Tag: change

A Chance for Change

Change is a difficult challenge as I have to choose whether or not to embrace God’s will and let go of mine. Change is necessary to manifest His will, but I must trust God and give Him the chance to change me. Security, my need to control, and pride keep me from changing as God desires. When I am ready to surrender, the Holy Spirit begins a transformation only He can accomplish.

Security is linked to safety, and I cling to what I know in a desperate attempt to remain safe. The irony is that my tendency to stick to the known threatens the very safety I try to protect. I settle for the way things are and convince others I know what I’m doing. The problem comes when trying to convince myself or God.

The chance for change requires leaving my comfort zone and stepping into the unknown. That puts me in a prayerful state of mind and requires faith that God is who He says He is. It’s precisely where I need to be, but exactly where I don’t want to be. Like the Israelites, I complain and ask God why I have to change. I prefer rearranging to real change which requires more reflection than I care to do.

Moving away from the known is extremely difficult, even when I know it is for the best. I stay in terrible situations simply because I worry that I may end up in a worse place if I step out, which shows a lack of faith on my part. I also have to admit I am wrong, and that bruises my pride. Christ was willing to leave heaven and God’s presence to make the single most powerful change this world has ever experienced. If He can do that, surely I can make the simple changes He is asking of me.

Change asks me to surrender and have faith in God. I have to let go of my need to control, and admitting I need God is the first step in that surrender. When I finally let go, God always shows me how pleasant it is to have someone who knows the way take me where I need to go. I would never step off a plane in a foreign country, signal for a taxi, and tell the driver to move over, but I am guilty of doing just that when it comes to God.

Several years ago, I was in San Francisco on a business trip. It was during Chinese New Year. My colleagues and I decided to go to China Town for the festivities. I’ve never seen so many people in one place and soon found myself caught up in a group of revelers dressed in a large red dragon costume. They were setting off firecrackers in front of each store to bring good luck to the owner in the coming year. I started to panic as the fireworks got closer and my colleagues got further away. I was lost in a sea of foreign faces and filled with fear.

When faced with danger, I look for help. When in a ditch, I’m open to suggestions. The challenge of change is having the same attitude without the danger or the ditch. Successful people know the importance of change and are willing to take the risks involved. Like a child in the backseat, I tend to bombard God with questions. When will I get there? How much longer? Where am I? I’m hungry! Can I have a drink? My father responded to those questions with the threat of pulling off the road. God is much gentler, but He makes it clear that I free to go my own way if that’s what I want. God’s patient love lets me wait until I am ready for the changes He has in mind for me.

God could easily take control, but that goes against the nature of love. He loves me too much to force His will on me. Besides, He knows it’s an ineffective method for true change. If I see the second ‘c’ in chance as my need to control, change it to a ‘g’ for God, and give control to Him, I’ll find the joy that comes when I trust and obey Him. Pride and fear keep me from giving God the chance to change me. Pride doesn’t go before the fall when it comes to change; it keeps me from falling back into my faith in God. Falling in faith is a lot like falling in love. I have to just let go and trust God to catch my heart. As I looked at this amazing sunset this evening, I wondered how I could possibly not trust God.

Sunset 10-12-13

The Best Change Ever

Change is never easy, and I think that’s why this season of Lent has been so very difficult for me. So many changes in such a short time left me out of balance for a bit. This morning, as the sun broke through the dark clouds and filled the house for a few special moments, I had to smile back at God and thank Him for all the lessons. Those teachers who push me to the point of true change are the ones I most remember. I don’t normally have a lot of affection for those teachers as they are getting me through a difficult lesson, but I truly appreciate them when I finally get it.

The best teachers are the ones who care about me, and that means understanding that I may not understand or like the lessons they know I truly need. Good parents are not always popular, and neither are good teachers. Jesus is the best teacher ever, and He knew the lessons coming at the cross were going to break His followers’ hearts. He also knew they would lead to stronger discipleship and greater love than they had ever known. They would need those lessons when He was no longer with them, and we still need them today. Without the separation that came with His death, His resurrection would not have been possible. He knew that then, and He knows that now.

