Category: Life

What To Do With My Dash?

A friend reminded me this evening to think about what to do with my dash. It’s a simple question that made me stop and think seriously about the importance of that question. The dash is my life and refers to the little dash between my birth date and death date on my tombstone. I plan to be cremated, but you get the idea:) I’m afraid I wasn’t good company today because I decided to throw a pity party for myself and whine. Good friends come to those parties, listen to my heart, and love me anyway. I’m amazed because I don’t usually come away from them loving me! After hearing myself talk, I do come away from them with a desire to listen to God.

The changes since my sixtieth birthday have left me reeling and dizzy. I am so very thankful to be living in a beautiful home with my son and his sweet family. That change that has done my heart a world of good. There are times when I wonder if my heart will ever stop hurting. I remind myself that as long as I love, it will surely hurt.

The dash is about loving and living a life that my friend would say is worth living forever even if the dash represents only a tiny segment of my journey. The journey here is more like a dot than a dash, but it is an important time of learning. Learning is wonderful but comes at a great cost. I should know by now that anything worth having comes at a great cost. My salvation cost Jesus much, and He knows better than anyone about the hurt that comes from loving. I would rather love and hurt than not love at all, and I trust God to guide me when it comes to loving and learning.

What to do with my dash? Love as God loves and remember that the only thing that matters in this world and the next is loving Him, myself, and others. I don’t have to understand His love to embrace it, and I don’t have to understand His will to obey Him. In fact, not understanding is a prerequisite for learning to obey in a way that leads to joy. I am so thankful for the sweet friends God placed in my path today. Their love lifted my heart as His love does. Knowing I am not alone and that I am loved brings light to the darkness and hope to my heart.

What I Ask For

There’s great truth in the advice to watch what you ask for because you just might get it. I am thankful God doesn’t give me what I want, and I’m slowly learning not to ask. Obedience is more listening than I like, but as I learn to listen, I’ve stopped asking and started trusting. God knows me better than I know myself and gives me what I can’t begin to imagine on my own.

The lessons yesterday reminded me of the need for contact. The day was one of disconnection, and I found myself alone as I worked and again when I came home. The kids went to play in Asheville, so I was home alone. As I sat in the sun, Cookie came bounding down, crawled under a space in the gate, and came over to see me. He sat with me for a while, but left when he saw I was going to sit instead of play. He prefers movement:) It’s good to have time alone, but I was ready for aerobics as I went to workout last night. There were only three of us, but it was great company, and my body welcomed it and the movement.

On Thursdays, I sleep with the girls to give Tyler and Gina time together. I love our special time together and especially needed the cuddling last night. I usually sleep with Mylah, and Lillyann sleeps in her bed. Last night, we all crawled into Lillyann’s bed, and I could tell both girls were excited about the new arrangement! I had the sweetest sleep I’ve had in a while. I was completely surrounded as both got as close as they could to Gigi. I thought it would be impossible to sleep in the confined little spot in the middle of that sweet pile, but I didn’t care. In fact, I told God as I prayed that the snuggling was much better than any sleep I might end up missing. Oh, me of little faith:)

I didn’t even finish the prayer I began before falling asleep and slept for ten hours. They stirred a little throughout the night, but they and I quickly settled back to sleep in that sweet circle of love. Waking up with them was icing on the cuddle cake I so badly needed after the lonely day. God knows my heart, and He knew I needed the sweet snuggling. I had to laugh at one point during the night and tell Him that my cup was running over, and He was just showing off. I’m learning that He likes to show off when I leave the asking to Him.

The praying life is a beautiful life that is teaching me to not only be careful what I ask for but simply listen and don’t bother asking at all. He is God after all and knows better than I when it comes to what I need;)

Praying Attention:)

Lillyann has an amazing imagination, and I love following her chain of thought. We were sitting at the dinner table yesterday when she said, “Look, it’s a fish in the tree!!” I saw the leaf she was referring to and even saw the semblance of a shark in it. She processes information as I do, and I plan to encourage her to keep on seeing what she sees and not worry if no one else sees or appreciates it. She has a beautiful creative spirit, and I know God will use it to bless her and others in her path.

