Category: Life

Finding Freedom in Forgiveness

I find great comfort in Psalm 32 and thank God for placing it in my path this morning. 

“How blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven,
 Whose sin is covered!

How blessed is the man to whom the Lord does not impute iniquity, 
And in whose spirit there is no deceit!

When I kept silent about my sin, my body wasted away 
Through my groaning all day long.

For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me;
 My vitality was drained away as with the fever heat of summer. Selah.

I acknowledged my sin to You,
And my iniquity I did not hide; said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord”;
 And You forgave the guilt of my sin. Selah.

Therefore, let everyone who is godly pray to You in a time when You may be found;
 Surely in a flood of great waters they will not reach him.

You are my hiding place; You preserve me from trouble;
 You surround me with songs of deliverance. Selah.

I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go; 
I will counsel you with My eye upon you.

Do not be as the horse or as the mule which have no understanding,
 Whose trappings include bit and bridle to hold them in check,
 Otherwise they will not come near to you.

Many are the sorrows of the wicked, 
But he who trusts in the Lord, lovingkindness shall surround him.

Be glad in the Lord and rejoice, you righteous ones;
 And shout for joy, all you who are upright in heart.” NASB

When my heart is heavy, I know I need to acknowledge that sin is weighing it down. A friend reminded me last week that it is important to float in faith, and God showed me this morning that I cannot float when my heart is heavy-laden. God is always ready to extend His grace and forgiveness when it comes to sin. Unconfessed sin is too heavy a load for the human heart, and it shows a lack of faith if I try to handle sin without Him. I have an impudent and disobedient spirit if I ignore or rationalize it. 

I have a recurring dream that reminds me of the importance of confession, and I had it last night. The dream varies slightly, but it is vivid and very discomforting. The message in the dream is that God has prepared a place for me to relieve my heart if I will simply have faith and follow His Spirit. Romans 3:23 tells us “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Sin will not go away on its own; I have to confess it if I am to be free from it. Christ took care of all sin on the cross. I learn from the dream that I can look and look on my own for a way other than confession to get rid of sin, but my attempts will always end in vain and leave me more frustrated than ever. Confession leads to repentance, and repentance leads to that shout of joy in Psalm 32. Finding freedom in forgiveness gives my heart a reason to sing and shout for joy:)

If I could handle temptation and sin on my own, Jesus would not have had to take care of it for me. His sweet gift of forgiveness doesn’t give me license to do whatever I want, but it does give the Holy Spirit to guide when I fall. Confession and repentance are the steps I must take if I am going to walk in God’s kingdom and live a Spirit-filled life. My spirit is strong, but as the old saying goes, my flesh is weak. Breaking free from sin and accepting God’s forgiveness allows me to stop floundering and find the freedom to float in faith to that place of love, joy, peace, and hope He has prepared for my heart:)

Lifted by Love

The Hymn of Invitation on the Sunday of my profession of faith was “Love Lifted Me.” The lyrics were written by James Rowe, and Howard Smith composed the music. I’m not sure what influence the song had on my decision, but I do have a very vivid memory of it. The idea of being lifted out of the water is something to which I can relate because of my early experience at Lake Hickory. Daddy lifted me from the water when I was five and saved my life in the process. In April of 1964, Christ’s precious love lifted me from the turbulent waters of this life and saved my soul in a very similar process. I remember the feeling I had fifty years ago as if it happened yesterday. The Holy Spirit filled and lifted me as I’ve never been lifted before.

Love always lifts. It is a simple, but profound, lifting that takes the heart in a new place. That’s exactly what happened in the spring of 1964, and it’s what happens every time I find myself in God’s sweet presence. His love lifts me from the troubled waters and allows me to sing praises in the deepest water. His love never changes and is always present. It is love I depend and lean upon. Music touched me again this morning as we sang “Forever Reign” by Hillsong; my heart was reminded that there is nothing like God’s embrace.

Water has been at the heart of the lessons this week. Seeing water in Christ’s light changes everything. The sweet rain this morning reminded me of the living water Christ offers and took me back to my baptism. His living water replenishes and refreshes as nothing else can, and I welcome it as the dry ground welcomed the rain it so desperately needed this morning. God’s embrace opens my heart and allows it to completely soak in His Spirit.

