Category: Friendship

Chocolate Lessons:)

God used chocolate to show me the importance of spirit when connecting to others. As I gathered with the ladies at church last night for the annual Ladies’ Chocolate Night, I felt the sweet spirit of kindred hearts enjoying not only the delicious treats, but also one another’s company. There was a sense of unity and love that left me full and sweetly satisfied as headed home. I didn’t imagine I would get any sleep because I don’t do caffeine, and I had a lion’s share of it along with loads of sugar with all the chocolates I enjoyed. I didn’t care if I slept or not; the loss of sleep was well worth the time of connectedness.

I got into bed and began to thank God and figured I would at least get in a lot of praying:) I started to pray, and the next thing I knew was sunlight coming in the room. I smiled and marveled at how God works. My body may have been full of caffeine, but my spirit was full of love and peace. It was a wonderful night by all accounts, and I thank God for placing me at the gathering. I even won a prize for knowing the most chocolate treats without hesitating. I can’t remember when I’ve laughed as much as I did last night, and that was better than the icing on all the cakes:)

God bid me to step back this week and take a good look at the connectedness in my life. I was so blessed by seeing all the powerful connections I have the privilege to enjoy. Feeling a beautiful connection is the best way to see ones that aren’t what they should be. God showed me clearly that spirit is the most important element in connection. I saw healthy and holy connections in His light and knew that I was where He wanted me to be. I love the way God uses all to teach and help me stay on the path He has in mind for me.

Walking in God’s kingdom is about making and maintaining positive connections. It is also about letting go of that which I know isn’t what He desires. The best way to determine what is and isn’t pleasing to Him is the presence or absence of His Holy Spirit. There is unity with His Spirit, and that’s just what I felt in the midst of the gathering last night. It’s what enabled me to sleep like a baby and feel like a kid. Both are excellent indicators that I’m on the right path:)

Chocoate Lessons

Sweet Friends

Spiraling Upward

Pastor John helped me see that the path takes an upward spiral when walking in God’s kingdom and connecting as He desires. For someone who has gone in circles most of her life, the circular part of the pattern is familiar, but spiraling upward was more difficult for me to grasp. God used the vivid image of Lillyann and Mylah navigating the stairs to help me understand His lesson. The big difference in spiraling upward is that each time I come full circle, I nudge a nearer to God. The hard part is a willingness to move on to the next step. The great news is that I’m not alone. The Holy Spirit and dear friends encourage me to move upward. The sobering lesson is that I can easily spiral downward if I allow my attention to move away from God.

The last lesson on the path to the praying life hurt me very deeply, but it gave me the courage I needed to spiral upward. I must choose if I will spiral upward or downward on this journey. Hesitating on the step last week almost caused me to fall. Little Mylah is finding the same to be true as she navigates the stairway.

Connecting and traveling on the path to the praying life is about self differentiation and love. As I become who I am truly meant to be with the help of the Holy Spirit and those dear friends with whom I have honest communion, I come full circle and nudge a little nearer to God and others. Some do not appreciate the spiral and prefer bringing me down. The Holy Spirit enabled me to break free of the need to please and reach a new place of loving and praying. With His help, I am able to pray at a new level. It’s what spiraling upward is all about. As I learn to pray as Christ, I am able to let go of hurt.

Praying for those who hurt me may never make a difference in them, but it really does make a difference in me. I don’t have to fix or persuade anyone; I just have to extend lovingkindness, and the Holy Spirit will do the rest. It was a powerful lesson, but I suppose I shouldn’t have been surprised. Satan brought out the big guns last week, and my heart suffered as I forgot Who’s in charge and tried to handle what only God can handle. Not everyone is happy with the changes that enable me to spiral upward. I was concerned when little Mylah insisted on walking up the stairs before I thought she was ready. She would not back down, and I’m so thankful she didn’t let my fear keep her from moving up:)

I marvel at how God teaches, and pray I let Him guard my heart and the hearts of those I love dearly because guarding hearts is the work of the Holy Spirit. That was clear as God prepared my heart to pray as He desires. I’m not sure where the lessons will lead next, but I know living out the lessons in loving and praying will always be a big part of this beautiful journey.

God used the image of the winding staircase at the center of our new home to help me see that the path to the praying life is one that spirals upward. Walking in God’s kingdom is better with company, and seeing Lillyann encourage Mylah to keep trying reminded me that a little lovingkindness from a friend goes a long way when it comes to getting to that next step:)

Spiraling Upward Together

Seeing the God in Others:)

If you’ve ever had someone see the good in you that you cannot see in yourself, then you understand the power of seeing the good in others. Seeing the good in others is seeing the God in them. Christ helps me do just that and connect in a way that changes them, me, and the world as God releases His Son’s precious love into His world. The message on this last day of Lent is the importance of that connectedness and the compassion that results when His love is recognized and released.

