I don’t do that…” Do bees become judge bees, and the stingers come out. Those painful stings leave the world in worse shape than ever. Be bees share God’s love and all they have in a way that nudges the world a little closer to God’s kingdom. I told the girls yesterday that we were going to play and not worry about the bees until they caused a problem. I could have told them that we were not going to play or walk or ride in the wagon because there were bees out there. I could have caused fear, but I knew that would leave us inside looking out when we needed to be outside in God’s world.

Do bees cause many to stay away from God’s house and His work, and that breaks God’s heart. We are here to love and connect as God desires, and that leaves a beautiful mark on His world. The do bee stings hurt long after the pain and swelling leave, and they cause folks to run away when they realize they cannot live up to the unattainable expectations that come from always having to be right.

I plan to tell the girls that the bees are singing, and we should do the same as we walk in God’s kingdom. There was a noticeable difference in the tune and the tone of the bees. The little honey bees had a soft, sweet sound. The bumble bees sang loudly in those cherry trees, but the yellow jackets stuck together and buzzed a fearful warning to those coming near. Each be bee has a special song of praise for the Creator, and He loves it when His be bees sing in sweet harmony:)

All I Ever Need to Know

I used to think I had to die to get into God’s kingdom. That’s true when it comes to heaven, but I can walk in His kingdom now. It’s a lesson I first learned four years ago, but I only recently embraced and applied the learning. I’ve walked in a lot of kingdoms, but nothing compares to living, loving, and connecting in His kingdom now. Like Mylah, I’m still a little shaky; but I’m slowly getting my kingdom legs and am anxious to use them. Unlike walking in earthly kingdoms where independence is the key, walking in God’s kingdom requires that I acknowledge my need for help from the Holy Spirit.

Getting my kingdom heart was a painful process that took a while, but God’s lessons in love gave me the confidence I needed to keep going when I didn’t think I would ever be able to love and live as He desires. The lessons in prayer have brought stillness that steadied my heart and my legs:) All the lessons helped me differentiate, and that is not an easy thing to do. I now know who God is, and I know who I am. That’s essential when walking in His kingdom. I want what God wants, and the lessons last week brought perspective and closure in a way that brought me nearer to Him and to those in my path.

God has been patiently waiting for me to understand and let go of the fear that was keeping me from walking in His kingdom. He knew exactly what I needed and provided it as only He can. I have the tendency to learn the hard way, but I’m hoping to do better in that regard as I listen more carefully to God and worry less about those who take on His role. It’s so sweet when a very long wait is over, and I begin this next leg of the journey filled with joy knowing that the plans God has are much better than anything I can imagine. I have no idea what He has in store, and that is exactly what walking in His kingdom entails. I don’t have a map or an itinerary so please don’t ask me for one. All I know is that I am walking in God’s kingdom now, and that’s all that I ever need to know:)

Spiraling Upward

Pastor John helped me see that the path takes an upward spiral when walking in God’s kingdom and connecting as He desires. For someone who has gone in circles most of her life, the circular part of the pattern is familiar, but spiraling upward was more difficult for me to grasp. God used the vivid image of Lillyann and Mylah navigating the stairs to help me understand His lesson. The big difference in spiraling upward is that each time I come full circle, I nudge a nearer to God. The hard part is a willingness to move on to the next step. The great news is that I’m not alone. The Holy Spirit and dear friends encourage me to move upward. The sobering lesson is that I can easily spiral downward if I allow my attention to move away from God.

The last lesson on the path to the praying life hurt me very deeply, but it gave me the courage I needed to spiral upward. I must choose if I will spiral upward or downward on this journey. Hesitating on the step last week almost caused me to fall. Little Mylah is finding the same to be true as she navigates the stairway.

Connecting and traveling on the path to the praying life is about self differentiation and love. As I become who I am truly meant to be with the help of the Holy Spirit and those dear friends with whom I have honest communion, I come full circle and nudge a little nearer to God and others. Some do not appreciate the spiral and prefer bringing me down. The Holy Spirit enabled me to break free of the need to please and reach a new place of loving and praying. With His help, I am able to pray at a new level. It’s what spiraling upward is all about. As I learn to pray as Christ, I am able to let go of hurt.

Praying for those who hurt me may never make a difference in them, but it really does make a difference in me. I don’t have to fix or persuade anyone; I just have to extend lovingkindness, and the Holy Spirit will do the rest. It was a powerful lesson, but I suppose I shouldn’t have been surprised. Satan brought out the big guns last week, and my heart suffered as I forgot Who’s in charge and tried to handle what only God can handle. Not everyone is happy with the changes that enable me to spiral upward. I was concerned when little Mylah insisted on walking up the stairs before I thought she was ready. She would not back down, and I’m so thankful she didn’t let my fear keep her from moving up:)

I marvel at how God teaches, and pray I let Him guard my heart and the hearts of those I love dearly because guarding hearts is the work of the Holy Spirit. That was clear as God prepared my heart to pray as He desires. I’m not sure where the lessons will lead next, but I know living out the lessons in loving and praying will always be a big part of this beautiful journey.