Living a Spirit-filled life is living a life completely drenched in His Son’s precious love. It was raining this morning when Mylah came in to say good morning and rock in my rocker. I told her to look outside at the rain. She loved it until I told her we couldn’t swim in the rain. She stomped her foot and hit the glass door with the palms of her hands as if to make it go away. After she went upstairs, I started wondering why I couldn’t swim in the rain. I couldn’t think of a reason other than lightning:) It wasn’t storming, and I needed a shower before going to church; so, I put on my suit and hopped in. It was amazing! I loved floating on my back and letting the rain hit my face, and the hot shower after the swim was just what my body and soul needed to get me in the proper mood for worship.

The worship service was wonderful, and there were allusions to water in the songs we sang together in praise. I love it when God does that:) I came home from the service in a torrential downpour that filled the streets to overflowing and unnerved me as I tried to navigate in the menacing mess. It was a morning filled with soaking, but it was also a morning of reminders that God is with me in the storm, in the deep water, unexpected downpours, and the quiet pools. The sun peeked out from the clouds for a brief moment to reassure. Lillyann would say, “Look, Gigi, the sun is playing peek-a-boo!”

Everything was so clean and the pool was beautifully blue and still for a few moments before another front brought in another downpour. I love the fragrance and the clarity after the rain. Love has given my heart the same clarity this week as I’m learning to relax and let God’s love drench, quench, and lift it to a new level. The message this morning was to make sure my heart and both my hands are in the same accord so God’s love can not only lift my heart but also the hearts of those in my path. I pray my heart and hands will sing the sweet name of Jesus as I lose myself in His embrace.

Here’s the song that touched my heart this morning:)

 

Loving & Swimming Lessons:)

We opened the pool on Monday when we celebrated Memorial Day. I was, and have been, very nervous about having the girls around the water. My fear of water is deep within my heart, and I was afraid of passing along that fear to the girls. I steered clear of the pool when they were in the water, but today was a beautiful turning point for my heart as God used the pool to give me loving and swimming lessons at the same time.

This morning was a turning point for my heart as I decided to accept and embrace the love God placed in my path, and I did so with a true non anxious loving presence. My heart was light and as full as it has ever been. I relaxed, let go, and “simply and bravely” loved. That was the title of the baccalaureate message Pastor John delivered to the graduates last Sunday; and while I was getting the message into pamphlet form this morning, I realized the title aptly described the lessons God had for me this week.

Lillyann swam on her own for the first time Monday, but she truly got it this afternoon. She just wouldn’t quit swimming back and forth across the pool. She had her water wings on, but she let mama let go and took off on her own.  Mama’s lessons finally clicked for her, and God’s lessons in loving and swimming finally clicked for me too. We both simply, and bravely, let go:)

After lunch, I decided to swim in the pool while the girls were napping. I prayed that I would not relay my fear of the water to the girls and asked God to please help me. An amazing thing happened when I got into the water. I started swimming, floating, and playing with abandon. There was no floundering, flailing, or thrashing about. I swam and played until the girls got up, and then I played for another hour and a half with them. They saw my excitement, and it was contagious! They especially loved it when I swam under the water and tickled their toes:)

God took away the fear I so worried would be passed along to my sweet little grandbabies and replaced it with delight. I am still in awe and don’t understand exactly what happened today, but God used Lillyann’s letting go and delighting in her new found freedom to get across His lessons for me. My heart has had on its water wings (the Holy Spirit), and my body had all the right motions for swimming. I knew what to do, but knowing and doing are two different things. Today, I loved and swam with abandon as I let go of my fears. I was as close to God as I ever have been in the process.