I am designed by my Creator to connect, and I cannot be who He wants me to be until I make the connections He has in mind. Having someone take time to help me understand Christ’s love by seeing the good and God in me gives me the courage to carry out His call to do the same for others. Love and worship must be shared. The body of Christ is connected by His love. When I think about Easter, I am reminded of the resurrection and humbled to think that the powerful love that brought Christ out of the grave is in my own heart and the hearts of all who accept His offer of love.

Christ’s love stays hidden in many, and I’ve certainly hidden it away in my own heart. Bringing His love out of the darkness and into the light of relationship changes everything. Having someone recognize that love and bring it to the surface with honest communion transforms me and allows the resurrection living and loving God has in mind for me. Jesus did not stay in the grave, and His love will not stay locked away in my heart. The grave could not contain His love, and neither can my heart. Christ’s precious love is meant to be shared, and it will be whether or not I participate in the process of sharing it or not.

Love cannot be imposed on others. To love out of fear or force goes against God’s very nature. Before I can see His love in others, I must first see it in myself. That comes when someone sees what I cannot and helps me come to the place of seeing it myself. It’s a sweet revelation that prompts me to want to do the same for others. The process is a painful one that takes time, but it is well worth the hurt to experience the delight that comes from loving as God desires. It brings out the very best when a dear friend sees the worst but still loves the best in me. Releasing God’s love into His world and helping others do the same frees the spirit and heart to connect and serve in God’s world in His way.

It’s been a crazy Lent this year, but on this Holy Saturday, I’m seeing the beautiful light at the end of the tunnel. The light is Christ’s love, and He’s waiting there for me with a sweet resurrection smile of delight on His face. God reminded me this morning that I serve a risen Savior, and that makes all the difference in the way I love and connect in His beautiful world:)  Happy Easter!!

Sweet Settling:)

As I’m getting settled in to my new home, it’s becoming a very sweet space. I love the openness and the light. Everywhere I look, I’m overwhelmed by the views. God is at every window, and I love watching Him show off.

I never imagined myself living in a house this size, and I figured I’d be very old before I lived with my son’s family. What a beautiful surprise this home has been for all of us. There is nothing sweeter than hearing the house come to life as the girls wake up or come home. They took a stroller ride over to Meme and Pepe’s earlier, so I’m alone with Matza. The sweet bulldog is whining and wishing they and Cookie would come back. I knew just how she felt and started to join in:)

There is a sense of peace in this place, and it has a lot to do with love. God designed us for community, and I’m beginning to see why. Honesty is the key when it comes to loving and living together, and I thank God for the honest communion that surrounds me here.

Life and love are meant to be shared, and God has given me the opportunity to share as I never imagined. I’ve spent a lifetime striving, driving, and doing when I should have been being:) His Spirit needs emptiness. I used to think that meant wearing myself out. It may mean getting wrung out, but it’s a wringing that feels wonderful when I relax and stop struggling and striving:)

The settling this week has been sweet as I’ve done just that. I haven’t sweated the little stuff, and that’s made a world of difference. The most important thing about the settling this week has been the company. Everything else is just icing on the cake:)

I Want What You’ve Got!

When it comes to relationships, there is no way to duplicate what happens between two people. Christ never changes, but each relationship with Him is different because each of us is unique. Folks sometimes say, “I want what you’ve got. How do I get it?”  There are two people in each relationship, and I’m the only one who can have what I have with Christ or with anyone else in this world. God loves us the same, but we respond to His love differently.

There are a plethora of people with advice on how to do this or improve that, and I’ve tried many of them to no avail. I’ve also given advice because I knew what I needed to do; I just didn’t seem to be able to do it:) In fact, I used to say that the title of my autobiography should be, “Take My Advice Because I’m Not Using It!”

If there is a secret to success, happiness, or love, I believe it is honest communion with God, myself, and those in my path. The truth is not easy to hear or to speak, and it often comes at a great cost. I have to stop believing the lies and open my eyes to what God has for me. God’s love gives space and shows me truth. That sets my heart free!

John 8:31-36 says it best.

“So Jesus was saying to those Jews who had believed Him, “If you continue in My word, then you are truly disciples of Mine;  and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.” They answered Him, “We are Abraham’s descendants and have never yet been enslaved to anyone; how is it that You say, ‘You will become free’?”