The lessons this season of Lent have been about separation more than anything else. I didn’t understand what God was doing and even became angry with Him at one point. This morning, I’m thankful for His patience with me. Hanging on to that which He bids me to release keeps me from experiencing all the good He has for me. My intentions get tangled up in His will if I try to pick and choose or keep one foot in my way and one foot in His. Then my feet, like those good intentions, keep both of us from doing any good. He made it clear that I need to clear my heart and stop trying to convince Him to let me keep this or hold on to that.

God is the Master Teacher, and the change He has in mind is the same change He had in mind on that beautiful morning when Christ rose from the grave. He wants me to experience resurrection living and loving. This morning I celebrate Christ who gave up all to God on my behalf. The result was the single greatest change this world will ever know. I am thankful that He is still a god of hope who gives me the chance to change and live a life worth living forever:)

Lent & Love

I stayed home with the girls this morning since we are all trying to get back to normal after nasty bouts with a stomach virus. Being sick reminds me to be thankful when I am well, and eating solid food is something I too often take for granted. They are much better, and I’m getting there. God placed Psalm 103:8-14 in my path today, and it was just the reassurance I needed.

“The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
Slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness.

He will not always strive with us,
Nor will He keep His anger forever.

He has not dealt with us according to our sins,
Nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.

For as high as the heavens are above the earth,


So great is His lovingkindness toward those who fear Him.

As far as the east is from the west,
So far has He removed our transgressions from us.

Just as a father has compassion on his children,
So the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him.

For He Himself knows our frame;
He is mindful that we are but dust.” NASB

The words of this beautiful psalm comfort when I think of the wandering I have done. He will remove my transgressions from me, but I learned this week that I have to be willing to let go of them first. My selfishness causes me to hold to them like a security blanket or pacifier, but my love for God enables me to let go and let Him take them as far from me as the east is from the west. You can’t get any further away than that, and I love that His ways take them where they need to be. My ways often keep them handy just in case I need them. Sin is often disguised as good, and I’ve wrestled with God in that department most of my life. Doing what I think is best is playing God, and that is the biggest sin of all. Thinking I know what’s best for me and others is right up there beside it as it shows I don’t believe He is who He says He is.

So glad God doesn’t stay angry and even more happy that He doesn’t reward me according to my iniquities. His love is higher than any love I can imagine, but I’ve taken it for granted and even taken advantage of His loving nature. As I’m giving up space during this season of Lent, I’m getting down to the bare bones in regard to what’s taking up space in my heart, mind, spirit, and soul. It’s been the most blessed, but by far the most painful Lent of my life. God needs all my space to render the transformation He has in mind, and that involves taking inventory and carefully discarding all that is in His way. Thursday was a difficult day, and Friday proved to be even more challenging as God emptied me as never before. I didn’t like what I saw, and that’s always the case when I let God show me the truth rather than trying to show Him what I would like to be the truth.

The beauty of cleansing is that no matter how much it hurts, the feeling I get afterward makes me forget the angst it took to get me there. I think that’s what Lent is all about, so perhaps this is my first real season of Lent. I’ve taken it seriously before, but what I gave up was always more about punishing me than about worshipping God and remembering the cost of having access to His amazing love. Christ came down at Christmas, and I love the beautiful season when we remember Immanuel; but Easter has become my favorite season as I remember the Risen Messiah who did not let the sins of this world keep Him down. He faced them head on, took them upon His own shoulders, died for them, and rose to sit next to God and intercede for me. That lifts my heart and spirit as nothing else in this world.

Lent isn’t over yet, and I know the lessons of Lent aren’t over either. I’m sure there will be more space to clear before Saturday, but I’m not who I was on February 13th. It’s been a difficult five and a half weeks, but I’m thankful for the changes He has wrought and wouldn’t go back for anything in this world. He is God, and He knows and loves me more than I can understand. That’s the reason I can continue with the emptying out; I know it’s what’s best for me and want to be even closer to Him. Lent and love go hand in hand. Lent isn’t about punishment; it is about taking stock and remembering that my sin put Christ on the cross. He simply wants me to recognize it and get it out of His way now so He can give me what He so desires for me to have. Holy Week is a special time of worship, and I look forward to all God has in these last few days of Lent. I know I will be surprised by all He has in store, but I’m learning to give Him the space and do what He knows is best.