I shared Lillyann’s delight in a beautiful way because I knew exactly how she was feeling. That’s the way it is with love, as well. We laughed and loved each other as we played in the water, and we shared a very special moment. She kept telling me that I was her best friend while we were swimming together, and that was icing on an already amazing cake today. Love is like swimming; God waited for me to let go of the fears that were keeping me from loving as He desires. Just as mommy and I delighted when little Lillyann took off across the pool, I could imagine God doing the same when He saw that His swimming and loving lessons had finally paid off:) 

Flesh and Faith

Galatians 2:20-21 tells me, “I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me. I do not nullify the grace of God, for if righteousness comes through the Law, then Christ died needlessly.”

A Spirit-filled life is a life of faith lived out in the flesh, and Romans 10:17 reminds me, “So faith comes from hearing, and hearing by the word of Christ.” God’s Word fills my faith and tempers my flesh as it reminds me of Christ’s righteousness. When I see God’s Word as a set of rules for righteousness or try to live out the law instead of loving out my faith, I miss the life God has for me. The law is a guide and a reminder that Jesus did fulfill that which I cannot do on my own. As Paul says, “if righteousness comes through the Law, then Christ died needlessly.” I’m learning to gauge all in my life by looking at how it relates to Christ’s gift of love. Leaning on the law, dismisses His gift. Floundering in the flesh does the same. The Holy Spirit allows me to live out my faith in a way that blesses Him and teaches me.

If I think I can be good enough, I nullify God’s grace. If I think His grace gives me the license to do whatever I want, I nullify God’s grace. If I believe Christ is the Son of God and understand that His love comes to me through God’s grace, then flesh and faith can work together. The problem comes if I try to live out my faith on my own or think I can control my flesh. Forgetting His Spirit is breathing without lungs. If I try to live by faith without the Holy Spirit, I end up worn, weary, and out of breath as I get caught up in the process of being good and forget the purpose of Christ’s coming. Paul knew, and I’m learning, that faith is hearing, understanding, and living out Christ’s words with the help of His Spirit.

 Christ promises to be with us always in Matthew 27:17-20, “When they saw Him, they worshiped Him; but some were doubtful. And Jesus came up and spoke to them, saying, “All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”

Christ’s commission includes a precious promise that assures me I can live by faith if I will take His words to heart with the help of His Holy Spirit. God’s sweet message this week has been that I am not alone. He is always with me through His Holy Spirit, and I can live the life He has in mind if I stop trying to do what His Son has already done. I’ve never felt as alive as I have this week as God has given me a taste of living the life He has in mind. Faith forces flesh to relax and allows me to breathe in a way that changes everything:)

How’s Your Love Life?

When fishing for details about intimacy, folks used to ask, “How’s your love life?” Friends, strangers, and even doctors would ask the question to gauge how things were going in regard to relationship. Physical intimacy is still a measure in the minds of many when it comes to love. The lessons this week have been about God’s abstracts conflicting with the world’s concretes. Love is abstract, and that makes it difficult to define and even harder to measure. Physical contact is part of the gauge we use to determine how loved we are. God took abstract love and made it concrete when He entered the world in human form. He understands our need to measure that which defies measurement.

I’m a hugger, so physical contact is very important to me. I respect those who do not like to touch or be touched, but I love to be held. I’m glad I’m surrounded with friends and family who offer hugs to me and accept the hugs I offer to them. It feeds my soul to be touched, and I love being close enough to my son and his sweet family to get my fill of hugs each and every day. When I find myself with a physical intimacy deficit, I remember Christ’s precious love, and that gives intimacy a new meaning and fills me with His sweet Spirit.

I’m learning abstract measures are more powerful than concrete ones when it comes to measuring my love life. God is redefining love for me and changing my heart in the process. He is helping me understand that the most valuable things in this world and the next cannot be held or seen. Love, grace, forgiveness, faith, hope, compassion, joy, and peace are all beautifully abstract, and there is nothing more real. As I get away from my need for concrete evidence and physical proof, I’m finding my love life is improving dramatically:) 

In the Aftermath of the Storm

I never tire of the beautiful view of the western horizon outside my bedroom door. I especially enjoy watching the weather coming in. When storms are in the distance, I sit and stare as the storm forms, but I do not enjoy the brewing when it’s taking place in my heart. When two fronts collide, whether in the atmosphere or the heart, storms do brew. Brewing creates tension, and tension must break. How it breaks and wreaks havoc in nature was painfully clear this week, and my heart breaks each time I think of those children in Moore, Oklahoma who found themselves in the midst of the storm without the comfort of their mothers’ arms. The teachers’ tears spoke volumes as they felt the pain of the dear little ones who died in the wreckage.

