Month: November 2012

A Grateful Heart :)

God’s grace fills my heart with the desire to worship Him with humility and gratitude. Thanksgiving is a time to stop for a moment and give thanks for God’s love and grace. Like Christmas, the world complicates Thanksgiving in attempts to make it something other than what it was intended to be.

The Chickasaw in me has mixed feelings when it comes to the holiday and would like for it to be about accepting differences and understanding that we need those differences. I believe that was at the heart of the first Thanksgiving. We cannot make it in this world without help. As those early Native Americans came to learn, giving someone a hand often leads to them taking a leg, an arm, and a heart.

I suppose it is all part of human nature, but Thanksgiving is a time to think of thanking in a new way. We gather to remind ourselves that we have been given much and we are here to give. The lessons this year have helped me when it comes to giving. My giving has been unhealthy and left me depleted. I’m learning to give in a different way, and I’m finding that I am blessed and filled by healthy giving. I’m most thankful this year for the lessons in giving and the changes in my heart that have resulted.

Thanksgiving is about helping and giving my heart to those in my path. I’ve learned hard lessons, as have we all, when it comes to helping. I’ve been duped and taken more times than I care to recount. In those situations, I remember the first Thanksgiving. The intentions were good, and hearts were in one accord as they were all in the same boat. Giving is about knowing that we are all God’s children and in the same boat. I’ve learned that it isn’t about fixing and fusing. That’s changed the way I give and live:)

Gathering at church this morning and with my family this afternoon will remind me to be grateful for the love God has placed in my path. I hope I will also remember and give thanks for the fact that we are all beautifully different and bring something special to His table. God needs for me to love others, differences and all; that is at the heart of Thanksgiving. Knowing that God is in all and loves all makes the holiday truly a holy day as I see others as God sees them and give as He desires.

The lessons of late have left me speechless and filled with wonder. They remind me of an image from years ago when God showed me that Christ is a beautiful mosaic made up of all His sweet children. At a distance, I see my loving Savior. As I draw nearer to His side, I see others in Him. That changes the way I look at the world, and it changes the way I see God. We are all His beloved, and I am thankful for Christ’s precious love which binds us together in a way that only it can. It fills my heart and spills over into the world if I leave it alone and let it flow through me with the help of the Holy Spirit:)

Happy Thanksgiving, and God bless you in a beautiful way today:)

Growing Pains

My heart holds fast to the past

Not allowing me to grow.

My head races on ahead

With my heart and soul in tow.

 

My heart is stretched to breaking

By the tug of war inside.

My spirit tries to balance

While fighting the urge to hide.

 

My soul just wants to follow

Its tendency for pleasure,

But spirit wins the battle

And seeks life’s truest treasure.

 

My heart, mind, soul, and spirit

Turn in the same direction.

Growing pains are forgotten

In Christ’s perfect reflection.

 

God’s Presence

Temple veil rent

Blood spilled and spent

Paving the way

For me each day

To enter in

Despite my sin.

What’s Wrong With Worrying?

Worry seems harmless enough. Doesn’t it show that I’m staying on top of things? Isn’t it a sign of maturity and responsibility? Shouldn’t I be thinking ahead and solving problems? Isn’t it important to ponder past mistakes? The answer, according to Matthew 6:25-33, is a clear no!

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life? And why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you–you of little faith? Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear?’ For it is the Gentiles who strive for all these things; and indeed your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But strive first for the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” NASB

The scriptures from Matthew’s gospel make it perfectly clear that God does not want me to worry. I’ve learned to see worry as a measure of my faith. Fretting shows a lack of faith, and worry is a sin. That keeps worry at a distance. If I believe God is who He says He is, worry has no place in my life. That’s very easy to say, but I’m afraid it isn’t as easy to live out. Seeking God’s kingdom and remembering Christ’s righteousness help me hang out with the Holy Spirit and tell worry to take a hike:)

My stubborn need to be in control and know what is coming are the seeds at the center of my worry wart. God promises to be with me always, and that is more than enough to calm my fear. Fear flees in His presence. Living in the moment is sometimes very unpleasant, but knowing that God shares the hurt reminds me of another beautiful promise.

