Tag: love

The Lady Doth Protest Too Much, Me Thinks:)

I love Shakespeare because His words tickle me. I have always loved the quote, “The lady doth protest too much, me thinks.” I thought of those words this week at a time I needed to be ticked. Powerful truth lives in the words of Queen Gertrude in Hamlet. Protest in this context isn’t what you might think. Wikipedia describes it well, “The phrase’s actual meaning implies the increasing likelihood of suppressed feelings for the contrary of that which is being argued.” 

Too much protesting is a sign that something is amiss, and the more I protest, the more likely it is that I’m guilty of what Shakespeare is describing. Unfortunately, I can relate! I protested too much and listened to far too much protesting this week. God used the line from Hamlet to teach lessons about placating and holding on. Shakespeare always gives me food for thought and chewing on his words reminds me to catch myself when I find myself protesting too much. My fear of imbalance and failing when it came to love kept my heart from being balanced. My need to lead and be who others needed for me to be kept me from being who I am.

As I begin my sixties, I plan to seek peace and be myself. Like Mylah, I’m new at navigating without holding on. We both are squealing with delight and optimistic about our new found freedom. I may fall and fail or get pushed down as little Mylah did yesterday when Lillyann got too rough with her, but I plan to shake off the dust and get right back up again just as she did.

The fifties have been a decade of finding, and I’ve found a lot. I began the decade leaving a terrible marriage, and I begin the new decade by celebrating my son’s marriage, a full circle of sorts. I see love and life in a new light and feel better about relationships than ever in my life. True love thrives on truth, and that is the best way to describe the lessons learned. Honest communion set my heart free, and I’ve finally found the courage to be myself and speak my mind honestly without worrying about what others may think. My problems with love stem from my fear of being who I am and not speaking the truth with conviction. A middle child tends to keep peace at any cost. That’s not true of this middle child any more; that’s not the kind of peace I’m pursuing:)

Truth stops the protesting that Queen Gertrude noted and enables me to find my voice and speak that truth with love. Knowing the truth about myself brings sweet stillness and peace and makes silence much simpler. I’m looking forward to seeing how this new freedom will affect my heart and my life as I let go of the baggage I’ve been carrying for six decades. I know it will help me live, as my dear friend puts it, a life worth living forever and love in a way worth loving forever too:)

Happy sixtieth birthday to me! It is a happy one indeed, and I honestly believe from the very center of my heart that the sixties are going to be the best decade yet:)

Not Holding On:)

I had one of those sweet aha! moments yesterday as I left the church after communion. I realized that my heart wasn’t holding on to anything. I thought I might just take flight! All my life, I’ve held on to one thing or another in fear of losing my balance. I lost my balance as a very young child and never found the courage to stop holding on and let my heart walk on its own. My heart walked on its own yesterday, and it was awesome. On the last day of my fiftieth decade, I finally understand what Maya Angelou meant when she said, “The fifties are what you’re meant to be.” I also know why my sweet little Mylah gets so excited about walking without holding on!

I’m not sure what all happened, but I do know that I let go of the need to be anyone other than who I am. God’s timing is always amazing, and I had to smile as I got in the car and headed to my hair appointment.  I love sharing the Lord’s Supper because I never feel as close to God as I do during communion. I suppose that’s why it’s called communion. Honest communion sets the heart free in the most beautiful way, and my heart was feeling more free than ever.

A free heart allows time with those I love and makes life worth living. I spent the afternoon and evening with Mylah and Lillyann, and there’s no place my heart would rather be than with those two sweet little girls. It was a privilege to play and then lay beside each as they drifted off to sleep. Mylah plays with my hair while drifting off, and Lillyann plays with hers. I play with my hair too, so we are kindred spirits in that regard:)

Children always have time to love and play, and that’s what makes them so amazing. It’s why they have balance while adults are always juggling, looking at watches, checking phones, and doing things. Children delight in those they love and have all the time in the world for them. Adults miss so much because they are rarely present either physically or mentally. It’s the way of the world, I suppose. Thank God for children who have no concept of time and live in the present.  Time creates imbalance when used unwisely, and holding on to the past or fretting about the future takes me away from the center.