God hears every cry for mama, and He sees every tear in every storm. The strongest deluge cannot hide a single tear. Christ catches each and adds His own tears to those shed by His children. I love my son more than I know how to put in words, but I know that my love for him is a mere drop in the ocean compared to the love God has for him and for me. I wonder how I would feel if something terrible happened to him and everyone pointed their fingers at me for not stopping the storm or for not being there to stop his pain. God feels such pain each moment of every day as Satan bids the world to point fingers in His direction and lay blame on Him for every misfortune in this world.

My sin put Christ on the cross, and the pain He endured for me is beyond what I am capable of imagining. To blame Him when I hurt adds insult to His injury, but He takes all the insults and the pain and loves me anyway. His lovingkindness is forever, and it doesn’t matter if I kick and scream, point and cry, or hide and whimper; He loves me still and always will. There is nothing I can do to separate myself from His love. When fronts collide, and they always will, His love is in the aftermath to bring calm and perfect peace. A perfect storm is one that causes the most mayhem. God’s perfect peace is greater than the perfect storm, and it always will be.

I am guilty of neglecting God in the good times, and the same is true of that beautiful western front when blue skies and sunshine go on and on for days. I’m sorry to say I don’t pay much attention, but when a storm is on the horizon, my focus is upon that western front. I am the same way with God when fronts collide in my own heart. If trouble is brewing, it’s best for me to turn to Him and let Him settle the storm before it brews. I told Mylah and Lillyann that storms are necessary to clear and clean the air, and the same is true in my heart. Those storms in my heart can be avoided if I let God clear my heart before I attempt to clear the air:)

Abba Father

My heart was frustrated, so I cried out, “I don’t know what I want anymore!” while praying last night. The sun was setting, so I simply sat and stared into the western horizon after blurting out my heart’s frustration. God not only held my attention but put on an amazing display that made me forget about everything but Him. A powerful thunderstorm had just rolled over the mountaintop, and the sky suddenly lit up in a breathtaking way. In the stillness and awe of the moment, I stopped crying and remembered that He is Abba Father. I sat and watched the sky in silence soaking in His loving presence.

Coming to the end of my wants allows me to reach out for God. He showed me last night that I know what I want, and I know what He wants. It isn’t complicated. I want to be loved, and so does He. So do we all. His love defines who I am; it always has and always will. I’ve grown dizzy looking for love. My heart is like little Mylah spinning in circles; it causes me to lose my balance. I end up on the ground every time, but that doesn’t stop me.

I was grounded last night, but God’s love and grace lifted in a beautiful way. The Holy Spirit brought my heart a sweet sense of peace as the sky went from a frightening stormy gray to a beautiful pink and to a soft white before finally fading into night. Turning off the lights and letting the room darken naturally brought a sweet sense of sleepiness. It took a while for darkness to come because God turns off the lights much better way than we do:)

A lingering flash of lightning came from a distant storm as the sky darkened completely. God reminded me the Holy Spirit’s comfort comes slowly at times and in a flash at others. I lost sleep Sunday evening thinking about future worries and past regrets. Last night, I slept like a baby knowing that Daddy could and would take care of my heart. Abba Father indeed:)

Look! It’s Touching the Sky:)

Pepe and Ray opened the pool today, and the girls were mesmerized by the process. We had to put little chairs by the door so they could watch. When they finally got to go outside, Lillyann pointed to the water and said, “Look, it’s touching the sky!” I smiled as I heard her perfect description and wished I had thought of it:) I also couldn’t help but think about how wonderful it is when we touch God through His Holy Spirit. Just as the pool touched the sky when the cover was removed, so did my heart touch God when I allowed His Holy Spirit to remove its cover. The pool was covered all winter, and I know that water was happy to see the sky. My heart was hidden for far too long, so I understand both the longing and the joy involved in touching the sky:)

I love watching the water, especially the little ripples created by the filter system. The openness is inviting, but I know I have to wait until the filters and potions do their magic before venturing in. It’s fun to watch the transformation taking place, and I can already see a noticeable difference in the color and clarity of the water. Until the transformation is complete, I can only look at and anticipate a refreshing swim. The girls were just beside themselves, and Lillyann kept asking if she could get in. I know she will love swimming, and I know we’ll have a lot of fun playing together in the water. I hope I never forget her reaction to the pool the first time she saw the water because it will remind me to make sure she sees God in me the same way she saw the sky in the pool.