Embracing the New:)

I love beginning a new year. I seldom go out on the town and end the old year sound asleep, but I love waking up to a brand new year. Like a blank canvas or sheet of paper, the new year begs for me to begin a new story, a new painting, a new song, or just a new doodle:) It doesn’t matter as long as it’s new.

Getting stuck in old habits is a common problem, but I’m learning to get rid of the old habits that keep me from moving forward. I catch myself slipping backward at times, and it’s great to toss those thoughts that don’t belong.  As I pack and move to my new home, I’m loving letting go of stuff I don’t like, need or want. Like the new year, the new place begs for me to begin anew. I love having a big blank canvas and am embracing the emptiness as I clean and prepare for the new furnishings.

Moving is a lot of work, and I’m sore right down to my bones.  I’ve been sleeping like a baby after all the physical labor, the laughter, and thoughts of living with my son and his sweet family. It is the stuff of peace-filled sleep, and I’m loving it.

I was astounded by the quiet at the house. I’m used to traffic and noise, so the silence got my attention when I was there alone. I stopped, looked out the window, and thanked God. I have to say that I am praying more often than ever in my life. I can’t help but pray each time I walk by a window, hear a loved one, or look at the girls running around the house. God answered my prayer for deeper understanding of His love in a beautiful, unexpected way:)

Mylah went to the wire rack where I kept their little books at my apartment and gave me a puzzled look. I decided to put their books in my bookcase under the beautiful stairway and use the wire rack for my books.  When Mylah brought my copy of “Practice the Presence of God” by Brother Lawrence, I asked her what she thought of his ideas on living in God’s kingdom now.

She smiled that sweet little smile of hers and dropped it on the floor. Kids know how to practice the presence of God until we teach them to pay attention to us!! There were no pictures in this book, so she dropped it on the floor and grabbed Langston Hughes and dropped it too. We quickly showed her the mountain of books ready to go in the bookshelf by the rocker. She found one she recognized, grinned, and handed it to me:)

Gina and Rita created a beautiful place for reading while I played with the girls. I absolutely love it! It’s a perfect example of what a difference it makes when you let go of the old and embrace the new. Books are where they belong, and all’s right in the world.

Change is a Good Thing:)

Singing a new song turns my heart in a new direction. When I lift my voice in praise, my heart is filled with God’s love, and I dwell in His kingdom. Nothing is the same as God calls for change. My heart has undergone serious changes lately, and God is calling it, and me along with it, to change. Mylah and Lillyann are a big part of the changes. When I am with them, I know I am in the right realm:)

God has shown me that trusting Him and getting my focus where it belongs makes more than a world of difference, it makes a kingdom of a difference. Things don’t fit anymore! God has change in mind for me, and I am ready to let Him have His way. Change involves leaving behind the known and embracing the unknown. Drawing nearer to God helps me put my trust in Him and not worry if others don’t understand the changes that come as I grow.

There are several ways to grow, and I pray I age gracefully. I do not want to cling to the past or worry about the future. It’s human nature to resist change, but maturing involves changes. Those changes will draw me nearer to God if I let them. I have the choice of rotting, rusting, drying up, or becoming ripe. God prefers ripe when it comes to aging. Holiness is a state of maturity, ripeness, and readiness to do God’s will. Like a fruit at its peak of ripeness, coming of age is a wonderful thing if I let God bring me to a place of readiness.

I can fight and fuss and fume. I can resist and wrestle with God. God knows there are plenty of old folks who do. The stench that comes with that kind of aging ruins the atmosphere in a room faster than anything. I want to age in a way that leaves a different mark in a room and in God’s world. I have beautiful friends who are aging as God desires, and I love to be near them. They are a breath of fresh air in a stuffy room and make me want to be the same.

