Category: Healing

Vast Difference!

There is a vast difference between knowing what is right and the need to be right. God made that difference very clear yesterday with the cliff I came close to falling off! The scriptures this week had the crowd ready to toss Jesus over the cliff when He didn’t say what they wanted to hear. I didn’t like what He had to say to me and came close to slipping over the edge myself as I backed away from Him.

Evil has a way of disguising itself as good. It’s Satan’s greatest power, and my need to be right and desire to be loved brought me to a place of decision yesterday. A friend reminded me as we prayed together that I know what is right, and God reminded me again this morning. I do know what is right and what is good, but I am a stubborn and willful child who refuses to obey.

Disobedience breaks the heart and keeps the body from the wholeness God has in mind. The most difficult lessons are those which reveal sin for what it is. I chide myself for living up to daddy’s expectations when I see my stupidity. I don’t like to use the word he used to describe me on a daily basis, but it was the word that came to mind as I took inventory and prayed. God didn’t use it, but I did.

He loves and comforts me when I see my own mistakes with an attitude of true repentance, and loves me all the more when I decide to turn from them and heed His lessons in loving. Lust and love are not the same. Wanting what I want rather than what He wants is lust. Love is many things, but wanting isn’t one of them.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 has also been in my path this week, and I know that wasn’t a coincidence.

“Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,  does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”NASB

I have taken and twisted those passages much in my life, and it has caused my heart to be broken over and over again. Yesterday, I looked at the brokenness and asked God to help me pick up the pieces. He had a better idea in mind. He asked me to leave those pieces at the cross and let Him give me a new heart, one held together by the sweet, powerful glue of His Holy Spirit.

I’m all for fixing things that can be fixed, but I also know that God knows best when it comes to hearts. I’ve tried for decades to repair my heart, but it only gets worse with each patching. I’m always left feeling less that what He desires, and that hurts deeply. Yesterday, I felt worse than ever and did not like what I saw. I know I must see myself as more before I can be who He wants me to be and have the love He has in in mind for me.

I’m ready to let Him have those pieces and accept the whole heart He has for me. Obedience is the key to wholeness and holiness, and I trust Him to help me find the joy that comes as a result of that obedience. My heart’s in good hands, and that’s just where it belongs. I feel like His beloved and cherished daughter, and that’s a new and wonderful feeling. A vast and beautiful difference from what I was feeling yesterday. Joy does come in the morning:)

Light Hearted

My heart is light, and that’s a new sensation for me. I am learning and growing in ways I never could have imagined on my own. God placed John 3:21 in my path last night, and it blessed beautifully.

“But he who practices the truth comes to the Light, so that his deeds may be manifested as having been wrought in God.” NASB

The beautiful verses before this one command a great deal of attention, and I love them dearly; but this one set my heart free. I know I’ve read it many times, but as I read it last night, it seemed I’d never heard it before. God’s Word is alive and often catches me off guard. It never ceases to amaze me, and I love that about it.

Truth is the heart of love. I was brutally honest with God last night, and He placed the comforting words before me. Truth brings me to the Light where I can be His vessel. Peace came as my soul settled and left me in a sweet puddle at His feet. He lets me cry out, and when I do, I always find myself empty and ready to be filled.

I slept like a baby for over ten hours after a cup of warm camomile tea and a hot shower. Truth brings out my deepest feelings, and that includes my deepest fears. God catches each tear, feels each fear, and calms my heart and soul with His presence. The service yesterday morning and an afternoon of Christmas baking was very therapeutic:) Preparations for the sweet gathering with family on Christmas and thoughts of time with Mylah and Lillyann today lulled me to sleep. I could feel mama’s presence as I settled into bed, and my heart breathed a sweet sigh of healing release.

Being light headed is not a good thing, but being light hearted is a wonderful feeling. It’s like floating. I had to smile as I drifted off to sleep because I knew I was experiencing true self-differentiation. I wasn’t fused or confused any more. Tethers were gone. The truth set me free, and it was the most exquisite feeling I’ve ever felt. I want more of it, and I know the way to get it is to practice the truth, come to the Light, and let God manifest His deeds through me. Amazing:)

Cry Out to God

I have alluded to the service for Andy several times in my posts this week, so Pastor John graciously agreed to share his notes so I could pass along the healing words that helped me so very much as I searched for answers this week. For those of you also seeking to understand why, I pray you find comfort in these words. This brief post is but a very small shadow of the powerful service. I wish you could hear the message of truth and forgiveness spoken with love from the heart of Andy’s and my dear friend.