Opening my heart is a lot like opening the pool. Like pools, hearts must go through a transformation before they are ready to love as God desires. The first step is touching Him and reflecting His love in a way that invites others to come in. The lessons this week have been powerful ones that helped me open my heart a little wider and touch God in a beautiful way. Pastor John reminded me that I am God’s child, and that gives me the courage to reach up, touch God, and open my heart to the love He has for me. Pastor Jodi reminded me that I need to be filled, and I thought of her honest and beautiful message when I looked at the pool today. No matter how beautiful the pool, it’s of no use when it’s empty. The same is true for my heart. The images this week have been powerful ones that I pray will stay with and continue to bless me as I touch God, remember who I am, and remember to stay filled:)

Touching the Sky

God’s Grounding

Staying grounded without hitting the ground is a challenge, but balance comes more easily when I let go of pride and pity and look toward the Holy Spirit. Looking back throws my heart off center and makes traveling forward impossible. Luke 9:62 makes it clear that looking back is a problem when it comes to following Christ. God’s grounding requires that ground be broken in my heart. He used the image of a plow and a beautiful field to help me understand the importance of focus when it comes to plowing.

“But Jesus said to him, ‘No one, after putting his hand to the plow and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.’” NASB

Looking back is the surest way I know to get off track and fall to the ground. My heart has hit the ground so many times that I wonder if it wouldn’t be easier to just lay down and stay down. God made it clear this morning that the problem with my heart stems from going in one direction while looking in another. I have always been easily distracted and have trouble focusing. It is a nuisance when it comes to completing tasks, but it is disastrous when it comes to living and loving in God’s kingdom.

Christ’s words humble because I am guilty of forging ahead while looking back. I don’t want to let go because I know the plow is keeping me grounded, but I continue to look back. My heart will never be grounded as long as I allow the plow to dig down while I decide whether to trust God and move forward or continue to focus upon what I want. I find myself stuck between where He wants me and where I want to be. If I keep looking back while trying to move forward, I will continue to go in a circle, an easily recognizable pattern in my life.  

Being grounded is about looking ahead and following Christ. His Spirit is pulling the plow to which I cling, and He knows where He’s going. It is where I should be going. God will let pine and look back, but He makes it clear that I am not fit for His kingdom if I do. That humbles and sobers me in a powerful way. God knows my struggle with attention, and He knows how very much I love Him and His precious Word. I hold fast to His love, and I’m not letting go. He reminded me this morning that I have to turn my full attention to Him if I am to learn and grow in His Spirit as He desires.

It’s human nature to be distracted by desire. The body demands attention and will not be ignored, but God’s Spirit is strong and bids me to choose. God never forces me to go His way. He hands me the handle and lets me determine the direction. He won’t put a blinder on me either and lets me look in whatever direction I desire. I’m thankful for the freedom His Spirit brings; without it, I would simply be a drone. He knows my heart must decide when it comes to love, and He knows how difficult it is to not look back. He also knows, and I’m learning, that I have to look to His Spirit if I want to be truly grounded. God’s grounding leaves my heart open and ready to bear His fruit, and He knows that only I can let His Spirit give my heart a new kind of grounding:)

God's Grounding

Gravity & Grace

I thought of Lillyann and Mylah this week as God’s lessons led me to see the power of His Holy Spirit to lift my spirit and bring me into a sweet intimacy with Him. Earlier in the week, the girls were pretending to be birds and decided to get on the couch and  fly. Gina and I watched as they showed us how real birds fly. Lillyann, the engineer, had the proper wing formation and proceeded to fly in true bird form. Mylah threw her arms up in delight, squealed, and flew with abandon. Lillyann tried in vain to get Mylah to use proper form, but Mylah was soaring and didn’t heed her directions.

