Category: Change

Loving Without Fear

The air conditioning in my new apartment was shutting down each time the temperatures outside went above ninety degrees. For four months, my landlord and the men who installed the unit tried in vain to fix the problem. They replaced parts, put in a new transformer, and tried everything they knew to try with no success. They asked me to send a text the next time the system shut down, so they could see what was going on when it wasn’t working. We were all getting frustrated, and I was giving up on a quick fix of any kind.

The system shut down again last week, so I sent a text and hoped for the best. The solution turned out to be a simple one that left all of us relieved and smiling. The door on the electrical box has a safety feature that shuts the power off if it’s opened while the breaker to the unit is on. The extreme heat was causing the cover on the door to expand and bow out. That created a tiny crack between the door and the box that shut down the system until the attic cooled down in the evening. The guys sealed the door shut with tape, and the system has worked perfectly ever since.

No one understands the danger of opening a door that should not be opened better than an electrician because their lives depend upon it. God used the repair to teach a powerful lesson. Opening a door that is best left shut can create havoc in my heart, as well. I’ve opened doors I should not have opened, and my heart has suffered as a result.

God provides safeguards that keep my heart from being hurt. I can override those safeguards and warnings, or I can seal off my heart the way those men sealed off the door in my air conditioning system. God and I both know that isn’t the best solution. It’s best to be mindful and heed the warning signs if I want to avoid being hurt. Like an electrician’s life, my heart’s safety is at stake if I don’t.

God will not seal the door to my heart, and He doesn’t want me to seal it either. There are no easy solutions when it comes to love, and no one understands that better than God. His lessons leave me feeling disconnected at times, but I know disconnection and differentiation go hand in hand. Change is never easy, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. Like flying from one trapeze to the next, faith will carry me if I forget about fear and remember God’s love is there to catch me when I fall. That allows me to love without fear, and God knows that’s the only way to love.

1 John 4:18 says it much better than I can.

“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.” (NASB)

Photo Credit: US Hawks
Photo Credit: US Hawks

Entitled or Enlightened

There is a world of difference between entitlement and enlightenment. I hear a great deal about entitlement from miserable people. It seems entitlement is the source of all society’s ills. Some say the poor are entitled while others put the same label on the wealthy. Entitlement is an equal opportunity enabler that attaches itself to anyone looking for what they believe they deserve.

When it comes to getting what I deserve, I thank God each day that I do not. I’ve learned to end my prayers with, “Please don’t give me what I want, Lord. Give me what you want for me and let the desires of your heart become the desires of mine.” That brings balance and peace and takes me out of my little world. It is the first step to enlightenment.

Enlightenment allows me to see my desires in a new light. Christ’s precious love changes the direction of my heart by allowing me to see myself as God sees me, and that opens up a new way of living and loving. Enlightenment looks outside of self to a world larger than I can imagine on my own. God’s enlightenment brings peace in turmoil and joy in troubled times because I know He is always with me.

Entitlement turns my attention inward. I deserve my piece of the pie and my time in the lamplight. That leads to violence and despair because I will never have or be enough. I will begin to want what others have, and I will do what I have to do to get it. The vicious cycle of violence will continue as long as I allow entitlement to have its way. I want my way; we all do, and that is why the world is the way it is. I point fingers at those who have different ideas of entitlement, and that polarizes and perpetuates the never-ending cycle.

Christ breaks the cycle of entitlement and brings a new world of enlightenment to all who allow His precious love to transform them. It isn’t easy to let go of entitlement, and no one knows that better than Christ. He laid aside His crown and became a helpless newborn to bring the light of His Father’s love to a world spinning out of control. He knew where the cycle led, and he knows it still leads there today. Christ will not force His enlightenment on the world because He knows force and enlightenment cannot exist together.

