Author: Gigi

I taught middle school for 33 years and retired in 2007. I'm enjoying my journey and loving the time I have with my three granddaughters who call me "Gigi." I want to share my journey with them and with anyone else interested in sharing the lessons God has for me on this amazing journey.

Tedious Trudge or Joyful Journey?

What’s the first thing you seek when you awake? If you’re like most, it’s a cup of coffee or something to eat. I like to linger in bed and talk to God before I start the day. My day is much better when I start it with Him. If I am worrying or whining, our time together isn’t time together at all. Worry makes it all about me, and that ruins the moment. The day goes from bad to worse. If I seek Him first thing in the morning and thank Him last thing in the evening, I find myself walking in His kingdom throughout the day.

Yesterday was a perfect example of being in His presence all day. I didn’t worry once, and God showed me how beautifully that affects my journey. Anytime I end up doing the children’s story, I know there is a lesson God is trying, without success, to teach me. I have the story today, and it’s about worry:) I’ve read and prayed over the scriptures for two weeks, and Pastor John shared the message God gave him about the powerful passage on seeking. I finally get it, and it is a transforming lesson indeed!

I hadn’t thought of the connection between worrying and seeking until John shared the message with me. Worry and trust are closely connected. If I worry, I don’t trust. If I trust, I don’t worry. It’s a simple message, but one with which I’ve struggled my entire life. Christ knows that worry causes me to miss God’s kingdom, and that makes life a tedious trudge instead of a joyful journey. God lets me decide which path to take, but He prefers I let go of worry and embrace the joy God’s kingdom has for me. Holding on to worry keeps me from seeking God’s kingdom; that makes me let go of worry as if it were a hot coal and seek God in a whole new way:)

Last night, I was getting my sparrow and lily ready for the story this morning,  and I was struck by the notion that worrying forces me to live life in a backward way. If I focus upon food, shelter, clothes, taking, making, getting, and doing, I don’t have time to seek God. Can you imagine what God’s world would look like if we all sought Him first? It would be His world and not ours. It would be His life and not mine. It would truly be “His kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven:)” That was part of the powerful lesson this week.

So why do I worry? I worry because I don’t trust God. It’s as simple as that, and God will not let me add any ‘if’s, and’s or but’s to that lesson. I have been known to take a perfectly wonderful lesson God teaches and add a little something to it, and that’s worse than worrying. That’s playing God, and it gets me into more trouble than not trusting Him. I’m humbled when I think of His patience with me and very thankful He sees me as a child learning to walk in His kingdom. Otherwise, I’d be in big trouble.

There is nothing worse than worry. It causes the past and future to invade my present. It makes me old, wrinkles my face, sours my stomach, disrupts my sleep, ruins my health, and keeps me from God’s presence. Wow, do I need any more convincing? I finally got God’s message on Thanksgiving day, and that was perfect timing on His part. Seeing Ali after seven years was icing on the cake yesterday. I told her she was my sticker this week, and what a wonderful blessing it was to hug her tightly and reconnect beautifully.

Worry causes me to look at the clock, think about the cost, wonder if I’m able, etc… Thanksgiving 2012 will go down as the week God put worry in its proper place-behind me! I pray I will remember the lessons from Matthew 6:25-33 as long as I live. I know I will as I seek Him in prayer, look to His Word, and see His world as He desires. God certainly did His part in making the lesson this week memorable, and I know if I will put Him in His proper place-in front of me, the journey will be a joy-filled walk in His kingdom that will help me draw nearer to Him and those He places in my path:)

Loving Wholly!

Wholly means completely and to the exclusion of all else, and God’s message for me this morning was that He wants me to love Him with all my heart, soul, mind, spirit, and strength. In other words, He wants me to love Him wholly! I have the tendency to hold back when it comes to love. I’ve let the deep hurts of my past cause me not to trust love, even God’s. That sounds silly when I say it out loud, but God knows it is true and wants more for me.