There are many factors when it comes to aging, but one is certain. I will continue to age until I die. I don’t get to decide how I will die, but I do get to decide how I will age:)

A New Song

Sing to the Lord a new song;
Sing to the Lord, all the earth.
Sing to the Lord, bless His name;
Proclaim good tidings of His salvation from day to day.
Tell of His glory among the nations,
His wonderful deeds among all the peoples.
For great is the Lord and greatly to be praised;
He is to be feared above all gods.
For all the gods of the peoples are idols,
But the Lord made the heavens.
Splendor and majesty are before Him,
Strength and beauty are in His sanctuary.

Ascribe to the Lord, O families of the peoples,
Ascribe to the Lord glory and strength.
Ascribe to the Lord the glory of His name;
Bring an offering and come into His courts.
Worship the Lord in holy attire;
Tremble before Him, all the earth.
 Say among the nations, “The Lord reigns;
Indeed, the world is firmly established, it will not be moved;
He will judge the peoples with equity.”

 Let the heavens be glad, and let the earth rejoice;
Let the sea roar, and all it contains;
Let the field exult, and all that is in it.
Then all the trees of the forest will sing for joy
Before the Lord, for He is coming,
For He is coming to judge the earth.
He will judge the world in righteousness
And the peoples in His faithfulness.

Psalm 96 NASB

This beautiful psalm is perfect for the beginning of Advent as I anticipate Christ’s coming. Too often, I find myself singing the same old song and praying the same old prayers. This psalm lifts my heart and spirit and makes me want to join the forest and sing for joy.

Do I really think about Christ returning? I love the thought of Emmanuel and the sweet baby in the Christmas manger, but I cannot leave Him there or on the cross or in His ascension to heaven. He is coming again, and that makes me sing with great joy:)

I suppose it’s the judging that causes me to pause. I worry about how He will find me and what I will have to show Him. As soon as I say that, I remember that He is God and loves me more than I have room in my heart to hold or faith enough to understand. Judgment is going to come with Christ, but so is His love for me.  He knows, and I am learning, that this journey is about drawing near to Him and helping others do the same.

Sharing the journey is not easy because it opens my heart in uncomfortable ways, and that often gives me the urge to hide. The beautiful lessons of late have been about the difference in love in His kingdom and the world’s. Love is shared in heaven in ways it isn’t shared on earth. On earth, we hold tightly to love until it becomes lust. In His kingdom, love binds and frees at the same time. Kingdom love heals my heart and allows it to accept and give love in a way that unites and spreads.

It’s taken three years for me to understand the beautiful difference loving in God’s kingdom makes, but it’s been well worth the pain involved. All learning comes at a price; it forces me to change. That change is necessary for the growth needed to live and love in His kingdom. My heart has grown at least three sizes in three years, and it has never felt better. I thank God for loving friends and family who see me as He does and help me see the same. It allows His kingdom to come and His will to be done in my heart, and that makes me sing a new song, “and worship God in the beauty of holiness.” KJV

Unrequited Love

God has more in mind for me when it comes to love, and He made that clear with a powerful image and lesson my heart so needed this morning. His love is the perfect example of love, and He knows the desires of my heart because they are the same as His.

I can’t control circumstances or people, and I wouldn’t if I could. My choices in regard to love have been ones that reflect the way I see myself. It is hard to break old patterns and stop listening to those voices from my past that say I am not worthy. My sisters advise me to stop listening to them, but they are familiar and even comforting at times.

Unrequited love is something God knows all about. Christ went to the cross with a love so beautiful that it needed no response. He knows response is up to the one loved. I am learning the same. Circumstances close doors, but they do not change hearts. I’ve been trying to change my heart in the face of those closed doors and asked God this morning to do what I cannot. He did just that as He helped me understand the cause of my heart problems.