Entitlement forms alliances, and alliances become groups. Groups carry banners and spout venom at those who have a different form of entitlement. Their entitlement becomes a right to believe or do whatever suits the group. Enlightenment fades away when individuals become a faceless mob in a never-ending, hostile takeover. Christ offers a different way to live and relate. It isn’t easy to leave groups because there is a safety in anonymity, but Christ knows the heart and soul is lost in a mob. He stepped away from the mob in a radical move that shook and shifted the very foundation of this world so I could share the enlightening power of His love.

I can have my piece of the pie, or I can have the peace Christ offers. It is, and always will be, my choice. I don’t always make the right choice, but I feel the beautiful difference when I do. When my heart is balanced by Christ’s precious love, the world stops spinning around me. I may not always enjoy or understand God’s spin on things, but I’m a lot less dizzy when I come to the still place of peace His Son’s love offers.

New Morning

Lamentations 22-23 is a beautiful reminder that each day is new in God’s heart. May the same be true in my heart.

The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease,
For His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness. (NASB)

If I allow God to write these words on my heart, my life will be a beautiful reflection of His love. I’m on Topsail Island with my sisters, and God gave a vivid image of that reflection.

Topsail 6-14-15

Ready for Some Rain

Love is a river

Flowing through the desert.

Bringing new life,

Changing everything.

God’s promises spring from deep love. I don’t appreciate His love as I should, and that is particularly true when I find myself wandering in the desert of my own desires. God knows the desert is the perfect environment for transformation because it creates a deep thirst that causes my heart to forget my wants and search for His living water.

Psalm 105:41-42 paints a beautiful picture of that water.

He split open a rock, and water gushed out
    to form a river through the dry wasteland.
For he remembered his sacred promise
    to his servant Abraham. (NLT)

I end up in the desert each time I search for answers I want to hear. God lets me wander in the wasteland because He knows I will find what I always find. Nothing but His love satisfies my heart’s thirst.

I was drenched by a downpour as I watched several baptisms on Sunday afternoon. I decided to walk after the storm passed over and got soaked on my way home by another. I let the rain wash over me before going inside because I was already saturated. I looked up, smiled, and realized God knew my heart was ready for some rain.
Living Water

A Straight Gait

My gait has been off lately, and that’s forced me to focus upon my walking. I injured my left knee in junior high while doing a running broad jump, and it reminds me of that fall when I get a little over zealous. In March, I did enough damage to cause a limp. I favored my right leg for two months, and my limp stayed on after my knee healed. I didn’t notice it until last weekend when several folks asked me why I was limping. I decided it was time to straighten up my gait.

Focus is the key to correcting a bad habit, and my limp had evolved into one. I decided to walk slowly, keep my back straight and be mindful of my balance. It was going pretty well, but I wasn’t seeing or feeling the progress I desired. The process was painful because lazy muscles were having to pick up the slack, and dominant ones were having to give up control. It literally felt like a battle between my legs and me. The right wasn’t giving up control, and the left was cool with that arrangement. I was determined to get both in a straight line!

Fate intervened when I injured my right leg on Sunday. I was standing on my bed while putting up a curtain rod, and the phone rang. It was in the kitchen, so I walked over to the end of the bed and stepped down. I immediately felt the strain on my right leg. It hadn’t stretched like that since junior high, and it was not enjoying the lead in that moment of strange movement. I felt like kicking myself, and both legs agreed wholeheartedly. My stupidity had caused an injury to my “good” knee!! I had to smile in the pain because I realized this was definitely going to move my gait to the left!

Thank God my knee was not injured at all, but my pride and the muscles in my right leg were throbbing. The great news is that my gait is getting straighter by the day. It isn’t easy to focus on each step, but it’s worth the effort. The lessons of late have been about finding balance and getting my heart centered. Like my legs, it’s leaned and limped on both sides.

God knows I am a visual learner who needs hands-on experiences to fully grasp the lessons He has for me. I know He didn’t cause the injuries that led me to learn the importance of balance; my careless choices did that. I was showing off on the track decades ago, and I wanted to save a few seconds on Sunday when I raced for my phone. I got everyone’s attention when I landed on my knee, and I made it to the phone on time; but those decisions had consequences that went well beyond the moment in which they were made, as do all choices.