“For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Matthew 11:30 NASB

There are many more examples of such reassurance in God’s Word.  Joel 2:21-27 tells me He is in with me, and He is my God.  I still fall prey to fear and let worry take up space in my heart and mind, but I’m learning to look to His Word and let it surround me. It embraces and stills as nothing else. Keeping God’s Word near my heart and in my head is the best way to learn from and find joy in this amazing journey:)

Be Tending:)

I’m looking forward to being with Mylah and Lillyann today. I don’t know what we will get into,  but I do know we will “be tending.” That’s what Lilly calls pretending, and she loves it! She interjects as we play that we are just “be tending,” and sometimes adds, “aren’t we?” if she needs clarification. I was thinking this morning that be tending with kids is as good as it gets. Adults are not as adept at be tending as are children, so I’m glad to have a wonderful mentor in Lillyann.

Adults prefer drama to be tending, and that is no fun at all. Be tending is all about playing, and drama is all about attention. It belongs on the stage, screen, and between the pages of great novels. Everyone loves a great leading lady, but no one likes a great drama queen.

There are a number of theories when it comes to what goes into the making of a drama queen. I agree with the ones that point to a narcissistic or substance abusing parent who pays little attention and requires a behavior to get to a crisis level before they even respond. Children learn that drama is the only way to get attention, and that can carry over into adult life. It’s like the little boy who cried wolf or an annoying car alarm; no one pays attention to either. We can turn off the TV, leave the theater, or close the book; but it isn’t that simple when drama enters everyday life.

Be tending is healthy, and I encourage Lillyann to be tend:) It is a safe way to explore the world and exercise the imagination. It is also a good opportunity to explain right and wrong. I have always had an overactive imagination. It offered escape as a child because I didn’t want any more attention. My sister once told me that I got all the attention in the house. I realize that was true. Mama smothered me and daddy took out his frustration on me, so I was looking for an escape.

I still have to make sure I don’t hide, run away, or let circumstances turn into drama. I have learned to ask God to redirect my thoughts when they get out of control. God will use my imagination and circumstances for good; Satan will abuse them and point to the nearest exit. The choice is mine, and that’s a powerful lesson.  The process requires lots of prayer and effort. When I find myself thinking the worst and playing out a tragedy in my head, I ask God to take over. The sooner I do that, the sooner I find peace.

God uses my vivid imagination to be tend with the girls and with what my dear friend describes as sacred imagination. That’s when I give my thoughts to God, and He uses them to teach me sweet lessons in love. It allows me to play with God in a beautiful way that isn’t “be tending” but walking in His kingdom now and eagerly anticipating His return. God can use all things for the good if I hand them over to Him. Satan would like for me to stay in tragedy mode, but God has makes it clear that life is a comedy. That doesn’t mean mean funny or without hurt in the world of theater or in life; it simply means all ends well. God promises a beautiful ending with Him in heaven, and He also promises to be with me always. Knowing that allows me to find the peace, joy, hope, and love God provides for the journey:)

Love is Meant to be Shared:)

The community Thanksgiving service reminded me of the importance of gathering together in worship. I love it when the churches join to give thanks and share a simple meal. It is what worship is all about. Like all families, God’s sometimes is too busy to stop and enjoy one another.

As I was thinking of cooking earlier today, I was reminded of the importance of spending time with those I love. Life happens and love often falls by the wayside in the process. Time is a precious commodity, and commitments call us away. God’s sweet lesson today was cherish each moment of love I am given.

Love isn’t about time or even being together. It’s about knowing one another deeply, and that encourages me as nothing else can. I sometimes long for more than God gives, and I know that shows a lack of faith and a selfish nature. Being with those I love lifts my spirit and soothes my soul. My heart is whole when it connects to God’s love in another. That is what love is all about, and I thank God for helping me come to a place of understanding and embracing it. I suppose it’s natural to want to hold on to those special moments, but then they wouldn’t be special would they?

It’s taken me a long time to find and appreciate God’s love. The more I understand it, the more I am able to let it flow through me. God is love, so He knows what He is doing when it comes to love:) I need to remember that when I get whiny and want what I want when I want it. God designed love to be shared, so I plan to cherish each moment God allows me to spend with those I love.

What Is It About Cooking?

Whether I’m mindlessly kneading dough or trying a new recipe, cooking is great therapy for me. Writing is cathartic, and I love the cleansing it offers my heart but cooking excites my soul. Cooking brings me closer to the food I eat and to those with whom I share it. I think that’s what makes cooking such a joy for me. Now, if I could only get that same feeling from cleaning up. I did have a friend who told me about his parents doing dishes together after the evening meal. It was a special time that always ended with a dance. That is the most beautiful expression of love I’ve ever heard:)

My mama was an amazing cook, and food was always a source of sweet comfort in our home. We ate at very specific times, and we were all gathered at the table waiting when daddy came home each evening. Daddy finished work at five, came straight home, washed his hands, and expected the food and us to be ready when he sat down. No matter how simple the fare, it was always delicious. I believe mama could make cardboard taste great.