God reminded me this morning that the Holy Spirit will help me love wholly if I will just let Him.I love the Holy Spirit and am amazed by the holy mystery that allows Him to bring comfort and love in ways I cannot understand. He is teaching me to be a loving presence and redefining love for me, and I have made progress. God showed me this morning that I have much more to learn when it comes to love.

Whole is better than half. We all know what happens with half:) I’m guilty of being half and part and some when it comes to love. Growing in regard to love means getting whole so I can love as God desires and have the relationships He has in mind for me. I’ve settled for less than whole with love because I’ve not been willing or able to love wholly myself. I’ve loved those who cannot love me because it was safe. I thought it would hurt much less to love that way, but I was wrong. God has given me the choice of moving on or wallowing in my pain. It’s up to me as it always is.

God is whole and gives all when it comes to love. Commitment isn’t about enabling or fixing, and it is not to be part time. I’ve been deeply hurt when it comes to connecting, and I’ve allowed that hurt to lead my heart. A whole spirit, soul, and heart is required for the love God desires. Some is not acceptable when it comes to love.

I can’t pick and choose with God, Christ, and the Holy Spirit. They are whole and holy and want the same for me. Holy means spiritually pure, and the goal of this journey is to head in that direction. God gives a choice at each fork and intersection, and I have to decide which way to go. That decision is based on desire and readiness. The past two months have been a time of wrestling with God that has left me worn, weary, worried, and ready to let God lead my heart.

When God teaches me, it’s always about getting to the core of my heart. It involves getting to the place of spiritual exhaustion that causes a sigh of release and repentance. I have to turn in a new direction, and that involves change. I like to think of myself as progressive and forward thinking. That’s true unless it involves change:)

I finally cry Father! That’s more appropriate than uncle when wrestling with God. When I’ve had enough wrangling, He shows me what I need to see before I can move forward. It’s never easy to see, and that’s why I wrestle. I have kept love at arm’s length all my life, and God showed me that isn’t what He wants. He used Thanksgiving in powerful ways to help me see the importance of wholly loving and living.

Each time I come to a difficult leg of the journey, God provides sweet assistance in the form of family and friends who love me, and He always gives me a beautiful reward when I finally get it. I’m having lunch with one of my dearest friends today. I haven’t seen her in seven years, and I know the lunch isn’t a coincidence. Ali hears my heart across the distance, and we are sweet kindred spirits. She knows and loves me in a way I can’t describe. Actually, I can; she loves me wholly:) She has been an important part of my journey, and God placed her in my path at a two crucial intersections. It’s perfect that she would be here as I’m encounter another. God knows just what I need just when I need it, and I love that about Him!

Bringing in the Sheaves:)

Psalm 126 is the perfect song for Thanksgiving, and so is the hymn it inspired. “Bringing in the Sheaves” was written in 1874 by Knowles Shawl. His words were set to George Minor’s music in 1880, and a wonderful hymn was born. I marvel at the ways God’s Word sprouts and spreads. I haven’t sung the old hymn in many years, but I was reminded of it as I read Psalm 126 last night.

Psalm 126:5-6 says “Those who sow in tears shall reap with joyful shouting. He who goes to and fro weeping, carrying his bag of seed, Shall indeed come again with a shout of joy, bringing his sheaves with him.” People have been replaced by machines in the field, but the message in Psalm 126 and the hymn remind me that God’s harvest is still personal and requires His children working together to bring the sweet news of salvation to the world.

Sowing is the hard part of the harvest and involves weeping, but reaping brings great joy. Tears water the seeds. Growth is painful and never gets easier, but I must continue to grow as long as I am in this world. Age both helps and hurts the growth process. Maturity shows me the necessity of growth, but age stiffens more than my muscles when it comes to sowing, growing, and reaping as God desires.