I had a very unstable environment in childhood when it came to love. The unhealthy attachments between me and my parents in early life are at the root of my heart’s dysfunction. God showed me that my ex-husband wasn’t the only one with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  I see that my intense need to be accepted and loved comes from the start my heart had in this world, and that knowledge is humbling and healing.

When I hurt but cannot find the pain’s source, I can think of nothing else. I lived with a terrible pain in my heart for sixty years; with God’s help this morning, I finally found the thorn in the core of my heart that was causing that pain. Letting God work that thorn to the surface was excruciating, but it was worth the suffering to stop the dull aching throb that came with every beat.

Many say unrequited love is necessary for creative works of art, music, and literature; Mary Ward calls it “the poetry of frustration.” There is truth in that thinking that I understand first hand, and God’s Word is filled with beautiful examples of such literary creations. His Son’s willingness to love completely and sacrifice all for those who would never even notice is the ultimate when it comes to expressing love without worrying about response. Sacrificial love is the highest on the love chain, and unrequited love will always inspire. Now that the thorn has surfaced, I can stop worrying about the source of that throbbing pain and find the life and love God has in store and express my heart’s desires in a new and beautiful way. I know there will be pain when it comes to love because by its very nature, love brings the greatest suffering as well as the greatest joy to life.

Seeing and understanding the truth allows me to love and live differently. Change is always difficult even when it means the absence of familiar pain. My heart is sore and may always be from the truth God applied today. I had breakfast with a fellow yesterday morning who showed us a place on his finger where a piece of metal had worked its way to the surface after an accident in Vietnam twenty years earlier. We all marveled at the miracle. I know the thorn in my heart would never have made its way to the surface without God’s intervening hand, and I know God knew that little piece of metal would be ready to the surface at the same time I would ask Him to work the thorn in my heart to the surface. He knows I’m a visual learner, and I love having an object I can see and touch to help me understand. I am amazed at how He works and teaches until He reminds me that He is God and does know a thing or two about love and me:)

A Changed Heart

Repentance turns my heart in God’s direction. Metanoia does the same for my mind and is the first step in letting God change my heart. Metanoia isn’t possible without God any more than a clean heart is. I have tried to find my way to the change God has in mind for me but have been frustrated by my inability to get where only He can take me. I shouldn’t be surprised that it took so long to come to a place of peace because I’ve taken the long way around my entire life.

When I took Lillyann home yesterday, Gina had given Matza and Cookie a bath and cleaned the house.  Matza is a short and very stocky English Bulldog, and Cookie is a long and very lean English Pointer. They are as different looking as any two dogs can be, but they are kindred spirits and best friends. I had to smile as I looked at the cute odd couple that fill their home with love and laughter and have won my heart as well. I told Gina how wonderful they and the house looked and laughed as I added for a few minutes anyway:)  Houses, children, and dogs get very dirty very quickly.  All require constant attention and cleaning. I know that about houses, children, and dogs but God reminded me today that the same principle applies to my heart and mind.

As Rita and I hiked in the downpour this morning, the sweet rain soaked me and cleansed beautifully. There is nothing that compares to rainwater for the skin and the hair, and mama told me that she and her sisters would collect it a large barrel to use for washing their hair. We decided to laugh and enjoy the shower, and it felt amazing. There is a sweet fragrance that follows the rain, and Rita noticed it as the sun came out and we were finishing our walk. A favorite song of mine compares that fragrance to the name of Jesus, and I couldn’t agree more.  His presence was obvious as we walked this morning. I felt Him in the sunshine, rain, and the sweet fragrance after the rain. His love cleanses and clears my heart to bring about the changes He desires.  Like the downpour this morning, there is sometimes no where to go and no place to hide. I’ve had that feeling this week as God has bid me to write. I’m glad I went with His flow, which has felt a lot like that downpour this morning.

God brought my heart into the open, and His living water washed like that cleansing rain. Both were just what I needed, just when I needed them.  I love that about Him:) The field cannot bear fruit without a little rain, and neither can my heart. I’m soaked, and it feels great!