I love to look at clouds and find all the wonderful shapes within them, and I’m fascinated by wood and the many images hiding in the grain of each unique piece. Sacred imagination is the best because it is the way I communicate with God and is a powerful component of my prayers. It shapes my prayers into sweet images which are very similar to those clouds and wood grains.

The heart is between the soul and the spirit, and Jesus fills my heart with His sweet presence. When I am praying attention, I see the images He places before me:) As I draw nearer, I see and hear more clearly. I marvel at how God knows and loves me, and I thank Him for allowing me to get to know and love Him more. He knows I’m a visual learner, and I know He is the Master Teacher. It’s a beautiful combination.

God’s reality is better than my imagination at its very best. I’ve allowed my imagination to carry me through difficult times, and I thank God for giving me a creative spirit. It blesses me and helps me draw nearer to Him. It is a gift I have learned to embrace, and I know I can help Lillyann as she embraces her own sweet personality. It is tempting to get caught up in the imaginary at times, and I’ve allowed myself to get trapped there when my reality was unbearable, mostly in matters of the heart.

I’m learning to let His reality become mine, and that is the best of all. Lillyann and Mylah are so very different. Mylah will lay on the floor in complete contentment as she decides how something is put together. She and her sweet daddy share the desire to take things apart and put them back together again. I love their unique expressions of spirit so very much and can’t wait to see how God will use those gifts.

The lessons this week have been pivotal as I have turned my attention to God and focused upon seeing His will in all things. I have been awed by God’s presence as I’ve let the things of this world fade away and embraced Him as never before. I sometimes feel the need to pinch myself to see if I’m dreaming lately, but that’s been a great side effect of living in His reality. His truth cut deeply into my heart this year and continues to do so, but His reality is a sweet balm that heals as nothing in this world.

I plan to continue looking at clouds and wood grains, and I thank Him for the creative spirit He has given me. He is the Ultimate Creator, and I am created in His image. It follows that I should create:) I pray I will use all the gifts He gives to see Him and myself more clearly while helping others do the same. There’s that nudging again! Giving up the need to be who others desire for me to be is taking off the blindfold, unstopping my ears, and getting off my treadmill. I haven’t liked all I’ve seen and heard this week, but I don’t plan to go back to the blindness, deafness, and busyness that keeps me from seeing and hearing God as He desires. Praying attention is a beautiful thing:)

Nooooo!

The fog gave way to the snow last night, so I was blessed with a very different view of the world this morning. Watching the girls come in to open my curtains and show me the snow was even better than the beautiful snow globe outdoors. The howling winds calmed, but snow was blowing in all directions. They loved showing it to me! Children have the right perspective when it comes to snow, and their excitement is contagious:)

Fresh snow is a clean slate, and there’s nothing children like better than a blank canvas upon which to create. Anyone with painted walls and children knows that! They have the right idea, and I love the new paint that allows them to create away. The snow invites me to be still and watch as God creates beauty right before my eyes. Snow is a miracle even when I know the science behind it, and it always fills me with awe.

Being with the kids makes snow all the more amazing, and it helps that Tyler is here with a truck that can navigate the slippery slopes if necessary. Fears dissipate when I know I’m not alone. I am reminded that Christ promised to never leave me, and I know that has always been true. He has always been with me, and He always will be. I know families can’t always be together, and I thank God for the beautiful and very unexpected blessing of living with my son and his sweet family. Living and loving together is what God has in mind for His world. In the living and loving, we find Him in one another and in His beautiful world.

The biggest lie in this world is that it doesn’t belong to God. It is my Father’s world, and I love the beautiful hymn that proclaims that powerful truth. It’s easy to give up on the world, but if I do, I take a little piece away from Him and give it to Satan. The world is like all of us. There is good and bad, and neither it, nor we, are perfect. God in all of us and in His world:) It is worth the effort of listening and looking deeply when I find Him in the heart of a friend, the eyes of a stranger, or on a snowy landscape.

