Author: Gigi

I taught middle school for 33 years and retired in 2007. I'm enjoying my journey and loving the time I have with my three granddaughters who call me "Gigi." I want to share my journey with them and with anyone else interested in sharing the lessons God has for me on this amazing journey.

Fall Rain

Unexpectedly

Rainfall gently cools the earth

I pause to listen.

Stop and Ask For Directions

Yesterday would have been my fortieth wedding anniversary if I hadn’t found the courage to leave. I needed courage to admit I was wrong and accept that God never has, and never will, sanction marriages that are not of His doing. Before I went through the ceremony forty years ago, I knew with all my heart that it wasn’t what God wanted. It wasn’t what I wanted either, but I believed it was something I had to do. Two wrongs never made a right, but I thought God expected me to correct my mistake. Marriage seemed the logical way for me to do that and maintain my pride at the same time. I know how silly that sounds now, thank goodness. I didn’t listen to God and went with my plans rather than admit I was wrong, swallow my pride, accept God’s forgiveness, and move forward.

I thank God for giving me a beautiful son and cannot imagine life without him. God brings beauty and love out of my wrong turns. I am most amazed by that characteristic of my Creator. He knows I am going off in the wrong direction and will not stop me, but He will use the circumstances in my life to continue to teach and draw me near.  The rub is that the lessons change and are always more difficult when I insist on having my way. My problem is not being able to admit I am wrong. Admitting I’m wrong is the point when I veer off the path. Like those who stubbornly refuse to stop for directions, I pretend I know where I’m going and don’t need help. Repentance is simply knowing I’m heading in the wrong direction and making a turn in the right direction. It took thirty years for me to realize that two wrongs don’t lead to the right path! God wants me on the road and in the field living life and loving Him, myself, and others. As long as I wander in circles waiting for those two wrongs to add up to a right, I will not arrive at the destination God has in mind for me.

I’ve always allowed others to define me rather than looking to God who created me to tell me who I am. The most beautiful way He does that is to first show me Who He is. I have come to know Him as a loving Father, a waiting Groom, and a dear Friend, I see the Trinity as a beautiful Three in One. God wants the best for me, and  that involves becoming one with Him. Staying in a bad relationship limits God. He is all powerful, but He will allow me to limit Him. That is what confounds and frightens me the most about Him. I get to choose whether or not to let Him has His way in my life. He will take my bad choices and redirect my path; GPS will do the same when I get off course. The big difference is that GPS can be inaccurate, but God is always right when it comes to direction.

Until I let go of my pride and let Him lead, I can’t find His way.  I know in my heart that I will get where He wants me to go if I will simply stop doubting and start trusting Him to forgive me for my bad choices and help me start making good ones. He said He will direct my path if I will only acknowledge Him in all things, and I believe Him. The key to being on the right path is to stop making wrong turns and stop to ask God for directions:)

Better Plans:)

I was very excited yesterday about my plans to take Lillyann to lunch and shop for a special birthday present for Mylah. We were going to the Cork & Bean for a crepe and then search for the perfect big sister gift. I could tell on the ride to my house that she was less than enthusiastic about my plans, but I decided to give her time to warm up to them. I knew she’d come around to my way of thinking.

As we neared town, I asked if she wanted to shop first. She said she wanted to play at my house first, so we headed up the hill. She wanted to play with her doctor kit, so we started putting together the doctor’s office and hospital. I got dishtowels for our blankets, and we went to work getting everything ready. I enjoyed watching as she slipped easily into her role. She decided we would have a special wing for butterflies, so we rearranged and went in search of more butterflies. Not difficult in my home:) She looked at me while she was fixing lunch for the patients and said she didn’t want to go to a restaurant to eat.

I usually have plenty of food on hand, but my refrigerator was bare. She was so sincere and sweet about it, so I asked what she wanted. She said mashed potatoes! I did have potatoes in the bin and decided that I could round up a meal if that’s what she really wanted. There’s a payoff for every choice, so I told her that I would have to go in the kitchen to cook while she played by herself for a little while. She said that was okay and added that she wanted to make something for Mylah. I told her that was a great idea and got some things together so she could work at the kitchen table while I prepared lunch. She made a sweet little noise maker with an orange Gatorade mix container and some little smooth river stones. She made designs with a blue sharpie, and I grinned as I watched her attention to the task at hand. She also made two beautiful cards with more drawing and lots of stickers. We may not have been playing together, but we were chatting away while we shared the same space. It was so sweet to listen to her talking about how much Mylah was going to like her present. My heart was as warm as it’s ever been!