I told Lillyann that humans would fly with their arms outstretched like Mylah’s and used Superman as an example of such flight. Lillyann wasn’t buying it, so I told her that Mylah could pretend fly any way she wanted. That seemed to make sense, so on they flew. I love the abandon of children, and I envy the freedom with which they express their spirits. The lessons this week were all about Spirit, and God used the vivid image of the girls’ flight to bring home a powerful lesson in gravity.

We celebrate Pentecost this week. I’ve read and heard about Pentecost all my life, but I understood Pentecost for the first time today. I was flying like little Mylah with the help of God’s sweet Holy Spirit, and it was the best high I’ve ever experienced. I’ve felt God’s Spirit before, but today was different. It was the most beautiful AHA! moment I’ve ever had as I understood the difference between God’s ways and mine as never before. God dwells in Spirit; I tend to dwell in the body. It was clear to me today that the Spirit has the body beat when it comes to soaring, and I loved the feeling of absolute bliss I felt today. God made it clear that He knows what’s best for me. His timing is always perfect, and I was especially thankful for that today. I got His message just when I needed it, and I love that about Him.

I know I have to die to self, and I know it is a daily death, but I lived the lesson today. That is much better than simply hearing it. I’ve been thinking about Romans 8:14-17 and Acts 2:1-21 this week, and I read commentaries and articles half-heartedly as I prepared the folders last week. In fact, and I’m ashamed to say this, I dismissed Romans and moved on to Galatians because I found it more interesting. I am so very thankful God that is patient, loves me more than I can begin to fathom, and sees me just as I saw Mylah with her  little hands raised in pretend flight. I am also grateful for loving friends who nudge me along the path:)

The lessons this week have all been about allowing God to define me. I am His daughter, and He made that very clear today. The lessons began on Sunday, continued all week, and came together beautifully today. I was His daughter this afternoon, and that made me want to jump and shout and lift my arms like little Mylah. My body reacts to gravity, and that makes it very difficult to stay in flight. Gravity keeps me from experiencing what God has in mind for me, but God’s grace gives me a taste of His freedom that I can’t forget. Bing gives three definitions for gravity:

1)gravitational force: the attraction due to gravitation that the Earth or another astronomical object exerts on an object on or near its surface

2)seriousness: the seriousness of something considered in terms of its unfavorable consequence

3)serious behavior: solemnity and seriousness in somebody’s attitude or behavior

Gravity literally keeps my body from floating up in the air, and I’m very thankful for it; but I must make sure my body does not keep my spirit from being lifted by God’s grace. That pesky sin of seriousness will also keep my spirit from soaring and will ground my soul. Seriousness and gravitational force have their places, but my spirit isn’t one of them. My spirit belongs to God, and I am His beloved daughter. He showed me what He could do when given the space and freedom He needs. What a lesson! What a week! There just aren’t words that describe the way I felt when I was lifted to a place where I escaped gravity and flew into His presence today, but John Gillespie Magee Jr. comes very close his beautiful poem that I’ve always loved.

“High Flight”

 Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of Earth
 And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
 Sunward I’ve climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth
 of sun-split clouds, — and done a hundred things
 You have not dreamed of — wheeled and soared and swung
 High in the sunlit silence. Hov’ring there,
 I’ve chased the shouting wind along, and flung
 My eager craft through footless halls of air….

 Up, up the long, delirious, burning blue
 I’ve topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace.
 Where never lark, or even eagle flew —
 And, while with silent, lifting mind I’ve trod
 The high untrespassed sanctity of space,
 – Put out my hand, and touched the face of God.

I’m not a pilot, and that was especially true today as God’s Spirit took the controls. My body was forced to be still on the ground and watch as my spirit slipped those surly bonds, and I truly felt like His daughter. Reality set in, and I came back down to earth, but I flew long enough to learn the earth is never the same after flying:)

Taking Flight