Everyone is given the exact same number of minutes each day; how that precious gift from God is spent determines the level of peace and balance in life. That was another powerful lesson this week that went along with the one on placating.

Christ is at the heart of my heart. He gives my heart balance, and my heart gives me balance. My need to lead, to be loved, and to please are canes I’ve used for support because I didn’t trust my heart. I know Christ has always had my heart balanced in His. I’m not sure what God has in mind for my next decade, but I go into it knowing who I am and Who He is. I am not holding on to those canes any more and feel just like little Mylah as she delights in her new found freedom. Look out sixties because here I come:)

The Need to Lead

When I think of leadership, I think of all the workshops and classes I’ve taken over the course of my life. Most had to do with education, but all leadership lessons are the basically the same until you come upon the teachings of Christ who led like no other. His lessons in leadership are still the same, and they still clash with the world’s view of what makes a good leader. The world’s lessons feed those with a need to lead, and I’ve always had that need. I realize that whether I was trying to fix someone or prove something to myself or others, I felt as though I had to lead.

Getting to the bottom of my heart has been a difficult part of my journey. As I’ve gotten there with God’s help and the help of loving friends, I am surprised by what I find. I should have known that the journey to find self wouldn’t be pleasant. Otherwise, Christ would not tell me I have to die to self before I can follow Him. As difficult as it is, finding self does make it easier to do just that.

I have had to redefine myself several times during my life. Each has left me wanting to know exactly who I am. As I posed that question to someone in frustration this week, I realized God was directing the question to me. He has been waiting for me to decide and was all ears. Soul searching is never easy, and the outcome is much the same as that of finding self. The soul is seldom subtle, and when I go delving into it, I come away shocked by what I find.

The good news is that such searching humbles and causes me to pause long enough for God get in a word or two. While dazed, I hear His still, small voice loudly and clearly saying that I need to remember Who He is and who I am. His model for leadership hasn’t changed. Jesus was not, and still is not, your typical leader. He will not be when He returns. He does not measure up by the standards of this world any more now than He did before. He doesn’t have the need to lead, and He didn’t seek out leadership positions or teach seminars on how to be a successful leader. That bothered the leaders of the day and would bother them even more today. His authority comes from God, and that is His bottom line on leadership.

Jesus has a leadership style all His own, and it is the most effective one ever known. He doesn’t set out to lead; He sets out to love. Love was the impetus behind His leadership, and no matter how confounded the Pharisees or the disciples got, they just couldn’t get around His love. His love let those who hated Him have His life, and Satan thought for sure he had won the war when it came to leadership. Christ’s love brought Him back with even more power than He had before, and the war was won once and for all. There is no way to understand the love that put Jesus on the cross and brought Him back; it can only be accepted with the understanding that it cannot be understood. What a leadership strategy! Love, listen, and let go of the need to lead. The secret to successful leadership is knowing Who’s in charge, and it always will be. God doesn’t need any more leaders. Christ has His authority and will always have it. He needs those who will follow His leader humbly without grumbling. Anything else is unacceptable.

Will the world like it? NO! Will it make me popular? NO!  Will it get me elected to positions of power? NO! Will it help me win friends and influence people? maybe:) Will it connect me to the Source of all Love and true power? Definitely!

