Category: Healing

The Deeper the Darkness, the Brighter the Light

It is in the darkest night that stars shine the brightest, but the light of those stars is diminished by the light pollution of the world. When I move away from the lights of this world and my own attempts to produce light, I am able to look up and see the stars as they are meant to be seen. The same is true for Christ’s light in me. In the darkness of the desert, I appreciate the brilliance of His love.

I resist darkness, and my nature is such that I love to be around others. Community is so very important, and nothing makes me appreciate company more than time in solitude. Just as silence helps me hear, solitude enhances community. The absence of light begs for light; the absence of connection cries out for connectedness. The opposite is true, as well. Bright lights make me want to shade my eyes, and crowds can leave me looking for a getaway.

The light of Christ’s resurrection attracts me as nothing else, and sharing His light brings me closer to God and allows sweet, honest communion with others. That level of connection helps me shed light on the darkness in my heart so I can love in God’s kingdom now. It’s easy to get confused when it comes to light, but Jesus gives His Holy Spirit to help with discernment. When I ask Him to guide me nearer to Christ’s light, He is delighted to be of assistance. He waits for me to ask and lets me grope and hope to find God without Him. When my knees and heart are bruised and broken, I turn to Him for help.

Christ lights the way and leaves me in the capable, loving hands of His Holy Spirit, but I have to be ready to give up my own search and put my matches away before He can get me out of the dark desert and into Christ’s beautiful light. It’s hard to give up the need for independence and even harder to face the fears that keep me in the dark, and no one knows that better than Jesus. It’s why He promises that He will never leave me. If I would just stop wandering off and learn to trust Him, things would be so much easier:)

Seeing the God in Others:)

If you’ve ever had someone see the good in you that you cannot see in yourself, then you understand the power of seeing the good in others. Seeing the good in others is seeing the God in them. Christ helps me do just that and connect in a way that changes them, me, and the world as God releases His Son’s precious love into His world. The message on this last day of Lent is the importance of that connectedness and the compassion that results when His love is recognized and released.

I am designed by my Creator to connect, and I cannot be who He wants me to be until I make the connections He has in mind. Having someone take time to help me understand Christ’s love by seeing the good and God in me gives me the courage to carry out His call to do the same for others. Love and worship must be shared. The body of Christ is connected by His love. When I think about Easter, I am reminded of the resurrection and humbled to think that the powerful love that brought Christ out of the grave is in my own heart and the hearts of all who accept His offer of love.

Christ’s love stays hidden in many, and I’ve certainly hidden it away in my own heart. Bringing His love out of the darkness and into the light of relationship changes everything. Having someone recognize that love and bring it to the surface with honest communion transforms me and allows the resurrection living and loving God has in mind for me. Jesus did not stay in the grave, and His love will not stay locked away in my heart. The grave could not contain His love, and neither can my heart. Christ’s precious love is meant to be shared, and it will be whether or not I participate in the process of sharing it or not.

Love cannot be imposed on others. To love out of fear or force goes against God’s very nature. Before I can see His love in others, I must first see it in myself. That comes when someone sees what I cannot and helps me come to the place of seeing it myself. It’s a sweet revelation that prompts me to want to do the same for others. The process is a painful one that takes time, but it is well worth the hurt to experience the delight that comes from loving as God desires. It brings out the very best when a dear friend sees the worst but still loves the best in me. Releasing God’s love into His world and helping others do the same frees the spirit and heart to connect and serve in God’s world in His way.

It’s been a crazy Lent this year, but on this Holy Saturday, I’m seeing the beautiful light at the end of the tunnel. The light is Christ’s love, and He’s waiting there for me with a sweet resurrection smile of delight on His face. God reminded me this morning that I serve a risen Savior, and that makes all the difference in the way I love and connect in His beautiful world:)  Happy Easter!!

Crusade or Revival?