December 18, 2012

John Alden Tagliarini

(Taken from the service for Andrew Ivor “Andy” Parris)

“Why?” Moses asked, “O Lord, why does Your anger burn against Your people whom You have brought out from the land of Egypt?” (Exodus 32:11 NASB)

The psalmist asked, “My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?” (Psalm 22:1 NASB)

We have to ask, “Why God?”

We have to ask, “Why, Andy, did you take your own life?”

And, we have to admit to no satisfying answers.

In fact, the only answer I can find here is to encourage you – in whatever trials you are going through – I encourage you to know that suicide is not the answer. Call someone, call out to God!

We usually acknowledge our lack of vocabulary as we try to address circumstances such as these. Then, without sufficient words, we continue speaking as if the sound of our voices might somehow sooth our souls and prompt some insight regarding the meaning of it all. My sense is that God is grieving with us. His anger is kindled over the evil results of our deeds.

God gives life. God desires that we enjoy abundant life. Yet, God also gives free will. The consequences of our choices sometimes leave scars. Jesus bears just such scars. His hands, His feet, His side, His brow show the results of evil running its course. Yet, God forgave, and He forgives! This is the only grace I can offer this afternoon, God’s love.

Someday, God will bring into His world the fulness of abundant life which He began in Christ Jesus. Until that day, let us find ways to affirm life, to accept others, to listen deeply and to stand firm against all that destroys the life God intended. Let us trust God to heal our hurt, to love and to forgive.

Speaking as we have of love and life and suffering and pain, God reminded me of the picture painted by the prophet Isaiah of the suffering of our Lord. Though stark, Isaiah’s words are laced with hope. It is the hope that God heals us through the suffering of our redeemer. It is the hope that Jesus bears our sins away.

Let us hear the word of the Lord.

“Surely our griefs He Himself bore,
 And our sorrows He carried; Yet we ourselves esteemed Him stricken, Smitten of God, and afflicted. But He was pierced through for our transgressions,
 He was crushed for our iniquities; 
The chastening for our well-being fell upon Him, And by His scourging we are healed. All of us like sheep have gone astray, 
Each of us has turned to his own way;
 But the Lord has caused the iniquity of us all 
To fall on Him. He was oppressed and He was afflicted,
 Yet He did not open His mouth; 
Like a lamb that is led to slaughter, And like a sheep that is silent before its shearers,
 So He did not open His mouth.” (Isaiah 53:4-7 NASB)

“As a result of the anguish of His soul,
 He will see it and be satisfied;
 By His knowledge the Righteous One, 
My Servant, will justify the many,
 As He will bear their iniquities.” (Isaiah 53:11 NASB)

In Christ Jesus, God bears our sins away and offers forgiveness and love and comfort.

With the psalmist, we ask, “Why?” The psalmist answered his own question with honest trust in his God. He said, “O my God, I cry by day, but You do not answer; And by night, but I have no rest. Yet You are holy, O You who are enthroned upon the praises of Israel. In You our fathers trusted; They trusted and You delivered them. To You they cried out and were delivered; In You they trusted and were not disappointed” (Psalm 22:2-5 NASB)

“Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you” (1 Peter 5:6-7 NASB)

Whenever God’s people are hurting or are in trouble, they call out to Him for deliverance. The people of Israel experienced times when it felt as though all the blessings of God, all the good work of growth in the Promised Land after Exodus from Egypt was wasted, and that God had rejected them. Yet, the people called upon God. They prayed that God would shine His face upon them in renewed blessings.

Hear some verses from just such a psalm of petition.

“Oh, give ear, Shepherd of Israel,
 You who lead Joseph like a flock; you who are enthroned above the cherubim, shine forth!” (Psalm 80:1 NASB)

“..stir up Your power 
And come to save us!” (Psalm 80:2b NASB)

“You have fed them with the bread of tears,
 And You have made them to drink tears in large measure.” (Psalm 80:5 NASB)

We cry out to God today. “O Lord of hosts, restore us; Cause Your face to shine upon us, and we will be saved” (Psalm 80:19 NASB)

We have an affirmation of faith, penned by the shepherd David in Psalm 23.

“The Lord is my shepherd,
 I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures; 
He leads me beside quiet waters.

He restores my soul;
 He guides me in the paths of righteousness
 For His name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
 I fear no evil, for You are with me; 
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
 You have anointed my head with oil;
 My cup overflows.

Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life,
 And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. “ (Psalm 23 NASB)

Healed Holes

The way to find my way is to open my eyes. The way to find God’s way is to open my heart. That means hearing and having faith when I can’t see my way. Not seeing my way is a prerequisite for seeing His:) I always take the long way around when it comes to learning, and that convoluted path gets frustrating at times; but it’s worth the extra miles when I finally get it:)

On Monday evening, the sunset was the most beautiful I have ever seen. The day was a cold, dreary, and very rainy one. I had a funeral in the afternoon, and a visitation in the evening. Around 5:30, I noticed a beautiful glow and turned to look out my kitchen window. What I saw, took my breath away. I quickly turned off the lights and stood by the window to watch God. In an hour, a dense fog descended. Visibility was terrible as I made my way to the visitation. It was a difficult two-hour ordeal that left my heart aching. I know the glimpse of God was there earlier to remind me that He was with me, and I held on to that thought throughout the evening.

On Tuesday afternoon, the funeral for my sweet former student who took his own life was a time of healing. As I heard God’s Word, I felt the ragged edges of my heart begin to come together. As I found myself surrounded by so many loved ones, I felt God”s presence in a powerful way. Immanuel! God with us. What a beautiful plan! His way became clear as I let go of my grief and let Him fill those holes with His love.

Grief opens the heart as nothing else if allowed to run God’s course. God helps me feel the hurt, absorb it, and let the holes in my heart stay open. Those healed holes, as I call them, allow love to flow more freely. It’s like having an ear pierced; the hole heals, and I can put in an earring. Without God’s help, the holes in my heart remain raw and ragged and sore.

I think holiness is having healed holes that open my heart in a wonderful way. Last night, as I listened to the sweet voices of children singing songs about Christmas, I felt whole and holy indeed. I was surrounded by little ones yesterday, and God blessed as love poured in and out of my heart as it only can when I am with children. Tears are part of healing, but so is laughter:)

Grief will always be part of my life if I plan to love, and God certainly has loving at the top of His list when it comes to living. Laughter will always be part of my life because no one has a better sense of humor than God. He designed us to love, and that means both tears and laughter.  I need both, and God is always there to cry and laugh with me.  Those who truly love me do the same.

God shares my journey and shows me His way. He knows it and me by heart:) I didn’t have the presence of mind to take a picture of the sunset, but God has another sweet former student do that for me. Here’s Stacy’s photo, and it captures just what I saw on Monday evening.

Sunset

Healing Words

The past week has been a horrendous one in regard to senseless deaths, and I’ve attended two funerals in two days. That’s far too many, especially when one is a young man who took his own life. The funeral today offered healing words that lifted my soul and gave me hope.

The healing power of truth told with love and forgiveness was the heart of the message this afternoon. There is nothing more powerful in all of creation. Loving in God’s kingdom involves honesty and forgiveness. We can begin doing it right now, and that is the miracle Satan hopes we forget.

Satan makes a lot of sense when he bids us to stand our ground or run and hide. He knows we love to hear that we are right and should retaliate. True forgiveness means giving up our right to be right and to retaliate. Satan will even arrange a fan club for us, but a stadium full of fans don’t bring the peace loving and forgiving as God will.

The only solace in a time of grief is extending grace and loving as Christ. God feels our grief was a beautiful part of His message today. He understands our grief as no one else can. He doesn’t want us to hide or deny it. He wants us to feel it and absorb it because it is part of who we are. Those who heal best after a tragic death are the ones who feel deeply and forgive completely.

I pray that as a nation we will feel deeply, forgive completely, and give up our right to retaliate. I don’t think we have to give up our right to bear arms, but I do think we have to think about putting assault rifles in the hands of everyone. We also must think about ways to protect our most fragile citizens. That includes our children as well as those who are mentally ill.

There are no easy answers when we cry out why, and that was part of the message today. We want to know why, but it is more important to have faith. God’s Word was very healing today, and I feel as if a burden has been lifted from my heart. Grief was dispersed in a beautiful way today as God’s healing words penetrated the hurt and lifted the spirit:)

Shared Grief

Love blooms and spreads beautifully when shared. It is meant to be shared, but grief is also meant to be shared. It is often awkward to share grief, but it is so important that we do because it diminishes when shared. It’s not easy to open my heart and let others see and share my pain, and it is as hard to hear hurting hearts. Love and grief go hand in hand. Without love, there is no grief. Losing a loved one causes deep grief, but sharing that grief in love disperses it and makes way for healing and peace.