I’m not sure what God has in mind for me, but I know He wants my heart to be centered in His Son’s precious love. The center is where He is, and my heart’s gait will never be straight until I get there. That means making sure every step leads me a little closer to where He is.

imatter.silvercross knee pain

photo credit:imatter.silvercross.org

Shall We Dance?

Those who know me, know I love to dance. I’ve always loved dancing and secretly dreamed of being a dancer when I was young. I love my Zumba classes because they satisfy my soul and allow me to be the dancer of my dreams for a few hours each week.

God always surprises me with His teaching methods, but this morning I had to laugh when He used the salsa to get my attention. So often, I take a step forward and immediately take one back. I step toward to the right and fall into the law, then shift to the left and find myself in the midst of license. As I was praying this morning about my frustration in going forward, stepping back, heading left, and then right, I heard salsa music. I was very serious about my situation, but God knew a little levity would lighten the load and get His point across effectively.

Salsa is my favorite dance. The Latin rhythms resonate with my heart, soul, spirit, and body. The side-to-side and front-to-back movements are very natural to me. God used those movements to teach an important lesson. He showed me that dancing is okay as long as I keep coming back to the center.

I have a friend who created an intersection model to describe where “the intervention of God meets the involvement of the person.” (John A. Tagliarini) God used his model to show me how my dance moves were as natural on the journey as they are on the dance floor. I’ve always seen the path God has in mind as a line, a street, a straight and narrow path stretching into the horizon. This morning, I realized the journey is more like dancing in the intersection. God’s intervention and human involvement meet beautifully in the intersection. It is where we find the image of God in our own hearts. Truth is found in the intersection. Christ is the heart of the intersection. The model helped me see that the Way isn’t a road; it is an intersection. I’m not expected to keep trudging along; I’m expected to find my way to the center and keep dancing!

I suppose I will dance around the intersection as long as I’m in this world, but I pray God will help me find and stay in the sweet center where Christ’s precious love enables me see myself and others as He does. The intersection is busy and messy, so it’s safer to find a place to hide in the corners far away from the center; but God knows that will never satisfy my heart. Salsa moves always come back to the center and so will the steps on my journey if I let God lead. God made it clear that He isn’t going to move from the center. If I want to dance with Him and love as Christ loves, I’ll have to get in the center too.

I Love Salsa

Tit for Tat??

Tit for tat is an abbreviation for this for that and can be summed up by saying I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine. It can also mean I’ll get you if you get me, but it’s most often used to describe getting what I want by giving you what you want.

Christ was not a tit for tat sort of guy. He didn’t give so He could get because He knew that cycle is an unending one that leaves everyone feeling empty. God sent Jesus because He loved us. Love never involves tit for tat and doesn’t keep an account of who’s ahead in the giving department. Love only sees love. God is love, so it follows that He only sees love. Obligation and obedience are often found together, but they do not belong together. The toxic relationship they form spreads venom faster than the bite of a viper. Christ feels the effect it has upon His body, and it breaks His heart.

Jesus gives His take on giving in Luke 6:37-38.

“Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven. Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full—pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.” (NLT)

His words may sound like tit for tat, but they go far deeper than giving to get. They involve a change of heart. They are not about giving out of guilt, fear, obligation, or a desire to get. They are about giving based upon love. Love doesn’t judge; it doesn’t condemn; it forgives and gives. When I learn that beautiful truth, I give with a new heart and receive far more than I ever imagined possible.

I suppose it is human nature to want a fair return on investments or to get tit for tat when it comes to money and time spent. Jesus offered a new way of living and giving that opens hearts and fills them with peace. Peace isn’t about even trades or great portfolios. Peace is sweet contentment that fills a heart beautifully poured out in love.

Earlier in Luke 6:32-36 Jesus reminds us that God’s way of loving and giving is not like ours.