The Crusades were the darkest days of Christianity. There is nothing noble about forcing people to believe as you believe. There is nothing gallant about galloping around the globe in concerted effort to promote your agenda or eliminate everyone else’s. I am guilty of being mesmerized by knights in shining armor and tales of princesses being recused by them. I’ve had my share of knights and knaves on this journey, but I repent my fascination with that time period. There is nothing romantic or wonderful about it. There is no body count for how many died in those senseless holy wars, and there is no count of the tears that fell from heaven as countless men, women, and children were slaughtered in God’s name.

The difference between a crusade and a revival is that one comes from the efforts of groups on the outside and one comes from a renewal within an individual. Spring is a beautiful example of such a renewal. I can go out armed with shovels and fertilizer and force plants to either bloom or die, but that stops the process of breaking through the cold earth on their own and results in a short-lived, painful imitation of true renewal. 

Crusades  thrived on an “us/they” mentality. Revival involves a “me/God” realization. There is a world of difference between the two. God can have a crusade if He so desires, and Jesus could have performed the most amazing trick ever by pulling His hands away from those hate-filled nails on the far left and far right, bringing havoc down upon this world in a way that would have left us believing in a different sort of Savior. Maybe He would even have a shining knight’s suit of armor. We would still be quaking and doing whatever He said for us to do. He chose to die. He chose to love. He chose to forgive. He chose to extend mercy and grace. It’s what we must also choose to do. It’s much easier to wield a sword in a safe suit of armor, but God knows better than anyone that force doesn’t work when it comes to love.

Revival comes from God, and it comes one person at a time. It’s the feeling of seeing how the love of God is working in the life of another and wanting the same thing. It’s coming to the realization that it is God in that person that makes a difference and letting God come to me in the same way. I have a dear friend who loves God more than anyone I know. When I first heard him speak of God, I knew I wanted what he had. I have it now, but I learned that the process of getting it involves more than simple imitation. More people die in a revival than in a crusade because everyone who experiences revival dies. You cannot be revived if you are alive and kicking on your own terms. Surrender is necessary for revival, and that means going in a new direction. There is nothing more difficult than leaving the known and stepping into the unknown. It takes great faith and personal sacrifice, but the resulting peace truly is beyond our understanding.

Not everyone involved in those hate-filled Crusades died, but Christ’s love was trampled into the ground where the blood of those who did die flowed. Holy wars trample upon God’s heart and bring the very thing He hates the most, division. I pray we learned our lessons from those first disastrous attempts at forcing religion down the hearts of others. I look around today and see the anger and contempt that comes from mixing politics and religion, and it breaks my heart. I know it breaks God’s too. In a true revival, there is no agenda. There is only love. In a crusade, there is no love. There is only an agenda. 

Words Are Not Necessary

When praying and loving, words are not necessary. In fact, the lesson yesterday was that weeping is praying and loving at a deep level. As I wept, I wasn’t consciously praying or loving, but I felt a sweet sense of relief and love. God hears my heart more clearly when my mind and mouth are still, and nothing silences them like weeping. Words are not only not necessary when loving and praying, they often get in the way. When I offer consolation, advice, or comfort, I never know what to say. When I pray, I am the same way.

The most important lessons so far in the path to the praying life have been about words. All who know me, know I love words, but I’m getting better with silence and am very thankful for God’s patience in that regard. I have practiced prolonged silence at the reflection center, but I have difficulty with silence around others. I have a need to fill the space, but I’m learning to give up that space to God and be still. There is nothing like silence to help the spirit and heart draw near to God, and there is also nothing like silence when it comes to worshipping and loving Him. I love raising my voice in praise, and I will sing as long as I have breath in me; but silence is the sweetest worship.

I sat for a long while yesterday and watched the beautiful horizon. After a week of crying and a morning of weeping, my heart lifted in God’s presence. The sounds from above blessed my spirit and I thanked God for Mylah and Lillyann’s healing. They have a way to go before they are up and running, but they are on the mend. While they are sick, only mommy will do, so I know Gina is worn thin. I’ve thought of God as I’ve seen the girls cling and even fight over mommy’s lap. I am the same way when I’m hurting; I want God, and nothing or no one else will do. That was the message this week. The only way to survive grief here is to have God at the center of my heart and life. Only His Holy Spirit can offer hope when I am hurting. Nothing or no one else will do.