As we enjoyed a simple, but wonderful, lunch of lima beans, carrots, mashed potatoes, cornbread, and cherry-berry tea, I had to smile. I told her as we ate that she had some very good ideas when it came to lunch and the present for Mylah. She just smiled and said proudly, “Yeah!” You would think I might suggest the homemade gift after my lesson on gifts, but I needed a sweet reminder. Lillyann gave me just that yesterday as I remembered that it’s the time together that makes a meal special, and it’s the love that makes the present perfect. So thankful for my little mentor! I can’t wait to see and hear Mylah play with the present from her big sister.

After her nap, she wrapped the present with a little help and put it and the cards in a pink bag. I loved watching her proudly hold the gift and comment that it wasn’t too heavy. She was so proud, and I don’t imagine that shopping trip would have produced the same feeling as the little homemade gift. We rushed home so she could head to the movies and see Nemo with mommy and daddy while I played with Mylah. When they returned home, Mylah was beside herself with joy. I know Lillyann gets tired of having to share things with her little sister, but I also know that she loves it when Mylah squeals with delight when she sees her. I’m just glad I have a front row seat and get to see it all. Lillyann certainly had better plans than I did. I’m glad I came around to her way of thinking:)

Bodies of Water

Falls rushing

Crashing loudly

Powerful cleansing.

Pool waiting

Sitting calmly

Beautiful filling.

The Gift of Perspective

On a mission trip this summer, a friend shared a line he uses when pulling someone over for speeding or some other infraction. He is a former student, a highway patrolman, and a dear friend. Mike exhibits a strong sense of authority, but extends grace in all He does. I thought of him yesterday as God taught me a powerful lesson.

Occasionally, Mike has to deal with a driver who is angry or upset about being pulled over. As they rant or rave or cry or scream, he calmly tells them, “Ma’m, or Sir, let me give you the gift of perspective.” As he kindly, but firmly, reminds them of the seriousness of the situation and the consequences of their actions, tempers usually calm as that gift helps them see the bigger picture.

God pulled me over yesterday afternoon and gave me the gift of perspective. I was blubbering on again about how much I wanted something I couldn’t have, and He listened patiently as I prayed in the quiet sanctuary. I’ve had the conversation with Him before; in fact, I’ve been pulled over for the same offense many times. I sang the same sad song thinking perhaps this time I would get a different response. I’m sure Mike misses many of those who speed and break the law because He can’t be everywhere all the time. I’m sure he has repeat offenders who try to pull the same thing with him, but I’m sure it doesn’t work. God doesn’t miss a single infraction and must get tired of me trying to sneak past Him or cry when He pulls me over. Like Mike, God stops me because He cares and doesn’t want me to end up in a crash.

Tyler got a speeding ticket when he was a new driver and called me up to his room the morning after to tell me the news. He asked me to sit on the bed and said he had something he had to tell me. My mind raced, and my heart sank. I imagined the worse as I waited for the bomb to drop. He just handed me the ticket and didn’t say a word. When I read it, I began to cry. Tyler was upset that he had hurt me and began to explain that he would pay for the ticket and the insurance increase. I stopped crying and immediately turned to face him. I asked if he really thought I was crying over insurance! I explained to him that in a Jeep on a curvy road at the speed on his ticket, I was simply thankful I wasn’t picking out what suit he would be wearing for his funeral service. He paled and looked down at the bed. He understood that gift of perspective. He handed me his license. I asked him to write a thank you note to the patrolman who wrote the ticket thanking him for saving his life.  He did, and life went on until the next gift came along:)

Gifts of perspective are the most difficult ones because they involve looking at what can happen if I don’t stop and think about the consequences of what I’m doing. Once I poured out my heart and stopped sniffing, I was able to see more clearly. I felt better knowing God heard my heart even though I knew I was not going to get away without His gift of perspective. I’m glad because my heart needed the lesson His perspective clearly taught. As long as I travel, I’ll be getting those gifts of perspective. They remind me that eternity is much longer than my brief stay here on earth. God’s plan frees me to love as He desires and live the life He has in mind. God is faithful to stop and give me the gift of perspective and help me avoid the crash that can occur when I get ahead of Him and forget that His rules for living, like the ones for driving, are designed to make my journey a joy:)

Beautiful Mosaic

My soul a quiet pond

The Spirit settles

Allowing me to see

Beneath the surface.

Faces become clearer

Rising to the top

Different but connected

All a part of me.