Jesus answered them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who commits sin is the slave of sin.  The slave does not remain in the house forever; the son does remain forever. So if the Son makes you free, you will be free indeed.” NASB

Sin is what keeps me from truth and love, and it destroys relationships by disguising itself as truth and love. Therein lies the rub as the Bard would say:) Sin either rubs the heart raw or hardens it. It keeps the heart in a state of hurt or numbness putting Christ and others at arm’s length. I can’t love someone if sin has a hold of my heart.

I’m learning that I can walk in God’s kingdom now and have what He wants for me, and that makes this life a wonderful one. God makes it clear to me that I cannot have what I see in others because I am not them. I have tried to duplicate what I’ve seen in others or, God forbid, what I’ve see in the media. No one is like me; God made me to be who He created me to be. Therefore, I am the only one who can relate to Him and others as me. The truth is all about being who I am meant to be and loving God as only I can.

The world encourages me to want what others have. Wall Street’s bottom line depends upon my frustration in that regard. The Holy Spirit has a different bottom line and breathes God’s love and light into my life when I accept Christ’s offer of God’s love. He opens my eyes and lets me see the truth. Once I get a glimpse of truth and love, I can easily let go of the lies that surround sin and the need to be someone other than who I am. Christ peels back the layers and helps me see my heart and His so we and I can have a wonderful relationship. Wanting what others have leads to misery. Embracing what Christ has leads to love. Christ’s love allows me to hear His heart and the hearts of others, and that is what love is all about:)

Cry Out to God

I have alluded to the service for Andy several times in my posts this week, so Pastor John graciously agreed to share his notes so I could pass along the healing words that helped me so very much as I searched for answers this week. For those of you also seeking to understand why, I pray you find comfort in these words. This brief post is but a very small shadow of the powerful service. I wish you could hear the message of truth and forgiveness spoken with love from the heart of Andy’s and my dear friend.

December 18, 2012

John Alden Tagliarini

(Taken from the service for Andrew Ivor “Andy” Parris)

“Why?” Moses asked, “O Lord, why does Your anger burn against Your people whom You have brought out from the land of Egypt?” (Exodus 32:11 NASB)

The psalmist asked, “My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?” (Psalm 22:1 NASB)

We have to ask, “Why God?”

We have to ask, “Why, Andy, did you take your own life?”

And, we have to admit to no satisfying answers.

In fact, the only answer I can find here is to encourage you – in whatever trials you are going through – I encourage you to know that suicide is not the answer. Call someone, call out to God!

We usually acknowledge our lack of vocabulary as we try to address circumstances such as these. Then, without sufficient words, we continue speaking as if the sound of our voices might somehow sooth our souls and prompt some insight regarding the meaning of it all. My sense is that God is grieving with us. His anger is kindled over the evil results of our deeds.

God gives life. God desires that we enjoy abundant life. Yet, God also gives free will. The consequences of our choices sometimes leave scars. Jesus bears just such scars. His hands, His feet, His side, His brow show the results of evil running its course. Yet, God forgave, and He forgives! This is the only grace I can offer this afternoon, God’s love.

Someday, God will bring into His world the fulness of abundant life which He began in Christ Jesus. Until that day, let us find ways to affirm life, to accept others, to listen deeply and to stand firm against all that destroys the life God intended. Let us trust God to heal our hurt, to love and to forgive.

Speaking as we have of love and life and suffering and pain, God reminded me of the picture painted by the prophet Isaiah of the suffering of our Lord. Though stark, Isaiah’s words are laced with hope. It is the hope that God heals us through the suffering of our redeemer. It is the hope that Jesus bears our sins away.

Let us hear the word of the Lord.

“Surely our griefs He Himself bore,
 And our sorrows He carried; Yet we ourselves esteemed Him stricken, Smitten of God, and afflicted. But He was pierced through for our transgressions,
 He was crushed for our iniquities; 
The chastening for our well-being fell upon Him, And by His scourging we are healed. All of us like sheep have gone astray, 
Each of us has turned to his own way;
 But the Lord has caused the iniquity of us all 
To fall on Him. He was oppressed and He was afflicted,
 Yet He did not open His mouth; 
Like a lamb that is led to slaughter, And like a sheep that is silent before its shearers,
 So He did not open His mouth.” (Isaiah 53:4-7 NASB)

“As a result of the anguish of His soul,
 He will see it and be satisfied;
 By His knowledge the Righteous One, 
My Servant, will justify the many,
 As He will bear their iniquities.” (Isaiah 53:11 NASB)

In Christ Jesus, God bears our sins away and offers forgiveness and love and comfort.