“If you love only those who love you, why should you get credit for that? Even sinners love those who love them! And if you do good only to those who do good to you, why should you get credit? Even sinners do that much! And if you lend money only to those who can repay you, why should you get credit? Even sinners will lend to other sinners for a full return. Love your enemies! Do good to them. Lend to them without expecting to be repaid. Then your reward from heaven will be very great, and you will truly be acting as children of the Most High, for he is kind to those who are unthankful and wicked. You must be compassionate, just as your Father is compassionate.” (NLT)

Thinking of the way God loves and gives makes me look at the way I love and give. If I am to nudge nearer and be more like Christ, I must let love be at the heart of all my giving. It is the heart of Christ’s message, and it must be the heart of mine.

Idol Lies

Exodus 20:4-6 is about more than golden calves. It’s about not allowing anyone or anything to take God’s place.

“You must not make for yourself an idol of any kind or an image of anything in the heavens or on the earth or in the sea. You must not bow down to them or worship them, for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God who will not tolerate your affection for any other gods. I lay the sins of the parents upon their children; the entire family is affected—even children in the third and fourth generations of those who reject me. But I lavish unfailing love for a thousand generations on those who love me and obey my commands.” (NLT)

I don’t know anyone who worships a graven image, but I know many, including myself, who allow things and people to get in the way of worship. Food, money, sex, drugs, alcohol, work, beauty, relationships, the quest for fame or fun, and so much more draw attention away from God or take His place.

I used to worry about the sins of the parents being laid upon the children for four generations. I saw it as further proof that God was out to get me. He was not only going to get me; He was going to get my great, great, grandchildren too! I’ve since learned to see God in the light of Christ’s precious love. That enables me to see scripture in a new light, as well. God is a loving Father who knows idol lies will hurt me deeply and keep me from His love.

Idols take the best from those at their feet. Like all shiny objects, they tempt and promise much, but they never deliver on those promises. Idol worship is a one-sided relationship that sucks life from the body, love from the heart, and peace from the soul. Idol lies appear to be truth because the master of deceit is behind them. I can’t discern the truth without the help of the Holy Spirit. That means listening and obeying God’s commandments and understanding they are forged in love and designed for my good.

Good parents and teachers know the importance of boundaries when it comes to safety and learning. It isn’t easy to be a loving parent who cares enough to make sure their children understand the importance of loving obedience. I’ve seen far too many fall into the trap of wanting to be liked. I’ve fallen into it myself.

God doesn’t want to be popular; He simply wants me to know how very much He loves me. That means trusting and obeying even when I don’t understand. Idols weave lies into a beautiful nets that cover and capture all at one time or another. Many stay trapped in those nets because they believe there is no hope of getting out. God doesn’t forget His children when they are caught up in the traps of idols. It breaks His heart to watch His beloved struggle in the net of idol lies, but He knows they won’t truly be free until they are ready to hear the truth.

Idol lies drown out the still, small voice of God because He will not compete with idols. He knows how tempting it is to fall into the trap of an idol. It is why He sent His only Son to break the hold of those traps. His love and truth shed light on idol lies, exposing them for what they are. I can listen to His love, or I can listen to a lot of bull. The choice is, and always will be, mine.

Golden bull sclupture on grey glass

Unpacking My Heart

My dreams this week have been unlike any I can remember. Like folders neatly stored in a box, they have come in simple succession. Each contained a small bit of history or a memory long forgotten, and each was very pleasant. I’ve dealt with recurring nightmares that contained trauma too difficult for daylight, but these mundane little memories were simple scenes that left me wondering what to make of them. God used a tapestry to remind me to enjoy each and not ponder hidden meanings.

I overthink, overlove, overeat, and overdo; so God’s message made me smile as I enjoyed the memories the dreams brought to the surface. There are many opinions when it comes to the meaning of our dreaming, but I agree with the notion they are meant to help us heal and move forward.