Grandmother Banning spent several months out of the year with us, and she always drank a big glass of water with her meals. She believed in drinking lots of water, and she believed in the power of beets. Every time we had them, she would try to convert my sister Linda who said beets tasted like dirt and wouldn’t eat them. I loved them, ate them heartily, and preached their goodness right along with Grandmother. I still think of Lilly Belle when I have beets, and that’s very often:)

Eating together is a wonderful way to connect, and conversation complements all food. I love eating with Mylah and Lillyann because we have the sweetest talks at the table. Lillyann loves to talk; I can’t imagine where she might get that trait:) Mylah jumps right in and tries to follow along. Lillyann and I both noted that she understands all we say; she just can’t find the words to interact yet. It won’t be long before she will be the one doing most of the talking, and I look forward to hearing all she has to say.  There’s nothing that blesses me more than fixing food for them and watching them enjoy it. I know just how mama felt about that. I especially love it when Lillyann feeds Mylah, and they love it too. That’s what I call a bless-bless situation.

Mama loved cooking and prepared something special for every meal. I woke each morning to the sweet smells of a wonderful breakfast. That’s a perfect way to start the day, and I didn’t realize how very fortunate I was to have something prepared with love each morning until I left for college. I missed mama’s morning magic and still do. Families don’t get together to eat as they used to, and that’s a shame. There’s a lot to be said for gathering together around the table, and I believe we lose something special as we grab here and go there. I know it causes me to eat more and enjoy it less, and I’m sure others experience the same.

Cooking is creating. I don’t cook as much as mama did, but I do cook when I have time. I made some very simple pumpkin muffins from my Old Salem cookbook yesterday. They were just right and got me in the mood for Thanksgiving. Pumpkin is something I use seasonally and so is turkey. I’m not sure why because I love both. I suppose I’m not the only one who neglects them the rest of the year. Maybe that’s what makes Thanksgiving such a special time.

Cooking brings a flood of wonderful memories that touch my heart and lift my spirit. I miss mama, but I feel her presence each time I make bread or share something I’ve made with others. I thank God for all the love mama gave me, but I especially thank Him for the sweet meals she so lovingly prepared and shared with me. I learned from mama that love is the secret ingredient when it comes to cooking:)

The Right Setting

I was brought up to believe that women were inferior to men. In fact, my father had a saying, “Water is the second most destructive force in all of nature!” which begged the question, “What’s the first?” He would laugh and say, “Women!” He also had a list of occupations suitable for women. It included housewife, secretary, nurse, and teacher. I wonder at times how I came from childhood with any sanity! I suppose Pollyanna and Joan Rivers helped me wade through the muck.

The world has always struggled with a woman’s place, and I’ve wondered at the worry that is wasted over such nonsense. I know fear sits at the center of the worry, and I do wish that men and women could both see the importance of making God’s presence the priority rather than trying to find the proper setting for women or men. The right setting for men and women is at God’s feet. The jockeying for positions closer to the feet only hurt the work and take away from the worship.

If we look to Christ for our answers, He made it clear that the last would be first. Women were definitely forced into the background when He walked the earth. He had a different attitude that is obvious in all the gospels. He saw only the hearts of those around Him and didn’t divide. Christ brings oneness and unity that puts all of us in the proper setting.

When I saw the beautiful gold heart at the jewelers yesterday, I knew it was the right setting for my diamond. God used the rings to remind me that He wants the right setting for my heart, as well. My heart has been in wrong settings all my life, and I’ve put it on the shelf and left it hidden to protect it from further hurt. The beautiful lessons this week gave me the desire for a new setting. I can leave the diamond on a shelf and my heart hidden, then neither will be what God has in mind for them. I marvel at how God uses all things for my good:)

Hearts need to be loved, and diamonds should be worn. I love that I will soon have a beautiful reminder of that on my right hand:) The jeweler explained that the right setting is essential and the right placement even more important. He was very serious about his work, and I could hear God as he talked to me about wanting the setting to be just right before making the placement. I imagined God looking over me with the same concern. I could even see Him with a jeweler’s eyeglass looking deeply into my heart with the same excitement of the jeweler with whom I entrusted my diamond. I smiled and imagine the jeweler wondered what I was thinking. I was thinking it was such a relief to have someone else setting my diamond and even better to have God setting my heart:)

Ann Voskamp was part of the learning this week. Here’s a beautiful post from her that helped me see myself in God’s light.