Holding on to grief causes its roots to go deeply into the heart. Many hearts are broken by those roots, and many are encased and hardened by them. We have seen the results of a hardened heart this week, and none of us will ever be the same because of it. Having grief in the open as in Newtown, Connecticut forces sharing. People all over the world are praying and sharing the grief of those who have lost loved ones. I pray we will be mindful of all who suffer around us.

Jesus said, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.” Romans 12:15 NASB  The fixer in me wants to keep others from weeping. I like to fix and solve and make it all better. I am learning that is not what I am here to do. Being a loving presence is up to God. His Spirit gives me access to His love. It is the most powerful force in existence, and I can tap into it. That allows me to share the pain of grieving hearts and share my own grief. It changes me and the world.

I am only just beginning to understand love and all it entails. This week, I’ve been poignantly reminded that grief is meant to be shared. I don’t have to understand grief; I just have to open my heart, express it, and hear it. Jesus shares our grief and hears our hearts. The Holy Spirit allows us to do the same with those in our path. Fixing and doing are easy outs that make me feel better but do little in the way of true connection. Loving requires exposing my heart, and that requires trust. With the Holy Spirit’s help, I can find the connections God desires for me and live a life, as my dear friend would say, “is worth living forever:)”

Joy Is Ours to Keep:)

This is the Season of Advent, and today’s candle represents joy. Joy is ours to keep, and no one can take His joy from us. The season began with the candle of hope. Hope is always present and is God’s promise forever. His peace surpasses all comprehension, and His love is assured. Philippians says it beautifully.

Philippians 4:4-7 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice!  Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. NASB

The Lord is near! That gives my heart hope, peace, joy, and love. I can allow Satan and others to steal any one of these precious gifts of God, and weeks like this one certainly open up the door and give those thieves access. Jesus will close that door of grief and heartache and sit with me until the pain subsides. He knows that pain weakens and leaves me vulnerable. It’s why He came to make a better way, one where hope, peace, joy, and love abound and are mine to keep forever. If they are stolen for a time, He will help me retrieve and hold on to them.

Obedience leads to joy, and that’s the key to finding and keeping joy alive in my heart. Joy isn’t ha ha happy, and it isn’t Pollyanna optimism. It is His presence in the midst of disaster, sadness, and whatever else befalls me on this journey. He won the war, and I can shout from the depths of my heart because of that victory. He is coming again, and that is what Advent is all about. He has not left us and assures that He will be with us always. There’s joy in connection. There’s joy in knowing I am loved. There’s joy in knowing that this world isn’t the final word.

Obedience requires trust, and that means stepping out in faith and believing that God is who He says He is. When I do that, fear flees and worries wither away. I don’t have to understand as I obey; I simply have to trust God. Proverbs 3:5 says it best:

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart
And do not lean on your own understanding.”

The teacher in me wants to understand before I obey, but the Christ in me says trust in the Lord. I argue at times and fall prey to worry, but Christ’s sweet voice keeps whispering softly in my heart. When I get still, those gentle words calm my spirit and bring joy to my soul. Singing praises allow joy to flow down and up and all through me. It’s tempting to weep and wail, and I’ve done my share of that this week, but songs of joy lift. Hope, peace, and love join in, and the chorus becomes a heavenly one:)

We’re In This Together

John Donne’s famous poem “No Man Is An Island” is worth a second look this week.

No Man Is An Island

No man is an island,
Entire of itself.
Each is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.
As well as if a promontory were.
As well as if a manor of thine own
Or of thine friend’s were.
Each man’s death diminishes me,
For I am involved in mankind.
Therefore, send not to know
For whom the bell tolls,
It tolls for thee. 

Each death does indeed diminish each of us, and that was made crystal clear as we watched the horror unfold before us this week. The bell tolled many times for me and for each of us yesterday, and I thought of the poignant ending to Donne’s powerful poem. Do I really believe that mankind is that connected? I should. God created us to connect, but we separate, choose sides, hide, and mind our own business. It’s what’s wrong with the world. Oneness is God’s plan. Individuality is what Satan prefers.