Unlike a sunset, snow will not be ignored. I love that about it, and I believe that’s what children love about it:) Whether I like it or not, my plans are going to change. I’m finding it’s best  not wait for a snowstorm to stop, look, and listen to what my sweet Lord has to say or show me each day. This morning, He simply said, “Look at this!” I’m so glad I did, and I love that He had my two sweet little mentors make sure I began the day with the proper perspective. Lillyann immediately wanted to go outside and make a snowman, and little Mylah just kept saying, “NOOOO!” she wasn’t commenting on Lillyann’s question. She was just saying “snow” in Mylah talk, or maybe she heard God’s response to all our plans for the day and was passing along His message:)

Fog and Faith

The fog today was as thick as any I’ve ever seen. I missed seeing the beautiful mountains in the distance, but there is a soft lesson hidden in the white mist that touched my heart. It reminded me that faith is believing without seeing, and that was a lesson I needed today. I like knowing what’s ahead when it comes to finding my way, and that’s exactly what God is trying to get me to change. Not being able to see ahead is unnerving, and uncertainty about where He is leading is even worse. The praying life is about love, but it also requires a level of faith I do not yet have. I suppose that’s the point of the lessons:)

I don’t know if it’s human nature or just me, but I say I trust and then offer a list of questions up to God in an effort to find out what’s coming. Even with all those lessons in love about being present and staying in the moment, I still find myself with one foot in the future. The world says to get a foot in the door, but God says to keep both feet in the present and leave the future to Him. Perhaps one day I’ll learn to do that without having to be reminded.

Lillyann is like me when it comes to wondering and worrying about what’s coming, and I love that about her. If I ever get weary with her worrying, I just remember that I am the same way with God. He is patient and loving, and I ask Him to help me be the same. Lillyann is surrounded by those who love and care for her, and I thank God the love He placed in each of their lives and in mine. Knowing you’re loved is at the heart of faith, and God’s love is the most powerful force on earth and in heaven. How can I not have faith when I know who He is and how He loves.

Fog is part of living in the mountains, and I love watching it settle in the valleys. When it comes too close to home, I don’t like it. Today was a vivid reminder to have faith in Him when I can’t see or don’t understand what’s next on the path. The fog is lifting, and the temperature is dropping. I see the mountains, and I see the beautiful white fluffy snow clouds coming from the west. The girls are excited, and so am I:) The beauty of a spring snow is that you know warmer temperatures are just around the corner. Looking forward to the snow and also the sixties this weekend.

My faith is getting stronger, but I have a long way to go. The girls don’t worry about whether or not mommy and daddy will take care of them. They play happily as all children should. They have reminded me today to do the same when it comes to my Father:)

The Law, The Prophets, and Love

 

1 Corinthians 13:1-3 makes it clear what happens when love isn’t present.

“If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.” NASB

I never thought of these scriptures being connected to the transfiguration even though I know all scriptures are beautifully connected. The Law and the Prophets came together with Christ’s perfect love. Moses, Elijah, and Christ coming together at the transfiguration makes for an amazing scene. No wonder Peter wanted to build three tabernacles. He didn’t see at the time that Christ was bringing a special unity that would allow the law to be fulfilled according to God’s perfect plan. The prophets foretold His coming, and Jesus brought the love necessary for God’s will to be done and His Word to be complete.

Love changes everything, and Christ is God’s love in human form. Without love, we are nothing. Living the praying life means doing all I do with love. Praying is love in its purest form. Jesus sits at God’s side and intercedes unceasingly. If that is how He loves, then isn’t it the way I should also love? I see the call to pray in a new way, and I’m praying in a very different way. It isn’t as if I’ve prayed without love, but I am much more mindful of the love that makes prayer possible. It is all about connecting to His precious love first and then sharing that love as God desires.

I’ve struggled with the sharing at times, but I’m growing and learning to listen and follow His lead in that regard. I’ve had the tendency to overdo, enable, fix, and veer off His path when it comes to loving. The lessons in love over the past few years have helped me see love in a new light. I see now that was a prerequisite for living a praying life. A praying life is a life centered in sharing Christ’s precious love. That’s been the lesson this week, and I have been blessed to hear several messages about just that. Another beautiful lesson has been that God is all around me if I will open my eyes and be willing to step out of my comfort zone.