This message What’s In Your Heart from last week touched my heart and was, like the rain, just what I needed, just when I needed it.  It helped me let God have His way with my heart this week, and I’m so very thankful I did. I pray it blesses you as much as it continues to bless me as I allow God to cleanse and change my heart as only He can.

Limiting God

More than anything, Mark 6:1-13 reminds me of the importance of listening and obeying with a humility that can only occur as I allow the Holy Spirit to change my mind. I also learn not to worry if I don’t get the response I expect when telling others about Jesus and His love.

“It’s Just Jesus” is a beautiful message that touched my heart and helped me come to understand that truth. How tragic when we limit what God would do.

I have always struggled with stillness, listening, and desperately needing a response. I’m thankful God speaks to me in a way I can understand. The past three years have been the most difficult and most beautiful years of my life. God has stretched my heart in ways I could never have imagined ten years ago. He has released this captive and given me sight. It all boils down to Christ’s authority. As John says in the message, “Their humble obedience confirmed the power of God with which He authorized them.” That came off the page and struck my heart. When I don’t have the humble obedience of Christ, I am really saying it’s just Jesus. That keeps me from moving on. The message for me is about moving on. Moving on doesn’t mean leaving behind or forgetting or running away; that’s been my struggle. “Thus, the disciples continued their mission, preaching repentance, a change of mind. The message does not change, but is about change.” That is what God has been trying to get across. Metanoia is something I’ve tried to achieve on my own, but it is the work of the Spirit. 2 Corinthians 12:9 is so very true for Paul and for me “power is perfected in weakness.” Knowing who Jesus is requires that I know who I am and who I am not.

I wept when I heard the message and realized that I limit the blessings God has in mind for me. I must believe Christ is who He says He is and be who He created me to be. It breaks my heart to think how often I don’t do either. My faith is hurt by my unbelief. I love God with all my heart and soul and mind and strength, but each time I doubt that He knows what He is doing or resist the changes He attempts to make in my heart and my mind, I limit His blessings. I keep trying to be strong and to do things on my own, and that weakens my faith and puts me right where the folks in Christ’s hometown were.

Christ gets too familiar to me, and I forget the power that raised Him from the grave is within me. That and the fact that He places others in the path to share the work and the journey give power to my faith. His power, His authority, His love, His life are available to me, and I shudder to think of Mark 6:5 and pray that I never do anything that will cause Him to “do no miracle” in my life. God forbid that I get in His way or that my lack of faith keeps me from hearing Him. He does “turn society upside down.”He certainly does that to me every time I remember who He is. I heard a powerful sermon once about upside down being just the right position to be in when it comes to God:)

Motivation to Change

Change is a difficult challenge because it involves choice. Security and pride have kept me from embracing the change God desires for me. Surrendering starts the transformation, but getting to the place of surrender is the hard part.  

Security is linked to safety, and I cling to what I know in a desperate attempt to remain safe and secure. The irony is that my tendency to stick with the known threatens the very safety I was try to protect. When I settle, I lose sight of change. I’m afraid I’m guilty of doing that far too often.

To give God the chance to change me, I must first be willing to step out of my comfort zone. Rearrangement, not change, occurs when I refuse to make that move. Stepping into the unknown puts me in a prayerful state of mind and requires faith in God and a willingness to admit that I am not Him. That is exactly where I need to be, but as in so much of life, it’s that first step that keeps me from growing and changing as God desires.

Moving away from the comfort of what I know is very difficult, even when I know is wrong and is hurting me. I stay in a bad situation simply because I worry that I may end up in a worse one if I attempt to change. More often, I am simply afraid to admit that I am wrong. Do I think Christ whined to God when He left heaven to be my change? Can I imagine Christ wondering why I couldn’t just follow the law set down before me. Did he think it unfair because He had done nothing wrong and didn’t deserve to die for me? Would He have asked God to think of an easier way? I cannot imagine any of those scenarios. Christ knows better than I the difficulty of stepping out of a comfort zone. He left the beauty and security of God’s presence to make possible the single most powerful change ever. All the advancements made by man pale in comparison to the change that occurred when Christ returned to Heaven.