God used the image of the winding staircase at the center of our new home to help me see that the path to the praying life is one that spirals upward. Walking in God’s kingdom is better with company, and seeing Lillyann encourage Mylah to keep trying reminded me that a little lovingkindness from a friend goes a long way when it comes to getting to that next step:)

Spiraling Upward Together

Lovingkindness

Lovingkindness is one of my favorite words, but it is very difficult to define. The Greek word is hesed, chesed, or heced. The dictionary defines it as “persistent and unconditional tenderness, kindness, and mercy, a relationship in which God seeks after man with love and mercy.” I love the image those words form in my heart, but feeling it expressed is much better. I feel God’s love always, and He even places others in my path to express it when I need an extra dose.

God’s lovingkindness lasts forever, and Psalm 118 was in my path this week to remind me of just that.  Verses 1-4 repeat that beautiful thought and give me sweet reassurance:

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good;
For His lovingkindness is everlasting.
 Oh let Israel say,
“His lovingkindness is everlasting.”
Oh let the house of Aaron say,
“His lovingkindness is everlasting.”
 Oh let those who fear the Lord say,
“His lovingkindness is everlasting.” NASB

Lovingkindness is more than love and isn’t possible for me to extend or receive it without the help of the Holy Spirit. Last week, I needed some lovingkindness after being blindsided by bitterness. God was faithful, as always, and provided lovingkindness to offset the hurt it brought.

The message continues in Psalm 118 with one of the most famous verses in the Bible. Psalm 118:24 says:

“This is the day which the Lord has made;
Let us rejoice and be glad in it.” NASB

Pastor John reminded me on Wednesday evening that God will make each day if I allow Him to, but he also cautioned that others can make my day if I allow them to. I gave too much of my day and far too much of my energy to someone other than God this week and ended up frustrated and hurt as a result. God placed lovingkindness in my path and helped me see the importance of being a loving presence in this world.

The world wants and needs an explanation, and they expect nice, neat answers that conform to their way of thinking. God’s ways are higher than those of the world, and He made it clear this week that I have to trust Him and not worry when others do not understand. He does, and that is all that matters. There is a stark difference between loving self and place and loving God, and that was crystal clear to me this week. I want to bask in God’s lovingkindness and love as He loves. Witness is walking in His kingdom and helping others do the same. I also got a great lesson in what it looks like when we take on God’s role, and it wasn’t pretty. I’m thankful God is God because He is the only one qualified for the job. I plan to keep listening to and praising Him because it’s the best cure for the bitterness of this world.

Breathing in God’s Presence

Lessons on the path to the praying life have been simple ones that left me changed in a powerful way. God stripped me down to my bare bones and took me to the very core of my heart in a way that left me empty and exposed as never before. In the bareness, I’ve found simplicity and felt like hitting my forehead with my open palm the way the folks on those vegetable juice commercials do:) I suppose I was thinking I would get to some higher level of praying, fall into lengthy, more complicated patterns of prayer, or master centering prayer or Lectio Divina, but the exact opposite occurred. Praying became second nature, and prayers became simple moments with God.

The point of all the lessons is that praying and living are one and the same. Praying is breathing God’s presence into my spirit as often as I breathe air into my lungs. I’ve found that praying is more necessary for living than breathing. Praying simple prayers constantly is walking in God’s kingdom as a barefoot child walking a familiar path. It is a sweet state of being that brings light in the darkness and cool water in the desert. Praying is holding God’s hand, riding on His shoulders, or resting in His arms as He shows me His world; it’s a wonderful way to travel. I don’t have to find the way or forge the path. His Son did that, and His Holy Spirit waits patiently for me to quit striving and worrying so I can delight in all God has to show me.

When prayer becomes an involuntary act of love as natural as breathing, the praying life begins. Like a newborn baby taking in her first breath, I was worn out and scared to death from the process of entering into a new way of praying. It becomes more relaxed and natural with each prayer, and now I can’t imagine praying any other way. It’s nice to know I don’t have to worry about how or when to pray anymore, and if I feel a stuffy heart coming on, I know the Holy Spirit will quickly open my prayer way if I call on Him for help. He usually prescribes a good dose of scripture because there is nothing better for prayer than God’s Word taken under the care of the Great Physician:)

An Oasis in the Desert

 

Just as the light is welcome in deep darkness, so is the water welcome in the dryness of the desert. The clear, cool water Christ offers truly does end all thirst once I stop looking elsewhere for my thirst to be quenched. I try to light my way and quench my thirst, but the light and the waters of this world are temporary fixes for an eternal problem. My need for independence and my worker bee mentality have led to frustration as I’ve tried to do what only God is capable of doing.

John 4:7-14 describes Jesus at the well with the Samaritan woman.

There came a woman of Samaria to draw water. Jesus said to her, “Give Me a drink.” For His disciples had gone away into the city to buy food. Therefore the Samaritan woman said to Him, “How is it that You, being a Jew, ask me for a drink since I am a Samaritan woman?” (For Jews have no dealings with Samaritans.) Jesus answered and said to her, “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is who says to you, ‘Give Me a drink,’ you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water.” She said to Him, “Sir, You have nothing to draw with and the well is deep; where then do You get that living water? You are not greater than our father Jacob, are You, who gave us the well, and drank of it himself and his sons and his cattle?” Jesus answered and said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will thirst again; but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life.”