God finally got me out of the building and into the world this week. I’m not sure what’s next for me, but I do know that loving Him and sharing His precious love is all that matters whatever He has in store for me:) This beautiful message on the transfiguration helped me see a glimpse of His glory, and that helped me hear His call more clearly and have the courage to obey when I didn’t understand. Thanks be to God:)

I pray it blesses you as much as it does me. Thank you John for allowing me to share it:) 130224_Glory

Higher Than My Ways

It doesn’t surprise me that Isaiah 55:8-9 was in my path this week as God has been teaching me to trust Him and let go of what makes sense and embrace His plan even though I don’t understand. Here’s what God says through His prophet Isaiah:

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
 Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
 So are My ways higher than your ways
And My thoughts than your thoughts.”

I’ve read that verse for decades during times of trial and change, but I’m feeling a freedom this week unlike any I’ve ever experienced. There have been many changes in my life over the past two months, and all of them have nudged me a little closer to God. My ways and thoughts tend to isolate me from the world or create unhealthy attachments. I’ve been hiding my entire life in some way or another. The bars change forms, but I’m finding that the gilded cage is even worse than the dark hole because it disquises itself as something better and makes me feel as though I’ve made progress.

God’s ways are higher because His vantage point is much higher. He sees the entire picture when I see only a tiny piece of one corner of the picture. He’s given me a glimpse of His glory this week, but He’s also made it clear that it is up to me to trust Him. That trust involves surrender, and surrender is never easy. Seeing His glory helps make the letting go possible, and feeling the freedom that freefall of faith brings encourages me to not only trust Him, but also obey in a way that brings the joy only a god of hope can bring.

David says it beautifully in Psalm 19:8.

“The precepts of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart;


The commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eye.”

His Word and ways are right, and when I look to His commandments and obey those precepts, I find joy as my heart rejoices in that obedience. It brings to mind verse 14 of that same beautiful psalm.

“Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart


Be acceptable in Your sight,
O Lord, my rock and my Redeemer.”

God’s Word reminds me that His ways are higher than mine and listening to and obeying Him results in joy unspeakable. He is my rock and my Redeemer, and that changes my mind and my heart in a way that changes me:)

A Glimpse of Glory:)

Last night, as I watched the sun set with awe, I wanted so badly to capture and hold on to the moment. I got a glimpse of His glory with the photos I took, but I learned an important lesson as the scriptures from this week took on new meaning.

Luke 9:28-36 describes Christ’s transfiguration. Hear God’s Word.

“Some eight days after these sayings, He took along Peter and John and James, and went up on the mountain to pray. And while He was praying, the appearance of His face became different, and His clothing became white and gleaming. And behold, two men were talking with Him; and they were Moses and Elijah, who, appearing in glory, were speaking of His departure which He was about to accomplish at Jerusalem. Now Peter and his companions had been overcome with sleep; but when they were fully awake, they saw His glory and the two men standing with Him. And as these were leaving Him, Peter said to Jesus, “Master, it is good for us to be here; let us make three tabernacles: one for You, and one for Moses, and one for Elijah”—not realizing what he was saying. While he was saying this, a cloud formed and began to overshadow them; and they were afraid as they entered the cloud. Then a voice came out of the cloud, saying, “This is My Son, My Chosen One; listen to Him!” And when the voice had spoken, Jesus was found alone. And they kept silent, and reported to no one in those days any of the things which they had seen.” NASB

Like Peter, I want to design a tabernacle that captures a moment rather than live in a way that allows my heart to be His temple. It’s easier to build an arena for Him than to give Him my heart. Building tabernacles keeps me busy so I don’t have to worry about that temple:) The stillness that comes from seeing Christ’s glory is all I need to empty out the temple and give God all the space He needs, and He does need all the space! Like designers on HGTV or Clinton and Stacy on What Not to Wear, you gotta let go if you want to see a transformation. That butterfly can’t stay in the chrysilis and fly:) A glimpse of His glory gives me a glimpse of what eternity with Him will be like. That’s all I need to live the life He has in mind for me.