I know the world will always have hierarchies, and positions of leadership are necessary when it comes to organizations. God’s design is a body, an organism, and there is no hierarchy when it comes to a body. Whole and working together is what God desires. When it comes to God’s kingdom, there’s only one Sovereign, and the position is already filled. We are asked to follow, not lead.  A simple seminar if I ever heard one:)

The Heart of Encouragement

Encouragement is not giving someone courage; it is seeing into the heart of someone you love and helping them see the courage that is already there. It’s what love does when it joins with truth, and there is nothing stronger in this world. That beautiful combination enables me to do what I don’t believe is possible and help those I love do the same♥

The dictionary defines encouragement as “support that inspires confidence: support of a kind that inspires confidence and a will to continue or develop.” The etymology of the word comes from the Old French “to make or put in” and the Latin “heart.” Encouragement comes when someone truly knows my heart and helps me know it better. When love and truth intersect, a sweet balance causes me to find an inner strength that gives me courage. God’s love and Christ’s truth allow the Holy Spirit to breathe life into my heart.

Courage occurs when my heart comes to life. I am revived and ready to move forward. Christ’s power is in His meekness and humility. It is what I find when I get to the center of my heart, and it “inspires confidence and a will to continue or develop” just as the definition states. For the first time in my journey, I have the confidence to go where God desires without worrying about what others may think. That’s very freeing and allows me to let go of my notions of courage and go with His.

 

 

Meant to Be

When I look at my son and his bride to be, I think of the journey they have already had together. The theme of their wedding is “Meant to Be,” and that is exactly how I would describe their love. Love Will Find a Way is another title that would be an appropriate description of a relationship that has weathered storms and come through each stronger and more beautiful than ever. I thank God for the sweet family that fills my spirit and blesses my heart each time I’m with them.

Lillyann told me all about her role in the wedding yesterday. She was very serious about the petals she will distribute as the senior flower girl. She indicated that Mylah would be helping her:) She and Mylah are sure to steal the show and divert all the attention. I told Gina it was the only problem I saw with the wedding. Their little dresses are adorable, and given that they look great in play clothes, I can only imagine how they will look in them. Lillyann is also fascinated by the big cake after seeing a picture of it. Her eyes got very big when she saw it, and she immediately wanted to know when she could have a piece:)

Gina and Tyler haven’t taken the traditional route when it comes to marriage and family, but they have shared a beautiful journey that has brought them to a sweet home in the country, two adorable little girls, and a love I envy each time I’m around them. God has great plans for them, and I thank Him every day for what He’s already given. I have had a beautiful daughter-in-love for several years now, and I don’t plan to ever call Gina my daughter-in-law. It’s great to have a ceremony and papers making their union legal, but it’s much better to know that they share a special love that is meant to be. Gina and I are connected by love, and that’s the way I will always see her.

Love finds a way even in the most non traditional relationships. In fact, I believe it may have a better chance when the journey doesn’t take the traditional route. There is, after all, nothing normal or traditional about love:) That’s what makes it so amazing. When love is meant to be, it will find a way. I so very grateful my son found love, and it lifts my heart to see him love the sweet woman and two adorable little girls God placed in his heart and then in mine. It’s love squared, and it’s wonderful!!

God’s Mosaic

When it comes to love, capturing comes from letting go not from holding on. Love sets my heart free and holds it closely at the same time. Freedom is the key when it comes to the heart. It cannot survive and will not thrive when held tightly. Love caresses and lets go, and the heart is forever captured in the moment when I know I am loved.

Knowing I am loved releases my heart and allows it to move into the open space God has prepared for it to grow. Growth requires room, and I believe that is why love so often fails. There is the need to own that invades the heart when faced with love. Confusion results when fusion with another becomes the goal. Identity is lost in human attempts to become one.

Becoming one is the goal in relationship, especially when it comes to God. True love allows differentiation. In a mosaic, each piece is individually beautiful. When the pieces are put side by side, they form a wonderful new image. That’s how it should be with love. The oneness God desires is a body that loves one another and Him as they maintain the identity He gives to each. So often, love becomes a conglomerate mess and individuals become lost in the mix.

Wholeness in the heart is about maintaining identity and allowing love to join the uniqueness of individuals like those pieces in a mosaic. God will create the image if I will be who He created me to be and reach out in love to Him and to those in my path. It’s a wonderful feeling to be connected by love and know that I am part of something bigger than myself while still maintaining the beauty only I can add to God’s creation.