These scriptures offer a beautiful description of the difference between my ways and God’s ways. I continue to think of Him in my terms rather than grasping His true nature. He is not like me, and until I come to know that at the deepest level of my being, I cannot drink deeply of His living water and become “a well of water springing up to eternal life.” His quenching is not only complete, it also connects me to the Source of eternal life and love. It’s one thing to know about God and even to accept that Jesus is His Son, but it is quite another to connect deeply and allow His love to flow through my heart.

Like the well Jacob dug, Christ’s well required making a deep impact upon this world. The digging He did was far deeper than the best well on earth. I’m sure that the well upon which He sat was one of the finest around, but it could not compare with what He was offering. In the desert, the notion of never experiencing thirst again is a dream come true. In a world that is a dark desert without His love, it is the same. What Christ offers seems to good to be true, so many dismiss it as pie in the sky. Perhaps that is because it is simply pie in the sky for many Christians who do not reach down deeply into their own hearts to find the Source of love. Christ’s love is not for wading or splashing, it is for drinking deeply. That requires faith, and faith is the heart of the beautiful scriptures in John 4.

To never thirst again is a dream that can’t be for me. Or can it? The Samaritan woman knew she didn’t deserve the water being offered, and that is the first step to receiving it. Many guard the well of Christ and believe they have the right or maybe even the responsibility to make sure that folks like the Samaritan woman don’t taint the water. If we fret about who is drinking at the well or how they are drinking, we will miss the living water so graciously offered by Christ. We are all the woman at the well; we just don’t all know it. 

The Deeper the Darkness, the Brighter the Light

It is in the darkest night that stars shine the brightest, but the light of those stars is diminished by the light pollution of the world. When I move away from the lights of this world and my own attempts to produce light, I am able to look up and see the stars as they are meant to be seen. The same is true for Christ’s light in me. In the darkness of the desert, I appreciate the brilliance of His love.

I resist darkness, and my nature is such that I love to be around others. Community is so very important, and nothing makes me appreciate company more than time in solitude. Just as silence helps me hear, solitude enhances community. The absence of light begs for light; the absence of connection cries out for connectedness. The opposite is true, as well. Bright lights make me want to shade my eyes, and crowds can leave me looking for a getaway.

The light of Christ’s resurrection attracts me as nothing else, and sharing His light brings me closer to God and allows sweet, honest communion with others. That level of connection helps me shed light on the darkness in my heart so I can love in God’s kingdom now. It’s easy to get confused when it comes to light, but Jesus gives His Holy Spirit to help with discernment. When I ask Him to guide me nearer to Christ’s light, He is delighted to be of assistance. He waits for me to ask and lets me grope and hope to find God without Him. When my knees and heart are bruised and broken, I turn to Him for help.

Christ lights the way and leaves me in the capable, loving hands of His Holy Spirit, but I have to be ready to give up my own search and put my matches away before He can get me out of the dark desert and into Christ’s beautiful light. It’s hard to give up the need for independence and even harder to face the fears that keep me in the dark, and no one knows that better than Jesus. It’s why He promises that He will never leave me. If I would just stop wandering off and learn to trust Him, things would be so much easier:)

The Best Change Ever

Change is never easy, and I think that’s why this season of Lent has been so very difficult for me. So many changes in such a short time left me out of balance for a bit. This morning, as the sun broke through the dark clouds and filled the house for a few special moments, I had to smile back at God and thank Him for all the lessons. Those teachers who push me to the point of true change are the ones I most remember. I don’t normally have a lot of affection for those teachers as they are getting me through a difficult lesson, but I truly appreciate them when I finally get it.

The best teachers are the ones who care about me, and that means understanding that I may not understand or like the lessons they know I truly need. Good parents are not always popular, and neither are good teachers. Jesus is the best teacher ever, and He knew the lessons coming at the cross were going to break His followers’ hearts. He also knew they would lead to stronger discipleship and greater love than they had ever known. They would need those lessons when He was no longer with them, and we still need them today. Without the separation that came with His death, His resurrection would not have been possible. He knew that then, and He knows that now.

The lessons this season of Lent have been about separation more than anything else. I didn’t understand what God was doing and even became angry with Him at one point. This morning, I’m thankful for His patience with me. Hanging on to that which He bids me to release keeps me from experiencing all the good He has for me. My intentions get tangled up in His will if I try to pick and choose or keep one foot in my way and one foot in His. Then my feet, like those good intentions, keep both of us from doing any good. He made it clear that I need to clear my heart and stop trying to convince Him to let me keep this or hold on to that.

God is the Master Teacher, and the change He has in mind is the same change He had in mind on that beautiful morning when Christ rose from the grave. He wants me to experience resurrection living and loving. This morning I celebrate Christ who gave up all to God on my behalf. The result was the single greatest change this world will ever know. I am thankful that He is still a god of hope who gives me the chance to change and live a life worth living forever:)