I may have a tough day today as two little girls go through mommy withdrawal. I’m hoping they are well enough to play and eat, so I can fill in for her while she’s away at school. I’m sure mommy will have Mylah and Lilly withdrawal as well because I’m ready for some little girl time myself:)

Good Grief

I didn’t expect to find myself kneeling and weeping with abandon on the altar this morning, but that’s just where I found myself. God is calling me to be part of worship in two places right now, and that’s not something I understand. I have learned not to question His ways, but sometimes He confounds me. Perhaps He knows I’ll get lost in the confounding and find Him. I love both places and know He is present and alive in both. It’s a rare blessing to find someone willing to speak the truth with love, and both Pastor John and Pastor Jeff do just that. 

The deaths this week, especially Dorothy’s, left me numb. I’ve heard five amazing messages this week, and the message this morning touched me more deeply than I was prepared to be touched. God knew it was time to weep for mama. I put off weeping four years ago. I cried and cried and cried, but I didn’t weep until today. Weeping with abandon in front of others isn’t something I would have chosen to do, and it’s far too personal and intimate to do in from of others, but God knows that weeping together is part of the grieving process. I felt a sense of release on that altar that can only come when I let go of everything and let God and others hear my heart and my hurt.

It isn’t easy to let others hear my heart, but weeping frees the spirit and opens the heart as nothing else. As I watched Pastor Jeff, a big strong man, tear up as he talked of his own journey, the way was wide open for me to do the same. Letting others see our vulnerability opens doors for ourselves and others. Jesus wept openly for Lazarus. He was a very strong man who loved his friend dearly. Perhaps He cried because He knew he was bringing his friend back into a world of pain. Perhaps he cried because he knew Lazarus had suffered and would suffer again at the hands of death. 

Christ gives me hope and is my strong center. That was the beautiful message this morning. God’s grief is good grief because He is my hope, my comfort, my rock, and my redeemer. He never moves or changes, and that is the best news of all. There will always be weeping and loss in this world, but I can walk in God’s kingdom and chose to grieve as He grieves knowing that I can grieve with Him and share my grief and His love with those in my path. I will weep until I am with God in heaven, and I learned today that weeping is a very powerful form of prayer. That changes my journey in a most beautiful way. That’s good grief, and I thank God for showing me the difference between the world’s way of grieving and His.

God’s Family

The tragedies of the week caused us to put aside our differences and remember that we are a beautiful community closely connected by the love we share. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if God’s family would do the same. I can only imagine what this world would be like if we all quit squabbling about details and arguing over petty differences. God loves all His children, and it breaks His Son’s body and His own heart when we break apart. We learned this week that we are more alike than we are different.

Families stick together, and that is never more true than when tragedy strikes. When death enters our safe haven, we cling to one another. Love causes fear and sorrow to take a back seat, and those things that once seemed important enough to fight about no longer matter. God loves this world, and He watched His only Son die to save it. When we remember His loss, we draw nearer to Him and to one another. When we get caught up in our agendas and plans, we begin to argue over who’s doing the most or who’s right about this or that.

Satan sits back and grins when we poke at one another, place blame, or point out sins in each other. God shakes His head and wonders what more would it take to get us to come together and see what truly matters. Jesus said to love God and our neighbor. This week, our sweet community has been a beautiful neighborhood. I pray that we will hold on to that spirit and not allow anything to come between us and those we love. We should love each other and celebrate our differences. God created each of us, and we are all beautiful to Him. Would that we would be to one another, so His kingdom would come, and His will would be done.