I’ve been stiff lately, and I know it is due to a lack of yielding.  I’ve come to a place of deciding if I’m going to go to the next level or stay where I am. The choice is mine. I’ve seen what happens when growing stops; dying begins. Joy departs, and rotting replaces reaping. “Bringing in the sheaves, bringing in the sheaves,We shall come rejoicing, bringing in the sheaves.” I prefer reaping to rotting, so I plan to keep growing.

I can’t go into God’s field picking and choosing what to reap or worrying about what happened to my seeds. God’s field is ripe for harvest, and that is all that matters. The song and the psalm use “we” and “those,” both plural. The harvest is best done together. It is God’s field, and He deserves all the credit and the glory. I am here to bring in sheaves with joy and glorify God in the process.

Planting a seed is important, but there are many factors which contribute to a seed’s growth. That is especially true in God’s field.  The only thing that matters is to  “lift up your eyes and look on the fields, that they are white for harvest.” John 4:35 NASB Growing impatient while waiting for the harvest, wondering if the seed I planted is part of the harvest, and worrying about who’s in the field next to me get in way of the harvest and take joy away from bringing in God’s sheaves.

It’s easy to become weary, but it helps if I grow while I wait. If I simply sit back, settle, and become complacent, I will miss the beauty of the process God has in mind for my growth. Seeds take time to mature, and that’s why there is so much joy in reaping. The growing season mirrors the season of my own heart’s growing. There is a time to sow, a time to nurture, a time to wait, and a time to reap. Resting and quitting are very different ways to wait. I love this line from the poem “Don’t quit” by an unknown author. “When care is pressing you down a bit, Rest, if you must, but don’t you quit.” 

Growing disciples is a beautiful process that requires deep personal connections in order for roots to reach deeply into Christ’s love. His love feeds and flows beautifully if I open my heart and develop relationships that allow me to walk in His kingdom and help with His harvest. Christ’s precious love makes me come rejoicing as I bring in the sheaves. Sharing it with others is what the harvest is all about:)

Grace and Gravy:)

Thanksgiving breakfast was wonderful, as always. The hum of fellowship provides beautiful background music for the food that brings a flood of memories and sweet comfort. Wayne’s gravy is as close to mama’s as it gets, so I feel her sweet presence at the gathering. There’s just something about gravy that reminds me of grace. All the elements in a meal may be wonderfully prepared, but gravy that makes the meal special. God’s grace, like that wonderful gravy, covers all He so generously provides and leaves me feeling loved in a very special way.

Anytime I have grits and gravy together, which isn’t nearly often enough, I think of Evelyn Tooley Hunt’s poem “Mama is a Sunrise.”

“Mama Is a Sunrise”
by Evelyn Tooley Hunt

When she comes slip-footing through the door,
she kindles us
like lump coal lighted,
and we wake up glowing.
She puts a spark even in Papa’s eyes
and turns out all our darkness.

When she comes sweet-talking in the room,
she warms us
like grits and gravy,
and we rise up shining.
Even at nighttime Mama is a sunrise
that promises tomorrow and tomorrow.

I cannot read that poem without thinking of Mary Sue. Mama warmed me like grits and gravy every morning, and I thought of her today as I ate food lovingly prepared by those willing to get up a early and serve others. It’s what love is all about, and love is at the heart of grace and good gravy!

I don’t know or care if the streets of heaven are paved with gold, but I’m thinking the lakes are most likely filled with mama’s gravy. Grace and gravy have a lot in common, so I believe the connection can be made without offending any theologians. I know God would agree because He knows how gravy prepared with love makes a meal very special. He also knows His grace makes love special and warms my heart even more than mama’s grits and gravy:)

A Grateful Heart :)

God’s grace fills my heart with the desire to worship Him with humility and gratitude. Thanksgiving is a time to stop for a moment and give thanks for God’s love and grace. Like Christmas, the world complicates Thanksgiving in attempts to make it something other than what it was intended to be.

The Chickasaw in me has mixed feelings when it comes to the holiday and would like for it to be about accepting differences and understanding that we need those differences. I believe that was at the heart of the first Thanksgiving. We cannot make it in this world without help. As those early Native Americans came to learn, giving someone a hand often leads to them taking a leg, an arm, and a heart.