The Right Gift

Mylah’s first birthday is Sunday, so I was shopping for her gifts yesterday. Gifts are important, and I don’t take them lightly when they are given to me or when I give them. Those I know well know what delights me, and I know the same about them. I don’t always know ahead of time, but I know the right gift when I see it. Along with a willingness to search, I must be mindful when God puts the right gift into my path.

Gifts which involve giving yourself are the very best ones. When I was just beginning my journey and had very little money, I would give coupons to friends that could be redeemed for house cleaning, cakes, babysitting, or some other act of love. Acts of love are the always the right gift. I loved fulfilling the promises on those coupons as they were redeemed, so the gift gave back to me. Now that I have more resources, I buy gifts and sometimes give cash. I go backwards in regard to gift giving when I trade time for money. Time is always the right gift and something we have far too little of when it comes to those we love. No gift is greater than time.

My most cherished gifts are those made with love. I still have the sweet Mother’s Day gifts Tyler made for me when he was young. The little clothes pin butterfly and popsicle stick heart are on my refrigerator to remind me each day that the love that went into them is still in them now. I treasure them and would grab them should a disaster cause me to have to evacuate. The perfect gift usually surprises me when I find it as much as it surprises the one who receives it. Those are the ones I let God pick out. I’m still surprised when a gift He selects is just the right one. I know He knows what He’s doing, but I love that it still delights me each time He reminds me. I believe it also delights Him:)

I hope Mylah likes the gifts I found for her. I can’t tell you what they are because that would ruin the surprise. Actually, she wouldn’t find out or even know the difference, but I still want her to be the first one to see them. The beauty of babies is that they love whatever you give them. I could put something I’ve already given her in a box, and she would squeal with delight when she opened it:) I could put nothing in a box, and she would delight in opening it. I love that about children; the older I get, the more I’m getting to be like them. In fact, my memory is such that you could actually wrap up something I already have, and it truly would be a surprise! One of the joys of growing older:)

Giving something that you’ve already given reminds me of a special Christmas when I did just that for Tyler. He was away for his first year of college, so money was tight. I got some new things for him, but I really didn’t have the resources to get much other than the necessities. It seemed sad that he wasn’t going to have a fun present, so I decided to go to the attic and get all his favorite toys out of hiding. As I cleaned GI Joe sets and Ninja Turtles, I smiled and thought of all the fun he and his friends had with them. The remote control car needed charging before I could run it around the house, so I charged the battery and polished it up. The toys kept coming, and I enjoyed each building set and action figure as they reminded me of different legs of the beautiful journey he and I share. Ernie and Freddie Bear took me back to the beginning of his sweet life, and I cried tears of joy as I thought of Ernie waiting for him when he came home for the first time, and Freddie Bear arriving on his first Christmas in Hickory. I was also reminded of the beautiful gift God gave me when Tyler came into my life. Watching Tyler play with all his old toys was the best gift that year and avoiding that remote control car was icing on the cake!

Lillyann and Mylah still play with Ernie, Bambi, Lion, and Freddie Bear; and I use Tyler’s little blankets and pillow with them. Lillyann knows to be very careful with those special toys and loves to hear how daddy loved them. The right gift is the one that is still around decades after it is given. What makes it the right gift is the fact that love not only went into it but also stayed in it. I have to admit that I still go get Ernie, Freddie Bear or a little blanket when I need a hug. I also sometimes sleep with mama’s prayer shawl, a sweet gift my sister gave me after mama died. I cherish the love it represents, and it comforts me in a special way when I wrap it around me.

My home would never be on a design show because my decor consists of gifts that are special to me. They may not match or fit a certain theme, but as I see them all around me, I feel the love they represent and find comfort in each. Experts would surely rid the rooms of all those precious gifts if I gave them license to do so and would even consider them clutter. I know better and plan to leave them just where they are because they reflect my heart and bring love and joy into my home.  I hope little Mylah enjoys her gifts, but I hope more that she feels the love that went into them.

I can’t think of gifts without acknowledging the most perfect gift ever, and that is the love Christ brought down on the very first Christmas. He laid down His life in the single greatest act of love ever, and He did it just for me. God’s love, Christ’s grace, and the Holy Spirit’s peace are gifts I cherish more than all others combined. They are gifts that are unique in that once you truly get them, you cannot help but give them away. The more you give them away, the more you have them. They also last forever and can never be snatched away. Now, if that isn’t the perfect gift, I don’t know what is:)