God blessed me with a special moment at sunset, showed me a breathtaking full moon at four, and woke me with a most amazing pink and blue sky with soft white fog snuggling in the mountains like a down comforter. I didn’t get a photo of the moon or the morning sky, and the picture I took of the sunset is a mere glimpse of the glory I saw, but the lesson I learned from those glimpses was a powerful one. I cannot capture or hold on to God’s glory. I can, however, see it and make sure all I do glorifies Christ because that is what the transfiguration is all about. I can make sure my body is His temple and forget about those tabernacles that draw more attention to me than to Him:)

A glimpse of glory:)
A glimpse of glory:)

So Much Easier to Just Talk

It’s much easier to talk than listen, and I’ve talked more than I’ve listened throughout my life. The need to fill empty space and the fear of what I will hear are at the root of my chattering. There was a doll named Chatty Cathy when I was young, and I ended up with the nickname myself because of my constant babbling. I noticed a difference in my praying this week as I stopped talking and heard God’s voice in the space I left unfilled.

For Lent this year, I decided to give up space to God. I was having a hard time being still until I came to the place of not knowing what to say this week. It wasn’t the same as being dumbfounded; I’ve been there many times. This was coming to a place of decision and not knowing what to do or say. When lost, it’s much easier to listen to directions. As I heard God saying what He’s been saying for a long while, I knew He would let me continue down my path if I wanted. He certainly knows I do that most of the time. I also knew that I was tired and lost and ready to hear and obey.

It’s easier to talk when it comes to praying for the same reason it’s easier to talk period. If I talk, I won’t run the risk of hearing what I don’t want to hear. If I talk, I might convince myself that my path is the right one. If I talk eloquently enough, I might just convince God. Well, that’s as silly as it sounds and never works. He’s been so patient with me, and I thank Him for letting me come to a place of obedience on my own. It’s the only way to obey. God and I both know that. God never forces me to love Him or obey Him because He knows that isn’t true love or obedience.

It’s easier to have someone tell you what to do, believe, be, etc. The trouble with being told or forced is that I get wistful and wonder what if? That leads to bitterness and then anger. When I decide for myself, I get heartbroken and hurt. That leads to brokenness and openness and enables me to grow and move on as God desires. The tears give way to resignation, and resignation turns to faith as I forget my own desires and understand He knows best. “Faith comes from hearing, and hearing from the word of Christ.” (Romans 10:17 NASB) 

Christ’s bids me to be like a child, and I’ve certainly felt like a contrite child this week as I have struggled to convince God I’m right. When I got finished talking and didn’t know what else to say, He quietly said what He’s said over and over again. This time, I listened, trusted, and obeyed. It’s hard to leave the known and step into the unknown, but it’s even harder trying to convince God I know better than He does when it comes to my heart. The good news is that when I obey, I feel a peace that is indescribable. It eases the pain and makes listening a little easier the next time I am lost.

It’s easier to talk than to listen. It’s easier to listen than to trust. It’s easier to trust than to obey, but it’s best to remember that God knows what He’s doing and obey in the first place. Maybe one day, I’ll take that advice to heart and use it myself:)

Under His Wings

When I’m feeling lost or disconnected, Psalm 91:4 comforts me with the beautiful image of being tucked lovingly under the very top of God’s wing. I wish I could find the photo a friend sent me years ago of a mother hen with a tiny little peep literally peeping out from under the top of her wing. I could barely see the fuzzy yellow head, but I knew that little chick was safe and loved. God had me right where that mama hen had her precious chick this morning, and it was a wonderful feeling.

Psalm 91:4 “He will cover you with His pinions,
And under His wings you may seek refuge;
His faithfulness is a shield and bulwark.”

Last night, I was feeling as disconnected as I’ve ever felt in my life, and I desperately needed the shelter of God’s wings. When I stopped wiggling, He tucked me safely under His wing until my heart stilled and my fear subsided. It’s funny how my perspective changes when I’m under His loving wing. I cannot stay underneath His powerful wing all the time because I would never grow or learn if I did, but it is comforting beyond words to know that His wing is there when I need refuge or a respite.

I am empowered by the rest God so graciously gives, and I also love that He knows when to tuck me under that wing and when to let me wiggle and run in circles. I sometimes need the exercise running in circles affords because it tires me out and gets me still enough to be tucked in:)