“In the 1980’s, Wallace Clift and Jean Dalby Clift took the work of Ann Faraday and further explored the relationship between images produced in dreams and the dreamer’s waking life. Their books identified patterns in dreaming, and ways of analyzing dreams to explore life changes, with particular emphasis on moving toward healing and wholeness.” (Wikipedia)

I’m not an expert when it comes to dream interpretation, but I have found great healing in dealing with recurring nightmares in the past, and I am finding sweet solace in the simple dreams of the past week. When I downsized before moving, I had to go through the painful process of letting go of things that were dear to me. It wasn’t an easy process, but the results have been amazing. I am moving forward, unencumbered and free.

I found healing and wholeness packing and unpacking all those boxes, and the simple dreams this week have unpacked my heart in the same manner. My sister, Ann, made a tapestry for me years ago that I have above my desk. It reads:

“We shared many secrets,

the same Mom and Dad.

We shared lots of good times.

Don’t think of the bad.

Our memories we’ll cherish

with love without end.

I’m glad you’re my Sister.

I’m glad you’re my Friend.”

When I woke wondering about the deeper meaning of the simple dreams, I saw the tapestry and smiled. I needed to remember the good times, the simple times, the everyday and ordinary times. My heart has been deeply hurt by bad times and and shared secrets, but it is by good times and shared memories. God’s lesson for me this morning was to unpack those memories and savor each one.

When I got to the bottom of my heart, I found love expressed in thousands of moments which came to the surface in simple dreams. It was nice to unpack each, smile, and remember to focus upon the good times instead of the bad. I’ve allowed nightmares to define me, but God sent a new image with a series of sweet, simple dreams that paint a much more accurate picture of my heart.

Unpacking My Heart

Sorted Past

The most difficult part of downsizing is sorting and deciding what to keep and what to do with what I don’t. The process has been a painful one in many ways, but it has also been a very freeing one. Starting is the most difficult part of any process, so God gave me a three-week window in which to work. While the girls were away, I had the freedom to work through my past as I packed. I needed time to remember, sort, and let God help me pack for my move.

As I’ve packed, the smallest objects have triggered my biggest memories and led me down the path to my past. I’ve downsized several times in the last thirteen years, but I’ve never had a move like this before. I’ve gotten rid of things I didn’t want or need before, but I’m giving away things I love and didn’t imagine I could ever leave behind this time. My heart grew along with the piles that formed as I sorted my past with my present and future in mind.

Technology helps immensely, and that’s been a big lesson in my moving forward. Simplifying became my mantra, so I made the decision to move into the 21st century in regard  to music, movies, books, and photos. That was not an easy decision for me, but it was one that opened up a great deal of space. While the kids were away, I uploaded over six hundred photos so I didn’t have to decide which ones to hang on the walls of my new apartment. I plan to display them all on my television screen. I gave my CD’s, DVD’s, and both players to the girls because I don’t plan to use them anymore.

The most beautiful side effect of sorting is seeing the joy others find in my treasures. That has been especially true with my books. The museum in town was happy to get my old books, and several wonderful young teachers are treasuring my old classroom treasures. I was deeply touched when I listened to one of them telling me how much she loved going through the student writing I gave her. My students loved to read each other’s work and the writing of their parents. Now, her students will be able to read the work of their parents and their grandparents. That makes my heart happy!!

I don’t have a sordid past, but with God’s help, I do have a sorted past. That has been the beautiful blessing of the Lenten season this year. I go into Lent with an agenda, but God always has a different plan in mind for my heart. I usually go with mine and suffer through the season; but occasionally, I let go of my plans, go with God’s, and find the transformation He has in mind for me.

Sorting my past has made this move amazing. I finally understand that purging must come before packing, and that’s lightened my load in an amazing way. There’s nothing sweeter than the peace that comes from knowing I am moving in the right direction without my old baggage, and knowing my treasures are in good hands. I know that with all of my heart this morning 🙂

Baggage