Each day 21,000 children die in this world. “The silent killers are poverty, hunger, easily preventable diseases and illnesses, and other related causes. Despite the scale of this daily/ongoing catastrophe, it rarely manages to achieve, much less sustain, prime-time, headline coverage.”(Global Issues)

The numbers numb, and the statistics cause us to run for cover if we forget to see ourselves as “involved in mankind.” I suppose the fact that we could do something to prevent the 21,000 daily deaths makes us uncomfortable. Out of sight, out of mind keeps the horrible statistics from haunting me. Haunting is the word I would use for this terrible week. The images have literally haunted and left me reeling.

John Donne didn’t write his poem to make us cower and cover our faces. He wrote it to remind us that we are all in this together. We are stronger when we connect because we are closer to one another and to God when we understand the point of this poem. Christ called us to love God and one another. When we grasp that truth and remember that we are not islands, we will walk in God’s kingdom with the light and life that Christ brings into this world.

John 1:1-5 has helped me so very much today:

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.  He was in the beginning with God.  All things came into being through Him, and apart from Him nothing came into being that has come into being. In Him was life, and the life was the Light of men.  The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it.”

The darkness does not comprehend the Light, but it does flee from it. Let your light shine in a way that will disperse the darkness, and live the life Christ makes possible for all of us. I will attend two funerals this week, and my heart hurts from the losses close to home as well as those far to the north and around the world. The bell tolls for me, and its tolling has caused my heart to tremble this week and remember that I am not alone. That is a comforting thought if I remember Who is the author and perfecter of my faith. I’ll leave you with those words of comfort from Hebrews 12:2

“fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

The Victory is God’s

Psalm 30:5 reminds me that “Weeping may last for the night, But a shout of joy comes in the morning.” Yesterday was a day filled with weeping as beautiful young children were taken from us in a deeply disturbing way. Many others died across the country yesterday; one was a special young man in my own town who ended his own life. He was a former student and very dear to me. My heart was filled with much weeping yesterday, and my sleep was troubled throughout the night. God reminded me this morning that the final victory is His.

Weeping may last for the night, and I know many will be weeping for many nights to come, but joy does come when we remember that death has lost its sting. We cannot lose sight of God’s victory or death’s grip will take hold of our hearts and steal our joy. Loved ones leave us lonely and hurting as we long for their love, but we can rest assured that they are in God’s loving presence where death does not exist any more.

Death has no authority in God’s kingdom. Christ put an end to death when he rose from His grave. It is the hope that allows us to continue living and loving in a world designed to make us  give up. God bids us to remember who He is and that His kingdom has a new design. We are here to learn about love and grow closer to Him and to one another. That is a plan that brings hope, joy, peace, and love if we will remember that the war has already been won. The victory is and always will be God’s.

Let’s help each other as we walk through the times of weeping. Holding a hand, saying a prayer, and just being present. Having someone hear my heart helps me find joy in the morning, and hearing someone’s heart does the same. When we weep together through the dark night, we find the strength to make it to the morning light together. Loneliness is at the heart of all those who are hurting, and I pray that I am more mindful of those in my path who need a little love.  Instead of arming ourselves with bigger guns, I pray we will arm ourselves with bigger hearts filled with compassion and reach out to one another in love. It was love, after all, that won the war in the first place.

Ring of Truth

I had the diamond from my engagement ring placed into a beautiful new setting and picked up the ring today. It was important to let go of the past and move forward, and the new ring was about doing just that. I marveled at the beautiful heart that brought tears of joy and release as I put it on my finger.

There are times I feel I haven’t made a lot of progress when it comes to my heart, but there are other days when I know I’ve come a long way. Settling for less than what God has in mind has always been a problem for me in regard to love, and God reminded me that He knows best when it comes to love. Truth is the most important component of love, and I am learning to be honest and open even when if breaks my heart.

Listening is a new skill for me, and I’m learning to discern His will. Sometimes it’s the most simple thing in the world, but it becomes complicated when I put my wants into the mix. Hearing His truth involves breathing in His Holy Spirit. I am beginning to do just that and realized today that I hold my breath far too often when it comes to His Spirit. Having access to the Holy Spirit is not the same as truly embracing Him and allowing Him to occupy my heart.

When I let God’s Spirit into my heart, He makes it beautiful. I haven’t cherished my heart, so it’s no wonder it hasn’t been cherished by others. Being wanted is a great feeling, but being cherished is much better. God made sure I saw the difference today. Lessons in love are never easy, but the beautiful ring God placed on my finger will serve as a vivid reminder to cherish my heart and love as He desires. His kingdom will come if I let Him start with my heart. There’s a ring of truth in that if I ever heard one:)