I suppose it is all part of human nature, but Thanksgiving is a time to think of thanking in a new way. We gather to remind ourselves that we have been given much and we are here to give. The lessons this year have helped me when it comes to giving. My giving has been unhealthy and left me depleted. I’m learning to give in a different way, and I’m finding that I am blessed and filled by healthy giving. I’m most thankful this year for the lessons in giving and the changes in my heart that have resulted.

Thanksgiving is about helping and giving my heart to those in my path. I’ve learned hard lessons, as have we all, when it comes to helping. I’ve been duped and taken more times than I care to recount. In those situations, I remember the first Thanksgiving. The intentions were good, and hearts were in one accord as they were all in the same boat. Giving is about knowing that we are all God’s children and in the same boat. I’ve learned that it isn’t about fixing and fusing. That’s changed the way I give and live:)

Gathering at church this morning and with my family this afternoon will remind me to be grateful for the love God has placed in my path. I hope I will also remember and give thanks for the fact that we are all beautifully different and bring something special to His table. God needs for me to love others, differences and all; that is at the heart of Thanksgiving. Knowing that God is in all and loves all makes the holiday truly a holy day as I see others as God sees them and give as He desires.

The lessons of late have left me speechless and filled with wonder. They remind me of an image from years ago when God showed me that Christ is a beautiful mosaic made up of all His sweet children. At a distance, I see my loving Savior. As I draw nearer to His side, I see others in Him. That changes the way I look at the world, and it changes the way I see God. We are all His beloved, and I am thankful for Christ’s precious love which binds us together in a way that only it can. It fills my heart and spills over into the world if I leave it alone and let it flow through me with the help of the Holy Spirit:)

Happy Thanksgiving, and God bless you in a beautiful way today:)

Growing Pains

My heart holds fast to the past

Not allowing me to grow.

My head races on ahead

With my heart and soul in tow.

 

My heart is stretched to breaking

By the tug of war inside.

My spirit tries to balance

While fighting the urge to hide.

 

My soul just wants to follow

Its tendency for pleasure,

But spirit wins the battle

And seeks life’s truest treasure.

 

My heart, mind, soul, and spirit

Turn in the same direction.

Growing pains are forgotten

In Christ’s perfect reflection.

 

God’s Presence

Temple veil rent

Blood spilled and spent

Paving the way

For me each day

To enter in

Despite my sin.

What’s Wrong With Worrying?

Worry seems harmless enough. Doesn’t it show that I’m staying on top of things? Isn’t it a sign of maturity and responsibility? Shouldn’t I be thinking ahead and solving problems? Isn’t it important to ponder past mistakes? The answer, according to Matthew 6:25-33, is a clear no!

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life? And why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you–you of little faith? Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear?’ For it is the Gentiles who strive for all these things; and indeed your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But strive first for the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” NASB

The scriptures from Matthew’s gospel make it perfectly clear that God does not want me to worry. I’ve learned to see worry as a measure of my faith. Fretting shows a lack of faith, and worry is a sin. That keeps worry at a distance. If I believe God is who He says He is, worry has no place in my life. That’s very easy to say, but I’m afraid it isn’t as easy to live out. Seeking God’s kingdom and remembering Christ’s righteousness help me hang out with the Holy Spirit and tell worry to take a hike:)

My stubborn need to be in control and know what is coming are the seeds at the center of my worry wart. God promises to be with me always, and that is more than enough to calm my fear. Fear flees in His presence. Living in the moment is sometimes very unpleasant, but knowing that God shares the hurt reminds me of another beautiful promise.