If Tim Cook came along and offered me a great deal on a new Mac or Donald Trump had insider information about a real estate deal, I would be all ears and willing to do whatever they suggested. Christ offers change that ensures more security than I can imagine, but I think it sounds too good to be true. Besides, I don’t deserve it. I am right on both counts, and that’s what makes His change so amazing.

God asks me to surrender and trust Him. I have to let go of what I know in order to do that. Giving up control requires faith. I would rather go in circles for decades than admit to God that I need His help. I find legitimate excuses for not changing, but God answers each with His patient love and His fervent desire for me to love Him.

When I stop struggling and surrender, God is faithful to lift my burden and lighten my spirit. What a beautiful release it is to let go and trust Him with my transformation.  I would never step off a plane in Hong Kong, signal a taxi, and tell the driver to move over and let me drive. That would be ridiculous, but I do worse each time I set out on my own and leave God on the passenger side.

Several years ago, I was in San Francisco and went to Chinatown. It was Chinese New Year, and I got caught up in a group of revelers dressed in a large red dragon costume. They were setting off firecrackers in front of each store so the owners would have good luck in the coming year. I began to panic as the firecrackers got closer and the dragon cut me off from my friends. I lost sight of my colleagues in a sea of foreign faces and began to panic. When faced with danger or lost, I cry out for help. When in a ditch, I am much more open to help or advice. The challenge of change is to have that attitude before I become lost or in a ditch. Successful people know the importance of change, but Christ asks for surrender, something successful people do not find as comfortable. Pride must go before a change, and that’s the problem.

Like a child in the backseat, I bombard God with questions as I surrender. When will I get there? How much longer before I can stop? Do you know where I am? Am I there yet? I’m hungry! I’m lonely! I’ve done a great deal of backseat driving during my life and am amazed God hasn’t pulled over and thrown me out. The good news is that He has infinite patience and will wait for me to accept the changes He has in mind. The incredible thing about God is that He could very easily take control, but He loves me too much to do that. If I think of the second ‘c’ in chance as my need to control and change that ‘c’ to a ‘g’ which represents God, then I’ll find that giving up control is not as hard as I thought. When I take a chance, God will make a change.

Pride keeps me from giving God the chance to change me. The Israelites were moaning and groaning about how good things used to be and worrying about their problems. Boy, does that sound familiar. Memory is an odd thing, and studies tell me that I have selective memory when it comes to my past. What I remember is very often not the way it actually happened. If I am looking for excuses, I remember the bad and blame others. If I fear change, I remember the good and leave well enough alone. Pride hides itself in words like tradition and esteem if I am not careful, and fear forces me to forget my faith in God.

Six years ago, one of my third grade Sunday School students taught an important lesson. We were studying God’s power to protect, and they were making little shields to demonstrate that God can protect us from everything. I ended the lesson with a question that would allow the students to recount what they had learned. I asked, “Is there anything that God cannot protect us from?” I knew the answer to that question and waited for them to respond. I looked at the sweet faces sitting around the table and waited for the long, enthusiastic “NOOOOO!!!” I knew was coming.

When Salina’s serious little yes came unexpectedly from my left, I did what any master teacher would do in that situation. I asked her to explain so I could quickly reassure her that God could protect her from whatever it was that concerned her. She very quietly and seriously said that God would not protect us from saying no to Him. You could hear a pin drop in the room as the students and I pondered her response. All eyes were focused on me at that moment, and I did what a teacher who is willing to learn from her students but wanted to save face would do, I pretended her answer was just the one I was looking for:) I said, “EXACTLY!”

My need for security, my inability to give up control, and my pride will cause me to say no to God, and He will allow  me to do just that. Whatever my reasons and however right they may seem to me at the time, I can choose to say no to God. Transformation will only occur if I choose to give God the chance to make me who He created me to be.  I am so thankful He reminded me of that six years ago and more thankful He is still willing to remind me of that today. Lessons learned have to be revisited because change is ongoing, and I am learning that relearning is a big part of giving God the chance to change me:)