It is possible to love in God’s kingdom now. If you didn’t see that this week, you were not paying attention. Join me in praying for unity as we love God with all that is within us and love each other as we have this week. The praying life is all about community. Satan argues and fusses about being right and loves to see separation and discord. God creates us to be a loving community because He knows it’s the very best way to get a glimpse of Him. We each must decide who we want to be like, and I saw an awfully lot of God this week. I’m excited about all He has in mind and look forward to seeing it work out in the faces of the beautiful folks in this community and in the world.

Insurance or Assurance?

There are some crazy insurance polices out there!! The eleven weirdest policies are listed on this website Strange Insurance Policies I personally think Tom Jones’ chest hair should be number one, but that’s just my opinion:) When it comes to love, I can’t buy an insurance policy. The closest thing to a love insurance policy would be a prenuptial agreement if I’m concerned that my love may go south with my money, but that isn’t really insurance.

Because I don’t like to gamble, I have my fair share of policies on life, house, cars, health, etc… The insurance business thrives on my fear of losing what I have. Like Tom’s Jones and his chest hair, I am closely connected to my stuff and my body and do not want to part with any of it. Sadly, some folks see Jesus as an insurance policy and miss the joy, hope, and peace His love brings to a world filled with fear.

Jesus offers assurance, which is much better than insurance. Insurance will pay me if I lose whatever it is I’m worried about losing, but it cannot insure that I will keep it. God’s love is a different matter; it’s forever, and Christ offers a wonderful assurance policy if I am willing to trust Him and accept His love. Sounds simple enough, and it truly is simple enough for everyone to afford when they come to the place of believing He is who He says He is. The fact that it’s too good to be true keeps some from acquiring a policy that allows me to not only to spend eternity in heaven, but also walk in His kingdom right now.

Christ assures me that I can walk in God’s kingdom with the help of His Holy Spirit. He is Christ’s assurance agent, and He is much better than the very best insurance agent. The only problem with this wonderful policy is that I can refuse the offer. Sometimes I wonder why God lets me walk away, but then I remember that love isn’t something to be forced upon me. That goes against love’s very nature. God is love, so it goes against His nature to make us take Him up on His beautiful offer.

I’m so very thankful that I accepted His assurance policy back in 1964. It is a policy that gets better and better with time. His policy is good for eternity, and I just keep discovering new benefits. The most beautiful one is the blessed assurance that He is mine, and I am His. I’m learning that kingdom love doesn’t have to wait until I am in heaven. It begins as soon as I let Him show me how to love as He loves. I’ve had my love assurance policy with him for almost 50 years, but I’ve only just figured out that I can walk and love in His kingdom now. The healing that came this week was better than winning a big jackpot or a mega million dollar lottery. Check out the policy on the list when it comes to lotteries:) God’s assurance is better than the best insurance policy in this world, and I plan to hang on to my policy and help others accept His sweet offer of everlasting love:)

A Breath of Fresh Prayer

When praying becomes as natural as breathing, the praying life becomes a reality. In a week filled with so much hurt, I found a breath of fresh prayer this morning. I’ve sighed and cried and supplicated this week, but the greatest sense of relief came when I breathed a deep sigh of giving in and giving up. The sorrow of the week helped me see the futility of trying to understand that which I cannot understand, and that gave God the space He needed to breathe His Word into me.

I came to the end of my prayer rope this week and made the freefall of faith that must occur if I am to trust and obey Him completely. I would not have let go if I could have held on.  I suppose I thought I would hit something or crash when I let go, and that shows a lack of faith in and of itself. What I found was David’s sweet psalm that I always had my students memorize. The Twenty-Third Psalm came one line at a time, and it was like breathing in sweet fresh air after being underwater or in a stuffy cellar.

So thankful for His precious Word that filled my heart and lifted my spirit. Psalm 23

“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lordfor ever.”  KJV

With each line, God breathed new life into my weary heart and taught me that prayer is not only asking and crying out, it is also breathing in His Spirit. Too often, I don’t turn to God until there is no other hope or when tragedy humbles. Praying, like breathing, involves taking in the comfort and joy God has to offer or simply enjoying His precious presence. I’m guilty of talking to Him and then hanging up before He has the chance to answer. That’s as silly as only breathing out.