I may not be able to see the magnificent creation God is making, and that is where I must let go of my need to understand and simply love and trust Him to do the rest. Honest communion is what causes love to be a mosaic rather than a conglomerate. It provides a perfect space for hearts to grow and connect in a way that gives God the room to create His masterpiece.

Freedom

Truth, love, and peace 

Free the spirit, heart, and soul

Mirroring Christ’s power.

Sitting on the Shelf

The china doll looks down

Wanting to play on the floor.

She sees the other toys

And wishes she could join in.

Seriously?

I went to a luncheon for senior adults today. Someone challenged me and asked what I was doing there because it was for seniors. I proudly told them my age much the same way I did when carded for buying alcohol in the early seventies. I am proud of my age and all the discounts that come with it:) I’m counting down excitedly the way I did at fourteen because I can’t wait to get Social Security! It’s even better than getting a driver’s license. Of course, I may not say that when my license is taken away for being too feeble to focus.

Being a senior is a serious matter to some, and I do notice that things are changing:) My body doesn’t move as fast as it once did, and my mind is like a cluttered desk much of the time; but I’m loving the freedom I have.  Getting older means grandchildren, and I thank God for the privilege of being able to help with my sweet grandbabies. They keep me young, but I also feel my age after carrying Mylah or trying to keep up with Lillyann. What a joy those aches have become.

Retirement allows time to study and read and write, and I love doing all three.The learning over the past four years has been the most powerful to date. My head and my heart have been stretched beyond what I could have ever imagined as I delve into God’s Word in a way I cannot describe. Having the time and opportunity to do that makes getting older a blessing.

Falling into seriousness was the topic of the luncheon today, and Jack Hinson said it was the definition of sin according to the speaker at a lecture series he attended. He warned of the dangers of taking myself too seriously. The Baptist in me felt the need to repent as I’m very guilty of doing just that. Seriousness is important when it comes to a task, a job, or an appointment. I want my surgeon and my banker to be serious as they operate on my body or invest my money. I need to be serious about what I do, but not about who I am. There’s a big difference, and that’s where sin sneaks in.

It’s that pesky little self that gets in the way when it comes to seriousness. Self can always use a dose of silly, especially when hurt, angry, or weary. Laughter lets down my guard and lets in healing. It has been proven to be effective in the healing process, and there is even a branch of medicine called Humor Therapy. That doesn’t surprise me at all because I know I always feel better after a good belly laugh, and that sweet sigh that comes afterward releases tension like nothing else. I believe it is your body asking your self, “Seriously?:)” and self giving in and laughing along:)

I also know the opposite is true. When I cry, even for a little while, I am physically and emotionally spent. My head and heart ache, and I feel as though I’ve been wrung completely dry. There are different studies on crying. It can be a release and a relief, but it can also bring tension, sinus troubles, and stress. I think the difference must be if there is an end to suffering in sight. If there is none, the hurt gets worse. If there is, then crying gives relief. My head still hurts, so I suppose that’s not a good sign. It does help to have someone hear your heart and be a loving presence even if you know the hurt isn’t going away. A true friend offers a shoulder and feels your pain. I believe it is in the sharing that both laughter and crying offer healing.

I just can’t help myself when it comes to crying or laughing. Both are important release valves God put in place to help me deal with stress, and laughter gets rid of that serious little self that wreaks havoc on my heart and messes with my mind. I thank God for laughter and for tears. They remind me that I am human and that Christ shares the same flesh and knows the pain and joy that comes with it. That is a marvelous mystery that makes me mindful of the love that He expressed with His flesh. I am eternally grateful to have a Savior who laughed and cried just as I do. That changes the way I love and live my life.

Heart and Soil

Clay pot

Broken and forgotten.

Mud pie

Stirred and left to dry.

China vase

Admired and put away.

Fertile field

Plowed and allowed to yield.