With the psalmist, we ask, “Why?” The psalmist answered his own question with honest trust in his God. He said, “O my God, I cry by day, but You do not answer; And by night, but I have no rest. Yet You are holy, O You who are enthroned upon the praises of Israel. In You our fathers trusted; They trusted and You delivered them. To You they cried out and were delivered; In You they trusted and were not disappointed” (Psalm 22:2-5 NASB)

“Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you” (1 Peter 5:6-7 NASB)

Whenever God’s people are hurting or are in trouble, they call out to Him for deliverance. The people of Israel experienced times when it felt as though all the blessings of God, all the good work of growth in the Promised Land after Exodus from Egypt was wasted, and that God had rejected them. Yet, the people called upon God. They prayed that God would shine His face upon them in renewed blessings.

Hear some verses from just such a psalm of petition.

“Oh, give ear, Shepherd of Israel,
 You who lead Joseph like a flock; you who are enthroned above the cherubim, shine forth!” (Psalm 80:1 NASB)

“..stir up Your power 
And come to save us!” (Psalm 80:2b NASB)

“You have fed them with the bread of tears,
 And You have made them to drink tears in large measure.” (Psalm 80:5 NASB)

We cry out to God today. “O Lord of hosts, restore us; Cause Your face to shine upon us, and we will be saved” (Psalm 80:19 NASB)

We have an affirmation of faith, penned by the shepherd David in Psalm 23.

“The Lord is my shepherd,
 I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures; 
He leads me beside quiet waters.

He restores my soul;
 He guides me in the paths of righteousness
 For His name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
 I fear no evil, for You are with me; 
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
 You have anointed my head with oil;
 My cup overflows.

Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life,
 And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. “ (Psalm 23 NASB)

We’re In This Together

John Donne’s famous poem “No Man Is An Island” is worth a second look this week.

No Man Is An Island

No man is an island,
Entire of itself.
Each is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.
As well as if a promontory were.
As well as if a manor of thine own
Or of thine friend’s were.
Each man’s death diminishes me,
For I am involved in mankind.
Therefore, send not to know
For whom the bell tolls,
It tolls for thee. 

Each death does indeed diminish each of us, and that was made crystal clear as we watched the horror unfold before us this week. The bell tolled many times for me and for each of us yesterday, and I thought of the poignant ending to Donne’s powerful poem. Do I really believe that mankind is that connected? I should. God created us to connect, but we separate, choose sides, hide, and mind our own business. It’s what’s wrong with the world. Oneness is God’s plan. Individuality is what Satan prefers.

Each day 21,000 children die in this world. “The silent killers are poverty, hunger, easily preventable diseases and illnesses, and other related causes. Despite the scale of this daily/ongoing catastrophe, it rarely manages to achieve, much less sustain, prime-time, headline coverage.”(Global Issues)

The numbers numb, and the statistics cause us to run for cover if we forget to see ourselves as “involved in mankind.” I suppose the fact that we could do something to prevent the 21,000 daily deaths makes us uncomfortable. Out of sight, out of mind keeps the horrible statistics from haunting me. Haunting is the word I would use for this terrible week. The images have literally haunted and left me reeling.

John Donne didn’t write his poem to make us cower and cover our faces. He wrote it to remind us that we are all in this together. We are stronger when we connect because we are closer to one another and to God when we understand the point of this poem. Christ called us to love God and one another. When we grasp that truth and remember that we are not islands, we will walk in God’s kingdom with the light and life that Christ brings into this world.

John 1:1-5 has helped me so very much today:

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.  He was in the beginning with God.  All things came into being through Him, and apart from Him nothing came into being that has come into being. In Him was life, and the life was the Light of men.  The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it.”

The darkness does not comprehend the Light, but it does flee from it. Let your light shine in a way that will disperse the darkness, and live the life Christ makes possible for all of us. I will attend two funerals this week, and my heart hurts from the losses close to home as well as those far to the north and around the world. The bell tolls for me, and its tolling has caused my heart to tremble this week and remember that I am not alone. That is a comforting thought if I remember Who is the author and perfecter of my faith. I’ll leave you with those words of comfort from Hebrews 12:2

“fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

Holding Her Own:)

Little Mylah is learning to hold her own around big sister Lillyann, and I had to laugh as she held tightly to a little snowman Lillyann was dying to get her hands on.  The little grin on Mylah’s face as she walked down the hall realizing she was going to get to keep it was priceless:)

Meanwhile, Lillyann is learning diplomacy and managed to trade a Santa for the snowman. They are learning to play together well, and there is nothing I love more than watching their interaction. The ride home Tuesday was a hoot as the girls giggled and squealed all the way. They had little tea lights and were pretending to zap each other. Each zap was followed by squeals of hysteria. There is nothing sweeter than get-a-long giggles, and my heart was full as I listened in and loved every silly moment.