Take time to take in a breath of fresh prayer, and you’ll find that the freefall of faith is a simple sigh of release followed by a deep inhaling of His Spirit. It makes all the difference in the world when it comes to praying and living the life He has in mind:)

Get Out From Under The Table!

The lessons this week have been powerful in many ways, but the image of a table heavy laden and set for a sweet celebration ended the week in with a wonderful wake up call as God has bid me to get out from under the table and join Him. The clear message that I’ve settled for less than He has in mind is a resounding theme I continue to hear when it comes to love. God sets an amazing table, but I continue to wait for a crumb to fall while I stay hidden under the table. I curl up at His feet and whimper when I should be sitting and enjoying all He has so graciously laid before me.

Jeremiah 29:11 is a favorite and was in my path this morning.

“For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.” NASB

Romans 15:13 was also there to remind me that God’s table is overflowing with love, hope, peace and joy:)

“Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” NASB

God’s table is filled to overflowing with love, hope, peace, and joy. I can remain on the floor waiting for a crumb to drop from another table, or I can join Him and others at His and celebrate my love for Christ, the founder of the feast. The choice is, and always will be, mine. The seating arrangements are His, and He prefers a table filled with fellowship. His isn’t a table for two:)

My Prodigal Heart

My heart goes out to the prodigal son in Luke 15:11-32 because I can relate to his struggle to find what was waiting for him at home all along. I didn’t go searching for fame or fortune as he did; I simply wanted to be loved.

I feel for the older brother who is miserable in his servitude and has neither compassion nor joy for his lost brother who is now saved. He misses the opportunity to celebrate because of his own misery. Misery does indeed love company, and it keeps me from much joy. The older brother isn’t broken, and brokenness is part of the path to God. Without it, I cannot relate to the brokenness of the world. God brings His righteousness to me through His precious Son. Until I am broken, I cannot understand or appreciate the cost of that righteousness. When I depend upon my own righteousness to be enough, I am as disappointed as the older son in the story.

Repentance requires that I admit my sin and confess it to God, and that is never easy. It humbles and reminds me of the plan God put into place before He formed the world. Christ is dismissed when I think I can be good enough or work hard enough to make things right in my relationship with Him. The only way to repair my relationship with God is admit I’m broken and in need of His righteousness.

When I do that, I find myself in the position of the prodigal son, eating slop with the pigs rather than sitting at the table celebrating with God. Until I come to that place of desolation and hurt, I cannot begin to make my way back to His table. The older son believes he deserves to be honored for all he’s done, and that is a worse position than coming to the understanding that I deserve to eat with the pigs. Heartfelt confession changes my heart and mind in a way that allows me to live the praying life God desires.

Prayer begins with acknowledging God is Who He says He is. Who I am and who I am not then becomes painfully clear. The prodigal found his way home, and it was well worth the time and money it took for him to find it. The father was a good father who understood that well. God is the best Father and knows my wandering heart needed the lessons of the humbling path I chose. Coming to the place of confession is a crossroad where I must choose the direction I will take. The prodigal could have stayed and wallowed in self pity, convinced himself it was best to stay away from those he loved, or simply given up. Many do just that. It’s why Christ tells this powerful story. I can go back to those I love after being lost, but I must go with a clear understanding of who I am and Who God is. Then, God will celebrate with me. Not everyone will be happy when the lost find their way to God, especially if they take the path of the prodigal, but they can miss the celebration if they want to, it’s their choice just as it is mine to come home and celebrate with God.

Lessons in living the praying life are promising to be a greater challenge than those lessons in love! The open arms of the father in the story of the prodigal son are a glimpse of the glorious welcome God has in mind for me. It is a story of hope from the God of hope, and I needed it this week. I guess that’s why He put it in my path:)