The Song of the Women

What Did I Come Here For?

I had a list of things to do after Lillyann’s visit today, so I took her home and began my quest. I looked for my list after dropping her off and realized I had left it at home. I decided to relax and enjoy the day. It’s been a week filled with difficult lessons, so I let go and forgot about what I had planned. I headed to the jewelers because it was time to do something I had been trying to do for a decade. I had my engagement and wedding rings with me, and I was ready to let them go.

I went in but wasn’t sure the small town jeweler would be able to help me. When I asked about the transformation, the beautiful young lady helping me smiled and said it would not be a problem at all. The first design she showed me was absolutely perfect! God read my mind and my heart, and the beautiful gold heart design reflected the changes in my own heart and the lessons this week. Perfect, I’ll take it!

I don’t know anything about diamonds or settings, so I wasn’t thinking of size and fit as I fell in love with the sweet design. After explaining the process to me, the stone had to be measured to see if it would work. It was perfect! I couldn’t believe how quickly all was coming together and then I remembered that God was along. He was just showing off today. He often does that after tough lessons and brings sweet comfort just when I need it. He encourages me to keep learning, and the ring was a beautiful and unexpected example of just that.

When I left the jewelers, I decided to head to “Jack’s Mountain Home” and get a new Life is Good tee shirt.  I needed a new tee even though it wasn’t on my list. The ring wasn’t on the list either, and look how that turned out! The first shirt I saw was a pink one with “Hello Love” on the front. Perfect, I’ll take it! The day continued to get better as I went from one store to the next with no agenda and no list.

I looked at my list sitting next to the sofa when I got home. I hadn’t gotten a single item or done a single thing written on the sheet.  I may not have gotten the cute, cozy sleepwear, but I got something that did make my heart feel as warm and cozy as it’s ever felt. Lately, I find myself asking, “What did I come here for? Why did I walk in this room? Where was I heading?” more and more. The joy of growing older is that I am getting to the place where I smile, figure it must not have been important, and consider it another step in becoming vintage:)

Do You Want to Be Healed?

Love grows in open spaces and must have room to flow freely if it is to be what God designed it to be. Confinement, clutter, and clogs keep love from its natural course. A quiet spring is the image God always gives me when He is teaching me about love. He knows I am a visual learner and provides powerful examples that help me see His point. The stillness of a spring is due to the constant movement beneath the surface. The cleansing is continuous and provides pure, sweet water to those who come to drink.

Hearts, like springs, must provide a space for love to flow gently. My heart has been a waterfall and a babbling brook making lots of noise but never holding love as a spring holds water. The secret of a spring is that it doesn’t hold on. It is a beautiful irony that I am only beginning to understand. I’ve been blessed to have a very healthy body, and I’ve recently been reminded that isn’t a given. My serious illnesses has been within my heart, and God has taken my journey inward so He can provide the healing I need to live and love as He desires.

The heart’s journey sets the pace and the tone for life. Rather than dealing with my heart, I ignored the problems and focused upon that which I did well. That is, after all, what we are taught to do. Accentuate the positive:) So Pollyanna joined forces with the self-deprecating comedian in me, and my life became positively hilarious. I would put a smile there, but I know how very sad that combination is. Making others happy and causing them to laugh hid my hurting heart and helped me survive.

When Christ healed, He always asked the person if they wanted healing. I never noticed that until a few months ago when I was studying. In the process of healing my heart, He put the same question before me yesterday. It seems a silly question, but I learned that it is the most important question any of us will ever answer. I’ve been in unhealthy relationships all my life and have experienced the comfort of the known hurt. Yes, this is a bad situation, and I’m hurting; but I know what it is. I don’t know how to be in a healthy relationship. All were clear signs I didn’t wish to be healed, and that stopped me in my tracks yesterday. I do trust God; it’s me I didn’t trust. I was afraid to let go.

In order for my heart to heal, I have to be willing to step into the unknown. Christ understands the difficulty of letting go of the known. Children don’t report abuse because they don’t know what will happen when they do. Adults do the same. It boils down to the lesson I learned yesterday. I have to know that I am loved, I am lovable, and I matter before I can be healed. Letting go of hurt seems like a no brainer, but it is impossible when I don’t believe those three statements. They give me the courage to want to be healed.

Knowing I’m truly loved and lovable opens the way for love to move through my heart as water flows through that beautiful spring. Knowing I matter gives me the courage to tell Christ that I do wish to be healed and mean it. That allows God to do what He does best:)