“For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Matthew 11:30 NASB

There are many more examples of such reassurance in God’s Word.  Joel 2:21-27 tells me He is in with me, and He is my God.  I still fall prey to fear and let worry take up space in my heart and mind, but I’m learning to look to His Word and let it surround me. It embraces and stills as nothing else. Keeping God’s Word near my heart and in my head is the best way to learn from and find joy in this amazing journey:)

Be Tending:)

I’m looking forward to being with Mylah and Lillyann today. I don’t know what we will get into,  but I do know we will “be tending.” That’s what Lilly calls pretending, and she loves it! She interjects as we play that we are just “be tending,” and sometimes adds, “aren’t we?” if she needs clarification. I was thinking this morning that be tending with kids is as good as it gets. Adults are not as adept at be tending as are children, so I’m glad to have a wonderful mentor in Lillyann.

Adults prefer drama to be tending, and that is no fun at all. Be tending is all about playing, and drama is all about attention. It belongs on the stage, screen, and between the pages of great novels. Everyone loves a great leading lady, but no one likes a great drama queen.

There are a number of theories when it comes to what goes into the making of a drama queen. I agree with the ones that point to a narcissistic or substance abusing parent who pays little attention and requires a behavior to get to a crisis level before they even respond. Children learn that drama is the only way to get attention, and that can carry over into adult life. It’s like the little boy who cried wolf or an annoying car alarm; no one pays attention to either. We can turn off the TV, leave the theater, or close the book; but it isn’t that simple when drama enters everyday life.

Be tending is healthy, and I encourage Lillyann to be tend:) It is a safe way to explore the world and exercise the imagination. It is also a good opportunity to explain right and wrong. I have always had an overactive imagination. It offered escape as a child because I didn’t want any more attention. My sister once told me that I got all the attention in the house. I realize that was true. Mama smothered me and daddy took out his frustration on me, so I was looking for an escape.

I still have to make sure I don’t hide, run away, or let circumstances turn into drama. I have learned to ask God to redirect my thoughts when they get out of control. God will use my imagination and circumstances for good; Satan will abuse them and point to the nearest exit. The choice is mine, and that’s a powerful lesson.  The process requires lots of prayer and effort. When I find myself thinking the worst and playing out a tragedy in my head, I ask God to take over. The sooner I do that, the sooner I find peace.

God uses my vivid imagination to be tend with the girls and with what my dear friend describes as sacred imagination. That’s when I give my thoughts to God, and He uses them to teach me sweet lessons in love. It allows me to play with God in a beautiful way that isn’t “be tending” but walking in His kingdom now and eagerly anticipating His return. God can use all things for the good if I hand them over to Him. Satan would like for me to stay in tragedy mode, but God has makes it clear that life is a comedy. That doesn’t mean mean funny or without hurt in the world of theater or in life; it simply means all ends well. God promises a beautiful ending with Him in heaven, and He also promises to be with me always. Knowing that allows me to find the peace, joy, hope, and love God provides for the journey:)

Love is Meant to be Shared:)

The community Thanksgiving service reminded me of the importance of gathering together in worship. I love it when the churches join to give thanks and share a simple meal. It is what worship is all about. Like all families, God’s sometimes is too busy to stop and enjoy one another.

As I was thinking of cooking earlier today, I was reminded of the importance of spending time with those I love. Life happens and love often falls by the wayside in the process. Time is a precious commodity, and commitments call us away. God’s sweet lesson today was cherish each moment of love I am given.

Love isn’t about time or even being together. It’s about knowing one another deeply, and that encourages me as nothing else can. I sometimes long for more than God gives, and I know that shows a lack of faith and a selfish nature. Being with those I love lifts my spirit and soothes my soul. My heart is whole when it connects to God’s love in another. That is what love is all about, and I thank God for helping me come to a place of understanding and embracing it. I suppose it’s natural to want to hold on to those special moments, but then they wouldn’t be special would they?

It’s taken me a long time to find and appreciate God’s love. The more I understand it, the more I am able to let it flow through me. God is love, so He knows what He is doing when it comes to love:) I need to remember that when I get whiny and want what I want when I want it. God designed love to be shared, so I plan to cherish each moment God allows me to spend with those I love.