I know the girls will become even closer as they grow up together. They already love each other so much, and I know they’ll miss one another next week while Lillyann is in Florida. Separation makes us appreciate those we love, and I know there will be lots of hugging when Lillyann gets home in time for Christmas. Mere and I will keep Mylah occupied, and having mommy and daddy all to herself will be good for Lillyann as they enjoy Sea World and family in Florida.

Learning to stand up for yourself is important, and Mylah’s doing very well in that department. There are times when I have to hold my own and not let others take advantage. Diplomacy is also essential when it comes to living together. It’s important to learn the fine art of give and take. I’m not worried about either girl and know they will be wonderfully different individuals who are closely connected. I thank God for giving me a front row seat and allowing me to be a big part of this special time in their lives. It’s a sweet privilege, and I plan to savor every moment:)

Sickness and Witness

The girls were sick today, and it just broke my heart. I’d so much rather be sick than see them sick. That was true with my son, and it’s doubly true for them. It breaks my heart when they aren’t well. I know God feels the same way when I am hurting, and Christ went to the cross with a love that couldn’t bear to see us suffer. He died so I could live. That’s sacrificial love.

I know I can’t keep the girls from getting sick, but I really hate it when they catch something from me. It is what happens when we love and live together. Making close connections means sharing what we have, and that’s better than not connecting and not getting anything. I’m sure we will all be better in a few days, but that doesn’t make me feel any less guilty for exposing them to this nasty cold.

Witnessing is also about exposing others to what I have, but what I spread when telling the good news about Christ changes lives and lasts an eternity. Unlike my cold, I want to spread the gospel with those in my path. When I find myself hesitant to share Christ with others, I remember to reserve that attitude for contagious conditions not worth sharing.

There’s a time to be open and a time to hold back. When I have a cold, I need to stay back and not share the germs. When I have the opportunity to spread the good news, I need to share it with abandon. Living and loving involve sharing the good and the bad, and sometimes I can’t avoid sharing those nasty germs. I have the choice when it comes to sharing God’s love. The best news is that God’s love spreads even faster and more effectively than cold germs. Sickness and witness are similar in that they are about spreading what I have, but the results are very different;)

Nudging is Better Than Judging:)

I was shocked and embarrassed as fear spilled out of my heart yesterday. I wasn’t expecting the sudden flood of emotion when I talked with a friend about a situation that concerned me. It hit a nerve that made me realize I still have a lot of healing to do. They say when you’re jarred, you see what’s inside. I wasn’t prepared for the fear that came spewing out. It was like hitting an artery!

I  was thankful to have a sound board and honest communion as I struggled to get out of the quick sand that was surrounding me. I was drowning and didn’t like or understand it at all. I thank God for providing the space I needed and the tears that cleansed and released my heart.

It’s important to make room, and that’s what happened yesterday. God cleared, cleaned, and showed me the need to move on. Twain said a virtue not tested is not really a virtue, and I believe the same is true for fear. I don’t know I have it until my heart is confronted. It is frightening, and it helps to have company who understands. Hearing is the heart of witnessing and provides a needed nudge.

Stumbling provides opportunity for growth, and lessons that hit a nerve are the ones that stay with me. God knew I was ready to face the fears lingering from past hurts and move forward. He knew I needed the nudge I got yesterday. I once heard a minister say that was precisely what we are here to do. To nudge and be nudged is much better than to judge and be judged. It is at the heart of walking and witnessing in God’s kingdom.

The most difficult part of facing fear is seeing the need to move on. God showed me yesterday that I’m ready to take another step in the direction He has in mind. He’s always ready for me to move on, but I get sidetracked and make Him wait. I’m grateful for His patience. His ways are higher than mine, and I am learning that I don’t have to understand them. He doesn’t expect me to, but He does expect me to obey His precepts and live according to His Word. I cannot bend, stretch, or make them or Him fit into my plan. I have been guilty of doing just that.

When stuck at a fork in the road, a loving nudge is necessary. I can ignore the nudge, go my way and rationalize my decision. I can see the nudge as a push and get angry, or I can allow the nudge to move me gently in the direction God desires. The choice is mine, and there’s the rub as Shakespeare would say:)